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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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IT'S BACK
Good to see this story is back! And welcome to the official editing team, Icy Shake, it's good to see all the contributions you've made be fully recognized. Even if it took three months and ended up being the shortest chapter yet, that's still faster than most of the other stories I follow update at. I think this small change of pace is welcome since things were quite hectic in the last story arc.
The question just has to be raised, though... what changed from the original version of this chapter?
To those of you who aren't yet supporting Somber on Patreon: what are you waiting for! You only have to give a dollar each month and not only do you get notified of everything he makes, you get early access to some stuff, too (I just finished reading when it got posted, and I saw Somber highlight everything in the GDoc to copy/paste ). Just think about it.
7872495 Originally, I was going to start with a month long time jump, and Scotch was going to look back at various high lights in the last month. Each of the six were going to get their own highlight. Unfortunately, it just wasn't working. finally a long time reader and good friend suggested that I just write the story and not agonize over how. I went back to chronological order and went from there. Unfortunately that pushed out a couple of 'actiony' scenes and shortened the chapter all together. I decided that it would be better to put out a shorter, quieter chapter rather than wait another month to fit in one action scene.
image.prntscr.com/image/47d854da31ed4bfe909aa7511e6c5464.png
What is that? ^
Oh god, Charity will soon be multiplying!
Cursed with a lung infection?... why am I getting Goldenblood vibes from this?
It's a huge relief to see that you're continuing this. Thanks Somber!
[ insert "it's alive!" joke here ]
Man these exposition dumps are really killing the character interaction for me. Feels like whenever we come across a new character they're just there to spill the beans concerning some detail of the Zebra lands. I liked S.T.'s interactions with Xarius well enough, as short as they may have been, and their conversation felt genuine while delivering some important information to the reader but then it seems whenever we come across a shaman the story just takes a back seat to world building. Shamans are cool but they ain't Zencori.
Huh...hadn't expected that Scotch would be censured. That's a bummer. Sucks even more that her lungs are screwed up. Again.
Also, anyone else start hearing Sir Ian McKellen when Trailblazer talked to Scotch?
This is just plain adorable. Majina is just plain adorable.
Aww...poor Gabby.
That story is rather infamous for its length!
7873633 It's reflective of Scotch Tape's inquisitiveness that whenever she meets someone new who might know something she asks about it. Especially with the subject of shamanism which Scotch is currently obsessed with, each person's viewpoint is incredibly subjective and unique since there's never any one truth to be found. It's a cool way to both further flesh out existing characters and introduce new ones, as is the case with Pythia and Lumi respectively in this chapter. It was also thematically interesting seeing their opposing viewpoints juxtaposed.
This chapter did make me laugh uncontrollably for a moment to a subtle reference to Warhammer 40k I just picked up on. Being the Blood Legions commander is named Sanguinus and the legions uncontrollable blood lust reminds me of the Blood Raven Legion. Being Sanguinus is their Primarch and the legion is infamous for their black rage.
7872580 Fixed. Sorry.
Charity has probably been my favorite part of Horizons and Homelands. That filly's way with money reminds me of every D&D character I have ever made. I love how she doesn't understand Zebra in the slightest it's priceless.
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Wasn't expecting a link, but I got to say, that story has cought my interest.
Whooo! Good to see this back in action, a new chapter is always welcome So nice work man, nice work indeed! Sad ot hear about Hinds and Swicked, but alas... such is the way of life.
I freaking adore Majini, she's so cute and her faith and optimism is something I love about her in this group. Same for Pythia, I like her character as well, her attitude and ways are attractive to me. Precious is a given, she's just awesome. And Scotch, I've always liked her, hahaha.
Makes me think of all the side quests I've done in Fallout and Elder Scrolls just so I wouldn't be so weak when I went up against the baddies, hahah. She makes a good point as well.
Also, a real sequel!? Egads...
Nice work Somber, nice work indeed!
...damn, Scotch.
Okay, I want to see those lungs healed up. Make it happen. I know there has to be a way.
I forgot how much I needed this. Let the fate of the world rest upon the shoulders of foals!
I didn't have time to read for editing, but I did notice a few things:
"extended a hoof the help"
"hoof to help"?
"these cashes were for"
"caches"?
"she had an image and Niuhi lying"
"image of Niuhi"?
"just want to lay there"
"lie"?
"sense but I can die by the"
"sense, but"?
"a six sided snow flake with"
"snowflake"?
"an arrowhead shaped mark"
"arrowhead-shaped"?
"touching the surface lightly"
The surface of what?
"We tried but"
"tried, but"?
"paused and, then lowered"
"and then"?
"can be,” he frowned as he"
"can be.” He frowned as he"?
"about half way before"
"halfway"?
"welcome.” He said"
"welcome,” he said"?
"to brush over the object and"
What object?
"and give you antibiotic"
"an antibiotic" or "antibiotics"?
"“And there’s no way to fix censure?”
“No."
Wasn't that already answered earlier in the scene with "Depending on the shaman you ask, the answer is yes, no, or maybe."?
Heh. Nice ending. :)
Congratulations, Icy Shake, and good luck! Also, I said words to this effect in the email, but welcome back Heartshine!
"Hopefully this will be fine."
Well, I enjoyed it. :)
7874597
"Sad ot hear about Hinds and Swicked, but alas... such is the way of life."
Aye. I'd still like to be on the team, but I'm just so busy these days. And this coming semester I'm starting TA work in addition to everything I was already busy with...
I don't know why but I didn't get a story update about this being posted. Anypony else have this problem? I'm going to go read it now. Will update with comments soon. *SQUEEEEEEEEEEE*
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That's understandable, its hard to help out when you got schoolwork and such going on in the background.
Kinda spooky I was just thinking about this story when I saw the update in my mailbox.
7873840
Sanguinus is/was the Primarch of the Blood Angels. The Blood Ravens (from the Dawn of War games) don't know their genefather.
This was an excellent return. I eagerly await the next update. :)
I don't remember charity being so whiney. But I can understand how she must feel. Another great chapter Somber. Eager for the next one.
Charity really needs to learn Zebra the silly filly LOL
Great story so far am loving the resent twist I did not see that coming. I have read project horizons and wonder if Scotch will meet with Black Jack when she wakes up later on. Well great stories and I continue to wait on for the next chapter hopefully not
Forever.
Yes! Yes yes yes! I thought that maybe you had given up on this story! Im so glad to see that you havn't, and eve better, have a viable reason for it being late! Love you Somber, keep up the good work!
Ar least it isn't so bad like when she was flooded with Chlorine. Get well soon, Scotch Tape!
Seems like dealing with spirits can be tricky. I wonder if Scotch Tape could do anything to make up for that?
Just reading along and enjoying the story, when I ran across this:
Then I found myself trying to imagine a zebra picking his nose with a hoof. Those nostrils have gotta be HUGE!
7906168 Rarity managed it.
7906926
She was just... Uh... Scratching an itch! Yeah, that's it, her nose was itchy so she was scratching it, yeah...
I'd be happy to edit as well, depending on how you do that... Is it at a specified time, or do the editors just edit a Google doc when they have time?
Hoo boy...
This road is where our ancestors got their kicks!
Did we ever determine for sure whether Amadi was in fact the Orion of legend, or just someone who pulled the same trick?
So to speak.
"Oh, he was just saying he's never been with a pony before. Glad you're so enthusiastic!"
Wohoo its back and I'll definitely be ready heartshine's sequel to horizons too.
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None of the above. Zebra architect shamen.
I'm personally happy my favorite collection filly Charity is here!
When did - what? What?! How the hell did I miss this?!
Shoot. Well. Something to read later, I suppose.
Alright, we're just going to hit that nice little tracking button up there, keep something silly like this from ever happening again, and... alright. All set. So, what's up with my favorite green toilet pony?
Right off the bat, I'm taken out of the story because of a grievous continuity gaffe. The Whiskey Express doesn't chuff-chuff, it pockity-pocks. I don't know if I'm gonna be able to get past this. That's just... that's a mountain of a retcon for me to deal with. Just awful. 0/10.
...Okay, but Charity antics drew me back into the story, so I'll forgive you. This time. But if the W.E. starts making other noises, like boopity-bop, or clickity-clack, or zoop-zop-zippity-bop, or other Cosby sounds, I am O-U-T.
Speaking of Charity, I... seem to recall she and Precious having at least a stable (huehue) working relationship back in Chapel, since Precious was the vault's guard dog. Got to cuddle up on a big pile of coins and gems. So Precious's suggestion threw me for a bit of a loop. Not as bad as Chuff-Chuff-Gate, but... a loop, regardless.
What, you don't like classic CRPGs? Or current-gen sequels to classic CRPGs made in the same style? You got a problem with Brian Fargo, Charity? You don't like inXile Entertainment? Fuck off with that. Sit your ass down.
Little shit. No respect for her roots.
Please tell me the Blood Legion controls the East Side. Or someone else with "blood" in their name. I need this, Somber. I need it.
Yeah, especially now that Blackjack's dead and can't drink 'em anymore. HEYOOOOOO
Okay, I love me a good joke about semantic confusion, but Skylord chiming in is unusual, since he's established to not speak Pony. Even heavily accented Pony. Unless the Blood Legion always does broadcasts like this in Pony before they perform a purge, so he can tell just by context alone what the subject matter is.
The universe only has one hundred and sixty nine secrets?
The universe sounds boring.
I've packed this review with little more than sassy comments; I have more to say, but there's another chapter coming out soon (and, if the AN is any indicator, it's at least partly a continuation of this one), so I'll reserve my legit commentary/critique for later.
Nice to have you back though. Nicer still to have noticed that you were back.
So censure is sorta like the toll the Truth takes for attempting Human Transmutation in the Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood?
Possibly less than if you keep traveling with her.
I know! She needs to offer more, right?
That's an amazing plan. I fully endorse it.
~ Five Minutes Later ~
Well, she does have a record to beat.
No. No no no. You do not make tea out of the plants with glass fucking needles on the leaves.
Pfft, like you're going to stop.
Er ... does it actually do anything other than grow there all threateningly?
Well, according to Stan Freberg, it's $23 of junk jewelry.
This sentence feels like you accidentally a word.
Spirits are mobsters?
Communism is just a red herring.
Because the talking animals taste better.
I like this plan. Let's do it.
Somezebra has clearly never played the Fallout games. They're all about sidequests over mainquests.
What ... is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
It's her legacy, Scotchtape.
luckily, you have sympathetic spirits to help you in a funk now.
Exactly. She knows what's up!
Then Scotch got busy dying.
Ah. Going the way of Blackjack are we.
Somepony really needs to write a Wasteland Survival Guide Zebranica version.
I just realized something. Every Zebra is making a big deal out of Scotch being a pony shaman, when there are other pony shamans. In Pink Eyes, which was referenced in Project Horizons making it canon to that fic...and this is a sequel to PH so ergo Pink Eyes is canon to this fic, there are the Farseers of the Sandsweeper Tribe in Serpent Desert. Characters refer to these Farseers as Shamans.
I guess they aren’t shamans in the Zebra sense, but that are the pony equivalent. So Scotch just needs to head back to Equestria and trot the Big 52 to get shaman training. And it could still be a big deal to zebras since they might not know about the sandsweeper farseers.
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Then again the Farseers typically see visions of the future and/or past while high on drugs...so more the pony version of Pythia’s ability. Though the one from Pink Eyes does see the manifestation of a filly pinkie pie character and can summon a dense fog with some kind of ritual...so it would end up being Somber’s choice to count Farseers as pony shaman.
charity will have all the money of the Zebra and the pony🤑
The crew is back on the road again.
Scotch now understands the language and culture a lot better than one year ago, so the role of the ignorant foreigner falls to Charity. First impression: She’s bitchy and I love that neither Skylord nor Precious give a crap bout her.
I see that she went to the Twoflower’s School of talking with foreigners. Also…
Wouldn’t be a FiM Fanfic without racist Unicorns, would it?
Charming fellows, these Blood Legionaries. The situation on Zebra continent must be really shitty, if they have no shortage of desperate people they can throw at their enemies. Not that the other Legions sound much better. Eveb uf Skylord claims that their slavery isn’t that bad.
The Green Legion feels like the odd one out. All other legions are about war and conquest. The Green Legion is about healing people. Sure, they are perfectly willing to let you die if you can’t pay them, but they don’t go around murdering and rape others. And unlike every other legion so far, they actually help people instead of being a part of the problem.
Poor Gabby. Your idealistic outlook was simply too good for this AU. She must’ve really pissed off the other griffons that she’s still remember as that “one moron who got run out of town” 200 years later.
So that’s why Blackjack can back from death and is now immortal. She made a deal with spirts and got censured really badly. Another proof that the Wasteland wants to make her suffer.
All things considered, spirits seem to do more harm than good. These story had plenty of characters getting censured and suffering bad consequences as a result. The ponies, on the other hand, became the most technologically advanced nation on the planet and the spirits didn’t seem to care. So not having shamans actually seems to be a plus.
That’s not what she’s going to do and Pythia knows it, too. Scotch being the first pony shaman ever is a big thing. That she can actually see spirits, which none of the Zebra shamans can do, is an even bigger thing. Maybe it’s because she’s a pony and they see the spiritual world different than Zebras?
Interestingly her shaman powers only awakened after she had spent a year in Rice River. But then I just kind of happened. So maybe they were dormant until she sat foot on the Zebra land? Or maybe something made her a shaman because reasons?
It may surprise everyone who has read my previous comments, but I actually like that Scotch lungs will not be okay. Characters who walk away from every danger unharmed are boring. That’s one of the reasons, why Blackjack in Speaks really grew on me. Coming back from death should change you, fighting eldritch monsters should change you, being constantly thrown into life or death situation should change you. Only Mary Sue’s can shrug off these kind of things.
That said, I was a bit disappointed about her lungs being censured. I would’ve preferred it, if was just the dust she had inhaled when the Carnico building collapsed.
I do wonder whether or not the damaged lungs will be a permanent thing. It would be interesting to have a handicapped main character. On the other hand, we know that symbionts exist. So maybe Scotch will get a new lung once they’ve arrived in Irontown.
And what if Scotch receives more and more symbionts as the story progresses, similar as to how Blackjack became more and more Cyborg. They could even stich some batwings onto Scotch’s back and make her fly.
Ok, no that would be bad. Please don’t do that Somber. Blackjack becoming Adam Jensen was bad enough.
Well, now we know who's loose lips brought Riptide's ships!
DUDE, that's so racist.. I think..