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Well I suppose Night crossed a bit of a line there.
There is something that I noticed about Night’s “curse”. I don’t think it’s real. It seems to be all in his head. Something that he uses as a scapegoat for when he messes up. I think he simply needs think before he acts or speaks. Instead he has this defeatist attitude about screwing something up every day and not working on his personal issues. He seems to lack self control in some instances, and that is a trait he can work on redeeming. He just needs to ditch his defeatist attitude.
I know that Night may have crossed a line, But Delilah is crossing one as well, and the line shes crossing may bight her in the ass far more then Night. Simply put, treating Night like a slave, well that might piss off the rest of the crew something fierce.
There's something fishy going on here, and I think it's the fruit.
8691638
I don't have a problem at all with people being nitpicky, and I know that my stories aren't really professional grade writing. That's never been my goal, I just want to get better at writing over the course of it than I was when I started working on the story. As I've also stated in blogposts and such, having a story that's 100% presentable to the public is not a priority to me, I write these stories for me. All I want is to get the story out of my head and down on paper, and after it's all out, then I can consider going to fix it up if I want.
This might come across as a bit weird, but I think that continuing a story should always trump it being the best piece of writing out there it could be. I've seen too many good Fo:E stories die out because their authors were too focused on making it presentable to the public. Over the last five years, I've made huge improvements to my writing that I'm happy about, but that's secondary to the fact that I've finished my other stories.
I don't want to come across as ungreatful, I'm extrodinarily happy that you gave the story a shot. I'm just trying to explain a bit of my methods and thinking about things in a way that might explain some of the problems you're seeing. Again, I'm far from a professional author, and I don't really want to be a professional. I just want to get these stories out of my head before I forget them altogether. If people happen to read them, that's great, and if they like them, that's even better! But if it's not for you, I don't hold it against you at all.
One last thing I wanted to do was answer some of the comments you left here. First off, I'll admit that you have a great point with the whole flowers thing. I completely hadn't considered the fact that he wouldn't know what flowers smell like.
The next thing is the whole cloud layer exchange. Those two lines are a reference to the movie Airplane! which was a great comedy that I grew up watching more than a few times. I've got several other lines from the film referenced throughout the story, and I know some people just won't get that it's a reference, and that's fine.
On the distance idea, I completely agree that 300 miles would be a stretch for anyone to go on foot, but vehicles do exist in Fo:E (Even have them in the cover art!), and this is a story about a Convoy. 300 miles is easy to cover in a day's worth of travel if you're driving!
I will also freely admit that the bit where Buck cuts his binds was purely a rule of cool thing. I have also seen that Lindybeige video, but I only found his channel about a year ago, so there's a lot of stuff that I've learned off of it that I'd wish I could've applied to my earlier writing! And while I can appreciate the idiocy of cutting useful rope, I'm not sure it's all that important of a thing to worry about in a story about technicolor horses and the wasteland they exist in.
One last thing I'd wanted to point out was the use of bits over caps. The Enclave is a wartime society in decline, so I figured that they still used wartime currency. Night has no idea what caps are at this point because of this, and he's never really had to deal with money himself.
Again, I'm happy that you gave my story a shot, and I'm going to go over the changes you suggested here and implement the ones that I can. I'm sorry that it's not something you could get into, but I've said, that's perfectly alright! I just hope that you've got an idea now for my mindset when it comes to writing, and some of my thoughts on how things are set up.
Wait, is it just me or did they forget to pick up Night's dog tags?