What could ever possibly go wrong with sex in your sister's tank. Oh I don't know, nothing at all. I mean really, there are some statements that should simply be taboo to even THINK OF! Anyways, I totally forgot I was reading this fic. It's good and yet I let it slip away, got distracted with some other stuff and never came back to it. Yup, I'm back and reading away, woot. Sorry for, uhm, dropping off there, I guess? XP
Onward with the story. We've got a very aggressive girlfriend here. Why is it that I can imagine her becoming a fascinating antagonist later on? Perhaps that crazy girlfriend who wants you dead? Or maybe she ends up sympathizing with whatever happens to Mach that lands him in the wasteland. Ontop of an eccentric and pretty lady we've got ourselves a thinky tinker! He's nick named Doc, which means he's a smart dude! Making new weapons and gadgets to help soldiers on the field is his thing, with Mach being his best bud in testing them. That's a very dangerous occupation there Mach, testing stuff. Watch your hide, because Doc might make a mistake one of these days... And with such a pressed schedule like his, it could be very soon. I hear being blown up isn't pleasant. Especially if you survive the explosion.
I'll get back to this here fine tale now... I feel kind of embarrassed actually that I started commenting and reading this but didn't finish. You can thank a certain friend for nudging me to read ya story again.
You really wanted those technical details in there didn't you? not too bad going about it but it did sound a little forced. Although, that could probably be attributed to appeasing the scientist so no docks there. Also, you'd think some protagonist would realise to never say "what could go wrong" but it just doesn't happen does it?
And once again a hook for the next chapter. An average hook but considering the trouble Mach may be in, I'm still just as intrigued as the last few chapters have left me.
The revised and updated story continues to impress me and make me smile =). Only thing I felt might've been off was Mach earlier, when he was talking to Duster he was a lot meaner than I'd expect, unless they trade insults and barbs casually.
Anyway I enjoyed this chapter, I like the new things you've added like the Swan, Bella Swan you sneaky bugger =P. Lots of good character interaction, a little bit about the world above, establishing Astral's personal Sky-Tank and now her Brother is having fun times inside it...I hope they at least leave the door open so it can 'air out'. Onwards to the next chapter =3.
So, Mach just found out something very fishy is going on, he's being sent on a not at all ominous assignment after having his command taken from him. His dad being reassigned. And outright calling himself a 'target' while referring to weapons testing. This should be fun.
I have no idea what exactly that weapon in the picture is, but I want it!
I didn’t pull my gaze up from the floor until I arrived at the mess.
Awwwww... Poor sad Mach....
but I haven’t done anything
Mach, we all know that just plain ain't true. You should be saying "I haven't done anything new."
we still don’t know what it is exactly that I’ve done
I didn't do anything, and besides, we don't know what I did to cause this, which I totally didn't do.
I’d forgotten we were supposed to go out to dinner once we were off duty, and I’d inadvertently stood her up to hit up the bar with Duster.
So you would rather go get drunk with another stallion, then go out on a date with a mare? Mach, you ARE an FOE fic protagonist, that already increases the odds of your barn door swinging the other way by quite a large margin. You aren't helping any case to the contrary.
stole a thundercloud from the armory
..Weapon's Grade Thunderclouds? Yet again, something I never thought of, and yet makes perfect sense in hindsight.
“Y’ still go out with her. Tell me now, LT, why is that?”
I'm guessing she's quite hot. Among other possible attributes. Either that, or Mach is secretly a masochist.
I was already having a crappy day as it was and he was only rubbing salt in the wound.
What else are best friends for?
Solara's a right purdy li'l thing
Called it.
an' not jus' fer yer body
A least it's mutual.
considering your upbringing
Speaking of, so was it just all the pegasi with a country accent all got shipped off to do the farm work cause, well they're country I'm sure they know how to farm. Or, did they just spontaneously develop the accent after becoming farmers? That would also explain AJ's accent as well.
it ain’t the purdy li’l picture on yer flank that determines what yer good at. What really counts is what’s in here.
Hmmmm, time for a massive dissertation on the meaning of Cutie Marks and rather they impose a talent on a pony and are predetermined, or rather simply an outward expression of who they are, with no actual bearing on them beyond being a symbol of themselves?
Nah, stories to good, don't want to get that distracted from it. Still, great sentiment.
Fate’s jus’ an excuse ponies use when they ain’t got the motivation t’ try an’ achieve what it is their heart desires.”
This country hick is quite the philosopher. And also quite right.
I really don't think there's any escaping our destinies, though.
Ohhhh, well this could go a very interesting way. Wonder how much the story actually explores this concept.
Closing my eyes in sheer pleasure as the warmth of the sun bathed my coat and feathers,
Not sure if meant as subtle reinforcement of just how wrong this entire situation is with the Enclave depriving such simple joys from all other ponies. Setting up what small things Mach is about to lose that he took for granted and has to face others never having known. Or simply, just him enjoying himself a little and not really anything larger then that? Either way, works well.
A balmy eighteen degrees to start out the morning,
Okay, guessing that is Celsius. So, converting, mid 60's. Okay, for me that's perfect weather, but for most, that seems rather chilly. I do think it's not the least bit out of the question for pegasi to be resistant to cold. But even then, hardly think that counts as 'balmy'.
Today was going to be a good day.
Mach, you actually believe in Fate. Why the buck are you taunting it!?
but I had my reasons… and they were pretty good ones.
Care to share those reasons with us? No? Not yet? Alright. Dang explicit foreshadowing.
Is that Astral’s sky-tank you’re working on?
Just because she's a base commander, and only got promoted to do paper work and thinky stuff. Doesn't mean she can't enjoy the fun of having her own personal tank. Rank does have it's privileges after all.
A cursory glance revealed Astral’s personal sky-tank to be of the former variety.
Why would he need to look? If he knew it was her personal tank, wouldn't he have seen it before now? Or, was this some brand new thing that she just got delivered like the day before? Also, love the little worldbuilding yet again. Redesigning ships throughout the war to improve on their design. It just makes sense. And the improvements also make sense.
I’d had more than my share of fun testing it out for them.
That does sound like a lot fun. So long as they had somepony else doing the "Will it blow up in my face" testing first.
one location on the base
Now, by 'base' does he mean all of Neighvarro itself? Which even for a rising start like her seems extremely ridiculous for her to be in charge of. Or is it like with Power School? That was technically a self contained 'base' But NNPTC was also part of the larger NWS base as well? Given how large the place is, it would make sense they actually have it divided up into a few smaller sub-bases.
or Doc as I called him—was an eccentric pony
I'm pretty sure it's narrative law that any character named 'Doc' that is not a medical doctor, is required to be eccentric.
If I couldn’t fly with the Wonderbolts like I’d always wanted to, I’d been damn sure I was going to find something else I wanted to do.
Like I said, he's mostly just bored of his flank with the monotony of Enclave life.
a bird revered for its beauty and very well respected among Enclave ponies, due in no small part to its connection to the constellation of Cygnus the Swan.
Confirmation the remarks are directed at the constellation and not a pony bearing the same name.
Also, the fact they could snap a ponies legs with a wing hit if they really wanted to can't hurt either. Gotta admired something that is both pretty, majestic, and rather badass.
Looking down at Bella’s neck revealed a piece of jewelry draped around it, not unlike a collar.
Hmmm, this is like with the Sky tank thing. The way it's written kind of comes off like Mach just no noticing something that he would already know about. Though also just off enough to be a kind of 'if you were to' type deal of trying to convey the information to the readers without being to overt about the exposition. Not really bad just.. odd.
Also, so how do they keep those things powered without unicorns to cast the spell? Gotta figure they'd run out of juice eventually. Maybe....
and his cutie mark depicted a strange triad of glowing bars set in a Y-shape.
I’d never really been able to figure out what it actually meant.
That description, that mark... 'Doc'... If he tries to talk Mach into pulling this new cart he's outfitted with a Flux Capacitor up to 88 miles an hour..... I'm not sure if I'm out of here, or if this would officially become THE most awesome story ever.
“Have I ever led you astray before, Mach?” Doc said as he scooped up the device in a hoof.
"That time my invention almsot led to you erasing you and your sister from existence doesn't count. That was on you. I told you to stay in the cart."
The brace sat upon my head, using my ear to keep it steady, while the device itself fit snug up against my ear, and the little arm with the screen hung just in front of my right eye, like a sort of gunsight or display screen.
Okay, so guessing it's not a true Pip Buck. With all the features. But, a mini version, that can be easily taken on and off. Used by multiple ponies, with the basic stuff like EFS and SATS. If not the full in depth stuff like inventory sorter, all the data storage and interface abilities. That, really does make sense.
The Eyes-Forward-Sparkle systems in Enclave power armor were geared towards aerial combat instead of ground warfare—the better to suit our airborne race and its fighting style.
Once again, that makes perfect sense. And, does this mean AB figured out how to have the EFS threat detector able to report if the little triangle it's saying is out to kill you is above or below you as well as in front behind of to the side?
To manage this however, I’ve had to remove both the radio and flashlight functions. All other functions—Stable-Tec Assisted Targeting System, item-sorting spells, automap, et cetera—remain intact, I’m happy to say.
Hmmm, was kinda of figuring he'd have to take out a bit more then that. If only because the lack of the same type of interface to let you use most of those features. The display is covered with the eye piece. But always got the impression that there was more to it as well. That being snapped on the ponies wrist, and the reason it was so hard to remove, was to give it a better connection to them to read all the stuff needed for those. But yeah it's just supposition. Still, being able to reduce it that much, and not lose anything is a little odd. Unless it's a lot bigger then I though it was. It's not impossible just, seems a tiny little stretch to me. Plausible. Just, Odd to me. Flashlight.. why the hell would you need one with night-vision? But the radio? Isn't that.. what the comm gear you added would cover? Couldn't it just pick up radio signals just as well as all the other stuff?
well, the best I could get my hooves on was an older model PipBuck—a 2000.
Nice Fallout nod. Mach just better be glad it wasn't a PipBoy 2000 or he'd lose SATS too.
“It appears once you’re in the air, but if you’re on the ground it fades out to make navigation and everyday tasks less difficult.
Given that like 99.9% of the ponies that would be using it have never touched, not ever will touch the surface. that seems like a kind of a design oversight. Why would you build it like that? Or, not just use the lowest common cloud cover level as baseline? Above or below that, it activates? Or hell we know Pegasi flight is magic powered, it can check so much else about the pony, can't it just tell when they are flying?
“But the display can be manually toggled off at any time.”
Oh, okay then.
I made it in my spare time. It’s a gift. To you, Mach. For helping me test all of my weapon prototypes.
D'awwwwww.... also explains why he had such a hard time getting the resources for something THIS useful.
The old engineer’s job was simply to make sure they didn’t blow up in my face.
Well... ummmm..... Story.... GET OUT OF MY HEAD!
The weapon in question was just shy of twice a Sunburst rifle’s length, and a whole lot bulkier.
Ummmm, cue picture credits!
I’d fought alicorns once in the past. Once. If it hadn’t been for my squad, I’d have been slaughtered outright.
Hmmmm, was it on a trip under the clouds, or did a group of them come up?
I’m most proficient with my battle saddle, so I prefer that anyway.
Unneeded exposition of things both characters would already know and know each other know *ding*
So, we found Mach's unique weapon? Or some nice little surprise for the ending he'll get back? Possibly after having it fired AT him? Going to be a bitch to find ammo for it if he tries to carry it around all story. Not to mention awkward. So yeah, either he'll have a very useful, but limited weapon. Or this will come back in the end for something really big. Leaning more towards the latter.
Either way, love the gun and so want one!
Similar devices protect vital targets like Neighvarro Tower,
Wait, JUST the tower? Hmm, good question here.. does that shield cover ALL of Neighvarro, or just the core around the SPP tower? And, is "Neighvarro Tower" just the name for the SPP hub? Or another structure? Likely the former, but could be the later. FOE made it sound like it covered the whole base, but it was vague enough Calamity could have just been talking about the main base around the tower itself, since that was all they cared about at the time.
“Now if my calculations are correct,” Doc said, slapping his hoof down on a button affixed to the wall nearby, “Once the capacitors on this rifle reach full charge, you’re going to see some serious shit.”
Is 'Full capacitor' equal to 1.21 gigawatts? Or, maybe 88 megawatts?
it’s entirely likely that the only reason you’ve made it this far without sustaining serious injury is precisely because I’ve been so careful.”
Good point. Always a plus when the techies make sure the new gear won't explode on you and work as good a they can before letting you try it out.
“Guess who?”
"Mom... stop playing around, we're on base!"
Comprised of multiple hues of oranges, yellows and reds, Solara's wings looked as if they were made of purest, shimmering flame. I'd never seen anything quite like it before.
Okay.. story... GET THE BUCK OUT OF MY HEAD! I was tempted to make a 'Spitfire' joke about him having some fantasy about her or something... just an idea but couldn't work out how to make it make sense or be funny enough. And then you go and through a very Spitfire like pony in! Also, yeah I was right before, she's HOT!
“Command’s got us headed out to do the routine flyover of Fillydelphia. See what they’ve been up to down there. You know, the usual bullshit."
Yup, again, damn you're good story. That is perfectly logical, and something they almsot had to be doing. It's far enough after Calamity for him to have no clue. And Redeye is a big enough threat they'd want to keep an eye on him. From a distance. Logical, makes sense, fits established hard facts. Damn you're good story. So far... but don't worry i WILL find some kind of continuity error I can nitpick to hell!
I’ll show you what the definition of fun is, stud,” Solara purred, sidling up to me. I stepped back a hoof as she approached.
Mach.. I'd say run for it, but likely far to late.
Hmm, them knowing about it.. yeah can't really see Redeye not figuring it out or knowing about it happening. It's freaking Redeye. He's been planning for it. Still figured he'd order his troops to pretend they didn't know. Lull the Enclave into a false sense of security that they are taking him totally unaware and lead to them underestimating him.
We’ve already been busted for fraternization
While at the same time having his sister be his direct CO. I mean, I do get how that situation could make sense and be allowed. But to then bust HIM for fraternization after doing it... well nopony ever accused the Enclave of not being dicks.
Something was off about that, but it was the furthest thing from my mind at the moment.
Kind of like she's lulling him into a false sense of security before kicking his flank for losing his team?
I still had a few hours to kill, and there was no way anypony would possibly see us canned up in Astral’s personal Sky-tank.
Whelp you are one your own now Mach. This your own grave and you dug it so... yup I'm just going to grab some popcorn and laugh my ass off at fate making you regret ever thinking those words. Dis gone be good!
Okay, well another great chapter. Nothing major changed, still interested, still eager to see what comes next but, nothing new that stands out beyond the same really great quality overall. Loved Doc and, yeah nothing else to really say about this chapter. Great job still.
Hmm. Another chapter of setup, although like the last one it moves along quickly enough and doesn't get too bogged down in any one thing. Starting off with a slow burn isn't a bad thing, though, especially since you've got chapters of manageable length rather then the circa 20k word monsters most FOE fics have.
That said..."What could go wrong?" Really, Mach? I know you're a bit of a self-admitted glutton for punishment, but come on. Those words go beyond tempting fate straight into graphically telling fate how you banged its sister.
A mad scientist pony with a swan as a pet... THE WASTELAND IS DOOMED! DOOMED I TELL YOU! I worked once at a library which was up and down a pond, and it had the most territorial swan that I have ever met! Day after day would it go to one of the windows, flapping its wings about and scratching the glass up with its beak, trying to kill its reflection. It would not only do it for days… nor weeks… it did it for like 3 months straight more or less. My point is, that Bella clearly are a WMD more dangerous than a megaspell! By the way, that cloud walking talisman... LIES , it is clearly the powercell to the cyborg swan!
Boy how do I love how stuffed with references this chapter is, Doc straight out of Back to the future and a swan from Twilight. The next thing is a golfclub wielding pony which battlecry is "would you kindly just die already!"
"but when it came to aircraft" Maybe is it just me, but should it not have a plural s in the end? " A cursory glance revealed Astral’s personal sky-tank to be of the former variety." Wait… if it is revealed, does that not mean that it is new information for him? Doom the miniature nitpicker strikes again! "I grinned sheepishly up at the mare sitting on my chest." Unless chest is a special pony part, would she not be on his back since she hold his eyes from behind?
So sorry this came late. ADD and what not distracting me. Anywho, this is a rather nice chapter. The start was really slow, but once the Doc scene came into play I had a much better time following along with the story (although, I really wished Mach would of just told the Doc 'get to the point' about the coilgun, I admit to skimming through that part).
Solara is also just brimming with life and character, though I may be biased due to... reasons.
I hope you're alright with me making these feedback comments since you seem to be done (or at least just really stuck).
and his cutie mark depicted a strange triad of glowing bars set in a Y-shape.
I’d never really been able to figure out what it actually meant.
What could ever possibly go wrong with sex in your sister's tank. Oh I don't know, nothing at all. I mean really, there are some statements that should simply be taboo to even THINK OF! Anyways, I totally forgot I was reading this fic. It's good and yet I let it slip away, got distracted with some other stuff and never came back to it. Yup, I'm back and reading away, woot. Sorry for, uhm, dropping off there, I guess? XP
Onward with the story. We've got a very aggressive girlfriend here. Why is it that I can imagine her becoming a fascinating antagonist later on? Perhaps that crazy girlfriend who wants you dead? Or maybe she ends up sympathizing with whatever happens to Mach that lands him in the wasteland. Ontop of an eccentric and pretty lady we've got ourselves a thinky tinker! He's nick named Doc, which means he's a smart dude! Making new weapons and gadgets to help soldiers on the field is his thing, with Mach being his best bud in testing them. That's a very dangerous occupation there Mach, testing stuff. Watch your hide, because Doc might make a mistake one of these days... And with such a pressed schedule like his, it could be very soon. I hear being blown up isn't pleasant. Especially if you survive the explosion.
I'll get back to this here fine tale now... I feel kind of embarrassed actually that I started commenting and reading this but didn't finish. You can thank a certain friend for nudging me to read ya story again.
Quaver Ava
You really wanted those technical details in there didn't you? not too bad going about it but it did sound a little forced. Although, that could probably be attributed to appeasing the scientist so no docks there. Also, you'd think some protagonist would realise to never say "what could go wrong" but it just doesn't happen does it?
And once again a hook for the next chapter. An average hook but considering the trouble Mach may be in, I'm still just as intrigued as the last few chapters have left me.
The revised and updated story continues to impress me and make me smile =). Only thing I felt might've been off was Mach earlier, when he was talking to Duster he was a lot meaner than I'd expect, unless they trade insults and barbs casually.
Anyway I enjoyed this chapter, I like the new things you've added like the Swan, Bella Swan you sneaky bugger =P. Lots of good character interaction, a little bit about the world above, establishing Astral's personal Sky-Tank and now her Brother is having fun times inside it...I hope they at least leave the door open so it can 'air out'. Onwards to the next chapter =3.
So, Mach just found out something very fishy is going on, he's being sent on a not at all ominous assignment after having his command taken from him. His dad being reassigned. And outright calling himself a 'target' while referring to weapons testing. This should be fun.
I have no idea what exactly that weapon in the picture is, but I want it!
Awwwww... Poor sad Mach....
Mach, we all know that just plain ain't true. You should be saying "I haven't done anything new."
I didn't do anything, and besides, we don't know what I did to cause this, which I totally didn't do.
So you would rather go get drunk with another stallion, then go out on a date with a mare? Mach, you ARE an FOE fic protagonist, that already increases the odds of your barn door swinging the other way by quite a large margin. You aren't helping any case to the contrary.
..Weapon's Grade Thunderclouds? Yet again, something I never thought of, and yet makes perfect sense in hindsight.
I'm guessing she's quite hot. Among other possible attributes. Either that, or Mach is secretly a masochist.
What else are best friends for?
Called it.
A least it's mutual.
Speaking of, so was it just all the pegasi with a country accent all got shipped off to do the farm work cause, well they're country I'm sure they know how to farm. Or, did they just spontaneously develop the accent after becoming farmers? That would also explain AJ's accent as well.
Hmmmm, time for a massive dissertation on the meaning of Cutie Marks and rather they impose a talent on a pony and are predetermined, or rather simply an outward expression of who they are, with no actual bearing on them beyond being a symbol of themselves?
Nah, stories to good, don't want to get that distracted from it. Still, great sentiment.
This country hick is quite the philosopher. And also quite right.
Ohhhh, well this could go a very interesting way. Wonder how much the story actually explores this concept.
Not sure if meant as subtle reinforcement of just how wrong this entire situation is with the Enclave depriving such simple joys from all other ponies. Setting up what small things Mach is about to lose that he took for granted and has to face others never having known. Or simply, just him enjoying himself a little and not really anything larger then that? Either way, works well.
Okay, guessing that is Celsius. So, converting, mid 60's. Okay, for me that's perfect weather, but for most, that seems rather chilly. I do think it's not the least bit out of the question for pegasi to be resistant to cold. But even then, hardly think that counts as 'balmy'.
Mach, you actually believe in Fate. Why the buck are you taunting it!?
Care to share those reasons with us? No? Not yet? Alright. Dang explicit foreshadowing.
Just because she's a base commander, and only got promoted to do paper work and thinky stuff. Doesn't mean she can't enjoy the fun of having her own personal tank. Rank does have it's privileges after all.
Why would he need to look? If he knew it was her personal tank, wouldn't he have seen it before now? Or, was this some brand new thing that she just got delivered like the day before? Also, love the little worldbuilding yet again. Redesigning ships throughout the war to improve on their design. It just makes sense. And the improvements also make sense.
That does sound like a lot fun. So long as they had somepony else doing the "Will it blow up in my face" testing first.
Now, by 'base' does he mean all of Neighvarro itself? Which even for a rising start like her seems extremely ridiculous for her to be in charge of. Or is it like with Power School? That was technically a self contained 'base' But NNPTC was also part of the larger NWS base as well? Given how large the place is, it would make sense they actually have it divided up into a few smaller sub-bases.
I'm pretty sure it's narrative law that any character named 'Doc' that is not a medical doctor, is required to be eccentric.
Like I said, he's mostly just bored of his flank with the monotony of Enclave life.
Confirmation the remarks are directed at the constellation and not a pony bearing the same name.
Also, the fact they could snap a ponies legs with a wing hit if they really wanted to can't hurt either. Gotta admired something that is both pretty, majestic, and rather badass.
Hmmm, this is like with the Sky tank thing. The way it's written kind of comes off like Mach just no noticing something that he would already know about. Though also just off enough to be a kind of 'if you were to' type deal of trying to convey the information to the readers without being to overt about the exposition. Not really bad just.. odd.
Also, so how do they keep those things powered without unicorns to cast the spell? Gotta figure they'd run out of juice eventually. Maybe....
That description, that mark... 'Doc'... If he tries to talk Mach into pulling this new cart he's outfitted with a Flux Capacitor up to 88 miles an hour..... I'm not sure if I'm out of here, or if this would officially become THE most awesome story ever.
"That time my invention almsot led to you erasing you and your sister from existence doesn't count. That was on you. I told you to stay in the cart."
Okay, so guessing it's not a true Pip Buck. With all the features. But, a mini version, that can be easily taken on and off. Used by multiple ponies, with the basic stuff like EFS and SATS. If not the full in depth stuff like inventory sorter, all the data storage and interface abilities. That, really does make sense.
Once again, that makes perfect sense. And, does this mean AB figured out how to have the EFS threat detector able to report if the little triangle it's saying is out to kill you is above or below you as well as in front behind of to the side?
Hmmm, was kinda of figuring he'd have to take out a bit more then that. If only because the lack of the same type of interface to let you use most of those features. The display is covered with the eye piece. But always got the impression that there was more to it as well. That being snapped on the ponies wrist, and the reason it was so hard to remove, was to give it a better connection to them to read all the stuff needed for those. But yeah it's just supposition. Still, being able to reduce it that much, and not lose anything is a little odd. Unless it's a lot bigger then I though it was. It's not impossible just, seems a tiny little stretch to me. Plausible. Just, Odd to me. Flashlight.. why the hell would you need one with night-vision? But the radio? Isn't that.. what the comm gear you added would cover? Couldn't it just pick up radio signals just as well as all the other stuff?
Nice Fallout nod. Mach just better be glad it wasn't a PipBoy 2000 or he'd lose SATS too.
Given that like 99.9% of the ponies that would be using it have never touched, not ever will touch the surface. that seems like a kind of a design oversight. Why would you build it like that? Or, not just use the lowest common cloud cover level as baseline? Above or below that, it activates? Or hell we know Pegasi flight is magic powered, it can check so much else about the pony, can't it just tell when they are flying?
Oh, okay then.
D'awwwwww.... also explains why he had such a hard time getting the resources for something THIS useful.
Well... ummmm..... Story.... GET OUT OF MY HEAD!
Ummmm, cue picture credits!
Hmmmm, was it on a trip under the clouds, or did a group of them come up?
Unneeded exposition of things both characters would already know and know each other know *ding*
So, we found Mach's unique weapon? Or some nice little surprise for the ending he'll get back? Possibly after having it fired AT him? Going to be a bitch to find ammo for it if he tries to carry it around all story. Not to mention awkward. So yeah, either he'll have a very useful, but limited weapon. Or this will come back in the end for something really big. Leaning more towards the latter.
Either way, love the gun and so want one!
Wait, JUST the tower? Hmm, good question here.. does that shield cover ALL of Neighvarro, or just the core around the SPP tower? And, is "Neighvarro Tower" just the name for the SPP hub? Or another structure? Likely the former, but could be the later. FOE made it sound like it covered the whole base, but it was vague enough Calamity could have just been talking about the main base around the tower itself, since that was all they cared about at the time.
Is 'Full capacitor' equal to 1.21 gigawatts? Or, maybe 88 megawatts?
Good point. Always a plus when the techies make sure the new gear won't explode on you and work as good a they can before letting you try it out.
"Mom... stop playing around, we're on base!"
Okay.. story... GET THE BUCK OUT OF MY HEAD! I was tempted to make a 'Spitfire' joke about him having some fantasy about her or something... just an idea but couldn't work out how to make it make sense or be funny enough. And then you go and through a very Spitfire like pony in! Also, yeah I was right before, she's HOT!
Yup, again, damn you're good story. That is perfectly logical, and something they almsot had to be doing. It's far enough after Calamity for him to have no clue. And Redeye is a big enough threat they'd want to keep an eye on him. From a distance. Logical, makes sense, fits established hard facts. Damn you're good story. So far... but don't worry i WILL find some kind of continuity error I can nitpick to hell!
Mach.. I'd say run for it, but likely far to late.
Hmm, them knowing about it.. yeah can't really see Redeye not figuring it out or knowing about it happening. It's freaking Redeye. He's been planning for it. Still figured he'd order his troops to pretend they didn't know. Lull the Enclave into a false sense of security that they are taking him totally unaware and lead to them underestimating him.
While at the same time having his sister be his direct CO. I mean, I do get how that situation could make sense and be allowed. But to then bust HIM for fraternization after doing it... well nopony ever accused the Enclave of not being dicks.
Kind of like she's lulling him into a false sense of security before kicking his flank for losing his team?
Cue Astral walking in in 3...2......
You know, that is not enough facehoof, only one thing can psosibly convey that amount of face(limp of choice) needed.
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Whelp you are one your own now Mach. This your own grave and you dug it so... yup I'm just going to grab some popcorn and laugh my ass off at fate making you regret ever thinking those words. Dis gone be good!
Okay, well another great chapter. Nothing major changed, still interested, still eager to see what comes next but, nothing new that stands out beyond the same really great quality overall. Loved Doc and, yeah nothing else to really say about this chapter. Great job still.
Hmm. Another chapter of setup, although like the last one it moves along quickly enough and doesn't get too bogged down in any one thing. Starting off with a slow burn isn't a bad thing, though, especially since you've got chapters of manageable length rather then the circa 20k word monsters most FOE fics have.
That said..."What could go wrong?" Really, Mach? I know you're a bit of a self-admitted glutton for punishment, but come on. Those words go beyond tempting fate straight into graphically telling fate how you banged its sister.
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This comment is perfect. Props.
Well, since you asked....
A mad scientist pony with a swan as a pet... THE WASTELAND IS DOOMED! DOOMED I TELL YOU! I worked once at a library which was up and down a pond, and it had the most territorial swan that I have ever met! Day after day would it go to one of the windows, flapping its wings about and scratching the glass up with its beak, trying to kill its reflection. It would not only do it for days… nor weeks… it did it for like 3 months straight more or less. My point is, that Bella clearly are a WMD more dangerous than a megaspell! By the way, that cloud walking talisman... LIES , it is clearly the powercell to the cyborg swan!
Boy how do I love how stuffed with references this chapter is, Doc straight out of Back to the future and a swan from Twilight. The next thing is a golfclub wielding pony which battlecry is "would you kindly just die already!"
"but when it came to aircraft" Maybe is it just me, but should it not have a plural s in the end?
" A cursory glance revealed Astral’s personal sky-tank to be of the former variety." Wait… if it is revealed, does that not mean that it is new information for him? Doom the miniature nitpicker strikes again!
"I grinned sheepishly up at the mare sitting on my chest." Unless chest is a special pony part, would she not be on his back since she hold his eyes from behind?
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Four periods in an ellipse could happen
So sorry this came late. ADD and what not distracting me. Anywho, this is a rather nice chapter. The start was really slow, but once the Doc scene came into play I had a much better time following along with the story (although, I really wished Mach would of just told the Doc 'get to the point' about the coilgun, I admit to skimming through that part).
Solara is also just brimming with life and character, though I may be biased due to... reasons.
I hope you're alright with me making these feedback comments since you seem to be done (or at least just really stuck).
Also nice Half-Life reference there.