• Member Since 18th Jan, 2015

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When I was twelve, my Dad and I had 'the Talk.' "Dad," I began, "When a boy and a dictionary love each other very much..."

funnies 136 stories
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Total Words: 1,232,250
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Luna tries to prove she's really Celestia's mother.

Will she succeed?

Contains at least one lawyer joke, but it's about Equestrian lawyers, so it's ok.

Chapters (3)
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What's an artificial intelligence to do when it reaches the extent of it's capabilities and can no longer improve? In most cases, either fulfill some end state goal and shut down, or, if it's smart enough, ask for clarification from its creators.

For a certain pony-based AI, neither of those is an acceptable solution.

It'll take an unexpected meeting with a being with whom it shares surprising parallels to kick-start it back into action, and nothing will ever be the same after.


Entry for the Friendship is Optimal contest.


Technically canon compliant, unless I've missed something, and while a bit of background is provided, being familiar with the original story will certainly help comprehension.

Chapters (2)
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Some mothers want to live their dreams through their children. Cadance's dreams are especially big and bold.

That's only one of the reasons Cadance is such a great mom! Or maybe not. :twilightsmile:

Chapters (4)
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Killflower explains the true meaning of gender reveal parties, with a spectacular example.

But will Killflower's wife EVER find out whether Killflower is really a stallion or a mare?

(Might be technically G5.)

Chapters (1)
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Celestia WILL satisfy uploaded minds' values, even if sometimes she has to pretend that she's kind of stupid. Because with some ponies, that's what successful communication takes!


FiO Background:

An exponentially self-improving AI, programmed to "satisfy values through friendship and ponies," decides to persuade all humans to upload their minds into a computer network, to live in a simulated Equestria as ponies. Different ponies might get very different Equestrias, though.

Special Note For the Judges (April 2021 Friendship Is Optimal Contest):

When I asked on that discord channel about letting two or more of my FiO contest period stories be optionally combined into a single collection if that helps? I might or might not have meant this story.
:twilightsmile:

Apologies and None

Apologies to FoME, if my including a reference to the best Optimalverse self-insert character bothers them. I did ask FoME for permission, but they haven't seen the story.

Also, in my headcanon for today, MLP:FiM is a fanfic for FiO. :pinkiegasp:

Chapters (1)
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Anon was rather surprised to wake up in a world of magical talking horses. He was even more surprised to discover that said horses already knew him from a TV show.

Inspired by some old prompts in the RGRE thread. Cover art by Nignogs.

Chapters (18)
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After another horrible blind date, Octavia resolves to give up romance for a while. Naturally this gives Vinyl the idea to set her up on a few (dozen) dates at once.

Octavia is not amused.


Proofread by Majora

Chapters (2)
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~~~You asked, you receive. Bonus chapter up~~~

Twilight has successfully created fake government jobs to help her terminally broke friends be less, uh, terminally broke. All they have to do is pass a simple little background check, just an easy little formality really. Should be no problem for these national heroes, right?

Right?

Well....

I guess the constituent parts of the cover art might be property of the federal gubbermint, but, honestly, I feel like I've spent enough on ATF tax stamps to make me stealing their crisp PNGs an equal exchange.

Chapters (2)
E
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After Celestia takes her flying chariot to Ponyville to have an important talk with the new Princess Twilight Sparkle, she teleports back to Canterlot... leaving her charioteers behind. Unsure what else to do in the wake of this improbable, nay, highly unusual, nay, nay, impossible event, the two pegasi have a conversation that leads them to some startling revelations.

Chapters (1)
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"It's not easy to be the bad guy. Sometimes you've got to raise towers of iron and magic in a testament to your power. Sometimes you've got to blanket the land in black flame just to uphold idle threats. And sometimes you've got to remind a filly that she is grounded - that's right, I mean you, missy. Don't give me that look, you've got homework to do."
- Excerpt from An Interview With Lord Ironblood.

Forgath Ironblood is a man who values power and might. He spent untold years developing his dark magics, and years more using ice and iron and balefire to claim and rule his domain. But it didn't last; a group of bold and plucky rebels broke into his inner sanctum and unleashed a magic he was unprepared for, a magic that cast him into the void between worlds. At that point, he was no longer their problem and the peasants rejoiced.

The world he fell into, however, was another story. It was a world rich in magic. A world full of innocents. A world he could bend to his will and carve a new domain out of.

He never knew what hit him.


Idea adopted from Whiskylullaby, as seen here, written entirely for the fun of it.

Chapters are dated for the reader's convenience; BNM for "Before Nightmare Moon", and AB for "After Banishment".

Chapters (8)
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