9102904 Not too sure. Never really thought about voice actors of sorts for any of these guys, sorry.

I must admit that I had my doubts with this story, a big dragon with a bigger gun on the cover just screaming over powered, and the main character seemingly being sex manic arsenal of expensive magical weaponry... But chapters like this where all of the flaws are showing, all of the doubts, all of the nuances, now that makes this story shine! For a story to start out smelling so strongly of Sue, to have chapters like this... You should never judge a book on its cover, and its a rare joy to find a story that seems rather flawed in the beginning and slowly unveils such depths. Although the big baddies seems a bit too comically big and baddy, but I am looking forward to be surprised with those as well!

Nitpicks:
" At the top of my list of danger right now," Should be plural.
"all I needed was for her to be able to think for herself as a good pony" as
"I was nopony with the right to tell Cherry to believe in herself." While not wrong does it sound pretty clunky and could properly be worded better.
" my mind told me" This should not be in Italic
"I noted as the goo dribbled ed over my armor. " delete
" She stopped beside me her lime green eyes wide with both panic and worry" I am pretty sure that you are missing a comma here.
" flare nostrils emitting a faint orange glow as they snared like rabid dogs" flared
"Then without even so much as a word I brought my blaster up my horn feeling like a hot screw twisting back into my skull as I rapidly pulled the trigger."Missing a comma
"Seconds later another there was a growl and that relief was stolen as another ghoul erupted from the water" delete, or move before growl.
"there another magical aura flared as Sky forced a locker up against the door." delete
"The initial urge to asked the obviously flawed question was resisted." just ask
"Well of course she did, she was a smart pony." Thoughts should be in present tense
"I was greeted with a small square box that looked to some kind of office." as
"it's like one massive magnet screwing with everything in the city!." Delete the period
" I knew I should have gone on strike with the rest of the minors when I had the chance" Minors=kids did you mean miners?
" But what choice had we had?" Did we have
"Most of the slaves are held smaller cells around here too," Missing an in
" It was no different from what I'd always done." not
"The bright beamed tore her hide to sizzling ribbons, " beams
"[i‘Dragonfire, why did you just stroll in here?" Your coding did not work here.

9546562 All edits in and accounted for, sorry it took so long. Thanks!

The way some of this is typed almost makes me think you use the voice typing in Google docs.
And if so does it make writting any easier