Ghost Mike's Ponyfic Review Monday Musings #27 · 5:00pm Sep 5th, 2022
In lieu of much else to note this week*, I will content myself with the observation that I’m coming up on my 5th anniversary of my induction to MLP, which occurred with the G4 film on October 31st. Not the same as my fandom introduction, which didn’t come until January of the following year, after I’d binged the series, but it’s something.
Five years. When you say it like that, it seems like a long time. And yes, I’m aware that a large portion of the fanbase, and probably those reading this, have/will have passed the 10th anniversary of their MLP introduction this year, given how 2012 was the fandom’s big growth spurt and, judging by join dates around here, when many Fimfiction lifers came along. I’m sure 5 years to all you grandpas is nothing. How’d you all feel in 2017 (or whenever you hit five years), the same year as the G5 film?
Well, in any case, the current state of MLP, revolving around the next Make Your Mark content drop in three weeks, for which I cannot drum up even the marginal enthusiasm I did back in May (a putrid special, 25 mostly-weaksauce shorts and a few depressing comic will do that), isn’t the nicest thing to roughly coincide with that, but it doesn’t stop me continuing to look at and enjoy past fanfic. None of that is going anywhere! Decent bit of Cheerilee this week too, and if there’s another character that feels very mostly-early seasons (seven of her sixteen speaking appearances come from Season 2), well, that still leaves quite quite a Ponyville mainstay at that early stage.
* Well, unless you count me forgoing having zilch experience with the hundreds of television hours and 20 movies of Dragon Ball and joining some friends in seeing Dragon Ball Super: Super Hero on the big screen yesterday. Not that closed an anime franchise film, as they go. Putting effort into being newcomer accessible via locking many characters away in a side quest and having just enough of a dynamic character relationship between the two leads will do that. The CG cel animation was sufficient, especially for the action, though distracting at times. Not gonna top Belle for anime theatrical experiences this year, it is a shonen anime, but it was a kinetic 99 minutes, serviceable fun for this newcomer.
This Week’s Spectral Stories:
Gonna be my day by GCloud
Dulcet by shortskirtsandexplosions
"Teach Me Goodness" by Posh
Gloom by Sonicsuns
The Next Best Thing by Posh
Weekly Word Count: 39,321 Words
Gonna be my day by GCloud
Genre: Sad/Dark/Adventure (Alternate Universe, w/Death)
Sunny, Hitch
2,903 Words
March 2022
“I’m the last real friend you got in this town. You really want to lose me too?”
Those words rang in Sunny’s head all afternoon, even once she had settled back in the lighthouse to gather her thoughts. Now, she’s forced to confront whether her crusade, her endeavour, is worth what little she has left, and how to proceed from there.
This one-shot AU of what might have happened if Izzy didn’t wander into Maretime Bay that day is certainly tantalising, but it falls apart pretty quick. The writing style itself is mostly note-recap in how it communicates character thoughts, and the transitions between thoughts and dialogue are blunt and forced, not organic. The dialogue itself fairs little better, with no consideration given to making it sound like anything anyone, or anypony, would actually say. Thus, even when the dialogue feels in-character (and plenty of it isn’t) it doesn’t feel right coming from them.
I gather many might not be as attuned to how malnourished the writing style is as myself (the author’s note seems to indicate their first language is Spanish, not English, which would partly explain it), but what of the content itself? It doesn’t fare much better – the end point is just continuing on with the movie’s events, with only some changes that won’t, it seems, affect the broad strokes of the plot. And the journey along the way completely reverses the start of Sunny and Hitch’s arcs in ways that fit neither with the film nor with the fic’s canon itself. The whole thing feels so processed that even weird motifs like Sunny arguing with her reflection, Sprout being polite in his brief cameo, and Hitch’s abrupt heel-face turn at the end (coupled with a weird romance intrusion – the fic is already far less about the Sunny/Hitch friendship than the description would lead you to believe, so this is even more abrupt) barely register.
Very little to recommend about this one. Between a rote AU that doesn’t change much of anything and provides little coherent in doing so, delivered through a direct style that loses all character subtlety and cohesion in the flow at the micro level, it’s a washout. Before the author improves their writing style (or gets a native English speaker to help with the translation, if that’s the issue here), they should think more about narrative flow, character and dialogue. That foundation will allow them to improve on the rest, given time.
Rating: Weak
Dulcet by shortskirtsandexplosions
Genre: Romance/Slice of Life
Big Mac, Rarity, Cheerilee
7,511 Words
February 2014Reread
Listened to via Scribbler's reading
Big Mac’s often a nervous wreck in unfamiliar situations at the best of times. Yet in the wake of the PonyTones incident, to be invited to a fancy restaurant by Rarity, nervous wreck is being polite. And the possibility that this is a date doesn’t flatter him, for as nice a mare as Rarity is, there’s only one mare in town Big Mac has his eyes on.
Yes, it’s a Big MacxCheerilee romance, definitely one of the most common fandom ships that isn’t LyraBon or OctaScratch. But it’s not a standard one at all; Cheerilee is confined purely to the epilogue, and even when she does appear, that material, as viewed from an outside perspective, is played somewhat differently from how the ship’s usually done. No, the story is instead about Rarity helping Big Mac find some inner courage, and even that’s not played as straight as you might expect, focusing not on the clichéd particulars of asking somepony out, but instead on Big Mac’s personality.
Indeed, it’s the writing that makes this sing. Excepting the epilogue, the whole thing’s from inside Big Mac’s head, and the mix of his simple tastes contrasting with the fancy restaurant, and his heavy awareness of his shortcomings, perceived and actual, really gets us in his headspace, enough that the occasional but notable lapses into a less-fitting narrative style are excusable. The rambling self-doubt, while a little repetitive by the end, does a great job of making it feel real. That Rarity’s well-written too just completes it.
I think anyone will like this, though for those of us wishing most romance fics had greater characterisation around the main ship, even if the broad story is still taking the path of least resistance, this is especially winning.
Rating: Really Good
"Teach Me Goodness" by Posh
Genre: Slice of Life
Cheerilee/Diamond Tiara
21,784 Words (13,203 Words without original Writeoff version)
July-August 2016Reread
After putting off the news for as long as she could, on the last day before summer vacation, Cheerilee informs her pupils that she’s heading off to pursue a teaching doctorate of Fillydelphia, and won’t be back next year. Friends and students alike spend her last night bidding farewell and showing just how much she’s changed their lives. Yet through all this, Cheerilee cannot help but notice one particular student isn’t handling it well.
So often, gags are made of schoolteachers in kids’ cartoons being far more qualified then what is needed to teach just for children. And while Cheerilee is tame in that aspect, relative to others (lest we forget Ms. Keane writing the equation for time travel in The Powerpuff Girls), there’s always been a bit of that, giving her a little extra personality. So Cheerilee wanting higher qualification certainly fits, but given the ponies in FiM are truly, utterly sincere, Cheerilee also legitimately loves her pupils (no shoving gift apples into the trash once the pupil’s left here!). The fic capitalised well on this, so even when it’s rather saccharine (and it is), it never feels unearned.
The element that best boosts this is that while the main thrust is regarding Cheerilee and Diamond Tiara, enough so that the fic end with a scene for just the latter, it also devotes equal room both to Cheerilee’s general feelings, and enough highlights from others’ reactions and parting gifts (the Crusaders naturally get the most attention, though Rarity and Applejack’s worked the best for me, while some light jokes on the part of Rumble and Featherweight liven the mood). Or in the case of Twilight, a high mutual respect and admiration. The quiet bittersweet melancholy one expects with a situation like that is present and strong.
Still, though the first chapter is mostly not about Diamond Tiara, the fic is ultimately about her just as much as Cheerilee, and while the extrapolations of her home life based on show evidence aren’t that original, they are presented with raw enough vigour that they ring true enough. Setting this in Season Six (well, it was written then, so maybe not something to credit as a choice) makes it work even better, as Diamond Tiara’s reactions as played off her new, yet fresh, attitude give it a different energy, especially given she would not have had a positive relation with Cheerilee, as she sees it, until recently. Certainly helps the fic avoid being just another Lisa’s Substitute story!
Honestly, this is a pretty everlasting Cheerilee-student fic. It’s done with enough gusto and genuine depth that it’s well worth it even for those sceptical of the concept. Gets a lot across about what people mean to each other and what effect they have on each other. If you've never read it (six years is a lot for a fic to get read), no time like the present; it’s that touching and strong in character awareness. Pity one sequel never finished, though the other did.
Rating: Really Good
[The original Writeoff version is present as an extra chapter. Much of the content is identical, but extra details sprinkled throughout aren’t yet present, some moments are arranged differently in scene order, and the end conclusion as regards Diamond Tiara’s story was rewritten almost totally from scratch, being far simpler and more rushed originally. The revised version isn’t a wildly different beast (and 90% of the non-new material is identical), but it gives its themes, moments and character dilemmas better breathing room and execution, letting them sink in better and feel more organic, less like an expanded outline. Easily a Director’s Cut that renders the original largely a curio. Not often I say a longer version of a story is unambiguously better, but this is one of those times.]
Gloom by Sonicsuns
Genre: Sad/Romance
Hitch, Other
1,910 Words
March 2022Listened to via StraightToThePointStudio's reading
Asking somepony out should have been foal’s play for Hitch; the Maretime Bay sheriff practically had half the town crawling over their laps to be with him, and he’s super-confident when tackling any kind of problem. But the pony he’s got his eye on, the grey-coated, beret-wearing unicorn from Bridlewood, isn’t like the others. And in plucking up the courage to approach her, and find out about her, Hitch will come to realise this.
This story sort of has its mind in two places; after an opening scene with Sunny establishing that Hitch is a mare magnet but isn’t into anypony in Maretime Bay, it purrs along with Alphabittle acing anxious as regards Hitch approaching Gloomy Sonnet (technically officially named Onyx now as of a recent TYT short, but this fandom name seems likely to stick, though her official name is not incompatible with this fic’s headcanon for her), leading us to believe it’s just a standard case of her being depressed for some reason that Hitch’ll help her get over. Then she basically turns him down, reveals the reason why she’s distracted and in a down mood… and the story ends.
I won’t lie… that end conclusion is quite stirring, and a moving extrapolation of the character and the few details about her from the film. And in terms of incident and character, the fic was building to it. Even in tone. And it’s a perfectly reasonable structural choice to end with a reveal like that. Yet… it all just feels like a justification to get a reaction from the reader, and one way or another, perhaps because everything else about the fic thereby feels transparently in place purely for that, it left me rather cool. About something that did get a sympathetic reaction for me, no less. Perhaps it’s that it doesn’t feel emotionally complete, which matters when going with an ending like that.
Make no mistake, it’s a far more interesting fic than its short length and premise make it sounds, and I can see many not having the issue I did. Yet something about the way it concluded left it rather middling. Not even sure if a followup (that by now doesn’t seem to be happening) would alleviate that. This may well be the first time I recommend a fic of this rating tier this strongly, for only by reading it will you know if it was worth your time, and it’s worth finding out.
Rating: Passable
The Next Best Thing by Posh
Genre: Slice of Life
Diamond Tiara, Starlight, Spike
5,213 Words
March 2017(Mostly stand-alone) Sequel to "Teach Me Goodness"
Whilst walking through the castle with Spike while Twilight’s out of town for a couple of days, Starlight bumps into a posh, rich filly looking to become Twilight’s student. Sensing there’s more to this desire then meets the eye, Starlight seeks to find out what’s bothering her.
[Side note: this is sort of halfway between a standalone sequel and a straight one, in so far as there’s no plot details you’ll be confused by, nor Diamond Tiara’s character here, but the full emotional and sensory impact will be somewhat diluted in isolation.]
The core of this concerns a Diamond Tiara, still desperate to improve and knowing full well her old reputation will linger in Ponyville for a long time, having a chat with Starlight that soon dissolves into a heart-to-heart. The issues she faced at the end there are continued well here, with her avoidance of Ponyville’s new schoolteacher being more layered than simply preferring Cheerilee and not knowing the new pony, the same going for wanting Twilight beyond her being a great teacher. This deep, moving look at her keeps the quality from the prior story going, no small feet.
Of course, Starlight is the perspective character, and that territory, fully leaning into her chequered past and her tendency to casually drop her dark deeds in conversation, is somewhat more common in Ponyfic. Not that pairing her with Diamond Tiara here isn’t a wise move, nor that making Starlight somewhat more timid and introspective doesn’t flow well and facilitate the story, for it does. But perhaps that contributes to this fic not being as much of an emotional gut sucker. I get the feeling it isn’t trying to be as much.
If there’s one area it’s somewhat sloppier at, it’s the material surrounding the main emotional core: the banter with Spike early on and an odd vignette to distract him with reading material is perfectly solid, but doesn’t mesh with the main material as well and feels a bit tonally off. Honestly, I’m not quite seeing how this won the Pinkie Pie Award for Comedy at Scribblefest – it’s amusing, sure, and lighter and more positive then its predecessor, but not exactly a belly-laugh fic.
No matter. It’s undoubtedly a step down from the first story, but mostly benefits for switching perspective characters, finding new angles to tackle the same character problems, and comes out more than impactful enough to be a strong recommendation. One of those follow-ups that’s essential even if it’s not as strong, which is always nice.
Rating: Pretty Good, and only missing out on a higher rating due to a few obtrusive references to fics by other authors that call bad attention to themselves. Those who know said fics, or can filter out such moments, can consider this to have crossed the line.
Spooky Summary of Scores:
Excellent: 0
Really Good: 2
Pretty Good: 1
Decent: 0
Passable: 1
Weak: 1
Bad: 0
Sadly, I don't remember Teach Me Goodness and The Next Best Thing all that well. I remember liking them in general, but they just didn't stick with me.
I first saw the show during the hiatus between seasons 3 and 4, when I was staying with my sister in Japan for what amounted to an extended vacation. I'm surprised to realize that would make 2017 my 5-year anniversary for being part of the fandom. I was still feeling fairly positive about all things MLP at that time, although I think it was around then that my writing activity really started to wane as well. I knew things were going downhill in a variety of ways, but that didn't make me like the show any less.
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So, not a WHYRTY? rating that's held up for you? Or more a victim of the thousand of fics you've reviewed by this stage? Me, I was surprised how much came back to me for this fic when reading it again now. I can agree on the sequel, though, which doesn't have nearly as much signature stuff done so well as to latch on the brain. At least, after this first read of it, that's how it feels. Still pretty good mind, hence the rating.
I'm guessing either 2017 was meant to be 2018, "seasons 3 and 4" was meant to be "seasons 2 and 3", or "5-year anniversary" was meant to be "4-year anniversary". Probably the first or third, given your Fimfiction join date of May 2013.
So many of my main interests, especially for film and television, I've come to after they've dipped from their strong period and never returned. So I've never had any problem liking something all the more solely for content that's not new. Handy, actually!
Ah, the classic. But this one is the show's fault. :3
Hi Mike!! Thanks for reading and reviewing my fic. I am so grateful for the insight given!!
I must admit that I tried to find an editor and proof reader, though I grew a little impatient and published it. Nevertheless, I am honored that my fic got to have a review and I am proud of it, but as you pointed out could've been much better.
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Definitely more of the latter. There's no telling how many good fics I just 'forgot'. I occasionally go through my old reviews just to try and remind myself of stuff like this.
None of the above. When I first became a fan, I was unaware that FIMFiction was a thing. I actually posted my first stories on DeviantArt, and then only after a few months of having first seen it. I had this strong anti-fanfiction stigma back then because all my previous interactions with the medium had been crummy; MLP:FiM was the first time I'd felt so compelled by the material and my ideas that I finally gave in and started writing. A few months after I started posting No Heroes on DA someone commented asking why I wasn't on FIMFiction and I was like "What's FIMFiction?" The rest is history.
In summation, it took about a year after I first watched the show for me to appear on this site.
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I shall welcome joining you in this asylum somewhere around 2027.
Then I was right about your statement of first finding the showing in the Seasons 3-4 hiatus actually being the Seasons 2-3 one. So, not quite "none of the above". But much of a muchness, I digress.
I've heard similar stories from other folk who posted their first Pony fiction on other websites due to not knowing of this one. Usually it was fanfiction.net though, which… yeah.
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No, it was definitely in the hiatus between 3 and 4, because I joined right after Twilight was murdered and replaced by an alicorn doppleganger. Looks like I got my dates wrong on the episodes.
Argh! I've already read the two Really Good fics.
But I guess that means my insurmountable pile of to-be-read fics doesn't grow even higher, so . . . 
I guess?
I got onboard the pony train halfway through the first season, and found FiMFic (through EQD) about a year later, IIRC. I got very lucky and picked a very well-written story to start with (a "six-star" rated one from EQD), and that changed my whole attitude towards fanfic in general. Enough so, that I hung on through several very badly written ones to uncover more thoroughly enjoyable stories. I can't remember who else was reviewing back then, but Chris over at One Man's Pony Ramblings became my primary guide to the good stuff, followed soon thereafter by Present Perfect here.
As Paul said (and I quoted below), my past enjoyment would have made even a merely passable job enough to keep my engagement with the future of the franchise humming along. The movie was just that, and it took TYT, the "special", and the comic combined to kill off my interest in G5.
Unfortunately, that carries over into fan fiction. I know there are some excellent G5 fics out there but, I'd rather read a "just okay" fic about a series that I enjoy, than a good fic set in one that I very much don't.
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Same. Even with the cringeworthy/mediocre bits, the occasional good stuff was enough to keep me happy.
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Hazard of following a new-ish reviewer who's only been reading Ponyfic for four years, my friend (and due to not storing ratings or shelving in bookshelves, close to three of those don't count for the purpose of these reviews).
I am trying to fill my backlog with more older stories (it's too slanted towards the last few years, thanks to the site's algorithms), so that trend may pop up again intermittently. Still, the gushing-levels of positive appraisal makes for good reading!
I definitely need to check Chris' review of a given fic (if it exists) more. I suppose the ease of quicker access for the like of Present Perfect's stuff make folks like him quicker to check. Nonetheless, I've always been fascinated by his review system of placing the equivalent of 5/10 or lower reviews in a blanket 0 stars, to steer clear. I see why he chose that approach.
Preaching to the choir, buddy. As we've discussed elsewhere, and as I hint above, I'm much the same now. Five weeks off packing in looking at the shorts, and I'm quite grateful for that.
While not quite that drastic, I'm certainly getting closer to that headspace; the first G5 fic here today had been mooching about in my review-written backlog for months, and I'm adding G5 stories to my queue less and less. I don't see that trend reversing; the longer this continues, the more its content will grapple with the worse newer material (honestly, that bridge is kind of already past, but it will become even more so soon).
It is interesting that despite S8/9 outright depressing me, I have never been totally averse to fics from that era. Oh, it's an uphill battle for sure - it takes A LOT to me to give any Student 6/Cozy Glow fic a look, and I mean A LOT - but enough of them pop up here. They're never a first choice, not even a third choice, but it's not quite an outright blanket ban.
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Same.
Darla DimpleCozy Glow is a deeply uninteresting character, and the only time she was enjoyable was en ensemble with Tirek and Chrysalis in Frenemies. I actually like the Student 6 well enough, but they're not really remarkable in any way, and so any story centered on them has to rely solely on the plot for interest. Needless to say, if the show itself could rarely manage it, not many fans are going to succeed.I'm a drastic kind of guy.
After giving it the "old college try," I won't even consider reading any more EQG fics.
Oof, not gonna lie, these comments about G5 are putting a damper on my own enthusiasm for it. It comes a bit of a slap, I suppose, especially since I've found enjoyment with TYT and am looking forward to the series. To hear people say things are going downhill feels dangerously close to naysaying, even if statistics may be on that side. Does it really matter if things are smaller? I would have liked to simply enjoy pony without getting into that headspace of "Oh, woe is the show." Like, I get it, but man, I feel like my experience with G5 is night and day compared to most others, and I won't lie, that's kind of discouraging.
Onto the fics themselves. Love me some Posh and I distinctly remember those two Diamond Tiara stories. And shortskirts has written very good dramas before. "Dulcet" was one of my favorites back when I started binging their work which was... what, years ago? I'm not that old but that feels very old of me to admit.
As for the G5 fics, to me I think we really should consider the fact that G5, being new, brings in a lot of new writers. I'm sure the fandom's early days saw similarly constructed stories before people started to find their rhythm. This isn't necessary an apology for quality concerns, but I think it'd be remiss of one not to at least reflect on that.
Kompromat on Heartshine. Ask her about Dealey Plaza sometime.
same. kinda mid tbqh.
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you will survive the coming tribulation
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I give tribute to the Posh
Ugh, Teach Me Goodness BONITATEM DOCE ME is so damn good, even now, guh, blugh, erph .-. can't word enough
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…it takes a lot to confuse a dimension-hopper, but you managed it.
Gathering by your other comments here and on one of the linking comments on the fic, that may well have been the intent.
I mean, I thought maybe you were cryptically referring to a literary example of the thing I quoted actually being the case, but my efforts to find any correlation between the above things you mentioned has been to no avail. So yeah, nitto.
But in any case, I’m mightily impressed by your work as an author now! I’d ask if I get to survive the coming tribulation too, but, well, you know…
5684266 Heartshine is a lady; she was part of the judging for that year’s scribblefest. Using evidence of her involvement in the Kennedy assassination, I blackmailed her into giving me a ranking among the winners to increase my social standing.
Anyway, I appreciate your reviews. My people will connect with your people, and we’ll hook you up with some soup.
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Dude! One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to let somebody else tell you what to like or dislike! You like TYT? Enjoy the heck out of it!
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Like iisaw said, really. If we all had the same views about everything Pony, then there'd be no need for any discussion, or indeed any reviewers. I mean, to use a G4 example, I'm at least quite fond of "Between Dark and Dawn" from S9. Mike is... let's go with "less so". We probably all have something we like that a lot of other people don't. But so what? Go for your life, as the Aussies (apparently) say.
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) enjoy what they watch. I doubt any of what I say ever comes across as trying to present opinion as fact, or deliberately swaying others to my thinking, but rest assured, it's not. Always follow one's gut instinct.
There's a time and a place for a lengthier spiel on this, but iisaw and Logan are right. If one gets legit satisfaction out of what they watch, that's enough, and the world's a better place when people (plus ponies, ghosts, etc.
And of course Logan had to quote that episode.
(for clarity, the contrast between my opinion and the consensus for that episode isn't nearly as strong as "A Royal Problem", but I'm still notorious in certain groups for feeling the Royal Sister episodes are… abject misfires, to put it politely). But there's plenty in MLP where I'm a contrarian in the other direction. Well, okay, some. Sometimes mild (Spike episodes are usually problematic, yes, but I don't agree with the consensus of them never producing a good one until "Gauntlet of Fire") sometimes severe (I remain stunned that "Over a Barrel" is as common a "worst episodes" pick as it is not just for its season, but for the whole show – and yes, I have accounted for the uncomfortumble real-world historical comparisons into this equation). And so forth.
So, you know, it happens all kinds of ways! Part and parcel of being independent thinking creatures that can form opinion. And a beautiful part, at that.
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In other words: