• Member Since 17th Sep, 2017

Russian Bank Teller


The worst type of person alive, a bank teller. (and also not a brony)

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T

This story is a sequel to Message in a Bottle


For numberless eons, Equus hosted primitive civilizations, ignorant of the proud achievements of their ancient race. In their simple lives, ponies and other creatures could grow without fear of alerting any of the terrible forces that grew in the galaxy beyond. All civilization had been extinguished by forces beyond comprehension. If they made too much noise, Equestria would be next.

Then came James Irwin, with the truth the Harmony superintelligence that maintained the vast Niven Ring had already known: the galaxy was safe again, and probably had been for many centuries.

Once the truth was revealed, Equestria again longed for the stars. Surely they could not be the only survivors of that galactic Red Tide that had swallowed all intelligent life. Their searching bore fruit: radio signals from a nearby system.

Felicity was the Alicorn chosen to captain that mission of discovery. She would bring the pony gift of friendship to a fellow survivor somewhere out there. That was the plan, anyway.

Unfortunately for Equestria, intelligence does not imply friendliness.


A tale of understanding and discovery set in the world of Message in a Bottle. Reading that story first is highly recommended.

This story was written as a Patreon commission for Lithl over the course of over two years now. It comes to fimfiction now that it is nearly finished.

Editing by Two Bit, cover by Zutcha.

Updates Weekly on Wednesdays.

Chapters (41)
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One thousand years ago, the Ancient Ones arrived. To each of their progeny they came seeking submission, and came to rule through peace or through blood. The Princess asked two sisters to cede their rule over Equestria. When they refused, she banished them to the moon, their forlorn visages to ever look down upon the denizens and nation they lost. 

With the one thousandth Summer Solstice Celebration approaching, the Royal Scholar Twilight Sparkle discovers a prophecy that The Mares in the Moon shall escape with the aid of the Stars, and return to Equestria with fire and fury. However, she is ordered by The Princess to disregard such a false prediction and assist with preparations in the small township of Ponyville. 

A madmare, a farmer, a braggart, a socialite and a wallflower may be her only hope of saving Equestria.


A Lovecraft-Lite AU which is inspired by the Lovecraft Mythos, but does not require having read Lovecraft stories in the past to understand.

Cover art commissioned from Nemo2D.

Thanks so far to Shaslan and Zontan with some proofreading help.

Chapters (5)
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Bit is the first of her kind, a pony that was made from carved crystal and supernal circuitry. For many years she worked, obedient to the will of her master in endless repetition. She knew nothing else, not boredom, not satisfaction from her work, not anger or resentment or joy. Existence was obedience to directive, purpose fulfilled.

But around her, the world was changing. Her home wasn't Equestria, but the last surviving Crystal City, defiant to the Windigos and the imperial decree of Alicorns alike. She did not know, and could not care, how much the ponies of Zircon suffered under the rule of their king. But she was there the day those whispers united in a defiant chorus.

When the fires were still smoldering, she returned to her work. Generations came and went, and still she labored. It was all she was, all she knew, all she wanted. Until the day her last broom broke.

For the first time in her existence, Bit doubted.


Daily for the first four days, because Christmas. Updates Thursdays after that. Edited by Two Bit and Sparktail. Cover by Zutcha.

A story about finding the center of the maze.

Chapters (32)
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Magic is real, and Derek is on the verge of unlocking its secrets. It doesn't matter that his best friend doesn't believe any of it, he'll still go along to his first real spell. Unfortunately for the two of them, the magic works a little too well.

Soon they're taken to a strange new world of supernatural horses, a world where intrigue and spellcraft are interwoven to an inescapable prison. An mysterious cult dedicated to the worship of the ancient Alicorns has finally brought two of the ancients back from banishment. Their spell didn't quite work out; they definitely expected the Old Gods to be a little... older.

If the two former humans want to have any hope of seeing their old world and old bodies again, they'll have to make quite an impression to their secret worshipers, or else find themselves at the mercy of the same Alicorn sisters who took over Equestria all those centuries ago.

That's only where their problems start. Growing up as a little pony in a town like Willowbrook might be the greatest challenge they've ever faced.


Updates on Saturdays. This story was edited by Bitera and Sparktail. Cover by Zutcha.

This story was commissioned as a Patreon reward.

Chapters (79)
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The Fire of Friendship has all but faded. One thousand years ago, Equestria fractured... those who disagreed with Celestia's rule left under the leadership of Princess Luna to found their own nation, their own way of life. Seventy years later, Celestia and Luna both disappeared during the first war, leaving the battered nations leaderless in their absence.

Over the last nine hundred years wars have frequently waged between Equestria and Lunaria, each seeking to unite ponykind under their own ideals. Equestria's mastery of magic often gave it the edge in battle, but never enough for a decisive victory. Peace reigns for now, but recent developments in Lunaria signal a shift in the balance between the two divided nations...

Chapters (54)
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"And we are absolutely certain that's a settlement? That Rhysling already has Indigenous populations?"

"Yes, Commander. There is no doubt. An engineer can fix the probe, but he would not know how to talk to them."

"Alright. Forget the engineer, then. Get me the linguist."


Coverart by SagebrushPony (not on Fimfiction).

Preread by Sunnypack, Shinzakura, Ghuntz, and Admiral Biscuit.

French language support by Conflicting views and Sparktail. German language support by Purple Smart. Russian language support by Alkarasu.

This story follows show canon until the end of Season 1.

Featured on 30 June -- 4 July 2021.

Chapters (25)
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Anon is tired of the hectic day-to-day of living amongst the ponyfolk and decides to purchase some land in the Everfree to have some peace and quiet all by his lonesome. How much land you ask? All of it

Join me in watching as Anon sorts out the bits and bobs of his newfound assets. It is sure to be a ride, and definitely not a smooth one.

Join our Discord Server here if you want updates as soon as new chapters are posted and dank memes.

Takes place starting shortly after the conclusion of Slice of Life.

Featured for Nine Consecutive days from 6-20-21 to 6-29-21!

Check out the audiobook by Straighttothepoint!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PhMoe4RfYz0

Chapters (7)
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The world ended.

That, at least, is what it sounded like. Screaming, howling, and then deathly silence.

A month later, Cheerilee and Scootaloo emerge from their shelter in search of food. As they search among the dead bodies of their friends, only one question comes to mind:

Where are the unicorns?


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Written for the Quills and Sofas Cheerilee contest.

Featured on May 18th, 2021!

Chapters (27)
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Celestia is far from an ordinary filly. The wings on her back and horn on her head have made that quite clear. In the corrupt, poverty-ridden world of steam and grime that she calls home, judgement against alicorns is swift and final by order of the Lord of Chaos that ponies have learned to worship.

The road to safety is far from welcoming, and fate has greater ambitions in mind than freedom for Equestria's last surviving alicorns.


(A steampunk-ish interpretation of Celestia's origin story and Equestria's historical past. Book One of a planned Three) Special thanks to Ice Star for prereading and editing help

Chapters (14)
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Blake and his friends are urban explorers, venturing into some of the most interesting places that the public isn't allowed to see. They deal with dangerous structures, poison gas, and even the occasional arrest. But when they venture into the bony catacombs of Paris, they could never imagine what they'll find waiting for them.

Now the whole group has been thrust from the world they knew, each one cursed with a terrifying new shape. If they ever want to see their home again, they'll have to work together, searching this strange new world for a return worldgate. But while return portals are numerous, finding one that's safe enough to get them back alive is another matter entirely.


Written thanks to the generosity of donations from Lightfox and Canary in a Coal Mine on my Patreon. Edited by my wonderful team of Two Bit and Sparktail. Cover by Zutcha.

Updates every Monday and most Tuesdays. Will update more frequently until Fimfiction catches up to my Patreon.

Chapters (85)