The Long and Short of It Wine and Cheese Hour Part 3 · 3:31am Aug 14th, 2022
>Now this is luxury.
>When you wanted to dry off back at the apartment you’d just use a towel.
>But here? They went crazy.
>Blueblood had a warm front physically imported from Cloudsdale, and stuck it in an aptly named ‘drying room’.
>Now all you and the other stallions have to do is stand around and let the air do all the work.
>It's like being in an airfryer!
>And it's good that it's here because standing is really all you’re capable of at the moment.
>Caesar’s still off getting you that glass of water after all, so the path to sobriety remains long and treacherous.
>The others are more or less dry by now, and starting to put their ensembles back on.
>Blueblood his little bowtie, Fancy his monocle... and all of them their ball bras.
>Ugh.
>Casting a dirty sidelong look at yours, you ask yourself ‘are you drunk enough to broach this subject?’
>The answer is yes, of course.
>Picking up the garment like you would a soiled tissue, you allow it to lazily drift over to you.
“Hey uh, guys?”
>Once again all eyes turn to you.
“Is it cool if I... ditch this? I mean it's just so tight and weird and...”
>The longer they don’t respond the more awkward your speech becomes.
>The fear of breaching a major social taboo is rapidly setting in and you really don’t like it!
“A-Actually just forget I asked an—”
>”Why /Anonymous/,” Blueblood cuts you off, “I didn’t take you for /that/ kind of partier.”
>Uh, you’re really not sure how you feel about his borderline sultry tone.
>>”Now now lads,” pipes up Fancy, “I’m sure we all remember promising Caesar that we wouldn’t let things get too out of hoof this time.”
>You feel like you’re in danger.
>There’s a sort of energy building in the room now, like the pressure before a volcano blows.
>>>”Ah, but Fancy,” adds Golden, “Caesar isn’t here right now.”
Hoping to stop whatever you’ve intentionally started, you weakly add, “He’s uhm he’s just getting me a glass of water.”
>”And by the time he gets back, it’ll be too late.”
>The tension only ratchet's higher with Blueblood’s words feeling like nothing less than a threat, and the silence following them hangs ominously.
>Then, suddenly...
>>>Golden shouts, ”WoooooooooooooHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
>And with that, all hell breaks loose.
>In what you’d describe as nothing less than a frenzy, the stallions all tear off their ball bras.
>Blueblood’s practically frothing at the mouth as his is flung over his withers and sails to a far corner of the room.
>Golden spins it over his head a few times before letting it fly off in a random direction.
>Even the old pegasus starts pumping his hoof!
>Their energy is contagious, in no time at all you’re feeling it yourself.
>Spiking your bra, you charge back into the parlor with wild abandon.
>Hell yeah, fuck that stupid thing!
>You are Cut N. Paste, and you find yourself alone in the apartment.
>Which is not unexpected.
>Pike’s still got a lot of time left in her shift, and Anon’s off to see what the writer of that weird letter wanted from him.
>So you’ve got more than enough alone time to do something you’d never do in front of them.
>Ice your sore teats.
“Oooooooooooooooh.”
>You tried to stop it, but the moan came out nonetheless.
>Glad nopony was there to hear it.
>The coolness of the ice pack seeping into your tender nips just feels so good!
>You’re currently lying on the couch, belly down, with an ice pack under each tit.
>And filly did they need it.
“*Sigh* Even when you’re helping me out, you just can’t stop causing me trouble. Can you?”
>Most ponies would consider talking with your teats weird, but frankly you couldn’t care less right now.
>Those bitches just won’t cut you a break!
>...Even if they’ve hoofed you the best thing in your life in a decade.
>But you really can’t /blame/ them, they’re just not used to all this stimulation!
>Ever since they came in you’ve tried to avoid even looking at them, much less ever really played with them.
>Even during your hyper-horny teenage years!
>For long anyway.
>But now Anon puts them through the proverbial wringer practically every night!
>No wonder your poor nips are so sore.
>You let out another sigh and rest your head against a pillow.
>Content to simply sit, you ruminate about how much has changed in your life recently.
>You’re no stranger to being alone, but it's become rarer and rarer recently.
>There’s almost never a moment where at least one other pony isn’t around with you.
>It's a little exhausting but... in a good way.
>Anon’s always there to brighten your day, and Pike’s such an inspiration!
>You really couldn’t have asked for a better herd.
>Of course it's always a plus that Anon doesn’t mind resting his balls on your muzzle.
>Hm, makes you wonder, do his nuts ever get sore too?
>You and Pike sure do give them a lot of attention.
>You’re glad she’s a fellow ball-trixie; flankmares just don’t understand.
>Mmmf, you still remember the first time you and her took Anon by surprise.
>You ambushed him, each picked a ball, and indulged to your heart's content...
>A sudden spike in discomfort from your teats makes you roll your eyes.
>Great, now you’ve gone and done it.
>The cold already made your nipples hard, but thinking about balls has got them diamonds.
>Better step away to cool off.
>Ha! Ironic.
>Sitting up, you hop yourself off the couch without another thought.
>Hm, better swap out the towels you’ve got under the ice packs while you’re up.
>Don’t want to ruin the couch!
>Grabbing ‘em with your teeth, you ferry them back toward whence they came.
>The bathroom.
>On your way, you take a brief moment to reminisce.
>So many memories in this apartment already...
>On the kitchen table over there was where Anon let you and Pike try the fabled cumshot!
>One part cream liqueur, one part butterscotch beer, and one part stallion cream ‘fresh from the tap’.
>Honestly, it was better than you were expecting.
>You’ll probably never bother to make it again, but it wasn’t /bad/ per say.
>The texture was certainly a little thick for a shot, but that might be more Anon’s fault than the recipe’s.
>It sure was nice to try out another locker room rumor for real though!
>Most stallions would have made you sleep on the couch for even asking.
>Reaching the doorway to the bedroom, you spy some of the boxes of cards that you won from the Cyber tournament stacked against the door frame.
>Anon stacked them there because he wanted to see how many boxes tall Pike was (she was a little over seven and did not appreciate that).
>Now you’re in the bedroom, what memories you’ve made here!
>Spooning... hugging... k-kissing...
>There’s a special place in your heart reserved for the time Anon rolled onto you in his sleep.
>Who would have thought having the air slowly squeezed out of you by a gigantic stallion would be so comfortable?
>And then there was that time Pike grabbed you and shoved you into her tu—
>OKAY! Moving on from that thought.
>With a new, faster pace, it's only a brief moment more before you’re at your destination.
>You lazily toss the hooftowels you’ve been carrying onto the towel rod, knowing the others won’t bother to question it.
>Hm, you know, seeing the towels made you think of something.
>When's the last time any of you washed them?
>In fact, when’s the last time this bathroom was cleaned /at all/?
>You’d never really thought about it until now honestly.
>Back when you were growing up it would be obvious when you needed to clean the bathroom, your brothers always left it a mess of spilled powders and lipstick.
>But with the three of you, nopony ever really leaves a particularly big mess, so you never thought about it.
>And now that you’re taking a closer look, it seems Anon and Pike never thought about it either.
>The towels could use a wash, there’s soap scum all over the sink, and somepony even left some fur in it!
>Well, on the upside, this provides a unique opportunity for you.
>You wanted to start pulling your weight around the house more, and it seems like life has hoofed you the perfect opportunity.
>Pike and Anon will come home tonight to the cleanest bathroom they’ve ever seen!
>Your teats are feeling better now anyway, so might as well get to work.
>Feeling it's best to start with the most immediate problem, you focus your attention towards getting the fur out of the sink.
>Leaning over it, you take stock of how much fur is in there and just what kind it is.
>In hindsight it should have been obvious.
>Pike mentioned she was running late this morning, so really it should be no surprise that it's filled to the brim with her tuft hair.
>You stare daggers at the discarded fur before tearing your eyes away.
>Come on, Cut, don’t do anything weird here.
>It's just some of Pike’s luscious tuft fur, alone and unprotected.
>Don’t. Act. Weird.
>”I cannot bucking believe he’s got me beat!”
>You are Anonymous the unicorn, standing behind a privacy screen and grinning like a madman.
>Of course the first thing the stallions wanted to do after discarding your bras was compare ball sizes.
>You tried not to encourage it, but that rat Golden went and grabbed your bra from the steam room while you weren’t looking.
>But, you’d be remiss to hold it against him considering what the stallions discovered.
>/You’ve/ got the biggest balls here, something Blueblood is NOT happy about.
>After the verdict was reached, Fancy put up a privacy screen for you to change behind.
>Which took about ten minutes give or take.
>And Blueblood did not stop complaining the entire time.
>”I inherited these from the line of Celestia HERSELF! How can this be!?”
>>”As you’ve made us well aware, Blue,” Fancy’s monotone voice drifts over the screen.
>Oh so are /so/ gloating about this to the girls tonight, and tomorrow.
>Deciding you’ve had enough of that ego boost, you turn your attention toward the dresser before you.
>Or, more specifically, the articles within.
>Fancy did indeed bring two outfits, one he mentioned was his own, and one he designed as a collaboration with Rarity.
>He encouraged you to start with his and that you’d ‘know it when you see it’.
>And looking at the two of them, you’re pretty sure you /do/ know.
>The first one is barely an outfit in your book.
>It's indisputably flower themed, as it's almost entirely made out of chained fabric leaves.
>It's more or less just a collar, a pair of lapels (with no suit to go with it), a fabric corsage, and a trail that drapes over your back.
>You won’t lie, it probably wouldn’t look too bad.
>Especially on you: the dark green of the leaves would probably look pretty nice on your light green coat.
>But considering how much skin it shows? There’s no way this wasn’t codesigned by the opposite sex.
>Waaaaaaaaaay too slutty not to be.
>Hold on.
>The moment that thought graces your head, a certain feeling hits you.
>You’re forgetting something.
>You are forgetting something major about Equestrian customs right now.
>...
>Eh, whatever. You’re too drunk to care.
>Moving on to the other outfit you see it’s— HOLY FUCK!
>It's a two piece suit, for a pony!
>It’s a straight up two piece suit designed to be worn by a pony!
>This is awesome!
>You can’t quite tell the theme, something to do with the sky and rainbows, but frankly you couldn’t care less.
>Dapper city, here you come!
>Pulling the outfit off its hanger, you take a closer look at how you’re supposed to put this thing on.
>It comes in two pieces, although upon closer inspection you wouldn’t necessarily call it a two-piece suit.
>The first piece is clearly an outer layer, and it covers most of your body.
>You’d describe it almost like Fancy combined a human suit jacket and pants into one garment.
>It covers the entirety of your back and sides, with the front and back tapering off into four sleeves, one for each hoof.
>It’ll leave your chest and underside totally exposed, but that’s where the second piece comes in.
>It's a shirt that goes under the jacket, almost identical to a dress shirt from back home.
>Although, it's obviously fitted for a horse.
>Thankfully, it being so similar, even /your/ drunk ass is able to open it up and slide it on.
>It's a surprisingly nice feeling; familiar.
>Back on Earth you’d wear stuff like this all the time, but since coming to Equestria, you hardly even wear clothes, period.
>Well, excluding that jacket Pike got you, but you don’t even really wear that anymore.
>Which makes putting on this dress shirt an oddly comfortable sensation, like you’re reaching out and touching your nostalgia.
>It's as comforting and comfortable as a blanket, even if it's just a shirt.
>As you fasten that last button, there’s a warmth in your chest and a content smile on your face.
>However, feeling good is all well and good, but you’re trying to /look/ good here, too!
>Thankfully, the dresser Fancy stashed these in has a mirror in the door for you to use.
>Taking a gander at it, you must admit it doesn’t look bad!
>The first thing you notice is that it was definitely sized for someone a little beefier than you, but it’s a pretty close fit none the less.
>Frankly, without that little wiggle room afforded by your thinner build the shirt would almost be constricting.
>Hm, a safety feature to keep you from tripping, or to show off your pecs?
>You’re leaning towards the latter as it certainly shows off your chest, without even needing to show any skin. Figuratively speaking.
>A fact furthered by the shirt’s pattern.
>The majority of it is sky-blue with little cloud-like patches of white, but the majority of that will be hidden under the jacket.
>The parts that’ll be left exposed—, your chest and your underside—, have something completely different.
>Starting somewhere on your underside, a series of rainbow pinstripes are projected outwards.
>These stretch out and terminate along the collar of the shirt, and along where the jacket would start to cover it.
>Which makes your chest look even broader in the already tight shirt.
>Curious, you follow the pinstripes down your chest to see exactly where they converge.
>Leaning down to follow them along your underside, you see they converice right where the shirt stops covering your barrel.
>Directly in front of your cock.
>Ah, that’s... interesting.
>You did not expect /this/ from Fancy.
>Taking a second look just confirms it: the shirt itself is doing its damndest to naturally lead the sight of any onlookers right to your cock and balls.
>Did he not notice this?
>No, that seems unlikely.
>Maybe it looks different with the jacket on?
>Better to see before you judge.
>You get no fuzzy feelings from putting on the second piece, since it's very different from the experience of putting on a suit back home.
>Frankly, you hope this was designed for a unicorn because putting this on without magic would be a major pain in the ass.
>The back sleeves are easy enough to slip into, it's the front where the problems would start to arise.
>You guess you’d have to pull the thing up with your mouth. Ew.
>Thankfully your magic pulls up the jacket handily, and you’re able to slip your forehooves without any of the issues an Earth Pony would have.
>Alright! With that you’ve successfully dressed yourself, go you.
>Turning toward the mirror, you waste no time checking out the final product.
>HA! You look like that image of the horse in the suit that circulated the internet however many years ago.
>Just obviously more colorful.
>The theme seems to be the spring sky and rainbow poles?
>You’re not sure of the significance; you’ll have to ask Fancy about that later.
>As it stands, your forelegs look like wooden poles wrapped in rainbow ribbons, which combined with the shirt, makes it look like the ribbons are trailing off your legs.
>And still going straight to your cock.
>Putting that thought aside for now, you see your back has a similar theme to the dress shirt’s.
>Beautiful blue sky, but one that progressively gets stormier the further back you go.
>Your back legs then start with true storm clouds on your rump, with faux-rain going down your legs to an embroidered flower pattern right above where the sleeve ends.
>The raindrops function a little similar to how vertical stripes do, slimming your back legs just a bit.
>You suppose that makes sense—mares like long, slim legs, right?
>Something about foal-chasing? You’re pretty sure you heard Pike say that once.
>All in all, you actually like how it looks!
>Dapper, but with a nice Spring theme.
>You do a couple quick poses in the mirror, stretch your legs, flex a foreleg and such.
>It puts one hell of a smile on your face.
>Lookin’ fiiii~iine!
>Weird penis emphasis or not, you’re actually really into this outfit!
>It looks good on you, you’d like to think.
>Welp, might as well stop wasting time and get this fashion show on the road!
>Making your move towards out from behind the screen, you tune back into the other stallions’ conversation.
>”So Fancy,” starts Blueblood with excellent timing, “You’ve brought two suits for us today, right?”
>>”Why yes! One designed by myself and one with the help of the /lovely/ Miss Rarity.”
>You can tell Fancy loves his job: he’s only just started and he’s already gushing.
>Or he’s just that happy to not be talking about balls anymore.
>>>”Oho!” Golden chimes in, “Do I detect thoughts of a proposition for her?”
>That makes you roll your eyes.
>You remember all that research you did!
>The last thing Fancy needs is MORE mares, and he knows it.
>So, to save him from the question, you step out from behind the privacy screen.
“Let’s get this show on the road!”
>Thankfully the alcohol is still strong in your veins, otherwise you might have stumbled when all heads instantly snapped to you.
>>”Oh, you started with that one?” Fancy remarks.
>That’s an odd question, considering this is the one he /told/ you to start with.
>Oh well. Ignoring it, you do your best attempt at a model’s strut as you walk across the room.
>You’re not greeted by the sounds of admiration for Fancy’s craftsmanship though.
>Everyone sounds kind of awkward and unsure.
>”Is that... oh my Aunt.”
>>>>”Colts really have no shame these days,” gripes the old stallion.
>That feeling you’ve forgotten something is hitting you at full force right now.
>>”It's not /that/ bad!” cries Fancy. “Look how the sheath was tastefully left uncovered, and Anon’s foregoing of a bra really leaves it far more chaste.”
>Unfortunately it left it far more drafty too.
>”Ah yes, a fact /that shirt/ is all too eager to remind us.”
>Oh God, it just hit you.
>And it took wind out of your sails like they just got hit by a haymaker.
>These ponies have opposite rules about clothing.
>That collar was probably the one Fancy made himself, this outfit was designed by a mare.
>And it shows.
>Shows in how you're dressed like a SLUT. FUCK!
>Fancy knows it too, judging by the desperation in his voice.
>>”It really... I think you’re all just over reacting!”
>It's obvious that you and Fancy are the ones in denial here, Caesar’s already trying to break Fancy out of it.
>God damn it. his world can’t even afford you the small pleasure of wearing a dress shirt without fucking with you in some way.
>>>>>”I’m sorry my friend, but you must admit it is awfully /concealing/.”
>God, you hate how Caesar said that word, concealing.
>Fancy looks genuinely a little hopeless, who knows how many other designs he and that mare have made that’ll probably garner the same reaction?
>>”No, no you see, it-it's based on a quaint Griffon tradition! They call them Maypoles! And the outfit itself is styled similarly—”
>>>>”Of course a /Griffon/ would wear something like that!”
>All those good looking outfits, probably never going to see the light of day.
>It makes you... it makes you...
>Mad.
>You are Nocturnal Pike.
>Today is one of the days Sepulcher is in charge of running joint drills, leaving you behind to do administrative tasks.
>So seated here in your office, that /should/ be exactly what you’re doing.
>However, you couldn’t focus on that right now if you tried.
>Recently, doubts have begun creeping in.
>They started small, but they’ve been coming more and more.
>It all started that night you completely blew it when Anon was hurting, your ironclad worldview blew up in your face.
>But it wasn’t ironclad, was it?
>You’d always pushed yourself to act as a mare should, how you were raised.
>But more and more you’ve been asking yourself, is that really how you want to live?
>And now that you’ve seen it objectively fail...
>Even more worries seep in when you think on how it's not just how you’ve lived your life, it's how you’ve led your mares, too.
>Have you been misleading them all this time?
>No, no, all the successes you’ve had? There’s no way that could be chance.
>That’s happened because of /your/ leadership.
>But your leadership has hinged upon that marely discipline, that standard you tried to live.
>If you discard that, can you still lead these mares?
>Should you?
>These questions, they’re starting to directly impact your ability to lead.
>You try to put them aside on the job but, all your inner circle has confided in you that something seems off.
>And if they’re concerned, there’s no way others aren’t too.
>You’re just not sure what to do.
>A part of you wants to discard your mother’s ideals entirely.
>Retire, and just live at home with Anon and Cut.
>I’d be... nice to be in charge of the home, have a nice meal waiting for them every night.
>Tend to your little garden when you keep everypony’s messes under control.
>I’d be easy.
>TOO easy.
>You don’t think you could live like that either, as tempting as it may be.
>How do you know what to keep and what to throw away?
>How do you marry the image you’ve spent your life cultivating, with what you’d rather be?
>You just don’t know.
>Right now though, you’d give anything for a distraction.
>*Knock knock knock*.
>Oh sweet merciful Luna, may you snuff out the solar tyrant’s unholy light!
>The knock on the door is exactly what you were hoping for.
>You throw yourself over your desk scrambling towards it.
>”Uh, Sarge?” Comes the uncertain voice of Rook, “Are you okay? It sounded like something fell over.”
>Your answer is to throw open the door with joyful abandon.
“ROOK!” You shout in your Sergeant voice, “Why aren’t you running drills right now?!”
>Surprised, she hurriedly snaps into a salute.
>”Uh, Ma’am Prince Blueblood requested our immediate presence, Ma’am!”
>What, Blueblood!?
>Great, that’s not the kind of distraction you were looking for.
>”He said he and Anonymous needed us to ‘settle an urgent matter’.”
>Your blood turns to ice in your veins.
>Oh no.
>Astral mentioned she saw Anonymous at the castle, but not that he was with Blueblood!
>This isn’t gonna be good.
>Despite your best efforts to remain impassive and professional, you know that at least some panic showed on your face as it hit you like a train.
“We need to go. NOW.”
>Thankfully Rook seemed to agree with you and the two of you took off without another word.
>She knew the way, and the two of you were wasting no time.
>Sprinting full-tilt through the halls of the castle may not be the smartest idea, but leaving the stallions alone with each other any longer than strictly necessary was even worse.
>You can tell you’re almost there now, the sounds of arguing can even be heard over the frantic sounds of your hooves on the floor.
>Both of you push yourselves to the limit, getting one last burst of speed.
>Desperate to diffuse whatever situation is brewing you practically shoulder check the door, and the two of you burst into the room.
>Putting your years of conflict de escalation experience to use, you immediately scan the room for— WOOOOOOOAH PAPA!
>What is Anon /wearing/!?
>Whatever you were just thinking is long gone as you gaze upon your stallion.
>He is wearing the hottest outfit you have ever bucking seen.
>You can hear him trying to talk to you, but he might as well be speaking underwater for how well you can hear him.
>There is not a corner of your mind currently unoccupied by the stallion standing before you.
>The mare that designed this outfit knew /exactly/ what she was doing.
>His chest... so broad.
>And his legs, so deliciously slender.
>Your eyes can’t help but be led on a whirlwind tour of his /finest/ assets.
>A tour that leaves so much to the imagination.
>Oooooh Luna, you think you just winked.
>”See, Anonymous! She’s dressing you with her eyes as we speak!”
>The Prince’s horrible, shrill voice is what finally breaks the spell and brings you back to reality.
>And it is with abject horror that you realize you just winked in front of no less than six stallions, AND your subordinate!
>Praise the stars your rear end was facing away from all of them.
>Basic was years ago and you haven’t been a teen for just as long, you need to get yourself under control NOW.
>But those bucking stripes on his shirt keep sucking you back in like a black hole!
>>”WRONG!” Anon fires back, “She’s just stunned by how goddamn good I look!”
>To punctuate his statement he flexes a foreleg AND his glutes.
>Hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng! He’s not making this easy on you!
>A loud sigh (thankfully) drags your attention from Anon to the squad of stallions sitting on the couches opposite to him.
>Among them is a gray Earth Pony stallion, who’s the first to speak up.
>>>”Ms. Pike, Ms. Rook, can you please help talk some sense into Anonymous here? He refuses to admit that this outfit is... unbecoming.”
>While your attention is on them, you notice a familiar face.
>A certain mustachioed stallion whose picture Anon plastered all over your wall not too long ago: Fancy Pants.
>Despite the outfit clearly coming from a mare’s maverick mind, you wouldn’t be surprised if he had a hoof in this.
>Especially since he seems to be the only stallion who looks conflicted, and just a little bit guilty.
>How the heck did this lot manage to convince Anon to play dress-up for them?
>Oh wait, probably the same reason this argument is even happening.
>They’ve got him completely belligerent.
>From elsewhere on the couch, a wheat colored Unicorn chimes in.
>>>>”Yeah, we figured he’d finally give up if he heard it from a mare, too.”
>Ah, so the two of you were called in to talk the stallion out of his whimsy.
>Like /that’s/ worked for any mare ever.
>Besides, you doubt what’s running through Anon’s head right now really qualifies as whimsy.
>Whimsy typically has a fleetingness to it, here today, gone a few days from now.
>But the state of equine fashion is something Anon’s been privately complaining about to you for /months/.
>You’d have to be a complete idiot not to back him up here!
>But then again, that would just be lying to his face.
>Sure, it's a high class outfit, but sure as there are stars in the sky you wouldn’t be the only mare leering at it like a schoolfilly.
>If you tell him that though he probably won’t want to wear it anymore, and that would SUCK.
>Can you really lie to him though?
>Bold-facedly deceive the stallion you love?
>Especially over something so nearly inconsequential where you largely only stand to gain by lying!?
>...Yeah, you can.
“I think you’re all just being too sensitive.”
>”WHAT!?”
>Rook, the Prince, and even the stallion who made the dang thing all shouted at once.
>Quite literally the only pony who didn’t scream at your statement was Anon.
>It seems to Anon though, the outcome was never in question.
>>”OH YEAH! That’s my girl! I knew you’d see the drip! The SWAG!”
>At that, you can’t help but stare at him.
>Luna’s sakes, how much alcohol did they give him!?
>You’ve been living with him for months and even /you/ don’t have any idea what he’s saying right now.
>Anon starts doing some little victory dance, but your eyes by chance flit over to Rook.
>Her armor’s enchantment should leave her looking gray, but instead she’s white as a sheet.
>Oh... you did just accidently leave her in a pretty rough position.
>Either disagree with her boss and say her boss’ coltfriend looks slutty, or side against her coltfriend in an argument.
>That is not a choice you’d want to make!
>”ROOK!” cries Blueblood, “But /I’M/ right, RIGHT!?”
>Rook tries to do her best Cut impression, rapidly looking between you and Blueblood with mounting horror.
>Luckily your eyes meet, allowing you to nod your head and silently pass on a message.
‘Do whatcha’ gotta do.’
>You can tell the message landed as her posture relaxes a little, but it's still far from being relaxed.
>>>>>”Well...” she begins uncertainly, “It's definitely a high class sort of... lewd.”
>She had to search for the word, still clearly trying to avoid offending you or Anon.
>>>>>”But it's still certainly lewd.”
>”AHA I’M RIGHT!” Blueblood practically screams in joy.
>The most powerful stallion in Equestria, everypony.
>Immediately the room descends into chaos, the gathered ponies now arguing about why you’d disagree as much as the merits of the outfit itself.
>Paying them no mind and not wasting a moment more, you hurry to Anon’s side.
>He’s visibly dumbfounded that your subordinate didn’t agree with you, so you reach up and put a supportive hoof on his shoulder (you can’t reach his withers).
>>”Pike!” he says breathlessly, “Get your subordinate under control! Tell her to stop SIMPing!”
>>>”MS. PIKE!”
>The scandalized voice of the gray stallion from before cuts through increasingly loud chatter with practiced finesse.
>There’s an accusation in his tone and it freezes your blood.
>>>“You’re just saying that because you want poor Anonymous to continue /debasing/ himself in that outfit for YOUR pleasure!”
>Every gathered stallion, and Rook, all gasp in unison.
>Dang nab it! How come they had you figured out so fast!?
>Despite gasping along with everypony else, Anon still jumps to your defense.
>>”How dare you! My beloved Pikey-wikey would never lie to me!”
>Aw, that’s so sweet of him!
>...Pikey-wikey?
>>”Especially about something stupid to make me feel better and also when its directly in her interests to! …Wait.”
>Uh oh.
>No sooner has he finished that thought than he turns on you.
>Literally in this case, as he pivots away from the stallions to directly loom over you.
>>”Oh my God you totally would.”
>Well buck, he’s got you there.
>With the jig officially up, you put on your best disarming smile and shrug.
>He doesn’t /seem/ that mad at least.
>Before you could voice any sort of justification, much less come up with one, he shouts.
>>”UNBELIEVABLE! Pike, we are leaving!”
>Hey WAIT! HE’S PICKING YOU UP!
>His grip is shaky, but still strong enough to hold you.
>Darn it he knows how much you hate this!
>You struggle valiantly but, like it or not, he’s got hoisted into the air by his magic like you're a hoofbag.
“Anon—”
>He instantly cuts you off by shoving a hoof in your mouth.
>>”No buts! You’ve earned this! And when we get home I am FUCKING you in this outfit as punishment!”
>That gets you to shut up better than the hoof ever would!
>All conversation in the room once again grinds to a halt, but honestly you don’t even care.
>You’ll just bear it for the sweet reward at the end of the tunnel.
>>”But YOU’VE got to wear that cute little apron again.”
>Nope! Back it up, start struggling again!
>Unfortunately your grunts of displeasure fall on deaf ears.
>>”In FRONT of Cut, too. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you don’t wear it when she’s home!”
>Your eyes frantically dart around the room, but thankfully nopony seems particularly perturbed by what Anon is saying.
>At worst Rook just looks a little confused, but you’ll deal with that later.
>Fancy Pants, meanwhile, looks like he wants to say something but Anon cuts him off too.
>>”Fancy! Can I keep this?” Anon says while gesturing to the suit.
>The stallion frowns, and for a moment you think he’ll protest.
>But for reasons you can scarcely fathom, he relents with a sigh.
>>>>>>”I suppose. I need to take that design back to the drawing board anyways.”
>>”Awesome! I’ll be sure to write you a great review. BLUEBLOOD!”
>The Prince jumps at being so suddenly addressed.
>Anon hoists you in front of his face, forcing Blueblood to look directly at you.
>You try not to look at him, or think about how embarrassing this all is.
>>”Give her the rest of the day off. I NEED her.”
>You feel like Blueblood’s going to protest too, but then he gets that scheming look on his face.
>”Only if the Sergeant gives Rook the day off too.”
>You’re pretty eager to get yourself the heck out of this situation so that’s fine with you.
>Rook’s run Sepulchure's drills enough that she’ll be fine anyway; missing the end of one day won’t kill her.
>Right before you can speak up however, Rook throws herself at your hooves.
>Or she would have if your hooves were planted on the ground at the moment.
>Either way, she’s staring up at you with the most desperate look on her face.
>>>>>”Please, Sarge, don’t! He’ll put me on eye candy duty!”
>You cock an eyebrow at her, but she doesn’t elaborate.
>She only looks between you and the gathered stallions in horror.
>>>>”Please,” she practically whispers.
>Unfortunately, you see no other way out of this situation in a pinch.
>You’re sure she’ll forgive you.
“Private Rook, you are relieved of duty.”
>>>>”NO! NO! NO!” she screams in panic as a golden glow envelops her tail.
>With surprising speed she’s dragged across the carpet toward Blueblood.
>”Oh don’t be such a foal, your flanks look wonderful in that gear!”
>Without missing a beat, Anon’s already making his way toward the exit, carrying you along with him.
>As he does, Blueblood continues to drag Rook toward a closed door on the opposite end of the room.
>Ha, parallels.
>Right as Rook reaches the other door, Anon crosses the threshold and exits the room.
>Immediately he pulls the door shut behind you, cutting you off from seeing whatever ‘eye
candy duty’ is.
>You’d ask her about it tomorrow, but frankly you feel like the both of you would rather just put this behind you.
>>”Aw shit am I forgetting something?” He says under his breath. “Eh, it's fine. I’ll figure it out later.”
>You struggle a bit more, but you can’t get the leverage to escape his grip without actually hurting him.
>Geez, you’re surprised the Princess didn’t ask him to be a guard!
>Welp, it's going to be a long walk home, might as well start a conversation.
“So, how was it?”
>>”Not bad,” he says with a shrug, “Got kinda weird once we started comparing ball sizes though.”
>Oh sweet Luna what you would have given to see that.
>You’re almost afraid to ask but...
“So who was the biggest?”
>He grins ear to ear, telling you the answer before he even has to say a word.
>>”Are you kidding? Of course I’ve got the fattest nuts. Did you even need to ask?”
Just saw the update on ponepaste.
Such a delightful surprise.
Such an entertaining read.
Thank you so much.
Edit: I can't think of what Anon might be forgetting at the end there, and it's definitely bugging me. Anybody else have an idea of what it is?
5679629
The fact that the outfit he's wearing wasn't designed by Fancy, he's still wearing it, and he's about to be wearing it in public as he drags Pike off for snu-snu?
5679629
It was that Caesar really wanted to talk to him about the story the aged wonderbolt relayed to him. Caesar evidently also forgot.