Friendship is Card Games: Moonstuck, Pt. 1 · 12:06pm Jul 24th, 2022
Now that I’m more or less up to date with d20 Pony, let’s look at a different pony webcomic. Indeed, let’s look at one of the first.
Egophiliac’s Moonstuck came out during the height of pony ask blogs on Tumblr, though as the name suggests, it also owes a lot to MS Paint Adventures. Not so much Homestuck as Problem Sleuth, given the "escape room grows into absurd yet important world" plot arc.
The story follows a filly Luna, who finds herself on the moon for… some reason and proceeds to be very silly on it. And also jump to her death in the depths of space because gravity got turned off and she’s only sticking to the surface through the force of her own unfathomable cuteness, but that’s a different save file. Never mind that she’s occasionally visible in orbit.
Mind you, there’s still hints of the more serious times to come, from the adorably menacing Nightmare Woon to the note and doodles that are the only signs of Celestia.
We’ll be covering the first few hundred pages this time, up through the post hoc “Lunar Maria” chapter. With the benefit of hindsight, it’s kind of funny to see that alicorns really don’t have good track records with seapony diplomacy. There always seems to be some kind of terrible faux pas that can’t be resolved until the princess rescues the seaponies. And then a mother-of-pearl necklace gets involved.
In any case, there’s only one thing to do now:
>PL: Fondly regard creations
Canterlot Elite 2W
Creature — Unicorn Noble
Canterlot Elite enters the battlefield with a monocle counter on it.
Whenever an opponent casts a spell with mana value 4 or greater, remove a monocle counter from Canterlot Elite. If you do, counter that spell.
”I say!”
3/1
Wicker Enclosure 3W
Enchantment
Improvise (Your artifacts can help cast this spell. Each artifact you tap after you’re done activating mana abilities pays for 1.)
When Wicker Enclosure enters the battlefield, exile target nonland permanent an opponent controls until Wicker Enclosure leaves the battlefield.
Seraph of the Regolith 3WW
Creature — Angel
Seraph of the Regolith enters the battlefield with a +1/+1 counter on it for each land your opponents control that could produce C.
Flying, vigilance, protection from colorless
Creatures of the heavens need not fear the void beyond.
3/3
Egregious Faux Pas U
Instant
Counter target spell that targets a player on its controller’s team or a permanent that team controls.
More than one great alliance has been ruined by someone saying the worst possible thing at the worst possible time.
Scientific Consultation U
Sorcery
Look at the top four cards of your library. You may reveal a noncreature, nonland card from among them and put it into your hand. Put the rest on the bottom of your library in a random order. If you didn’t put a card into your hand this way, draw a card.
Disabled Gravity 1U
Enchantment
Whenever one or more creatures attack, attacking player may have any number of those creatures gain flying until end of turn. At end of combat, return all creatures that gained flying this way to their owners’ hands.
That small step’s a doozy.
Adorable Locksmithing 2U
Sorcery
Creatures you control with power 2 or less can’t be blocked this turn.
Cycling U (U, Discard this card: Draw a card.)
No gate stays barred for big eyes and tiny hooves.
Steering Eels 2U
Creature — Fish Pilot
Whenever Steering Eels deals combat damage to a player, draw a card.
Whenever Steering Eels crews a Vehicle, until end of turn, that Vehicle gains “Whenever this Vehicle deals combat damage to a player, draw a card.”
They’re in the hovercraft for a reason.
2/2
Finlandian Orchestra 3U
Creature — Pony Merfolk Bard
Islandwalk (This creature can’t be blocked as long as defending player controls an Island.)
Finale — Whenever you sacrifice a Song, put a flood counter on target land. That land becomes an Island for as long as it has a flood counter on it.
3/2
Guardian Shark 4UU
Creature — Shark
Flash
This spell costs 2 less to cast if you or a planeswalker you control is being attacked.
Ward 3 (Whenever this creature becomes the target of a spell or ability an opponent controls, counter it unless that player pays 3.)
3/4
Sufficiently Advanced XUUU
Instant
Improvise
Search your library for an instant or sorcery card with mana value X or less and reveal it. You may cast that card without paying its mana cost. Then shuffle.
See Your Own Corpse B
Instant
Until end of turn, target creature gains “When this creature dies, return it to the battlefield tapped under its owner’s control and each player mills three cards.”
Everyone has to confront their own mortality at some point, but rarely so directly.
Jammy Depths 1B
Sorcery
Mill four cards. You gain 1 life for each land card in your graveyard.
Between the surface and the oceanic core, the moon contains a layer as delicious as it is inexplicable.
Lunar Regalia 1B
Artifact — Equipment
Equipped creature gets +2/+1 and has “Ward — Pay 3 life.”
Equip B
Luna did not actually forge her ensemble from the souls of her enemies. The souls were donated.
Boiling Jet 2R
Instant
This spell can’t be countered if it targets a blue permanent.
Boiling Jet deals 4 damage to target creature or planeswalker.
The only way to thwart the geysers is to not be there when they erupt.
Wild Moon Rocks 3R
Creature — Elemental
Wild Moon Rocks can’t attack unless there are three or more land cards in your graveyard.
“Staunch allies, if ill-suited to frontal assault.”
—Princess Luna
5/4
Improbable Disaster 3RR
Sorcery
Destroy all artifacts. Each player discards their hand and draws seven cards.
After Luna’s visit, the Royal Array of Extremely Delicate, Highly Breakable Sacred Objects was swiftly renamed the Hall of Useless Debris.
Preserving Cuteness G
Instant
Up to one target creature you control and each 1/1 creature you control gain hexproof until end of turn.
All balks at harming such innocence.
Inconspicuous Gourd 1G
Creature — Plant
Hexproof
Spells you cast that target Inconspicuous Gourd cost 2 less to cast.
Moon pumpkins exist in a bizarre state of clear absence and undeniable presence. Nopony knows why.
0/2
Hardboiled Tortoise 3G
Creature — Turtle
When Hardboiled Tortoise enters the battlefield, investigate. (Create a colorless Clue artifact token with “2, Sacrifice this artifact: Draw a card.”)
“I knew she was trouble from the hour she walked into my office.”
—The Long Hello
2/4
Malleable Map 2
Artifact
1, T, Sacrifice Malleable Map: Search your library for a basic land card, reveal it, put it onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.
3: Malleable Map becomes a copy of another target noncreature artifact you control until end of turn. If it becomes an Equipment this way, you may attach it to a creature you control.
(Melds with The Ancient Lunar Relics.)
Cartographer’s Kitesail 2
Artifact — Equipment
Equipped creature has flying.
Whenever equipped creature attacks, look at the top card of your library. If it’s a land card, you may put it onto the battlefield tapped.
Equip 2
Woven Kelp Basket 2
Artifact
Replicate 2 (When you cast this spell, copy it for each time you paid its replicate cost. The copies become tokens.)
Your maximum hand size is increased by one.
T: Add C.
Simple isn’t the same as useless.
Cartographer’s Cap 3
Artifact — Equipment
Equipped creature gets +X/+X, where X is the number of differently named lands you control.
Equip 4
“Strange vistas demand stranger gear.”
—Princess Luna
Gravity Engine 6
Artifact
You may have Gravity Engine enter the battlefield tapped and may choose not to untap it during your untap step.
As long as Gravity Engine is untapped, creatures your opponents control lose flying and can’t have or gain flying.
As long as Gravity Engine is tapped, creatures your opponents control can block only creatures with flying.
3: You may tap or untap Gravity Engine.
Encore Krasis GU
Creature — Pony Octopus Bard
As Encore Krasis enters the battlefield, choose another permanent you control. For each counter on that permanent, Encore Krasis enters the battlefield with a counter of that kind or a +1/+1 counter.
The Simic take pride in their reproducible results.
1/1
Tale of the Chosen Woon 1WU
Enchantment — Saga
(As this Saga enters and after your draw step, add a lore counter. Sacrifice after III.)
I — Search your library for an artifact card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.
II — The next artifact spell you cast this turn costs 3 less to cast.
III — Until your next turn, target creature you control gets +1/+1 for each artifact you control and gains hexproof, indestructible, and lifelink.
Snow God’s Caprice 2UB
Snow Sorcery
Tap all creatures target player controls. If S was spent to cast this spell, those creatures get -2/-2 until end of turn. (S is mana from a snow source.)
Jorn’s good humor is rare among those with his portfolio.
Blueblood, the Superior 3WBG
Legendary Creature — Unicorn Noble
First strike, menace
Blueblood, the Superior enters the battlefield with X +1/+1 counters on it, where X is the greatest power among creatures your opponents control.
Blueblood has hexproof if it hasn’t dealt damage yet.
1/1
Dark Side Kraken 8UB
Creature — Kraken
This spell costs 1 less to cast for each mana value among cards in all graveyards.
Trample
UB, Exile five other cards with different mana values from your graveyard: Return Dark Side Kraken from your graveyard to your hand.
8/8
Awww. widdle woona on da moona is adorable.
Man, now there's something I haven't thought about in years.
Ask blogs. Those were the days.
Also Woona
The great cosmic drama takes many forms.
I don't know why or how, but it somehow rubs me the wrong way that you have a card with 'Tortoise' in the name, and 'Turtle' as a creature type.
I miss having Beast tribal, honestly, if you'll pardon the random note. Scourge block or whichever one it was had some interesting potential there.
5674799
You think that's bad, look at any time griffons show up because MtG has an established different spelling.
Oh yeah, Moonstuck. That was a thing. I haven't thought about that in ages. I'm pretty sure I followed it all the way to the end back when it was coming out, but I remember very little of it now. Looking at the contents page, I... sort of remember the batponies? I think?
...Time seems to be moving faster lately.