Dragonfire, a confident mercenary mare, takes her wasteland life as it comes. Little does she know that she is more special than she had realised—so much so that somepony lurking in the shadows has been waiting for her for a long time.
Page generated in 0.03 seconds
Total duration
950 users online
77,337 hits today, 2,191,635 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2025
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2025 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
First! Haha, first comment on a Fo:E story!
But seriously, there are an awful lot of bad Fo:E stories out there. This story however seems to be starting up to be something epic. It's well written with almost no mistakes and the characters are intresting and enjoyable to read about!
Well done Sir/Madom, it's good to see we might have another big Fo:E story in the works!
Also, Dragonfire is pretty awsome!
7743704 Thanks!
I'm glad you enjoyed it!
7743697
Seems no comment section is safe from the firsters...!
7743713 Don't mention it!
7743743 Hey, I wouldn't have done it if I didn't think it was a good story. Now if it makes it big, we can all look back at that first comment and laugh.
7743750
Heh, now you've got me looking at the first comments on all the big FoE stories!
7743713
I like it alot very well done.
This has my full attention...
7743906 Who's Fred?
Also, it should be Fred's.
7745455 Fred is a magical man, he was there for me when times got tough, he can also be found on the hit realty TV sow Bear in the Big Blue house. and thanks didn't notice that
7745667 Avatar like that, comments like that... Are you just a troll?
7745667 Okay, that's not not strange at all.
7745675
7745673 nah I just wrote my first comment badly and I came off as being a bit condescending and my profile pic is that cos I didn't have anything else so I just drew something on paint, and its normal, don't know why you think it wouldn't be.
7745695 Okay, I'll let you off for now... For now.
7745695 Arr, it's cool don't worry about it!
Everyone derps sometimes.
Ballin' cover art!
Had a read, thought everything was well written, so I'll be facing to see where this fic goes.
7747254 It help set up a story, makes it so you don't necessarily need to read any other to understand what you're about to read, so a prologue is important.
You shouldn't let something a short as 588 words turn you away from a far longer, and well written story.
7747254
7747353
I agree, while a prologue may not be for everyone, just ignore it if you don't like. It's not absolutely necessary after all.
Personally I thought it was very interesting.
7746964 Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it!
7747354
7747353
It just felt generic to me, and I'm not saying that to trash on the story, I just wanted to give my feedback since I assumed that would be something the author would value. It just gave me a bad first impression that this would be a pretty predictable FoE sidefic.
And I was actually planning on reading the next chapter and give my feedback after I was finished, but given that I have three thumbs down, I'm going to assume that's pretty rude around here. Sorry.
7748191 I wouldn't worry about being rude, I don't really mind what people think because everyone's entitled to their own opinion.
If the prologue wasn't for you then I understand, they are pretty common place among Fo:E side stories. But I will say that I have put a lot of thought into making this pretty different from other Fallout: Equestria stories, especially in the long run.
Regardless, I understand and respect your opinion and thanks for the feedback it's appreciated.
7748191 Sorry if I sounded hash, didn't mean to put you off what I consider to be a good story.
P.S: I didn't down vote your comment.
7748212
Not really :/. I thought I was the one being harsh.
7748237 If it's any consolation, I didn't think you were being harsh at all, regardless of what others have said.
7748237 Sorry.
7749699 How can theit not be a point to being different?
7750862
That's a pretty good point.
I did say that I would read this story mostly due to the cover art in question and that it has my curiosity and now that I have... consider me intrigued
Why so many dislikes?
7762903 Well someone seems keen, but yeah this story is good.
7762479 Just ingnor the Dislike ratio, most are most likly just Fo:E hates because this story is good and well written, not just the run of the mill crappy Fo:E spin off.
We need chatper two!
7762926 Don't worry, I always ignore the like/dilike thing. Haters just abuse it.
Well, you got my attention with this!
The characters have me so far, and I can't wait to see Griddle get some sort of comeupppance (it if happens at all).
Can't wait to see what happens! And I just hope we can keep eachother's attention with our fics!
PS - I thought I recognized the covert art. Sw1tchbl4de did the cover art for my fic too
Awesome!
8221152 Thanks, I'm glad you think so.
Another day, another REVIEW TIME!
Kids of the wasteland... don't drink warm water, and don't drink water that clearly taste of iron, or more likely rust, you are getting yourself killed by drinking bacteria soup! A water heater is the perfect home for bacteria, you give them a lovely warm cosy place to live in, and there are quite a high change that insects or small animals find their way close to it one way or another... So yea there are a reason why a lot of places, like the whole of England, say don't drink the warm water.
So seeing how much focus there are put on the shower scene, and how it can't be recreated with magic... what happened to memory orbs? I mean they are one of the most common things to show up in Fo:E stories, so they ain't that rare again... Sorry scratch that, I found them like 5 paragraphs further down.
With how flawlessly you have been doing "show, don't tell", although it have been a bit too detailed for my taste as I rather would like the chapter to start properly, (I mean what is the point of In Medias Res if you throw us into a slow bath scene?) and how you perfectly used Chekhov's gun just lines before is it a literal whiplash to see you use a parentheses to point out something that you already have revealed to the viewer, and which will be revealed again when Dragon use a magical weapon for the first time. Its a really odd thing to put focus on, and with how well the rest is written is it an odd odd choice that leave me scratching my head.
... Okay this just made me cringe, you clearly know how to write, but within 4 paragraphs do you have 2 segments like this. I know that it is the intro, but have a bit of faith in your reader. Sprinkle the details about look and personality around the story as you have done masterfully up until this point, we already knew what colour her hide and her hair was, and had she used her magic instead of her roof to pull the grime out of her hair had we known magic and eye colour as well, the only little detail that we lacked was the cutiemark that we could have gotten at a later point as a kind of reveal instead of getting it force fed to the reader. I kinda get that the teller style with the many details and such is her personality, that she already seem pretty self happy and confident in herself, but there are more other gentle ways to get it across to the reader.
Wait... since when have a pip-buck been power armour? Sure its an indestructible computer, sure it provides some protection where it sits, but calling it power armour... big big difference.
Wait... did she not just talk about how lovely a warm bath was, how rare the warm water was, and how cold it would be to step out of it earlier? That does not really mix in my head with the picture of a desert town
Welp... our main character is a self centred, blown ego, manipulative, nymphomanic bitch, that smiles at possible grill burn marks of a mare... I like her! Its not often that we see this kind of characters in the wasteland, at least not as the main characters that is. Its nicely refreshing to see someone formed by the gritty wasteland, becoming just as gritty, instead of yet another green still wet behind the ear goody two horseshoe hero that will try to save the whole world. One thing that I do worry about with how things are described about our main Dragon is that she will be a bit too badass for her own good, but time will tell what kind of adventures she and you will take us out on.
The first chapter was a bit bumpy ride with a lot of description dumped right down on us from the let go, and which properly all have some significance later on, but which I know that I will have forgotten half off before I am done writing this review. A nicely painted word picture is always nice to gaze upon, but can be rather confusing if it is the first thing that you ever see of a story. But while it was a bumpy ride, and not that much happened with the 15K words you used on this chapter, am I still looking forward to come back next time around and see what traps there lay at the end of the 50K bottlecap retrival job.
Ohh one thing before we go to the nitpicks, the work damaged part of my pre-reader brain commenting on a lot of small stuff... Level up from completing a quest and eating a kebab? I see that someone are using XP exploits!
Okay, definitely got me hooked here Xeno. Dunno why I put this off as long as I did. Might be the length, I dunno. Anyways, nice start I have to say, and I'm already invested in this world, just by the sheer descriptions of Dragon's home all around her. (Which I swear is a reference to a certain town from Fallout 3 with an Atomic Bomb in the center by the descriptions of it alone) Well, home may not be the correct word. More like hellhole.
Only 2 comments since I last posted on this chapter? I do really not know why this story dosn't have more traction than it does, then again I have been taking a major break from FoE, and the FiM, fandom in general since those original comments 6 years ago, so who am I to talk!
Re-reading the story again did I rediscover what made me fall in love with your writing style and what made this story stand out from so many others beginning, the ohh so natural way that you describe your main character. So many other FoE stories tells us in the most clunky of manners how the main character look, but your introduction shows it naturally, and I must admit that I can still remember that I knew that this was gonna be a worthwhile read from those 5 firsts paragraphs alone... With that said:
You had already described her so well, and then this pargraph happens that feels like it was some leftover from an earlier draft or edition and does the classical clunky and fumbling introduction in a telling manner that just repeats what we have been shown just moments before. I would say snip it, you have already presented Dragonfire in a proper way.
Nitpicks:
"Well at least I still had the residual heat which I had absorbed through my coat and mane" Its a thought, so should be in present tense.
"There was one other thing in here I'd forgot to mention" I am a bit uncertain, but since it is a thought, and the rooms description is in the past, do I think it should be there.
" and this was no stable-tec S.A.T.S mumbo-jumble," Jumbo? I have never heard about a mumbo-jumble before, and neither had google.
"Star wasn't here and no other stallions were showing such fine tail so I supposed it was mares for me tonight." Its thoughts, so should be in present tense.
"I turned sharply to see a familiar buck stood beside me" Tense is a funky thing, but I think that it should be stand.
" for that you still get paid" I think it is missing a "will" here.
"Foggy was not gonna be happ…" Thoughts so present tense.