The One Where Craig Fucks (RB Vs. The Shadow God, Chapter 12) · 3:37pm Jul 7th, 2022
Previously, on The Shadow God:
Todd killed a man! Maybe.
And now:
Sorry for the late chapter yesterday, folks. I was busy visiting three different hospitals and a physiotherapy joint. I didn't even get to eat until around 6 PM. Not a good time!
Anyway, we open the twelfth chapter of this masterpiece of a book with Craig running from the hospital to Mark's house, which takes him half an hour. Pretty impressive.
Craig bangs on the door, but no one answers him. He decides to head back to his own house, but finds that the blue light is absent from his closet door. He falls asleep.
He wakes up the next day and goes back to Mark's house. This time, he sees a light coming from the living room window, so he knows that someone is home. He knocks on the door, and Mark answers it.
Mark looked up at the clock. “Craig, it’s 12:30 in the morning!”
“This is the time we have to make our move,” said Craig energetically. “Todd needs us, man!”
Mark hit his forehead with his palm. “Todd!” he exclaimed. “I fucking forgot! Jesus!” He looked at Craig. “How is he? Is he all right?”
Blood brothers. For life.
Then Margie shows up, and...
“Mark,” said Craig, “what are you doing? Let’s go.”
“I can’t,” said Mark. “Not until you …” he trailed off, his lips pursing together. It was as if he were trying to say something he couldn’t or something he had trouble talking about.
“What?” said Craig, looking from Mark to Margie. “What in the world is he talking about?”
Margie smiled voraciously. “Me,” she said simply.
“You? What about you?” asked Craig.
“Tell him, Mark.”
Mark exhaled deeply. “I owe Margie a favor and the favor she wants is … you, I guess.”
Craig says no; he doesn't want to jeopardize his relationship with Kristy.
He doesn't say no very hard, though.
Suddenly, Margie put her lips to Craig’s. She kissed him as passionately as she could, pushing her tongue deep into his mouth.
Craig was shocked into oblivion, though still able to maintain his composure. He stayed with her, kissing her back. It felt good to be kissing, especially someone who was moderately attractive, and someone he had never kissed before. Her lips were soft and wet and she worked them magically.
Margie leads him up to her bedroom.
Craig wanted to leave the room. He wanted more than anything to just turn around and never have to speak to Margie ever again. But as she dropped her jeans, revealing a pair of red-lace panties, Craig not only did not want to move, he couldn’t move.
Actions speak louder than words, Craig. Narrator.
They have sex. On camera, this time. It's very clumsily described. I won't subject you to it. Craig is overwhelmed by guilt for doing this thing which he did willingly and was an active participant in.
Mark calls for him from downstairs. The blue light is back. Craig sweeps his guilt to the back of his mind and focuses on the task at hand: rescuing Todd.
Margie joins them. They once again confirm that she cannot see the light.
I wonder if I fucked her without a condom would she be able to see it. Then Kristy would be able to see it. And she can’t. I’m not so sure about that, he thought.
Why would you even think that? As far as you know, this is only passed by blood. I mean, he's right, Kristy saw it earlier, but he doesn't know that.
“Don’t worry about her,” said Mark, staring into the deep blue. “She won’t tell and neither will I.”
Craig nodded his head, and then licked his lips. “That’s good to know. Really good, but I still don’t know why.”
“Maybe I’ll tell you one day,” said Mark. He paused a moment, and then asked, “So how was it?”
Craig jerked away from him. “What?” He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “I’m not telling you anything!”
What the fuck, Mark.
They head into the blue light. Cut to Todd:
Todd swung the bat, missed, lost his balance and stumbled to the hard ground. As soon as he looked up, the blind man was gone. And there was a tinge of color far into the distance, along what seemed to be the horizon.
I will remind you, the last chapter ended with this:
Todd swung the bat at the old man, and when he connected something very strange happened. He kind of expected it, but on the other hand, he didn’t.
Todd was appalled at the sight, which stood before him.
The book can't even maintain consistency between chapters anymore. Mr. Rayburn knows he can, like, go back and edit stuff, right?
Right?
Suddenly, there was a crackling in the black sky, and then a low rumble. Thunder.
“Who’s there?”
The sky rumbled again; louder this time. Then a voice came to him. Todd recognized it as Ridley’s. “You are to seek and destroy Craig Johnson,” it said. “You have the blood and so you must destroy Craig before he destroys the world.”
Well. That's new.
Todd heads towards the horizon, reasoning that he might find the pillar if he does.
As the sky brightened to a deep indigo, Todd was able to make out silhouettes along the horizon. They were of treetops and houses, and the lay of the land was no longer flat. There were upgrades and downgrades.
Eventually, Todd finds himself on a street. Mark's street. He heads towards Mark's house.
Cut to Craig and Mark. They find themselves in the Dark World... but it's a little bit different:
Mark ran his hand along the floor’s surface. “It feels like carpet,” he said. He looked up. “What’re those?” he asked sleepily, seeing the same blue-gray lines that Craig did.
Craig stood, walked over to them, and reached out and touched their rubbery substance. More light emitted from between them. “They’re window blinds,” said Craig.
“Window blinds?” exclaimed Mark. “Where are we?” He stood up and trudged over to Craig, who was now peering anxiously out the window.
“We’re still at your house, Mark,” said Craig, looking out at the dark woods across the street.
They wonder if they're in the Dark World or not. Craig comes up with the idea of looking for Margie; if she's there, then they can't be in the Dark World.
They break down the door to Margie's room.
But the disturbance was found in what was between the posters. There was an inscription on the wall, between two posters of construction workers with no shirts above her bed. Craig stepped forward to get a better look at the writing on the wall. It was constructed of a kind of black goo almost as thick as tar, though it was easy to read against the beige-colored walls.
The inscription read: “I LIVE IN THE LAND OF NOD. YOU WERE SO GOOD LAST NIGHT, CRAIG. I WILL NEVER FORGET IT. YOUR COCK MADE ME FORGET ABOUT LIVING IN THE DARK DUNGEON OF MY WORLD. THANKS A MILLION. MARGIE.”
Craig read the P.S. at the bottom and a flood of goose bumps rose to the surface of his skin.
“P.S. MARGIE = THE SHADOW GOD.”
Craig doesn't know what to make of this, but he freaks out about it anyway. They decide they must be in the Dark world, and decide that the best way to find Todd would be to head for the hospital.
They also notice that all the clocks have stopped and that the sky isn't changing, meaning they're frozen in time.
Hey. Hey you. Yeah, you. Reader. Guess what?
We just passed the fifty-percent mark of the book.
Fuckin' fantastic.
Craig suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of hunger. He touched his stomach and felt it rumbling. “You got anything to eat?” he asked.
Saving your best friend and blood brother loses out to feeling peckish, I guess.
Mark peered into the dark refrigerator and saw all the different varieties of food stuffed onto its shelves. He shook his head. “I wouldn’t eat any of that if I were you.”
“Why?” asked Craig.
“Because none of that stuff was there before. That’s Dark World shit … probably poisoned if you ask me.”
Craig’s stomach growled at the sight of all the wonderful food, but ultimately he decided Mark was right. But before he could close the refrigerator door, roaches erupted from every piece of food and drink container. Millions of them crawled around the inside of the white box of the fridge. Craig screamed as Mark hurriedly slammed the door closed.
There's a knock on the door. It's Todd! They hug it out.
Craig asks Todd if he saw anything suspicious while he was in the Dark World without them. He says no, but Craig and Mark can immediately tell he's lying.
Todd tilted his head at a forty-five degree angle, just as a robot would.
“What’s wrong with your neck, Todd?” said Mark.
Todd’s eyes rolled toward Mark and stared at him colorlessly.
Just then, a sizzling sound erupted from Todd. Suddenly, Todd’s entire head began to glow a faint red as if he were burning from the inside out.
“What the fuck?” whispered Mark, appalled. He slammed his back against the wall beside Craig.
Todd’s red glowing head suddenly melted like candle wax. A mixture of beige and red liquid swirled downward into a small seam in his neck, revealing a transparent fixture that remained in the shape of Todd’s head.
A flame emerged from Todd’s neck, lighting the glass fixture from the inside. A faint, ghostly face appeared from inside the flame.
Goose bumps pimpled Craig’s and Mark’s bodies.
“Who are you?” Craig demanded.
Maniacal laughter filled the room.
The Todd-thing spoke. “I am the Shadow God,” it said.
And that's the chapter. See you tomorrow, folks.
"Moderately attractive", huh? And Kristy is...?
No doubt in my mind.
Please, god, let this be true.
Okay, but, the fuck?