This was going to happen eventually · 7:06pm Aug 28th, 2022
My sisters ended up cutting me out of their lives. I cut them out of my life as well. For this to happen on the day after my birthday makes it so much worse.
My convo with one of my sisters started out nice in Messenger. She asked about the photos I was tagged on Facebook and I said those are my friends from the LGBTQ+-affirming church that I’ve been attending for 2 years. I told her about the church hangout event I wanted to go but mom didn't let me because of COVID. She suggested having the hangout take place virtually. I kept explaining to her that these events can only be experienced thru physical gatherings. She asked, "Don't you think that's kind of selfish?". That was when I felt offended because she used the word “selfish" tactlessly.
And then she thought that I was being pressured by my friends to go to that event, but I insisted that I wasn't and it was my choice to want to go. And then she came up with a scenario where I always go to events and suddenly, my mom got sick and has to go to the ICU and asked if I will take care of her. I wanted to end the convo because I didn’t want to answer the question, but she wanted to keep the convo mature.
When she brought up her sick dad (I'm not related to him), it triggered me to say he deserved it for abusing my mom many times. She said no one deserves to be sick and what I said hurt her. She furthered that taking care of him impacted her financially and she used up all her savings because of that. I wouldn't have hurt her if she didn't talk about her dad or reached out to me in the first place.
She accused me of gaslighting. And then I retorted, "So are you! Like every other conservative Christian ever!". She then accused me of being close-minded. That made me really want to call her out, including my oldest sister and my dad, for weaponizing religion against me in the 2010s. My religious trauma returned as a result.
I eventually called out the 3 of them and how their actions negatively affected my mental health. I even told her that I've endured her toxic attitude for so long and I wrote a suicidal note on Dec. 2014, but I threw it away a week later because I couldn't bring myself to do it. At that time, I decided to block her on Facebook for a long time. She didn’t respond to my last DM.
I used my mom's iPad to look at the DMs between my sister and my mom, including the screenshots of DMs between my sister and my dad. She said to them she and my oldest sister have given up on me.
She claims that they have been loving and caring for me. But truth be told, I never sensed any love from them because their way of showing love is thru religious indoctrination. And she noticed that when mom and I go to my oldest sister's house, they sensed that I was forced to go there.
She sent my mom a screenshot of my last DM to her. She already apologized for her toxic attitude, but was angrily dismissive of my mental trauma and claimed I was "playing the victim". That wasn't what I was doing. I merely shared my personal experience as a victim of religious abuse.
My dad said to her not to argue with me anymore. He understood her concern and admits he was the one who allowed me to go out and see my friends as long as I wear a mask.
My mom understood her concerns too and told her to let's all be patient with me and to let me express my feelings because it's my way of letting out what's irritating me. I'm sensitive to these kinds of things and I can't be blamed for saying what I said about her dad. And she can't be blamed for feeling hurt.
I took time cooling off and came to my senses, realizing that it was wrong for me to say that her dad deserved that. I was driven by anger that led me to throw words I should've never said. She was also driven by anger which led her to disregard my mental trauma and suicidal thoughts. It's going to take a long time for me to recover from this whole ordeal.
As of today and for my peace of mind, I don't want anything to do with my sisters. I blocked their accounts on Facebook, Messenger, and Instagram. She blocked me on Facebook and Instagram.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. It is an awful experience to go through. But there are people who are out there who will be there for you. I don't know why people have a thing against asexuality. Just DM me if things get tough.
5683118
She didn't have anything against my asexuality, though she invalidated it back in 2019. Her poor and tactless choice of words such as "selfish" and "pressured", as well as bringing up her abusive dad, triggered me to defend myself and express my hatred towards her dad.