To know if something or someone truly has worth, examine it in secret. ~ Ancient Dragon Proverb
Fluttershy stepped out of her cottage and sighed contently as she took a deep breath of the morning spring air. The dew was still on the grass and there wasn't a cloud sight, the birds were singing songs of romance, and Angel had only misbehaved once. Over all it was a beautiful morning, and if she hurried through her morning chores maybe she could have time to talk with Manny Roar before classes began at the School of Friendship. She was hoping he would be wiling to come to a Kindness class. Meeting the very manticore from the night that she became the Bearer of Kindness would be a wonderful experience that she was sure her students would enjoy.
She calmly and carefully made her way around her property, feeding and checking up on all the animals that made their home around her cottage. The animals always swarmed around her especially during feedings but given that it was spring there were younglings she had to be extra careful. That didn't stop her from bursting out into her favorite song.
There's music in the treetops
And there's music in the vale...
"Eep!" Fluttershy bleated as she dived down into one of the many bushes that lined her property. Someone had just walked out of the trees of the Everfree. While she was less nervous about singing in front of others the surprise of someone coming out of the Everfree in the middle of the song spooked her.
At first she thought it was Zecora but she had stopped using a traveling cloak when she came to town after the residents fears of her were abated. Also, even though it was hard to tell for sure, but the individual appeared to be the size of Big Mac or even Princess Celestia. Maybe it was one of Zecora's family, given that the path to her hut did came out in the same location...
Fluttershy watched nervously until the figure disappeared from her sight. Sighing in mild relief she slowly went back to her chores. She would ask Zecora later about the visitor. Nothing else happened until she was just about to start her last chore for the morning, gathering the eggs from her chickens.
She was about walk into the coup when a familiar bright flash temporarily blinded her and causing her to stumble off the ramp and onto her back.
"Thank, hic chaos you are okay, hic!" Discord exclaimed, picking up Fluttershy in a bone crushing hug.
"Discord!" Fluttershy snapped. While she didn't mind the hug the sudden flashy appearance while she was in the middle her morning chores was a problem. She knew she had asked him several times to refrain from doing that especially when it was spring as it spooked her animals even more when they had young ones to care for.
She was about to remind him of that but one look at his face stopped her. Discord looked absolutely terrified. Her thoughts went back to the figure that had come out of the Everfree. Did Lord Tirek escape again and was waltzing right into Ponyville to exact revenge!? Or was it someone else from Discord's past? He did make a lot of enemies over the years...
"Okay, let's start at 1.5 thaumahertz." Twilight called out from under the Cutie Map.
"Sending 1.5 thaumahertz of raw mana." Starlight repeated just before she sent out the requested magic.
As Twilight examined the faintly glowing web of mana that was now running through the crystal she was reminded just how intricate the spellcraft went into the map. There was still vast parts of the map she did not understand. It was why it took so long to fix it when Starlight had damaged it with Starswirl's spell. Sadly the fix didn't take fully as the map was still glitching out from time to time.
*flash*
Twilight hissed in pain as her head hit the table in surprise. There was only one being that would cause a flash like that. "Discord! Starlight and I are in the middle of some very delicate spell..."
The rest of her rant died on her lips when she pulled herself out from under the table. There, sitting in their respective thrones completely dazed and confused, were the other bearers. She could see Discord half hiding behind Fluttershy's shaking like a leaf, a look of absolute fear in his eyes. Oddly, Starlight was nowhere in sight.
"What in tarnation is going on?" Applejack asked the question on Twilight's mind.
"Discord what did you do to Starlight?"
"I teleported her away... hic to safety... "Discord attempted to explain. "I... hic... need... hic, hic... help... "
"Discord calm down," Fluttershy cooed as she rubbed a hoof down Discord's back, "Take a few deep breaths, and then tell us what is wrong."
Discord took Fluttershy's advise to heart, complete with paper bag. After a few nosy puffs he tossed the bag. "Earlier today I felt a presence, hic, a magic I had not felt in a long time and...it's getting stronger, hic, by the minute and if it is who I think it is..."
"Who Discord?!" Twilight grumbled when Discord started biting his nails. She needed more information thane half chocked ramblings if she had a hope of helping and clearly the sooner the better.
"He is an ancient being... we might need the Elements... and the princesses... and..." Discord rambling faded away as his gaze climbed up to the ceiling.
One by one everyponies' heads followed Discord's, and, there standing upside down on the root chandler like it was the floor was a large figure wrapped in a ratty brown cloak, a pair of red glowing eyes peered down from within the hood.
"Ilcktulsivitātes Hzathtola." It spoke and something about the deep coarse voice sent shivers up and down Twilight's spine. She wasn't sure if it was because the voice or the glowing eyes. "I should have known you would mess with my plans."
Rainbow Dash, being the first to shake off her shock, quickly flew up to the intruder, jabbing a hoof out. "Now listen here bub!"
"Athulēt."
Rainbow Dash yelped in shock as she suddenly dropped like a stone to the floor.
"Are you okay Rainbow?" Twilight inquired as she looked over her friend. It was clear that there was magic behind the word 'athulēt' but exactly what that magic was, she didn't know. It was not like any magic she knew of, which unnerved her. It could mean a wealth of magic knowledge to learn or it could mean trouble if this person was truly up to something nefarious. A lack of understanding of the nature of the magic being used would make it extremely hard to counter.
"Yeah, I've had worse falls... " Rainbow waved off her concern until she tried flapping her wings a few times. "but I can't seem to get off the ground."
Twilight carefully reexamined Rainbow as she struggled to get lift. She had meticulously studied every pegasi after her ascension with hope that it would help her flying. No offense to Rainbow Dash teaching but at the time she was not the best fight instructor. Not that her own research helped all that much either. At least it was fascinating subject matter to study and was instrumental in discovering the mechanics behind the Sonic Rainboom.
"Please, hic, don't provoke him further Rainbow Dash or he will..."
"Enough Ilcktulsivitātes Hzathtola!" The being hissed, his red eyes glowing brighter. "You brought it on yourself when you knowingly overstepped your place. Be glad I had mercy to let you be stoned. Next time it will be my sword that ends it."
Discord yelped and hid, or as much as he could, underneath the table.
"How dare you... How dare you! You listen here, mister." Twilight blinked as she watched Fluttershy dress down the intruder. While she was proud of Fluttershy muscling up her courage she doubted that someone that terrified Discord could be effected by her stare enhanced lecturing given that she had tried this very tactic on Discord before and failed. "Just because Discord 'overstepped' his place doesn't mean you get to be a bully! You do not-- I repeat-- You do not! Hurt! My! Friends! You got that?"
"Or what?" The cloaked figure dared, clearly not fazed by the Stare.
Twilight sighed as Fluttershy's chastisement failed. With the threat of violence she had to find a way to deescalate the situation before someone got hurt. 'Next time' he said. It sounded as if he was not here for Discord as Discord feared. So if that was the case then why was he here? "Why are you here...uh...?"
The figure jumped down off the chandler, spinning to orientate right side to the floor. Twilight cringed as the figure slammed onto the map table, Discord screeching in fear, scrambled behind Fluttershy's throne. The repairs that Starlight and she were in the middle of making were not completed yet and having something as large as the figure crashing down on it could disrupt all their progress or make matters worse then they were before.
"Šizra." 'Šizra' answered, "I am here to see about the dragon known as Spike."
Twilight narrowed her eyes. After the fiasco with Sludge she was not going to let just anyone waltz in here to see Spike. It hurt him more then what Spike was willing to admit and she did not want to see his emotions played like a fiddle again. "And why do you need to see Spike?"
"Interesting..." Šizra slowly intoned, his head tilting from one side to the other. "I was under the impression that you had inquired of Cktüis Zuserthators Ember for assistance in the matters of raising Spike..."
"I did..." Twilight blinked as she answered. She had completely forgotten that she had requested help. Though when she had asked for a tutor this was not what she expected, but then again dragons did not do things 'pony.'
"Šizra?" Fluttershy slowly spoke up, flinching ever so slightly when Šizra's eyes turned towards her. "Um, about Discord..."
"Has he been abusing his powers?"
Twilight fought back the urge to lick her suddenly dry lips. Discord may be 'reformed' now but there were several hiccups along the way including when he betrayed Equestria to help Lord Tirek.
'Next time it will be my sword that ends it.'
'Athulēt.'
'Or what?'
"Um... no." Fluttershy finally answered.
"Then he has nothing to fear from me."
"Ah know sometimes he can be a no good low life varmint but..." AJ shook her head. "Even Ah would not wish him death..."
Twilight's head slammed back painfully as the doors suddenly burst open with a loud bang. Looking over she could see Starlight rushing in with her horn ablaze. Spike, to her surprise, was not far behind. She was sure he was going to be Canterlot a bit longer.
"Discord!" Starlight shouted before skidding to a stop when she noticed the cloaked Šizra. "I.... uh... um..."
"Well Discord teleported me to... uh..." She blushed, "Um... I'm sorry I didn't see that... I mean... I uh... maybe I should come back later..."
"It's okay Starlight, nothing to worry about. Just a small misunderstanding..." Twilight smiled, waving her to come fully in, thankful that Starlight seemed no worse for wear.
"Some misunderstanin'" AJ grumbled, rolling her eyes.
"Weeeell.... to be fair Discord was a big meanie..."
"inkie-Pay!'" Rainbow Dash nervously stage whispered. "Xnay on the ast-pay!"
"So good to see you home Spike but," Twilight quickly switched the topic before Pinkie set off Šizra, "I wasn't expecting you for a few more days...."
"Yeah Princess Celestia had urrp..." Spike quickly caught the scroll he burped and and went right to reading it out loud
"Dear Spike, I found this under the throne cushions..."
"Spike!" Twilight facehoofed as she saw the comic fall out of the scroll. How many times had she told him to NOT do that.
"Oops..." Spike nervously waved a hello as he noticed that Šizra was slowly approaching him. "Uh, hi?"
"Šizra?"
Šizra didn't respond as he knelt down in front of Spike and lowered his hood.
Hm
This was interesting for sure.I do have to say that this dragon didn't do a good job at all at making a good impression of himself. I mean he came off as a real volatile character to everyone. Not to mention WHAT could he have to effect Discord. I mean the guy is older than Celestia and is more or less a force of nature half the time that can bend reality to his will. So what can take him in a straight fight?
Hmm, why do I get the Feeling Šizra is possibly Spike from Gen 1.
9233105 No. But now that you mention Gen 1...
9233001
No he didn't but to be fair Discord did put a monkey wrench into Šizra's plans.(not that I will say what those plans were exactly)
Spoilers... Please read Chapter [REDACTED].
How do you pronounce Üā Sūt Cktüis?
9235749 With difficulty (both in speaking and me explaining) but I shall try
Üā: oo(the oo is elongated and almost become a u at the end you will be to tempted to use you mouth to assist but don't )-ah
Sūt: sounds just like soot
Cktüis: ckt(um kh as is khan with a slight uh... try and make a loogie while saying 'kh' with hard 't" like in king tut right away)-oo(same as with Üā) -is
Hiyas- below are my thoughts after reading the first two chapters. I enjoyed what I've read so far and hope my feedback is useful to you.
Ch1
Is that a real language or sumpin made up?
Spike is at least 20 now? So this must be a number of years after Season9, right? Cool!
I'd like to see Ember be a little stronger. She is the Dragonlord Emeritus' daughter for goodness sake. I think Torch would eat his own young rather than let dragonkind be ruled by a weakling. But you have given yourself lots of oportunities for her growth and learning from her daddy! Good move.
Feeling really gyped by Razor's Spine: there was a build up and then nothing.
Sizra is a jerk. I trust that you will explain why eventually, and I will patiently wait (at least a while) for you to do so.
Ch2
"Sending 1.5 thaumahertz of raw mana." Sorry, this doesn't work for me. Any prefix attached to -hertz should be a quantity not a qualifier. There are not different types of hertzes. (I am trying to think of a counter example to what I just said, and it is making my brain hurt to do so.)
But other than the magic units, the bit with Twi and Glimglam working on the table is nice.
Discord scared? Maybe. But terrified and acting like a coward? That is hard to credit and i am going to need to see some real justification. Perhaps such justification is on its way in later chapters.
Things get a little hard to follow; maybe that's my defect.
Ending line: Sizra didn't respond as he knelt down in front of Spike and lowered his hood.
I love a good hook at the end of a chapter. I will defo read more of this.
Cheers!
11430800
Is that a real language or sumpin made up? Google Latvian with a twist because I am no JRR Tolkien
Spike is at least 20 now? So this must be a number of years after Season9, right? Cool! No we are in late season 8 starting with Father Knows Beast. If I were to give a personal 'official' age for Spike he would 15-16 at this point in the series.
Feeling really gyped by Razor's Spine: there was a build up and then nothing. To be fair CH1 was a prologue originally until I did some major rewrites to this chapter and a few other spots due to...
Sizra is a jerk. I trust that you will explain why eventually, and I will patiently wait (at least a while) for you to do so. Yeah, he is and he is mild here. And yes there are numerous reasons for it. Those reasons I do, I hope, bring out as the story goes. He is the most challenging to write because of that... he was one of the major reasons why I had to unpublish most of the story for 18 months to do rewrites... (If you are curious about what it was like before the story is cross posted to fanfiction.net but I have not updated it there with the rewrites) If you manage to continue on don't be afraid to comment on if I am succeeding in explaining/bringing-him-down-a-peg or not... comments have shifted my writing in my previous series and are always welcomed. Though I will warn you now that really only the first arc/act has been published so far. And, no, that does not mean this book is 3 arc/acts long... it's a book it does not need to be confined to the cliched 3 act structure... so don't expect a mlp style 180 in him by chapter 11.
"Sending 1.5 thaumahertz of raw mana." Sorry, this doesn't work for me. Any prefix attached to -hertz should be a quantity not a qualifier. There are not different types of hertzes. (I am trying to think of a counter example to what I just said, and it is making my brain hurt to do so.) To be fair its magic-babble sort of like all the sci fi technobabble of [insert sci show here]... it's really just nonsense that sounds 'legit' or at least tries to sound that way... I suppose I could have said 1.5 hertz of raw thuama (aka raw mana) or raw thuams at 1.5 hertz but that's not exactly how mana works either... and I don't think it will come up again. I just needed something to imply that Twilight it trying to test to see if mana is running though the table correctly and if the table was handling at a set 'amount of mana and given that mana is more energy then matter/more like light then water... I'm positive there is a better word that fits better but thuamahertz was the best of what I had come up with what was left of my melted brain at the time... makes me wish for a beta reader/ editor but alas...
Discord scared? Maybe. But terrified and acting like a coward? That is hard to credit and i am going to need to see some real justification. Perhaps such justification is on its way in later chapters. Yeah, keep reading for that...
Things get a little hard to follow; maybe that's my defect. Yeah, still going to say it makes me wish for a beta reader/ editor... Feel free to keep commenting/ ask questions. It could be confusing because I wrote something badly or it may be me obscuring Chekhov's gun. Can't tell with how vague you were... But I will be more then happy to clarify/fix-it if it's the first and make you even more confused if it's the latter.... ... kidding. Worst I might do is a River Song "spoilers..."
Ending line: Sizra didn't respond as he knelt down in front of Spike and lowered his hood.
I love a good hook at the end of a chapter. I will defo read more of this. Darn those cliff hangers... I do hope that you like some of the ones upcoming.
....hope my feedback is useful to you With how detailed you were I am I positive it will be very useful going forward. As I said earlier, feedback like this has helped me improved my storytelling before... I doubt my Keeper trilogy would have ended as well as it did otherwise... (first book is weakest by far if you do go and read it... curse of first fanfiction I guess...)