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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Good as always. Nice going with the ending. Keep up the good work!
Whooo! What a chapter man, what a chapter well done. Nice work on this dude, it was quite the enjoyable read if I do say so myself~
The ending was funny, and for that I approve further of this story, hohoh.
Just uh... pointing that out is all.
Good show man, good show.
Whooo! What a chapter man, what a chapter well done. Nice work on this dude, it was quite the enjoyable read if I do say so myself~
The ending was funny, and for that I approve further of this story, hohoh.
Just uh... pointing that out is all.
Good show man, good show.
Thank you somber for another chapter.
Well. That was... timely.
I think I got all my sassy out on the previous chapter, so on to some more serious critiques and commentary.
Charity's sudden appearance at the end of 9 had me concerned, because I wasn't sure how you were going to make her work, or justify her presence in Zebraland at all. You accomplish both to varying degrees (the latter to a lesser degree, but only because I'm pretty sure there's much more going on with the deal she made than meets the eye). She's kind of a slow burn; in my opinion, she didn't bring much to the previous chapter, but shines in this one. Her cynical, objectivist philosophy is a nice counterweight to Scotch's personality, and her background and skillset fill a real gap on the team. She's a seasoned scavenger with a good head for economics; I can't see Precious or Pythia or Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow filling that role.
Her diatribe against Scotch is one of the highlights of both chapters, although I didn't agree with it a hundred percent, and I think Scotch could have said or done more to defend herself. She lucked out by falling in with Blackjack's group (after lucking out in not dying in the cannibal holocaust), sure, but she wasn't The Load in the way that Charity's describing. She pulled her weight on the team from the very start (especially since she joined up at a time when she was grieving for her home, and when Blackjack was completely suicidal, requiring everyone else to step up), and fought/worked just as hard as anyone else. It's perfectly in character for Charity to say those things and make those assumptions about her, don't get me wrong, but Scotch had it as hard as anyone. And it sucks that she just laid back and took that abuse.
Also, Scotch did accomplish quite a bit on her own merits, even before Homelands. Lest we forget, Chapel was a shithole (literally) before she showed up. Within the span of, what, a week, she'd gotten them indoor plumbing and taught them how to build houses that weren't made of stilts and held together by Elmer's glue and prayer. I feel like Charity would probably be aware of that. Scotch, too, especially after building all that confidence and independence over the last year living in Zebraville.
The general trajectory of Scotch's character is something that I'm enjoying. Worth pointing out that she's already manifesting some Blackjack-like traits, telling herself that her friends are sacrificing and suffering on her behalf, and guilting herself over it. I'd like to see her confront and overcome that mindset, though. Preferably sooner than Blackjack did on her own journey.
The other standout in the cast, to me, is Pythia. I like her a lot, both conceptually and as far as her role in these chapters is concerned (do I sense a ship tease between she and Scotch? ), and the hints we're getting at her character have me deeply intrigued. I re-read Project Horizons over the last few months of 2016, and recalled over the story's last arc just how interesting I thought Pythia was. We only get a few glimpses of her, including a brief hint at her origins (which you follow up on here), but she makes an impression over that time. I'm really looking forward to seeing how her character shapes up in Homelands.
I do have to take issue with the editing, however. It's... to be generous, uneven. There were numerous grammatical wrinkles in both this and chapter ten: verb tense shifts, issues with word choice, run-ons... 7959122 pointed out the change in perspective already (chalk it up to force of habit?), and while it's the only one of its kind that I noticed, the fact that it's in there at all is noteworthy. Especially since Project Horizons was relatively neat and tidy, as far as mistakes like that are concerned.
I understand there's been a shake-up on the team, though, and that future chapters will probably be a lot tighter once y'all settle into a rhythm together.
Taken together with the previous chapter, and even accounting for the editing mishaps, this still works. It's engaging, moves the characters forward, and contributes well to the various character arcs you're trying to develop. I'm looking forward to not accidentally missing updates in the future.
"I couldn’t nod quickly enough."
I don't have time for really detailed commentary, but you slipped into first person there.
Excellent chapter. :)
Also, I can second the recommendation for Speak.
*Spoilers, read the chapter first*
The fight sequences were cool, the concepts kick ass, the writing on the mark but... It's dumb that the bounty hunters would agree to a job before discussing payment, let alone take her up on it. They've got a fortune sitting in their lap, I'd expect they'd already been paid a retainer and on top of that they've got their reputation to uphold. The bounty hunters intervention feels like a total cop out and I think with how you were building up the whole 'You're a Stable Pony' thing it would of meant so much more if Scotch managed to save her friends on her own without someone else's help for the umpteenth time.
Maybe instead of making a deal with the hunters, they go in for her.
Or maybe they're a no show and she discovers a deficiency in the 200 year old security system but she saves them on her own! Otherwise the ending with her and Charity is just dumb.
Ok, so in horizons i kinda liked Charity, even if she was a jerk to BJ for no reason
This chapter made me realise that she, to quote Deus, is a "CUUUUUUNT"
Still like her tho
Also super happy how fast you pumped this chapter out. Keep up the good work Somber! Say hi to the team for me!
P.S After seing the interactions with Skylord and Scotch recently, i started to question my Scotch/Pythia ship, but the end of this chapter helped referm my hopes.
Hooves crossed!
Edit: in the process of re-reading Project Horizons and when they first meet, Scotch thinks Pythia is pretty, blushes and wont stop staring at her butt. SHIP CONFIRMED! IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN! IT HAS TO NOW! CMON SOMBER! I NEEEEED THISSSSSS
7959520
Even the best of us miss those darn typos and changes
7960194 Well... yes. All the more reason to point out when it happens.
Missing a period right there.
Love it, awaiting the next chapter eagerly great work, good grammar and just plain old good writing
Murderballs, eh?
Been watching Phantasm lately, Somber?
“They’re pokey!” wailed Trog. “I don’t like pokeyballs!” Oh goddammit Somber...
7961966
Oh my god that pun went right over my head, even as Bronode and I were editing it. ARGH!
7963647 ::grin::
7961966 I almost said something about this, but I figured it was unintentional.
Well. I could use a drink.
EDIT: Every single comment I've left on this chapter has had the word "well" followed by either a period or an ellipsis.
What's wrong with me.
Always good to see this update love your work somber
This was excellent. I eagerly await the next chapter.
HA! Nice way to end this chapter. Awesome work Somber (and of course thanks to Bronode, Heartshine, and Icy Shake for editing).
Defiantly had some turns in this chapter and I'm excited to see how the next chapter goes.
Here's to proactive and gratifying story writing.
Plz continue this story I am very much so exited to be reading it
7959520
Yea but she didn't internalise it. Imagine how blackjack would have reacted? She'd be back on the mattress.
Stable ponies don't know nothin'.
I'm not sure I'll be able to read this yet. I got so emotionally numb from PH that I'm not sure I'm ready
CMOOOON SOMBER! ITS BEEN A MONTH!!!!!
Sorry just finished Horizons for the second time and now i dont have anything to read
Hooray! Something to fill the gaping hole in my heart where reading Project Horizons once was.
Shades of Queen Gohma... don't look up.
You guys are NOT good at the Buddy System.
I'm kind of surprised to see Precious using "whom". Used incorrectly, granted, but still...
(The who/whom rule: Who finds the best stuff? She finds the best stuff. Therefore, use "who(ever)". You only use "whom(ever)" when you would use her in the related sentence, i.e. Whomever we choose will go in. Who will go in? She will go in.)
Brace for incoming tree sap.
That "Fine." should really be a statment. It sounds really strange when spoken with a question inflection.
WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH PYTHIA
Ah shit, it's Wheatley!
Huh. Real, live non-necromantic radiation...
Why do I suspect that's exactly what will?
Type Ones should be capitalized in this context.
Rover? :D (In the context of The Prisoner, not Diamond Dogs.)
That, um, really ought to be two sentences, and I'd use the dreaded semicolon at the end. "...as the hound smashed and tore with foalish abandon. The spheres didn't just try to electrocute him; some had buzz saw blades..."
Shouldn't that be a lazy grin?
8038207
I was confused... I thought the Dealer had been extracted from Blackjack's pipbuck and put into a new body, which then died..?
8048057 Dealer was the marauder Echo, stripped of his body, and fused with EC-1101.
Dealer was also much, much more. For most of the story they overlapped, but at points there was another Dealer dealing the cards of fate and misery. You meet him clearly in the very last chapter, where she learns that her talent for victory is actually victory at any cost, and that cost is suffering, misery, and destruction. Sometimes she pays it. Sometimes the people she loves pays it. The Dealer is something more that will be defined as Homelands progresses. And remember, besides Blackjack, Scotch is the only person who has ever seen him.
8053940 It's a price the spirits exact for breaking a deal. If you tell a spirit "I'll slaughter 5 pigs for you in return for X." and the spirit gives you X, and you only slaughter 4 pigs, that spirit will censure you for that 1 pig you didn't slaughter. The more you break your deal, the more censure you face.
Ok guys, according to Sombers Patreon, chapter twelve is done and has been given to those that support him on said account. Since that was two days ago, we have around five more to wait. *phew* i was starting to get worried there guys.
Pythtape is still the best ship and WILL happen IT. WILL. HAPPEN.
8055907 I call it Scotchia. But, still! Scotchia is best ship!
You have Blackjack luck. You'll stumble across another tractor just as soon as the Whiskey Express is broken and/or explodes.
Ok, spirits, the best censure you can give Charity is to ensure every bit, imperial coin, and bottle cap she finds ends up having to be lost or destroyed. Honest.
*wince*
You really don't see the irony in that, do you?
I'm surprised she trusts anyone younger than she is, either.
We know who the high-Int party member is.
*snort* Like that's going to happen.
Blackjack is disappointed in you.
Since she's only half-pony, does that make it only half-cannibalism?
Well, this sounds like a real funhouse.
How much could they get for that kind of salvage?
Did all three of these clowns use Int as their dump stat?
Uh ... what?
I wish they'd take you as their pet!
Oh sweet gods, I want to bring Rover and family to the factory now.
I had the sudden mental image of electrified Tribbles.
Blackjack would turn it off. P-21 would probably only turn it off after slapping a land mine to Korg's spine.
I look forward to Charity and Precious repeating this scene later when they find a gem hoard.
It means she got caught in BJ's overflow, I think. ... Which sounds more gross the more I think about it.
I think this may be my favorite chapter in this so far... still I am racking my head trying to figure out how to remove Scotch's censure.
It's so comforting to know that at least you, the darkest and edgeist of us all, would be the designated surviver.
Truly, you bring ease and calm to our hearts.
Hacharity, you're telling a dragon not to be greedy. Do we need to bring Reginald in here for a lesson? Or Watcher?
I can just imagine those poor, unsupervised souls feeling a sudden shiver as she does this.
I've always liked how Scotch can make freinds out of enemies . Grand more neutral.
Still, she live sup to her word. She's fair, and doesn't heavily discriminate like the rest of her kind apparently does. She is a good pony, and others know it. She's just trying to get by and make the world a better place, and I think she's getting along quite well.
I can see Korgax and his gang coming to her rescue in the future. Maube.
8520942
Soo obscure for those who didn't read Diaries...
I'm really hoping her friends start fighting over who gets to be in a relationship with Scotch, since they like to argue/fight as the Old Zebra spirit thing pointed out. Then hopefully Scotch convinces all or most of them to be in a relationship with her anyway so she doesn't have to choose.
I finally realized Scotch is Gamora to Skylord's Starlord, because she's green. *hangs head* But I don't see them getting all that close.
Gotta admit. I'm not at all interested in the Marvelous 12 other than Pythia and her past. Maybe that'll change later, but I'm not looking forward them.
Interesting that Scotch has the infallible ability to find help whenever she needs it. Shame that Scotch didn't get a chance to argue her case with Charity. I was just waiting for Scotch to say something like "sure, things get handed to me, but my family is the thing that's always taken away." Hope she and Charity come to an understanding.
I imagine Scotch must be a speech character. Considering how she was able to convince the bounty hunters to follow her. And she can talk to spirits.
It really sucks that she still got censured. I had hoped her plan on the bridge had prevented that. Which was brilliant on her part.
1,000 Milligram are 1 Gram. 1,000 Gram are 1 Kilogram. 1,000 Kilogram are 1 ton. Easy and simple.
Now the Imperial System is all over the place: 437 ½ Grains are 1 Ounce. 17 Ounces are one Pound. And 2,000 Pounds is one Ton. Yet there’s also a Long Ton which is 2,200 Pounds for some reason.
What has this to do with the story? Nothing, I just wanted to show everyone the superiority of the metric system.
Charity – that name gives me flashbacks to Friendship is Witchcraft – got a lot more likeable in this chapter. Instead of just complaining and not understanding Zebra, she shows some useful skills when she organizeed the looting of the factory.
Of course, she immediately loses sympathy points for bitch to Scotch about how easy she had it in life. That’s like complaining to Bruce Wayne that he had it easy, because he’s rich, ignoring his death family.
Oh my god! Pythia was alive during the war. That can only mean one thing…
SHE’S A SYNTH!
My best guess is that she’s either immortal or the Zebra version of a blank.
Please don’t tell me I’m the only one who wants to see a fanfic about these guys and gals. A rag-tag bunch of Zebras, each representing a different tribe, fighting against evil Pony ala G.I. Joe sounds awesome. But I do wonder: How do they get enough ponies to play the bad guys? Do they take Zebra actors and disguise them as ponies? Does that count as Blackface[?
Pythia needs hugs. Lots of hugs. She acts like she’s distant and doesn’t care but no she’s tell Scotch to run and leave her to her gruesome fate. Yet most Zebras only see her stripes and call her evil or cursed.
It’s obvious why Korgax is the brains of the trio. I’m actually surprised Scotch managed to talk him into helping her and her friends.
Imagine being a bounty hunter, who has been chasing a mark for over year. A mark who always got away, sometimes by sheer luck. You even lose one of your limbs because you’re chasing said mark. Now you finally got it and are about to put a bullet through her head and she talks about how she can make me “super-duper rich”. Yeah right! If it was me, she would even be able to finish that sentence.
Luckily for Scotch Korgax isn’t as smart as I am. Or maybe he’s actually smarter, considering that she wasn’t bluffing.
Interesting world building. Korgax is the same kind of centaur as Tirek, right? Because in my head I picture him looking similar to the younger version of Tirek from the comics.
derpicdn.net/img/2015/7/21/941113/large.png
If so, that’s a good headcanon to explain why Scorpan and Tirek are brothers despite looking like they belong to different species. It also makes Scorpan's "betrayal" hurt a lot more.
I’m surprised to see that Scotch and the three Stooges parted away on friendly terms. Scotch really is a good pony, honoring the deal with the bounty hunters and saving Riptide’s daughter. As someone who freed Benny and let him walk away in New Vegas, I appreciate that.
According to the Author's Note, we’re going to see them again. Hopefully Riptide and Haimon didn’t see through their lies.
To be fair, BJ received Rampage's assistance from Big Daddy in the same way that Scotch got Skylord. They were ordered to help them.
Now the "why" is a good question and an argument Charity could make against me. Rampage was ordered to assist Blackjack because BJ killed Gorgon and Big Daddy wanted BJ to join The Reapers. So Charity could claim BJ earned Rampage as an addition to her team.
But Colonel Adolpha sent Skylord to protect Scotch Tape because she believes the filly will prove useful to The Iron Legion. I can argue to the little Princess here that Scotch MUST have done something to attract the interest of a commanding officer. The Colonel does NOT strike me as a person who would waste combat resources protecting a Pony Child out of the goodness of her heart.
Also Rampage stuck around after her obligation was complete because she respected Blackjack and was looking for an adventure that would finally get her killed.
Precious joined Scotch Tape because the filly was kind to her. Scotch earned Precious's friendship and her protection, with her kindness.
Her reasons may have been "don't provoke the dragon filly thing" but Precious didn't know that at the time, much like Blackjack's relationship with Silver Spoon was forged by a need for the glowing mare to ward off the feral ghouls but at the time Silver Spoon thought it was "Tiara" being kind to her, too kind, as she once pointed out to BJ.
Pythia was the one who dragged Scotch Tape along but Majina's friendship was also earned by Scotch helping her sort through her mother's things.
My point is, shut the buck up, you greedy, self centered little bitch!
It's saying something when I can truthfully claim that I like Korgax, Spurgle, and Trog (Slavers and rulthless bounty hunters) more than I like that bitch Charity.
I love flexible characters with interesting powers. Spurgle, I think was his name, is my favourite. The creative way he can fight shows how much a good writer can do with an unique ability. The whole cooperation of the bounty hunters both satisfies me and hungers me for more interesting combos they can do together, like Trog throwing Spurgle for a fight advantage. I am kinda suprised Korgax went for the deal with Scotch, and even more after he mentioned the repotation. I guess he explained it a little bit, but I am still not convinced. The fact Scotch traded a location with them that they themselves cleared is weird, why didn't they just take it themselves? I thought she was going to give them the weird swamp location, but guess you already have bigger plans for it
This just made me think of one day Scotch returning to Star House to find Thren and BJ sitting on her couch xD would be one hell of a reunion
I love Charity xD
At first, I was pretty happy when I realised Charity wouldn't be in this.
Then, she showed up, and I really hoped she would just be a cameo. Now, she's actually travelling alongside them. Only thing that gives me hope is that she's not on the fic's cover, thus will hopefully leave within a few chapters.
Don't get me wrong, she's an interesting character, but every time she extorts someone I just want someone to punt her into space. And every time she opens her mouth just to be a huge bitch.
Don't remember if I've always hated her, or if I've just grown to hate her.Kinda forgot to comment over the last few chapters, so here are my condensed thoughts.
Really love the fact that Scotch is sensitive to spirits. Not only that, she can actually see them, which is pretty impressive, given what we were told.
I've also grown to love every single main character. Precious was always amazing. I love Pythia, and I love it even more that she's slowly opening up. Scotch is starting to become a cool protagonist. Skylord is hilarious. Even Majina's grown on me with her compare-everything-to-stories habit.
I am enjoying where the plot is heading. Even though I'm a sucker for morally grey villains, here Riptide works fantastically as a "black" villain.