It's a beautiful day in the city of Cantershot, and Princess Killestia isn't taking Twifight Sparkill's suspicions seriously. How is she supposed to defeat an Ancient Good if she has to travel to Ponykill to make more minions? All the ponies there are crazy! And who is this strange creature with mismatched limbs that keeps trying to interfere with Spike's day?

This is a crackfic. It is a crackfic I have taken way too seriously. Please don't read into the crackfic, it's entirely an excuse to come up with a bunch of super edgy pony name substitutions.

Edit: Now with an excellent reading by Skijarama!

Canterlot’s best kept secret is the Incognito Cart, a food cart that sells all the greasy, deep-fried, spicy, butter-caked foods no posh pony would ever be caught dead eating. As part of the rules, every pony present must remain 100% anonymous.

But in a place where every pony is a Stranger, there might also be something else worth finding here...

None of this is my fault. I was excited for you to get here. You're the one who ruined it.

I need you to understand that... before I send you away.

Princess Celestia sent her student, Twilight Sparkle, to meet five mares in Ponyville who will help set up the Summer Sun Celebration.

She just never said they'd be hot.

Chinese translation by SoothingBell!

In the distant past, Grogar created thousands upon thousands of monsters and set them loose to ravage the Equestrian countryside, sowing fear and terror in their wake. It was a magnificent time of anarchy like none seen before or since. When he was driven underground, Grogar could no longer control them, but what of it? As he bided his time, consolidated his power, the monsters were still loose, doing exactly what he made them to do.

Except, much to his chagrin, some monsters were reformed. This includes a certain draconequus.

And said draconequus is so happy to see his dad again.

Every Thursday, a mysterious group calling themselves the Association of Lame Superheroes books the library conference room. Twilight finally asks them what it means.

When a magical malaise falls over Ponyville, stealing the very words from ponies' mouths, it's up to Applejack to save the day!

... so long as she can figure out what the heck everypony's trying to say, first.

Twilight has no idea why she’s in outer space. She would very much rather not be there. In fact, it would be swell if somepony, anypony, would heeelp!

Good thing Pinkie Pie’s on the job. Wait. Pinkie Pie? She’s doomed, isn’t she?

Five trials. Complete those, and win the heart of Pinkie Pie.

The only problem? Spike wants Rarity, not Pinkie, but the years locked away in the library have offered him no skills in that endeavor. So he must endure the craziness—and the sanity behind it—of Pinkie Pie to learn what intimacy is really like.

Trixie's line of work is dangerous. But she's a careful showpony, and that's why she's only died a few dozen times in her career.

She thinks this is normal.