His name is Free, and he was a slave. But when he found his opening and escaped his owners, he finds that the wasteland holds its own horrors. Will he remain uncorrupted? Or will the wasteland wittle away all that he holds dear until he breaks?
Page generated in 0.019 seconds
Total duration
963 users online
203,397 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
"Hey Sentinel!"
"Uh? Oh, hey kids. Did ya came here to say goodbye?"
"Well... Actually... Jerry and I need you to come with us to that creepy building infested by mind-controlling eldritch abominations where we almost died before meeting you."
"..."
"See Free? He's so happy that he's unable to speak!"
"F**K!
"You were saying?"
9527045
I take it this means you are enjoying everything so far?
9527189
Yup
9527473
Excellent!
Ohh noes Free! You have caught a severe case of The Chosen One! Quickly, pull a sword out of a stone and get done with it!
Nitpicks:
"“I’m afraid he’s right,”" Linebreak mistake
"“What skill sets do you have?” " Another linebreak mistake
"[/hr]" I would have done the same coding mistake to be honest, but you need to remove your backslash for it to work
"Sentinel shrugged and downed the drink quickly." He already drank it when he caught it.
“-free?” should it not be with a capital F?
"The hoof brushing through my mane once more surprised me and I practically leapt to my hooves" You forgot a space before this sentence
9542734
Hey Doomande, thanks for checking through my story :)
I made all the changes with a couple of exceptions.
The drink Sentinel downs is the one Jerry drops after trying it. I'll work on making that clearer.
The other is the "-free" not being capital. Its actually the latter half of his full name Carefree.
I do not know why the thought hit me now of all times, but I think that the story would have a better flow if you switched around on the order between the side chapter and chapter 10. Not only does chapter 10 feel like the end to a story arc, but if we first learn about them needing to head out on a mission, and then learn how dangerous said mission is would it properly have a bigger impact than learning about how dangerous the area they are heading into actually is, we do already know that the area is pretty dangerous, but with the revelation we get in the side chapter… Now that would be quite the epic cliffhanger!
Sorry for being a bit vague, but I do not want to spoil too much.
9698274
Hey Regolit!
I worked through many iterations of the plot and this is the one that got most developed. I'm too deep now to make drastic changes. Rest assured though, that there will be plenty of modern troubles to face.