noise."Story Notes: Ponies vs. Pizza · 2:34am Jun 20th, 2022
Wow, this is at least the second one-shot I’ve written involving ponies eating pizza. What were the odds of that?
For better or worse, not pre-read by anybody. Just like a Little Caesar’s Hot and Ready doesn’t get any inspection before it goes out the door . . . helps keep the price low, y’know?
Assuming you got here from the story, your first question is probably ‘why?’ (If you didn’t get here from the story, spoilers below!)
And I don’t blame you. The fact is that it’s all Estee’s fault, or at least the fault of some of the users of Estee’s Discord channel. And it all started out with oat milk. But we’ll talk about that later; first on to our cast!
Surprising nobody, the main four characters are all obscure background characters.
Source
Posey Petals
Source
Wrangler
Source
Cherry Jumble
Source
Penny Ante
According to Google, Haruna does mean ‘Spring Flower’, and was a popular girl’s name in Japan some years ago. I didn’t really do a deep dive on that, so y’all are free to correct me.
There is a China King not that far from Disney World, and they do deliver. And in fact, what we Americans think of as Chinese food is Americanized Chinese cuisine, and its origin was in fact San Francisco during the Gold Rush. They were also pioneers in the concept of take-out and delivery in America.
In fact, I’ve heard that chopsticks were invented as a cheap utensil to include with take-out food. Not in San Francisco, but way back in the Han Dynasty (200 BCE-ish), adapted from the existent cooking utensil that dates back to at least 1700 BCE.
I don’t think that ponies would have invented chopsticks, or have any idea how to use them. Well, the unicorns might have, just to show off.
Before we get to the ‘why,’ I do want you to consider how you might approach a novel food. Probably to most of us in the West, pizza’s pretty easy to understand, but that isn’t universal even in this world.
Also, IRL horses don’t do well with tomatoes. It’s canon that ponies sell them (presumably for eating, rather than poisoning your enemies), but I could seen some ponies being allergic.
Over on Estee’s Discord server, the subject of almond milk (and oat milk) came up, and as conversations on Discord often do, it went off on a couple wild tangents. I’m not going to name names, since I don’t have the consent of the posters, but I’ll give you a gist of how the conversation went:
T: You need hands for pizza and gyros. You need a fork for pasta.
Me: Now I’m imagining ponies introduced to pizza just licking the toppings off and leaving the crust behind.
T: They think Chicago Style is just a weird cheesy soup in a bread bowl.
Me: Somebody who’s a good slice of life fluff author should write this.
T: FOME?
. . . I don’t know if I should feel insulted or relieved that my reputation didn’t precede me in this particular case.
Anyway, here you go. Give a pony a pizza, and she’ll lick off the toppings.
I love this post
Wait...wait...there's a cute story about ponies and pizza? Where is it? HOW did I miss it?! Gimme NAOW!!
5666049
Thank you!
PIZZA YUMMMMMMMMMM!!!!! YEAH! USHER USHER USHER!
So if Pizza is a bread bowl does that make it a soup
"Little Hoovsies - Cute 'n Ready" That pic is absurdly adorable.
peetzer peetzer
5666054
I do my best to pace out the blog post with the auto-approval queue, but it’s honestly a guess.
The good news is that the story is live now
5666057
Yummy yummy pizza! Served in a bread bowl. . . .
5666058
Yes. Especially deep dish pizza.
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Isn’t it just? I love that picture.
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It’s scary to think that there are lots of users on FimFiction who don’t understand Pizza Pizza, who have never seen the rectangular pizza box.
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Deep dish... WITH GARLIC!!! AND RANCH DRESSING!
>cute and ready
That’s amazing.
This all reminded me of this scene.
Where in "Rock Solid Friendship" Pinkie Pie did a pizza delivery that ended up going to Ms. Hooves.
I love pizza, though I’m not sure if the pizzas here in China are as unauthentic as the Chinese food in the States. (Depending on the definition of “authentic”, I suppose Italians would find every pizza outside of Italy somewhat unauthentic.)
Regarding chopsticks, I think there’s also a “standard” way of using them which consists of putting your middle finger between the two chopsticks, though I’ve never bothered with learning it. I just hold them as one would hold a pen and call it a day. It functions reasonably well so I can’t complain.
Most Americans clearly have no concept of manners. To properly eat a pizza
1) Pick up a knife and fork
2) Cut off ONE (small) bite of pizza
3) Put down that knife and fork
4) Pick up a different fork
5) Use that to put that bite into your mouth
5) Put down that fork
6) Repeat as necessary
Oh & you are not to eat it all -that would imply that you are hungry.
The purpose of dining properly is not to shove groceries down your neck as fast as possible without choking to death, it is to show off your perfect manners. During this process some food gets into your mouth. Since it would be rude to remove it, clearly you must swallow it.
Some final points.
IDK if pizza counts as a bread, a meat, or a vegetable dish. It makes a difference as to which silverware you use.
Soup is NOT eaten from a bowl. It is eaten from a soup plate (which does look like a flat bottomed bowl) using a soup spoon.
The first picture is so cute!
I learn something new every time I read your story notes!
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Don't you DARE start that argument again! We will have no truck with your nonsense!
Good day to you sir! I said, "GOOD DAY!!"
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In contrast, I would offer the following:
(ahem)
(1) Pick up pizza with fingers.
(2) Shove as much as possible into mouth, making loud chewing and garfing sounds
(3) Swallow with difficulty, followed by HUGE gulp of beer
(4) Belch, aiming for proper hang time and resonance
(5) Repeat as necessary
5666080
Well, now I want pizza and gyros.
Actually there's this shithole my friend and I used to go to, that had gyros pizza. It was pretty good. I mean it was greasy and disgusting, but pretty good. The place is called Italian Express, it's run by a bunch of Indians, and they sell Greek food. Go figure that one out lol.
There apparently was an attempt in my country to give pizza a "proper" Finnish name rather than use a borrowed foreign word. They tried to go with "avopiiras" which literally translates to "open pie." Unsurprisingly, that attempt went precisely nowhere
I'd rather give them something else to lick: an ice cream, because it's freaking HOT in here!
Apparently, I learnt from The Maretian that IRL horses don't do well with potato either.
Story quote (spoilers if you haven't read it yet)
When I read the story I was laughing about Chinese food being invented in San Francisco. Then you had to go and be all technical about it. Booo.
This is America, you can freely chose between them. But, you must live with the consequences.
I think we all know your choice. Me too, except soda instead of beer.
I would definitely order from a place called Cute-N-Ready, but I wouldn't be expecting a pizza... (wink wink, nudge nudge)
5666119
Say no more....
Damn you, now I want a pizza.
And a cute pony. Well, cant honestly blame you for the second part, but where the heck am I supposed to find a creamy garlic pizza right now.
Though I'd settle for a cute pony to cuddle. I'd even (er... well... try to...) make some fresh pizza for them, If need be.
But alas, no pizza and no pony are to be had right now. *sigh*
Your cute batpony is staring at her pizza as if it has...mangoes on it...
5666093
Same here... pity the nearest decent gyros is over 2 hours away.
Actually had a similar thing happen to a classic souvlaki place in the CBD years back. The place was pretty much an institution, open 18 hours a day and tasty, top quality food... best place for a souvlaki at 2am when working a night shift.
New Indian owners made the classic new owner mistake of trying to rely on the reputation while skimping on the quality and service. 
They should have done the same as my local fish and chip shop where the new Vietnamese family worked with the prior old Greek owners for about 6 months so they knew how to keep the food and service consistent.
I reckon ponies would make good conscientious takeaway proprietors once they got past a few inevitable misconceptions.
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I saw a video once about how chopsticks are used in various south-east- Asian countries. There's a surprising amount of "This country does it like this, but this country does it like this."
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I don't know why, but that sort of thing causes me to sigh contentedly.
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Hm Where this "how to eat a pizza" come from?
A pizza is first of all NOT precut. That is meh...
You cut slices the size you want, then you pick the slice up, depending on the kind of pizza you fold it to avoid having the topping slide off and eat.
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That sounds tasty!
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Isn’t it just? One of my favorite images, to be honest.
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I haven’t seen that episode . . . now I know where the gif of Derpy being hit by various thrown things came from.
I do love that she trots off after the pizza. Derpy always looks at the bright side of life.
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I can tell you here in the US not only is there furious debate about pizza toppings (like if pineapples belong on pizzas or not), but also pizza style. Being from Michigan, my favorite style is the Detroit-style deep dish, which is a rectangular pizza traditionally baked in auto factory parts trays.
I honestly don’t know how you’d define ‘authentic;’ the origin of pizza is contentious. The idea of making a flat bread and putting things on top of it to give it more flavor dates back to antiquity.
I suppose unless you’re in high society, there isn’t really a correct way to use an eating utensil, just do what works for you. I always used to use a fork left-handed ‘cause I mirrored what my Mom did. Apparently that’s the proper way to do it, who knew?
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That sounds like something Big Fork would say to get us to buy more forks.
That’s why a civilized pizza joint gives you that little plastic table. You don’t eat that part, it’s a symbolic pizza leftover.
I could see Rarity saying that while Rainbow Dash and Applejack tear into a pizza.
Actually, there might be some differences in dining culture. Being a proper unicorn, you don’t eat all your food; whereas an earth pony or pegasi’s hunger is based on how hard she’s been working . . . leave leftovers, and that’s an admission of being lazy.
I’d have to dig out my Miss Manners book. I think it matters what order the ingredients are stacked, or how they are intended to be eaten.
And as we all know, the finest soups are delivered in pipes from the soup mines out west.
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It is insanely adorable.
I’m sneakily making y’all learn stuff by luring you in with pictures of cute ponies and stories about cute ponies. Everybody wins!
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Chicago Deep Dish is a casserole, that’s a proven fact.
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I approve of this method.
5666093
That sounds exactly like the pony way of doing things.
“It’s an Italian restaurant, ‘cause I like the theming. And it serves Greek food ‘cause I like Greek food. Deal with it.”
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You can’t force people to call something by a different name than they want to call it, that’s a simple fact. And the more you try and insist people call it something else, the more they’ll dig in.
That sounds delicious.
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This is true, tomatoes and potatoes are in the same family. I think it’s some nicotine-related thing, but I’d have to look it up to be sure. The word ‘alkylid’ is also sticking in my mind.
5666098
It’s just like in Silver Glow’s Journal when she says that duffel bags are called that because they’re made out of duffel fabric, and that is why they’re actually called that. You learn something new every day!
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From a stem glass, pinkie finger extended, slow sips.
5666119
You’d be disappointed, then. Because a pizza is what you’d get.
5666120
You also get a pizza
5666129
I suppose it depends on where you are. Pizza Hut has them!
Fun fact, in the process of research I found a recipe for a equine-friendly pizza. It’s got a lot of carrots in it.
Such is life. I also have no pony and no pizza.