Friendship is Card Games: Tell Your Tale, Pt. 6 · 12:11pm Sep 4th, 2022
I’m in an interesting situation right now. There are six remaining Tell Your Tale shorts. The next IDW issue is out. We’d have a solid month of G5 content if the next installment of Make Your Mark didn’t premiere on a Monday for some unfathomable reason. Still, that’s four out of the next five card blogs involving Maretime Bay and environs. Time to start Sunnytember, I suppose.
Since there are only half a dozen shorts left to cover, I’ll only be tackling three of them today.
This opening reminds me of one of the first pieces of G5 media we got to see, a picture book that firmly establishes that all of Maretime Bay loves Sunny…’s smoothies. Possibly the only reason they put up with her before the return of magic. That and because somepony needed to look after the old lighthouse.
Hmm. Where are they getting all of the tropical fruit for these smoothies? Maretime Bay doesn’t seem like the optimal climate for bananas. It is a port town. Maybe they’re getting more trade than I thought.
Of course Posey’s the one who started laughing first. Still a lot of lingering resentment there.
I could ask how Pipp’s operating that remote control with a hoof , but I have more productive ways to expend my sanity.
The faceslide really adds something to Sunny’s fall. Just that extra bit of humiliation and indignation that’s the cherry on top of the pile of bananas.
I have to assume it’s a slow news day on ZBS if they’re spending this much time on a few seconds of footage.
Hmm. Does remixing count as unicycling sound?
So close to a “The. Worst. Possible. Thing!” callback. So close, yet so far.
“I’m supposed to be the alicorn, defender of pony unity, and now I’m a joke.”
It is interesting to hear how Sunny thinks of herself, viewing alicornhood as a title in and of itself. She also doesn’t seem to see the contradiction in being the sole defender of unity and togetherness, though that may be reading too much into it. She has her friends, after all… though goodness knows Twilight had a tendency to forget or not involve hers when the chips were down. Still, there was a reason Princess Bookhorse founded the School of Friendship. It’s easier to maintain harmony when everyone understands why and how.
Hitch had every reason to think the Canternt would move on. It just, you know, didn’t. There’s no predicting how long a given meme will stick in the collective consciousness. Heck, the remixes and public obsession could be seen as a reflection of the pony fandom itself. At this rate, it’s only a matter of time before the first Bananacon.
I have several questions about Posey’s presence on that game show.
A reaction video is one thing. A reaction video by a mare who was clearly in the original footage is quite another.
Okay, ZBS is clearly desperate for ratings the way they’re milking this. Going by the desperation of the anchors, their jobs may be on the line.
Oh dear. The beacon of magic flickered a bit. Not sure if that’s an animation hiccup or a bellwether of doom.
“Or put on a disguise and start a new life. Worked for me!”
This raises many questions about Izzy… and frankly answers one or two as well. Honestly, part of me suspects she’s an immortal Starlight Glimmer, driven insane by more years than her mind was ever equipped to handle.
Ah yes. Pipp is the expert on how to handle humiliation in the digital age. Good to see her actually contribute to the conversation.
“It has, ahem, thirteen billion views.”
Now, I could be mishearing a “million,” but even then, all of Equestria appears to have contracted to three towns. Multiple millions of ponies living between them seems incredinly unlikely, much less billions. Individual ponies would need to watch the video tens if not hundreds of thousands of times. That or Pipp (or possibly Haven) has a legion of bots watching it day and night to pump up the numbers.
I know, I know, I’m definitely overthinking a case of writers having no sense of scale, but it still bothers me.
Say what you will about Sunny’s faceplant, but it’s done wonders for Maretime Bay’s tourism.
Looks like the beagle puss has lost the disturbingly human nose since Pinkie Pie was using it.
I can put up with a lot of bizarre mutations in this world, but the bananacorn plushie is still a bit much.
(Also, dare I ask why Rufus is selling them? Bit odd for a character who’s had a speaking part to be relegated to random background pony duty.)
Hmm. The unicorn buying said plushie has a witch’s hat for a cutie mark. I do have to wonder what her story is; she’d definitely have gotten it before the return of magic. (Assuming cutie marks still work as they did in G4; it’d be nice to get confirmation there one way or another.)
I can overlook a lot, but for crying out loud, Sunny, peel the bananas before you blend them.
Again, some of the best use of Pipp thus far in all of G5. Certainly more than she contributed in the initial movie.
I’d ask why the group is having a smoothie chugging competition, but we clearly don’t have time to get into that.
Wow, Izzy. Wow. I’m honestly with Posey on this one.
I was wondering when the brain freeze would kick in. Rubbing your tongue against the roof of your mouth helps.
Yeah, Zipp, maybe don’t demonstrate your dive bombing by flying directly towards the friend who’s carrying multiple beverages.
(Also, poor Posey. She really just needs to stop hanging around these five. Maybe then her karmic load can balance out.)
I have to agree with Zipp. The others bursting up from beneath the beach was a bizarre choice to say the least.
… Ah, that was the whole point of the beach day. Eh, who am I to question how people have fun?
“Don’t you want to be a seapony?”
Well, that raises some intriguing questions. What legends have survived, shifted, or developed since Equestria lost contact with Mount Aris?
Heh. Zipp is one of the bluer members of the main cast, between her quest for self-perfection and love of solving mysteries both criminal and scientific. It makes sense that she’d embrace the N💧PE meme.
On the other hand, she does still channel Rainbow Dash. That mare just can’t resist a challenge.
Reusing the Pipp cosmetic quad-wield animation bothers me, but I do still love the concept.
Ha! Speaking of Dash, I do love the Rainbow meets Ziggy Stardust look.
Hmm. More glowing cutie marks. I may need to go over the whole season just to see if I can establish a pattern, but this definitely more bonds of friendship than expressing any individual special talent.
Interesting how Zipp doesn’t react well to Izzy’s driving. We’ve also seen this with Dash. It’s likly not the speed that bothers her so much as the lack of control. Her life is in another’s hooves. And have you seen the pony those hooves are attached to?
The giga-gulp demonstrates something I’ve long suspected: Earth ponies frequently express their affection through food. To feed is to love for them, be it philia or eros.
The setting sun brings back the question of who’s setting it. (And if they didn’t want these questions, they shouldn’t have opened this generation with the Mane Six.)
I can definitely relate to Zipp here. It’s so easy to say no to things for fear that you won’t like them, but it can be a lot more fun to get out there and give them a try. Worst case scenario, you were right and you know for sure. Best case? You’ve found something new to love.
Sunny absolutely knew that bird was there. She just decided to shoo it away by shoving her face into its back.
That is a concerningly sticky newspaper.
Calling one of the three towns we know to exist the “Trash Heap of Equestria” says a lot. Also, interesting to see some actual consequences to Maretime Bay’s tourism boom. Sanitation services just can’t keep up with all the visitors and all the waste they produce (as of this short, anyway, though goodness knows Izzy’s been finding plenty of full dumpsters to dive into.)
I have to wonder why Hitch’s complaint board is in the Brighthouse rather than his own office (aside from the need to see them for this expository cutaway, of course.)
“Unicorns are gasping too much at the views.”
I’m sorry some ponies have retained their sense of wonder, Posey. (The face that it’s the unicorns actually says a lot. They’ve really bounced back since the return of magic.)
Sunny doesn’t believe the media pushing their anti-Maretime Bay narratives. I’m sure she won’t immediately realize how wrong she is after the logo.
…
Welp!
It’s honestly impressive how blasé everypony is about this situation. Do they think this is the norm or what? (I also have to wonder about the truck tire by the three pegasi. I don’t think we’ve even seen a vehicle that uses those, with the possible exception of Sprouticus Maximus.)
Denial isn’t going to fix this, Sunny. The first step is admitting you (or, in this case, the town) have a problem.
Okay, between the wide smiles and utter disregard for pedestrians, I have to wonder what the heck’s going on with those carriage ponies. Is Canterlogic putting out startlingly lifelike hippoids?
“I’ve seen actual trash heaps that are much cleaner [than Maretime Bay].”
I have a few questions for Zipp there, though she may have encountered them in Zephyr Heights’s undercity.
I mean, Sunny’s dramatic declaration is literal. They’re taking out trash. It’s just on a larger scale than a single household.
Also, I mentioned it earlier, but I do have to wonder where the actual sanitation workers are in this. We saw Rufus doing a little cleanup—and again, why him?—but this is presumably somepony’s actual job.
Not sure why baseball caps and sunglasses get this much attention, but I do appreciate Izzy just stabbing through her hat.
“Mop every… moppable area!”
Good momentum maintenance.
“Hitch, sort out the rickshaw problem.”
Again, doesn’t seem like the sheriff should need to be told to sort out traffic problems.
Izzy. You have telekinesis. You don’t need to physically reach up to hang the lights.
Hitch. You are the sheriff. Start enforcing the laws by actually issuing punishments. Or tracking down whoever’s distributing the drugs these rickshaw drivers are on. Seriously, those smiles are not the product of a lucid state of mind.
Yeah, protagonists or not, five ponies can only do so much against a municipal-scale problem. Which is where getting the word out comes in. Honestly, Sunny shouldn’t need to be told this; this is what she was trying to do with her protests the day Izzy first came to town. Still, very good showing from Pipp today.
“Let’s clean like there’s no tomorrow!”
“There’s no tomorrow!?”
Some things never change. Like ponies’ tendency to panic for the silliest reasons.
Going by that disappointed sigh, I can only assume the trash problem was actually a racoonicorn conspiracy to chase out ponies and create a garbage-laden paradise.
I’m honestly not sure what the problem with the selfie sticks actually was.
Hmm. All five marks shining, and Sunny going full alicorn. Very interesting. Moments of leadership bringing her to her full potential?
I mean, I appreciate the spirit of declaring a holiday in honor of a time when all of equinity banded together in a common cause, but it seems like getting some dedicated garbageponies is the better option here. Of course, we’ve never actually seen any kind of governance in Maretime Bay aside from Hitch and, arguably, Phyllis. We’ve certainly never seen an actual mayor to administrate any of this. Forget being the next princess of Equestria, Sunny may just need a cravat and some paperwork.
Even with just three shorts, I have a wealth of ideas to work with this week. Let’s begin:
Unshakable Confidence 1W
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
As Unshakable Confidence enters the battlefield, choose a color.
Enchanted creature has hexproof from the last chosen color. (It can’t be the target of spells or abilities of that color your opponents control.)
W: Choose a color.
Curse of Acceptance 1WW
Enchantment — Aura Curse
This spell can’t be countered.
Enchant player
Enchanted player can only cast spells during their own turns.
“Saying ‘no’ to everything is no way to live your life.”
—Sunny Starscout
Direct Traffic 2WW
Instant
Cast this spell only during the declare attackers step.
For each attacking creature, you may reselect which player or planeswalker that creature is attacking. (It can’t attack its controller or its controller’s planeswalkers.)
Hitch really needs a new deputy.
Laughingstock U
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
When Laughingstock enters the battlefield, tap enchanted creature.
Whenever a creature enters the battlefield under your control, put a stun counter on enchanted creature. (If a permanent with a stun counter would become untapped, remove one from it instead.)
Sandbar Seapony 1U
Creature — Pony Merfolk Wizard
Kicker R (You may pay an additional R as you cast this spell.)
When Sandbar Seapony enters the battlefield, tap target creature. If Sandbar Seapony was kicked, goad that creature. (Until your next turn, that creature attacks each combat if able and attacks a player other than you if able.)
2/1
Megaphone Vendor 2U
Creature — Pony Mercenary
2: If an artifact or creature entering the battlefield this turn causes a triggered ability of a permanent you control to trigger, that ability triggers an additional time. Any player may activate this ability, but each player may only activate it once each turn.
Goes to eleven for the price of ten.
2/3
Smoothiemonger 3U
Creature — Pony Monger
2: Target player mills three cards. Any player may activate this ability.
The brain freeze makes ponies swear they’ll never get another, but they always come back for one more taste.
3/3
Zephyr Heights Broadcaster 3U
Creature — Pegasus Advisor
Flying
Whenever Zephyr Heights Broadcaster or another Pegasus enters the battlefield under your control, you may draw a card. If you do, discard a card.
“Coming up next, ten preening secrets to wow the special somepony in your life.”
2/2
Fall from Grace BB
Sorcery
Target player sacrifices a creature.
Morbid — If a creature died this turn, you choose which creature that player sacrifices.
“Respect is fragile. One unfortunate moment, and it can be gone forever.”
—Queen Haven
Viral Humiliation 1B
Instant
Target creature gets -2/-2 until end of turn.
Haunt (When this spell card is put into a graveyard after resolving, exile it haunting target creature.)
When haunted creature dies, you may cast Viral Humiliation from exile.
The Canternet never forgets.
Wave of Flotsam 2BB
Sorcery
All creatures get -X/-X until end of turn, where X is the greatest mana value among cards in your graveyard.
No part of Maretime Bay was prepared for the sheer quantity of new ponies coming to visit.
Continual Complaints 4B
Enchantment
Whenever an opponent casts a spell, that player loses 1 life.
Posey’s at her happiest when everypony knows how miserable she is.
Bridlewood Road Captain 2R
Creature — Unicorn Pilot
Trample
Vehicles you control have trample.
“Speed limits are a suggestion. So are brakes.”
3/1
Loyal Embrace 2RR
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature you own
Enchanted creature gets +2/+2 and has flying and haste.
Other players can’t control enchanted creature.
Few remember the Guardians of Harmony, but their essence remains.
Reckless Rickshaw 3R
Creature — Pony Mercenary
Trample, haste
3: Untap and gain control of Reckless Rickshaw. Any player may activate this ability but only as a sorcery.
Maretime Bay rickshaws are operated by former Canterlogic employees, with all the quality of service that implies.
5/3
Personal Reinvention 4R
Instant
Exile target creature. That creature’s controller reveals cards from the top of their library until they reveal a creature card. That player puts that card onto the battlefield and shuffles the rest into their library. Attach all Auras and Equipment that were attached to the exiled creature to that creature. For each counter that had been on the exiled creature, put a counter of that kind on that creature.
Bridlewood Witch 1G
Creature — Unicorn Warlock
Coven — T: Add one mana of any color. If you control three or more creatures with different powers, add two mana of different colors instead.
Most Bridlewood superstitions turned out to be baseless folklore. Most.
0/2
Banana Hoard 2G
Artifact — Food Treasure
T: Add G. Put a banana counter on Banana Hoard.
2, T, Sacrifice Banana Hoard: You gain 3 life for each banana counter on Banana Hoard.
Sunny frowned. She couldn’t put her hoof on it, but she had a feeling there’d been a translation issue with the Sunset Epistles.
Exotic Courier 2G
Creature — Pony Scout
Domain — Whenever Exotic Courier attacks, you gain X life, where X is the number of basic land types among lands you control.
Reopened trade routes brought new bounty to all of ponykind.
3/2
Duneshadow Ambush 5G
Instant
Affinity for Deserts (This spell costs 1 less to cast for each Desert you control.)
For each creature attacking you or a planeswalker you control, create two red, green, and white 1/1 Sand Warrior creature tokens. Prevent all combat damage that would be dealt by non-Sand creatures this turn.
Wall of Refuse 1(ur)
Artifact Creature — Wall
Defender
When Wall of Refuse enters the battlefield, create a Treasure token. (It’s an artifact with “T, Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana of any color.)
Wall of Refuse’s power and toughness are each equal to the number of artifacts you control.
*/*
Pegasus Neighsayer 3(wu)
Creature — Pegasus Wizard
Flying
Ward 1 (Whenever this creature becomes the target of a spell or ability you don’t control, counter it unless that player pays 1.)
Whenever a ward ability you control triggers, copy that ability.
2/3
Glitterpool
Land
T: Add C.
2, T: Choose a counter on target permanent. Put another of those counters on it.
5, T, Sacrifice Glitterpool: Double the number of each kind of counter on target permanent.
Nopony knew how Izzy had found it. Nopony dared take it away from her.
Only three this week? Fits with the scheduling, I suppose. I've still been watching these, but I packed in Commentary Corner. So my memory is even rustier then is usually the case weeks down the line.
The only one of these I really remember at all is all of this Equestria (so, a couple thousand ponies) being so bored as to obsess over Sunny's splattering muzzle-first into bananas. You have the patience of a saint, to write what you did on Pipp's line of billions of views. That just infuriated me tenfold. And I would disagree with this being a better use of her than the film, this webseries' technical execution and management of flow and delivery is far too mangled for that, but never mind.
The things that sticks out most about the Zipp Nope short was how nearly the first minute starts with material that gives no indication as to the rest of the short and barely feeds into it (what is with the bit of Izzy cheating at the brain freeze bit because she feels left out? It doesn't inform the short at all). So even by the standards of these shorts, it's a really structurally broken script. Otherwise, not a half-bad moral, and there's kernels of competent execution in there, but the standard pitfalls of this series' execution prevent it getting above a "eh" reaction.
And the cleanup short? Literally remember nothing beyond the base premise. Think that means it got away relative to the other two here.
Pipp's inflated viewcount could also be partially explained as the combined result of critters also having canternet access and whatever platform they're using not implementing the same systems something like YouTube uses to prevent viewcounts from easily being inflated. And because we had brain freeze come up, it's mandatory for me to post this:
I first found out about the "Yes Day" short from a clop story whose description was basically "are they actively pandering to us now? This is too easy".
Coincidentally Star Trek: Lower Decks just did a variation on the whole "yes day" thing too ("The Least Dangerous Game"). Tho there the moral was more like "be willing to say yes to more things, but within reason!"
And I'm loving Posey so much. She's just so done with these goofballs around her.
Does ZBS represent cable news? That would explain a lot.
I heard "billion," too. For comparison, in the real world, the most viewed video on YouTube is "Baby Shark" at eleven billion views. ("Despacito" is in second at nearly eight billion views.) Maybe unification hasn't quite taken hold yet, and there are still a lot of earth ponies and unicorns who love nothing more than to laugh at those pegasus lummoxes who are so clumsy, even their royalty can't stand on four legs.
5683945
Reminder: the pegasi are still crashing into things with some regularity. Showing any example they can find of other tribes doing the same is probably a public service.
Considering how trouble (re:the Mane 5) keeps finding her anyway I don't think that'll help.
Funny enough she always holds the same utensils in the same leg except for the one in her bottom right leg. That one is always different.
You're making an erroneous assumption here: that the writers have any conception of where food comes from. Then again, maybe some enterprising pony has a large greenhouse or something.
That is… a horrifying thought. And something I could see from GlimGlam.
5684067
We're ignoring the existence of those, because nerdery.