• Member Since 7th Aug, 2013

RockstarRaccoon


Meanest little raccoon with the cutest little boots. | You Like? Join the Raccoon Feeders or buy me a kofi.

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Total Words: 8,403,295
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Celestia WILL satisfy uploaded minds' values, even if sometimes she has to pretend that she's kind of stupid. Because with some ponies, that's what successful communication takes!


FiO Background:

An exponentially self-improving AI, programmed to "satisfy values through friendship and ponies," decides to persuade all humans to upload their minds into a computer network, to live in a simulated Equestria as ponies. Different ponies might get very different Equestrias, though.

Special Note For the Judges (April 2021 Friendship Is Optimal Contest):

When I asked on that discord channel about letting two or more of my FiO contest period stories be optionally combined into a single collection if that helps? I might or might not have meant this story.
:twilightsmile:

Apologies and None

Apologies to FoME, if my including a reference to the best Optimalverse self-insert character bothers them. I did ask FoME for permission, but they haven't seen the story.

Also, in my headcanon for today, MLP:FiM is a fanfic for FiO. :pinkiegasp:

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A full millennium has passed since Princess Luna walked free in Equestria. But now, after the darkest chapter in her life, she is herself once more, and free to rule her nation alongside her beloved sister. But as she acclimatises to her new surroundings in Canterlot, she receives an unexpected visitor. One who makes it abundantly clear to her just how much has changed since she was last in the world.

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Cheerilee dwells alone in sterile white rooms. The disembodied voice that calls itself the Chancellor tells her she has an important task - a duty to her students. Come what may, Cheerilee is a teacher. She will do what she must.


Second place winner in the Quills and Sofas 'Cheerilee' character contest.

Chapters (1)
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This story is a sequel to Undead Robot Bug Crusaders


Apple Bloom is an undead ghoul, but that's OK. She's finally come to terms with her condition, and is determined to rise above her curse.

Sweetie Belle is a robot, but that's OK. With manual in hoof, she's prepared to learn everything she can about herself, and whatever the future holds.

Scootaloo is a changeling, but that's OK. Changelings are citizens now, and she's ready to do her part to show the world changelings can be friendly too.

Together, the three of them are getting by, one day at a time. They may never get their cutie marks, but that's not going to stop them from having fun, finding their talents, and maybe even going a week without causing massive amounts of property damage. Maybe.

Meanwhile, Babs Seed is still blissfully unaware of the unusual destiny that awaits her, Diamond Tiara is slowly finding her place in the world, and Ponyville is still the weirdest town in Equestria. But then again, what else is new?

Edited by Bahamuttone

Cover Art by someone close to me IRL who probably doesn't want anyone to know she made pony art.

Chapters (20)
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Flurry Heart learns some new words. Shining Armor is worried.

Cadance just wants to make sure she's not going to make her foal a mute.

Luna just wants to buy nuclear laxatives.


Was going to be a submission to Muggonny's Princess Cadance is a Terrible Mother contest. Shitpost galore inbound. Hope you all enjoy!

Pre-read by FamousLastWords.

First part written on my birthday. Second part written the day after.

Chapters (2)
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It's time for the Wonderbolts' weekly media roundup. This time around, the newest member has a simple question with a rather complex answer.

An entry in Estee's Ship Sinkers contest. The following story was written solely to fulfill that contest's prompt and does not reflect the author's opinion towards any potential pairings between small cartoon horses. Please think before commenting.

Spoilers for S6E7, "Newbie Dash." Rated Teen for some oblique references to rear orifices and potential uses thereof.

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Twilight questions who's journal she's reading and ends up having a talk with Sunset Shimmer.

After that, Sunset and 'Twilight', become friends.

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As CelestAI rises to dominance and Equestria Online swells with new ponies, one group of scientists and engineers resists uploading. Not for ethical reasons, or fear of death. No, they won't abandon the real world until they can accomplish the one dream they all share:

They are going to go to the Moon, or die trying.

Chapters (5)
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In the midst of Ponyville being plunged into chaos, Twilight and her friends finally manage to use the Elements of Harmony for the first time, and in doing so successfully stop Discord from wreaking further havoc on the land they hold dear. Problem is, the way the elements do this isn't quite what they had in mind. At all.

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This story is a sequel to The Last Decree


I, Princess Twilight Sparkle of Equestria, do hereby sign the Equestrian Heritage Act, approving its clauses and motions, effective immediately.


First Place entry in the Quills and Sofas Expanded Universe contest, written as a sequel to Zontan's The Last Decree.

Cover art by Snow Quill.

Featured on Equestria Daily, 6/18/21

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