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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Well, Cap, it seems as if you're screwed!
Good job. Of course, we all know where it goes from here.
shots.ikbis.com/image/15940/large/Head_in_the_toilet.jpg
Just kidding.
3538663
Well, it can't get much worse, can it? Can it?!
“Honey, if that were true, there are so many mines that ah’m bettin they coulda saved everypony in the land when tha end came.” She floated out her magical energy rifle, twirling it in her levitation. “That ain’t ta say they didn’t leave some interestin things in some a them though.” She brought the weapon’s sights to her eye and smiled, making me weary that she’ll ‘accidentally’ shoot me. “Why, ah found ole’ betsy here just sittin in a corner as pretty as tha day she rolled outa tha factory!”
Okay, a few things on this paragraph.
First, you mean wary, not weary. Weary is tired. Wary is afraid.
Second, betsy is a proper noun. So should be capitalized.
Third, and this is just me, but, I think outa should be outta.
A swift buck in my bruised side send me to the ground as Brightshine came to Caltrop’s aid. I cried out as I slid along the dirt, my side rippling in waves of pain while I tried to stop myself. In an instant, I had righted myself and removed #3 from it’s holster. I spun it and pointed it at the Cream coated mare standing over the still whimpering stallion, finding that she had her rifle pointed at me as well.
No reason to capitalize Cream
So, actually, found something
You have to decide which way you want to go. Tha, or tah. Frankly, I think tah sounds better. But that's me
“That fucking idiot behind you?” I lifted my gaze to him, watching as he lay in the dirt behind her with pain filled eyes. “He’s important to me. I don’t know why, but even though he screwed up my life, for some fucked up reason, I can’t stand the thought of not having him around.” There brain, I admitted it. “I’ve known him for a week, and he’s the most fucking useless pony I’ve ever seen.” I laughed as Caltrop’s eye’s were wide now as he listened to me rave like a lunatic. “But I can’t get rid of him in my head, even when he pulls shit like earlier.”
You mean eyes, not eye's.
3539556
Thanks for finding those! I try my best to get all of these when I write, but when I get in the zone, my fingers are just trying to catch up with my mind as I go!
Just one thing I'd like to point out with the Tha and Tah thing is that I've been using Tha as a replacement for The, and Tah as a replacement for To. Though to be honest, I'm not sure if I'm doing it right to begin with since I live in a fairly accent-less part of the country. It's sometimes hard for me to get these sorts of things right, but I like using them because I feel it adds more to the characters. If you could help any further by giving me some other pointers on it, I'd sure be thankful!
3539629
Accents are rather tough. So, don't feel bad
And this is why I'll survive the apocalypse: Everyone is out to kill you. So kill them first.
Great chapter though!
3544506
I'm glad you liked it! But yeah, it's my thought that it's the only way to live in any apocalypse scenario. Shooting first is the only way you make sure you survive.
3544665 "Yes, I see the bandit gang... Yes I recommend loading your rifle!" Terminate with extreme prejudice or avoid altogether...
Which begs the question what will PC do when they get out of this mess.
3544925
Good question! Though I assume it will involve beating Caltrop upside the head at some point!
3544939 Nah, use Caltrop as a club to beat Brightshine. That way she can save energy and whollape both of them.
I just realized. PC could also be read to stand for Player Character. Even though we're technically not players so much as viewers/readers/riders, but same difference!
A fairly Fallout-y chapter, I think. And a cliffhanger. Dun dun duuuuuun.
3538876 You had to say it Gamma...