A Candle in the Zephyr (RB Vs. The Shadow God, Chapter 13) · 3:24pm Jul 8th, 2022
Previously, on The Shadow God:
The Shadow God!
And now:
The chapter begins and we find ourselves with Detective Underwood and company. It seems Father Spiers has reported that the boys broke into his church earlier.
“Did you actually take a look at the damage yourself?” “What the hell is this, Roger? Am I on trial here? Jesus! I’m so sure we’re not going to take the word of a man of God!” Underwood ran a hand through his short blonde hair. “I mean, Jesus! What would that say about us?”
“That we do our job to the best of our ability and that we encourage innocence until proven guilty,” said Eubanks. “That’s all.”
Underwood wrinkled his nose in disgust, and then waved his hand at him. “Aw, don’t give me a load of that crap! You know as well as I do that those boys are guilty as fuck.”
Detective Eubanks with the sick burns, here. It looks like they know about Craig crashing his truck, too.
“That would be him. Anyway, before they left Pickering’s place, Pickering said the driver of the truck—that would be Craig—came at him and his wife in an aggressive manner.”
“Did he threaten them?”
“Not exactly, but we’ll probably be able to convince Pickering to put it in his report,” said Underwood, smiling wickedly.
Underwood, here, is continuing the trend of horny writing by exposing us to his throbbing, twitching hate-boner.
We cut back to Craig and Mark, face-to-face with the Not-Todd.
“Where is our friend, Todd?”
The entity laughed. “He is dead. I have killed him.”
“You’re lying,” said Craig again, though he wasn’t entirely sure that it was.
The Todd-thing laughed and a foul stench erupted from somewhere inside it.
Really? The only thing I smell is the distinctive stench of Mr. Rayburn's prose. For anyone wondering: moldy lemons.
“If he really is the infamous Shadow God,” Craig went on saying, “then he should be able to answer all of our questions.” Craig knew he was going out on a limb, but what other choice did he have? Obviously, the thing was there to tell them what its plan was and then to kill them.
Craig's been reading too many comic books.
He continues to taunt the Shadow God.
Craig watched Mark put his back to the wall. “I don’t know why you’re so scared, Mark,” said Craig emphatically. “This thing ain’t a threat to us. You know why? Because he’s nothing! An imposter! I know the real Shadow God wouldn’t waste his time in some strange body.”
The small flame inside the glass skull flared to a bright red. Its deep voice permeated the still quiet. “Do not tempt me, Craig Johnson. Or shall I say Abel?”
Gasp.
How did it know him by name? And what was that last thing it said? Abel? What was Abel? Who was Abel?
Gee. I wonder.
The Shadow God continues to be cryptic and mysterious, despite Craig's attempts to provoke it. Craig asks it about Todd again, and is again told that Todd is dead.
Todd couldn’t be dead, Craig thought. No one died in the Dark World. It just didn’t happen.
Whose ass did you pull that conclusion out of?
Craig continues to ask it things, seemingly at random. Like what the message on Margie's wall meant.
“I inhibited Margaret’s body,” it said.
Craig shook his head. “No,” he whispered. “No, you couldn’t have…you’re lying again!”
“You’re a really good fuck, Craig,” said the entity, laughing implicitly into the darkness.
One: ew. Two: also ew. Three: how the heck do you laugh implicitly?
Craig asks it about Spiers.
“What is he doing here in the real world? Recruiting people for your army?”
The entity roared laughter. “Craig, I’ve always known you were a bright one.”
That answered Craig’s question. He knew it; he fucking knew it!
Yeah, and you know how he knew it? He knew it because Spiers told him that earlier.
Craig asks a couple more questions but doesn't get any clear answers. He gets mad and yells at the thing; this prompts it to shoot fire at him and then explode. Craig and Mark pick themselves up from the rubble. Craig wants to go search for Todd; Mark decides Todd is probably already dead. They fight.
Craig rushed Mark shoving him hard against the wall, and grabbing two fistfuls of his shirt. “Listen cocksucker!” His eyes were deranged, bloodshot, and demanding. “Just because you have given up hope doesn’t mean the rest of us are! Now I suggest you shut your fucking mouth and come help me search!”
Mark matched Craig’s stern stare, leering back at him. He swung his arms around, breaking Craig’s tight grasp. Once he regained his balance, he jetted forward, shoving Craig with all his might. “Don’t you ever try to bully me!” he shouted. “If you don’t watch yourself, I’ll fuck you up and you won’t even see it coming!”
Craig wonders what's got into Mark. Then, he has an epiphany:
Could Mark really be that salty about him having sex with Margie even after he told him it was okay, and even though it was his idea?
For fuck's sake, not everything has to be about sex, Craig!
Craig manages to calm Mark down. They're just making up when they hear a knock on the door.
The next thing the boys knew, the door came bustling open and a figure emerged, rampant and rapacious.
'Rampant', of course, meaning either an animal standing on its hind legs or profusely widespread, and 'rapacious' meaning very greedy or predacious, neither of which seems to actually apply to the situation at hand.
Anyway, as you may have guessed, this is Todd. Craig and Mark are understandably apprehensive.
“Tell us something that only you would know,” said Mark.
Todd’s mind reeled. He looked toward the ceiling, shaking his hands as if that was going to make his thoughts come any quicker. “Uhhhh … Christ! I don’t know! Guys, the werewolf or something was chasing me out there! It’s probably coming for all of us! We have to get out of here!”
“We’re not going anywhere until you tell us what we want to hear,” insisted Craig. “We’ve already been through this shit and we’re not budging until you tell us something.”
Todd began shaking his hands again. “Uhhh … okay, I got it!” he exclaimed. “Craig. Remember the time you told me you killed that kitten with your tricycle when you were five years old?”
Craig nodded, then smiled.
Wait, Craig did what!?
“Now remember something about Mark. Just so he can be certain, too.”
Todd displayed his hands hastily. “What’s the meaning of this? We don’t have time!”
“It’s either that or we’re gonna kick your ass outta here,” said Mark.
“Uhhhh…Mark,” Todd began. “Remember …” He snapped his fingers. “Remember when I always let you cheat off my history tests in our freshmen year? It was easy for you because you sat directly behind me and all you had to do was crane your neck over my shoulder. You remember that, don’t you?”
Mark smiled and stepped toward Todd, holding out his hand. “Todd,” he said. “It’s good to have you back!”
No, no, wait a minute, Craig killed a kitten when he was a kid? You're just going to drop that little tidbit and move on? What the hell, man?
That aside (begrudgingly), Todd tells them again that the werewolf is outside the house. Strangely, it does not seem interested in trying to force its way inside, at least for the moment. Given this opportunity, the boys decide to sit down and compare notes so they can come up with a plan. Because their plans always work out so well.
Todd explains to them about what the whispers told him about Craig being someone's reincarnation.
Todd let out a breath of exultation. “I knew you wouldn’t believe me, but you have to!” He looked at both of them eagerly. “I swear to God Almighty that is what they said. I don’t know what it means. I don’t know what to think of it. It’s just what I heard!”
“Okay, Todd,” said Craig. “Just calm down. If you heard that I was a reincarnation of someone, then I must be.” He started chuckling and that triggered Mark into a full-fledged fit of laughter. Craig tried to hold back, but it was too late. His laughter broke.
I feel like I keep making the same point over and over, but seriously, after everything you boys have been through, why is this where you draw the line?
Suddenly, a brick flies through the one unbroken window. There's a piece of paper attached to it. It reads, “You will not leave this world alive! The Day of Awakening is upon us!”
Craig and Mark explain to Todd about Not-Todd. Then, they decide they can't stay at Mark's house any longer. Mark goes to fetch his new gun, but it isn't there. They head out. Time seems to have un-stuck itself, as it is now growing slightly darker and slightly colder.
Suddenly Craig had a gut feeling he was being watched. He felt a presence boring down on the back of his head. He turned toward his right and was appalled to find two red eyes staring directly at him. He gasped deeply, holding his breath, too afraid to move.
Todd saw him and traced his gaze. He, too, saw the pair of malicious eyes. “Oh sweet Jesus,” he sighed bitterly, frozen in place.
“What’re you guys babbling about now?” asked Mark. But then he saw. He stood stock still fully aware that their lives were about to end.
And that's the end of the chapter. See you guys tomorrow for the next one.
Fun fact: I finished the book today!
5671041
I am so sorry
motherfucker, what?
Our villain, ladies and gentlemen!
I'm sure Mr. Rayburn would call this "quitter talk". :V
motherfucker, what
I guess random acts of psychopathy are just a part of growing up when you're *checks notes* a psychopath.
What is this exactly? I usually ignore blog posts, but this keeps showing up.
5671172
It’s a daily blog series where I go through a bad book chapter by chapter and then pick it apart at the end to hopefully learn/teach some things about writing. The first entry is here if you are interested.
Sorry for filling up your feed.
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It's fine. I like people picking apart bad writing (my favourite video essay is a 5.5 hour explanation of why one movie is so terrible) so I might enjoy this.