Elias Bright is a survivor. He has survived the end of the world. He has survived the deaths of his family. He has survived the death of all that he has built. On the run from a past that haunts him to his core, he finds himself in Equestria, a land of tranquility and peace. Elias now has a choice. Does he give up the only life he has known, that of a survivor, and settle with the ponies of Equestria, or will his past deeds come to drag him back into the dark past he has tried to bury?

Jacob Irving is not your average human. He's not popular, impoverished, and devoid of purpose. Seeking an escape from his life, he stumbles upon a hole that unexpectedly transports him to Equestria. Since he no longer calls himself Jacob Irving, he calls himself by a name he used to go by.

Featured on 08/22/2023 (LET'S GO!!)
Featured on 12/25/2023 (GREAT CHRISTMAS PRESENT!!)

Rick, a very enthusiastic human, meets Twilight, a curious pony who wants to know his name.

Rick isn't having any of it.

A shitpost written in a hour. Will be updated semi-regularly to springboard me into writing actively. Criticism appreciated, except from Mike White, because he's above this story.

Edited and inspired by FamousLastWords.

Now with an audio reading by StraightToThePointStudio! (Currently CH1 & First part of CH2)

Walnut Grove is an orphan. Yup, simple as that. After spending ages waiting for a family to adopt him, he went looking for one. Except... he didn't exactly find what he was looking for.

Edit: Woah... second time this story has been featured. Either I did something right, or it’s dumb luck. Probably the latter. Either way, I guess I’ll make a whole slice of life story out if this... because that’s apparently what you guys a want.

There is a reading of the first chapter on YouTube by Skijarama that I quit enjoyed if any of you are interested.

“You know how when you're at a party, and you use what you didn't realize was a magic letter to Princess Celestia to roll a joint?
I guess maybe that's not, uh, a thing, but yeah, I did that this one time. It was at that huge party Shannon and Adam had a while back. You know, Max's friends? …No, Celestia's not one of—They wouldn't know each other...
But anyway, yeah, in case you were wondering why I'm all like, a girl unicorn now, that was kinda the short version.”

Meet Rob, a 27 year old musician who gets more than he bargained blah blah blah
Get a front-row seat in his brain for the Long Version, as he wracks it trying to weasel out of being a pony, or at least not let anything slip by as he takes it one freaky moment at a time.

What will the other lost-weekenders think when they walk in on him passed out on their couch? Will he be able to get through the city and at least back to his apartment, if not to normal? Will he learn anything about REAL friendship along the way and stop being such an insufferable hipster? What if some blowhard fan author just couldn't “turn it off” and ended up trying to write a pony story as actual sci-fi? Will Ahuizotl get the statue? Does P=NPony? Can you grab me another beer while you're up?
And did that letter ever get to Princess Celestia?
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Your standard pony Trip Report, with your standard pseudo-autobiographical narrator, written to flush out my creative plumbing and play around with, uh, like, good...thinkies and word-putting, and because the urge to do it just wouldn't leave me alone, so I just had to get it outta my system. I just really like the juxtaposition of humans and ponies, I guess.

Title is obviously a reference to M-Theory and Tristram Shandy, respectively. Because I can never pick just one thing.

Rated T for Adult Situations, gratuitous overthinking, and fuckloads of swearing. Oh and I guess drug use.

You keep sayin' somethin' about bein' male and "human" before you showed up in Appleloosa. I'm not sure what you're talkin' about, stranger, but I can certainly tell you're pretty darn mad about what happened. Sit down a spell, will you? Tell me more about this "Trask" feller...

Cover art by Trinityinyang.

The a-dork-able romantic endeavors of a nerdy human and his #1 favorite floaty pegasus.

That is NOT this ditzy fluffball.

WARNING. Story may contain:

Huggles. 🤗
Snuggles. 😋
Kissies. 😘
Nuzzles. 😌💚
Ear nibbles. 😉💙
Rom-com cheese. 🧀

And the worse one......boops. 💖

For my sweet boo, because I love her very much.
;3

Featured 3/11/21 💖

Every little filly and colt in Equestria has dreamed of playing with the newest thing in all of Equestria, bubble wrap! Seeing as you have the only roll around, it looks like you'll have quite a few visitors.

You are a human, Anonymous, that has lived in Equestria for two years. After a Hearth's Warming Eve spent together, Anonymous goes through a revolutionary phase when he realizes that Rainbow Dash, his closest friend in this world, has been harboring feelings for him that he never even noticed. How did he never notice? Why him, and not a stallion? Is he some kind of xenophiliac deep down?

Rated for language, along with various sexual-themed exploits. But no sex. Because sex with pastel-colored horses shouldn't be posted on websites that are meant to be browsed by anyone who can click a check box on a dropdown list used by anyone browsing a website. Or at least made to be more secure than that. Because really, who would want to read something like that?

This story has been modified from its original version. It has been formatted to fit the prose-reading mind.

Audioplay (Complete!)

Links to Commando Pony's reading:
Chapters 1-4
Chapters 5-8

UPDATE! The original version of this story was recently added to the /mlp/ collaboration of "Tales To Fap Too - Volume #3". You can purchase the paperback version here (all proceeds go to charity):
Link to paperback version
Again, it is the unedited version, so you'll be reading it in full 4chan greentext format. Also, you'll get spoilers. Spoilers everywhere.

But yeah it probably is. This is going to be my take in the Generic Anon in Equestria trope, freestyled from the beginning of Bridle Gossip at the request of the purchaser. Shennanigans shall most likely ensue. Contains excessive philosophical discussion, pseudoscientific worldbuilding mumbo jumbo, and a light dash of casual humor.

Cover art by Twitter artist Andaluce!

Join our Discord Server here if you want updates as soon as new chapters are posted and dank memes.

If you would like to contribute to the continuation of this story and others like it, you can subscribe to me on Patreon!

Featured seven fucking days running since 2/13/2021 holy shit you guys this is insane :0

Check out a sweet audiobook reading of the first half of the first chapter here, by a wonderful fan ^^.