"Ponykind must have run out of colours when they finally got to this pony. Everything from his mane to his ass was all seven colours of gloom and doom. He was so dark and brooding he probably ate glittery emos and shat vampire bats.” - Quote of the Week

1000 years the ponies have prayed for a saviour to deliver them, whether it was their long lost sun goddess Celestia, or even Nightmare Moon, maybe even the chaos lord Discord, anypony! After suffering under the yoke of a tyrant god for so long, they decided any saviour will do, even a dark demonic overlord. One unicorn sorceress finally decides to take matters into her own hooves. She sets out to the frozen ruins of a long lost Empire in the Crystal Mountains bearing a grand sacrifice of 1000 ponies in an attempt to summon the dark demonic overlord of the Crystal Empire.

When the dark ritual turned up a blank, the universe decides to shuffle in the next best thing. Will he rise up to the expectations of his newfound flock? He'd better, and quickly, for the tyrant god's inquisition is out to get him and the 1000 'blasphemers' involved in his summoning. With a nation to build and an evil tyrant god to fight, never has there been a taller order to fill. But it's alright, he's a dark demonic overlord, right? He quickly finds that with some smokes and mirrors and the help of 1000 very magical ponies, anyone can look the part, even an entirely magic-inert pizza delivery dude.

Now a long-haul fic! Many thanks to everyone who convinced me to make this a reality!

Many many thanks to the Editing team, Dumbgamer99, Not A Hat, and Brad The Brony. Be sure to thank them by checking out their pages!

Our lovable number one overdude assistant, Crystal Heart, now has a musical theme, aptly titled 'Dual Core A.I.', kindly provided by AdmiralTigerclaw! Epic now comes in an entirely new flavour! Many thanks!

Somebody kindly messaged me and told me I should announce here that the story was featured from 27 - 30th of April. I completely missed that but many thanks for making that possible, everyone!

Cover Art: Placeholder drawn by me. Will be a background for a full cover at some point.

This story is a sequel to A Total Eclipse Of The Fun

Following the events of the second Return Day, Celestia and Luna made a pair of agreements. The second is that it's finally time to correct for a thousand years and more of almost totally nonexistent cooking skills. However, that's going to require teachers. And two very lucky ponies, the recently cross-promoted Solar head chef Anise Verum and her junior sous, Blending Stock, get to be the ones who instruct them.

There are lessons to be learned in that kitchen.

The first concerns how to survive explosions.

(Part of the Triptych Continuum, which has its own TVTropes page and FIMFiction group: new members and trope edits welcome. This story is a sequel to A Total Eclipse Of The Fun, but it's not necessary to have read that one first.)

Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.

Ten years ago, the Griffon Empire opened a portal to a strange new world and tried to annex it. In the peace settlement that followed they lost control of the province containing the portal. Since then, the Griffonian Democratic Republic had been completely isolated, surrounded on all sides by a hostile empire. Now, for the first time, a visitor had been allowed.

There are many axioms in Equestria. "Go with the grain." "Count your blessings." "Strive to be happy with what you have."

And, though left unsaid, the most important one of all: "Know your place."

Although Flash Sentry loves Twilight, she can never know of his love. She can never return the feelings. It wouldn't be proper. After all, social order is more important than fulfilling one's own wishes.

Alternate Universe tag is due to the existence of a caste system in this story. Please keep that in mind as you read.

Thanks to Sir Rustbucket, Draconian Soul, Regidar, and Loopy Legend for editing.

Now Featured on Equestria Daily!

Now with a poem by Fiend from the Darkness!

Now with a YouTube reading by BlackIrisBalloon (and multiple voice actors)!

Now with a Korean translation by Kianoke!

Followed by What Hath Joined Together.

Rated Teen for mild violence and thematic elements.

Filthy Rich has a problem. His daughter, Diamond Tiara, keeps breaking her promises to treat her classmates with more respect. In fact, she doesn't even seem to really understand what a promise is. Since punishing her does not seem to have much effect, Mr Rich is forced to consider a more creative parenting method. But how can he make such a spoiled, materialistic little filly as Diamond Tiara see the value of a promise?

With money, of course!

Now has a dramatic reading on Youtube! Kudos to DRWolf.

In a unknown location in Equestria, or even maybe Earth, a man lies awake. In his arms he squeezes close to him his mate; his partner, his love, his pony. Being insanely in love with his pony mare, this man takes time to go through the many thoughts of what it is like to be with a mare from another world. Using her as a muse, he will try to understand all the positives and negatives of their relationship.

Cover Art By: Void Heart

After an argument with Luna, Celestia realizes that she is the only creature in Equestria who cannot sleep in. She enlists Twilight to help, and the two of them come up with a spell that will allow her to spend the night on a different world. Unfortunately, all their research failed to reveal that the world they sought was populated. Now, the Princess must decide whether to continue with contact, or destroy the only non-Equestrian witness to their existence.

Cover art is called "Sleeping Celestia" by Briskby

During a slumber party, a thunderstorm unexpectedly rolls in, and a particular mare is absolutely terrified.

However, it's not who everypony expects it to be.

The war has gone on for far too long. To end it, Celestia just has to sign the treaty.

Go read the comments. They're way more interesting than the story itself.

Now with an audio version
Now translated into Russian and with an audio version.

Swift Wind got lost in the Zebrican savannah. There he encounters a bipedal creature. Then he runs.

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The first chapter was written as a one-shot and I still consider it as such. If you want some more fluff after finishing it, feel free to continue reading.
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This story was heavily inspired by this BBC video about persistence hunting. Whether you like or dislike the story, please leave a comment and criticize away or I can't improve my writing.
Special thanks to joeSFX for helping me edit this story!