Fic recs, June 25th: Goris the Deathclaw edition! · 10:23pm Jun 25th, 2022
VisualPony has unsurprisingly done more readings! Fort Impression's Twilight Has Grey Hair, CCC's Discord Applies for Citizenship Papers, midashguy's Discord's Assistant, and SPark's In All but Name!
Time to do something I've wanted to do forever. Who is Goris the Deathclaw, you might ask? Well, he was a writer of trollfics, but trollfics of a very specific sort. Almost every one of the stories in this blog shares the same tags, not to mention the same plot development:
You find yourself crushing on a mare. You go to do the deed with her. Something goes terribly, horribly, hilariously wrong.
Absolutely nothing is held back. And I will say up front, these stories and the humor within tend to be both very heteronormative, not to mention very "no homo". And yet, I think that's the point. These were written with a certain sort of person in mind, the person who's most likely to want to read stories about someone getting it on with a mare, in the hopes of trolling the ever-living shit out of them. And to do that, you have to be able to speak their language, as it were.
So, all the recommendations you can take with a grain of salt. But me? I like this stuff.
H: 3 R: 15 C: 10 V: 3 N: 1
The Date
Mature: Sex
Genre: 2P HiE Comedy
We start off, perhaps not in grand form, but with a solid example of what to expect from here out. You nervously ask Rarity out on a date, she accepts, things get heated toward the end of the day, and then something goes wrong. Of course, along with plot expectations, we also see that conversations tend not to have whitespace in between lines and a few other small technical issues. Not the funniest story, but like I said, it's a taste of what's to come.
Recommended for Laughs
Spectrum
Mature: Sex
Genre: 2P HiE Comedy
Happily, this is an immediate improvement over the previous story. Still a few issues with the writing, but it at least looks nicer on the page. And oh boy is this funny, if you enjoy watching bad things happen to 'you' as punishment for being horny around ponies. :) So begins a trend!
Recommended
Golden Orchard
Mature: Sex
Reading by Popoman100
Genre: 2P HiE Sex Comedy
These early fics are more or less all the same, though this one's twist is a good bit more complex. (Though it might be considerably less funny without foreknowledge that these are all trollfics.) So let's take a second to appreciate that the short length, speed of "pony decides to bone you" and general slapdashery of these fics is part of the HiE parody happening here.
Recommended
The Sweetest Cake
Mature: Sex
Genre: 2P Sex Comedy
This one's not human! And it's also hysterical. This is the kind of shenanigans I like to see an Anon-style fic get into. :D And I dare say, Goris's work may very well be what spawned my enjoyment of stories that take the piss out of Anon and HiE.
Recommended
Starburst
Mature: Sex
Genre: 2P Comedy
Is it interesting to anyone else to try and figure out which pony each story is about based on the title? Like, this is the Twilight one. And like the others, it goes absolutely nowhere you'd expect. Also, it has good characterization! The writing has improved dramatically in a very short period of time.
Recommended
One Octave More
Mature: Sex
Genre: 2P Comedy
Your latest cello lesson gets heated…
It's really amazing how the formula of "have feelings for pony, get in bed with pony, then something goes horribly, horribly wrong" can have this much staying power, but it does. This one really goes whole-hog into making the situation as bad as horribly possible, thanks to 'your' panic-induced word salad. :D This is hilarious.
Highly Recommended
Green Tea
Mature: Sex
Genre: 2P Comedy
Ah, here we go! Continuity! First, 'you' cry "why does this keep happening?" and then you end up at Nurse Redheart's. This will become an amazing thread as these stories progress. That said, I do feel like I enjoy this one less on a second read. Like, it's still good fun, just not as hilarious as the previous story or two.
Recommended If You Like Sexual Comedies
Sunset
Mature: Sex
Reading by Popoman100
Genre: 2P Sexual Comedy
Maybe those teasing comments from Luna about your relationship with her sister have something to them…
For those of you playing along at home, this isn't the Sunset Shimmer story, because these were written well before EQG came out! This one's horrible in a funny way, and it also directly references one of the previous stories for the first time! It also becomes clear that "you" are distinctly a character in these stories, marked by your inability to shut the fuck up when you really should. XD
Recommended
Comfort
Reading by Popoman100
Genre: 2P HiE Comedy/Crossover
The formula changes! Well, at least, this one's T-rated, which is good since the cover art features Scootaloo! And while it's amusing, I don't know why I ever had it favorited. It's not that funny. Guess I've changed.
Recommended If You Enjoy Old Memes
Laid Up
Mature: Sex
Genre: 2P Dark
Going into this, I had two thoughts. The first was, "Ah, Redheart!" And yes, we actually get to see the continuity become continuity in this story. The second was "Why did I downvote this?" And the answer to that I will give you up front: Attempted rape. That is admittedly called out as such in the story, but still. This is a distinct downer in the midst of an otherwise good time. Thankfully, you don't need to have read it to get the rest of the stories.
Not Recommended
Soundwave
Mature: Sex
Reading by Popoman100
Genre:
This was one of the first two Goris stories I ever read, as evidenced by the comment I left. Funny thing about it, you can tell its age because time is taken out of the story to insert one sentence about the color of Vinyl's eyes. Anyway, this is easily one of his best, and it all comes down to the penultimate line. Amazingly, "you" actually get to have sex for once, which maybe even makes the troll hit better? This is peak Goris the Deathclaw.
Highly Recommended
Brilliant Azure
Mature: Sex
Genre: 2P Sexual Comedy
This has maybe one of the best denouements of this whole body of work. :D And Trixie is the perfect horse for it to happen to.
Recommended
Firewater
Mature: Sex
Genre: 2P Comedy
This one telegraphs its twist really hard. You know what to expect from these stories by this point, and there's no reason for the first scene to be there other than to let the punchline land. Hah, 'punch' line. Anyway, it works.
Recommended
Tending Her Garden
Mature: Sex
Genre: 2P Comedy
This one's strength is that it totally flips the script on the hapless 'you'. And it feels like another step up in writing skill. Unfortunately, it's also another rape… reference, maybe not so much a joke? It's the final word, at least, not sure how to take it.
Recommended If That Doesn't Bother You
Firestorm
Mature: Sex
Genre: 2P Comedy
Y'know? This is another one that includes 'you' doing something really boneheaded and immoral, but then it turns into an object lesson as to why you shouldn't do that. Good.
Recommended
Ill Met by Moonlight
Mature: Sex
Genre: 2P Comedy
Despite the tag, we're back to 'you' not actually getting around to the sex part before you fuck everything up. :) Also, weirdly, pretty sure this is season 1 Luna? I mean, the cover is the cover, this came out after Luna Eclipsed, but there's no real effort to make her sound like herself? Well, whatever. Not the funniest, but certainly unique.
Recommended If You've Been Enjoying These So Far
Barely Eagle
Mature: Sex
Genre: 2P Comedy
This one's great for two reasons. First, direct continuity! Whoo! Second, the twist happens entirely because of who 'you' are trying to get with. Also, watching Gilda be a dick to 'you' is fun.
Recommended
Creamcake
Mature: Sex
Genre: 2P Romance/Comedy
Notably, this is the first one that clocks in at over 2,000 words! Also notably, it's one of the few I had downvoted before. I'm not entirely sure why. It might have something to do with the fact that, while the twist is hilarious as always, it also comes after a decently cute story about you getting to know Derpy and falling in love. Like, it's honestly kind of tender, that is not usually what you come to these stories for. But then again, why do you come to these in the first place? To get trolled off your ass, that's why, and this delivers in spades.
Recommended
Hivemind
Mature: Sex
Genre: 2P Comedy
You just gotta love this character we've been saddled as, for all that he's a loud-mouthed idiot. He's wound up in the desert, succumbing to dehydration, passes out only to wake up in a changeling hive and literally the second thought on his mind is "Can I fuck the queen?" What a trooper. And of course, because he's 'you', regret follows shortly thereafter.
Recommended for Laughs
Learning Curves
Mature: Sex
Genre: 2P Romantic Comedy
Your normally boring work placement program heats up.
This is another one that telegraphs its punchline pretty hard, except I completely didn't expect it to be telegraphing until the story was almost over, so maybe not? Whatever, it was funny. There's an interesting character note in here for Cheerilee, as well as one for 'you', giving you an arch-nemesis. And a highly embarrassing encounter in a store.
Recommended
Sugar and Spice
Mature: Sex
Genre: 2P Sexual Comedy
Didn't know what to expect for this one. Turns out, it's so old, a certain side character didn't even have a real name yet, while Bon-Bon, uh, has a "permanently soft voice"? I wonder what that's about. Punchline for this one isn't the best, though at least it keeps going at the end to something somehow more horrible. Eh, it's not the best one.
Recommended If You Don't Mind Rape in Your Comedy
Mouthwash
Mature: Sex
Genre: 2P Sexual Comedy
Hey, remember when we called her Colgate? This is A) hysterical, and B) the first one where 'you' actually get to have sex with a pony. You just end up regretting it. Unfortunately, I do have to point out that the effect is kind of ruined by the punchline of "I used to be a man". Like, number one, transphobic. Number two, why 'man'? Not that Goris has been heavy on the pony stuff, but c'mon. Really wasn't necessary, either, the leadup was a funny twist all on its own.
Vaguely Recommended
Flowergarden
Mature: Sex
Genre: 2P Romantic Comedy
Okay, we're back to good ones. This one's really good. I mean, for starters, 'you' have suddenly gotten really smooth, that's a solid 'asking a mare out on a date' scene right at the start. And everything goes well until it turns out Roseluck's a little weird, which is a nice change of pace. This one's really fun.
Recommended
Backstage
Mature: Sex
Genre: 2P Sexual Comedy
Somehow, this one feels a bit lower effort than others? I can't explain how I can tell this, these stories are all so similar in general. It's just that the twists, and there are two of them, aren't that interesting. Well, the first one's not, the second definitely got me. So yeah, still funny, just not amazing.
Recommended for Laughs
Deep Massage
Mature: Sex
Genre: 2P Comedy
The funny thing about reading all of these in a row is that, now I'm thoroughly versed in noticing setups for the punchline, yet that frequently still tells me nothing about what the twist is actually going to be. Is the mob boss 'you' bump into in the first scene going to try and kill you later? The answer will surprise you.
Recommended
Enter Night
Mature: Sex
Genre: 2P Comedy
A troll sex fic is the last place I would expect to have cause to talk about things like agentless Luna, historical revisionism, and/or potential low-key Spider-Man crossovers. But here we are. <.< That's actually a good way to start off this review, however, because the first half of this is perfectly, deadly serious, and the transition to sex is really awkward. Then you have the scene at the end, which by now is a solid running gag, yet it just doesn't work as an ending to this. Don't mix serious fic with your dumb sex jokes, I guess.
Vaguely Recommended
Personal Assistant
Mature: Sex
Genre: 2P Sexual Comedy
Out of all of these, this one might have the funniest, most original, most unexpected twist ever. I was choking with laughter.
Highly Recommended
Raiding Her Tomb
Mature: Sex
Genre: 2P Comedy/Adventure
Interestingly, though this features Daring Do as the author of her own books, this predates the canon revelation of her being a real pony by about a year! Which explains why her character is written really weird. But this one's still funny, and really ramps up the danger of the situations 'you' keep finding yourself in. I'd almost say the final scene is funnier than the rest of the story! God, that title though...
Recommended
Trick or Treat
Genre: 2P Comedy
You should maybe have thought your Nightmare Night plans through a bit more.
Hey, we're back in T-rated territory! And this makes for one of the best comedies in this blog? I mean, half the joke is based in racism, and overall it's probably funniest if you're now well-versed in Goris's 'you' protagonist, and just how oblivious and idiotic 'you' tend to be. But yeah, this is good, clean fun centered around an oblivious idiot, and I found it quite amusing.
Recommended
Cow Days
Mature: Sex
Genre: 2P Comedy
An unexpected subject matter! Honestly, this one was good. And like, Goris sometimes used Youtube links as punchlines in and of themselves. Like here, when 'you' start jerking off, the link is for DiVinyls' "I Touch Myself". Funny, right? But the other link doesn't work, or at least the video's been taken down, and I really, really want to believe it's "Horse With No Name", because that would be the absolute funniest joke in this author's entire body of work.
Recommended
Lily of the Valley
Mature: Sex
Genre: 2P Comedy
The title made me think this was about Lily, rather than Fleur de Lis. Not that I mind. That said, as the final entry to an author's body of work, this one's… Eh. It's a return to form in a lot of ways, which is to say reusing a joke. Though I'll admit I do like the transition from "things go to shit" to "they get even worse", and Redheart's reaction at the end kind of makes it. So there you go! That's all he wrote!
Recommended If You've Been Enjoying These
Uhmn...
Pretty sure this sort of thing ain't my jam, but what the hell; I'll give one of the HR rated ones a try as soon as I can find the time. I need some sort of funny right now.
>Second Person
5667737
second person is fine if you're portrayed as an idiot :V
I can see why these might do it for some people, but...
Totally not my jam!
I guess I'm not much of a fan of witless self-sabotage, but I can understand the possibility of a lot of humor in stories taking the piss out of HiE/Anon/Self-Insert/Fall-into-Bed stories. Or putting the piss in as the case might be. I will admit that the weak bladder scene got a chuckle out of me for its sheer absurdity. I think it's the second-person POV that really puts the final nail in the coffin for me, because, the equivalent of "You wolf down a half dozen slices of the absolutely delicious vegan, gluten-free, brussel sprout pizza," provokes an immediate "No the hell, I do not!" reaction from me.
5667895
I can at least take a step back from these because once I hit that, "Oh, this isn't actually me" note, I can just sit back and enjoy watching the idiot self-destruct through his own eyes :) and know that these are directed at people who probably need to see this sort of thing more often
5667908
Here's hoping that the people who needed to read these, are the ones that left all the downvotes!
Yep!
EDIT: And looking at the number, presentation, and the timing of these, Goris the Deathclaw really did set them up precisely to attract people who would want to read a non-subverted version of them. Okay, that makes the 2nd-person perfect, and the trolling epic! Yeah, these are enjoyable at a step removed for me. (I don't like them, but I love that they exist!)
5667918
I mean, just look at the repeated mantra of "Rated M for sexual content near the end ;)" in every description
priceless
5667966
Oh yeah! They're definitely for the unsuspecting guys searching by tags for their favorite pony and "sex." Jeeze... Imma gon go upvote all of them, just to help out in my own little way!
This really did brighten my day, thanks!
5667973
you doubted me :V
5668029
