N.E.W.T. Muggle Studies: practical exam · 12:07pm May 22nd, 2022
What is it?
...seriously. Because Hogwarts Mystery just launched a new chapter and in the current phase, all seventh-year students are beginning N.E.W.T. reviews. (Divination started out by going over ovomancy again. Badeea looked at the eggs, pocketed a few to make tempera paint and in doing so, became the only student to ever get anything out of Divination.) And I realized that we've never been here before.
The game marks the first time Muggle Studies has been actively explored. And as many of us know, tests come in two parts: a general knowledge quiz, and the practical exam.
We have no idea what the Muggle Studies practical exam is.
And if you aren't seeing fanfic seeds blooming in the earth...
* "We're taking you to London. For eight hours. Stay out in public. An adult will be following you at all times. If they don't have to Obliviate any witnesses, you pass."
* "Here's a toaster. We put it next to the bathtub. No, go ahead. No advice. Whatever you feel like doing."
* "This is a phone. We're going to dial someone for you. Final grade is based on how long you can speak with them before they send for the police."
* "Welcome to the Underground. Don't kill anyone."
* "This is a movie theater. Don't attempt to dispel anything happening on the screen."
* "Hand over your wand. Yes, really. Thank you. See you tomorrow."
The Muggle Studies practical exam. What would you put them through?
Give them a shopping list.
Put them into the nearest version of a Walmart Supermarket.
"You have two hours."
5659098
"Accio --"
"Fail."
"Is that a troll?"
"Is it riding something with wheels and a small basket in the front?"
"I... think so?"
"Then no. In theory."
5659098
Getting them to do this, on the other hand, must be worth an O.
Put them in front of a library computer on youTube?
Last one standing gets shipped to St Mungos.
Then Azkaban?
5659098
That would do for OWL level. For NEWT, I'd put them & their list in a BIG shopping mall.
Oh & never mind the practical for Muggle Studies, I want to see the practical for History.
5659100
Reminds me of the prank calls that Bart used to make on The Simpsons
"Here's a bottle of aspirin. It has what Muggles call a 'childproof cap.' You have twenty minutes to open it."
"Here's a Tamagotchi. If it dies, you fail. If it achieves self-awareness, you get a zero."
"We're going to show you three fantasy cartoons, all of which get magic very wrong. You need to pick which one was written by a witch to give Muggles funny ideas."
Certainly it'd be a useful qualification for anyone handling PR with the Prime Minister or other muggles in the know. From the boring but practical perspective, holding down a regular job in the muggle world for a few weeks without causing a disaster would be pretty reasonable test...
Of course, these are wizards we're talking about, so if they actually have the common sense to do something like that is a coin flip, really.
We have scheduled you for a driving test, a common ritual among students your age. Included is the driving manual.
This is a car. This is a phone. You are registered as an Uber driver in London. Your test is over once you have collected 200 Muggle Pounds. Oh and rush hour is starting shortly. Enjoy!
5659110
There are a fair number of muggles that find that hard enough.
5659112
...is the point of this to see how they deal with Muggles or getting arrested for road rage?
I'd imagine the test being "Live the life of a muggle for a day" - i.e. no magic use whatsoever.
Of course common sense must not get in the way of the test so they'd be relocated into a fake Muggle apartment with utterly mismatched furniture, like a kitchen with a non-electrical Icebox from pre-1900s next to a gas-stove from the 1950s and a microwave. They'd be required to prepare their breakfast there (burning down the kitchen results in a reduced grade, as does food poisoning) then proceed to go to work.
This involves - depending on the luck of the draw - riding in or driving various vehicles on a circular track (the fake workplace is actually in the same building as the fake apartment). Those who get to take the "tram" (actually an enchanted carriage - so far no wizardborn student managed to anticipate it being 39 minutes late) are the lucky ones. The less fortunately ones get bicycles. Those with really bad luck get cars or scooters (the pogosticks are still under review following "the Incident"). Once again, arriving at "work" late or causing property damage results in reduced grades.
The "work" is what stumps wizards - be they student or instructors - the most. Currently it involves repeatedly pulling switches and levers for no reason, or staring/shouting at CRT screens or stapeling, then unstapeling the same document over and over (Muggleborn students are split whether this is the point where common sense has utterly abandoned the test-creators or if it is a grim distillate of actual everyday worklife). After 45 minutes they are required to obtain a "snack" for "lunch break" from a coin operated vending machine in the room. Any student who manages to complete their full 90 minute shift without a psychotic breakdown is awarded full marks for this section.
Afterwards they "commute" back to their "apartment" (see above) and prepare & eat dinner (burning the kitchen down twice results in a failing grade)
Here is a phone. Here is some muggle money. This is the phone number of my favorite pizza place. Order a large pepperoni pizza, pay for it, pick it up using only muggle transportation methods, bring the entire pizza back. You have 5 hours starting from now. Good luck!
"Welcome to a high school party. Have fun. Why yes, you may keep your wand. Oh, no, no catch at all..."
~Skeeter The Lurker
Take a taxi to go get a haircut. Have conversations with the driver and barber/stylist. Ask both for a recommendation on where to have lunch. Choose one to eat at, and ask the server’s opinion on what is best on the menu. When you have finished eating, approach a random person on the street and ask for directions.
Survivors will be graded on how short this police record is.
Watch one English Premier League match live in any public space, while dressed in one of the playing club's jersey of your choosing.
Survive.
Most of these suggestions sound like the daily challenges of living on disability. >.>
5659130
The state forces you to watch English Premier League?
5659131
"This is your test for community living. We're taking away your accessibility and comfort devices. We're putting you in an unfamiliar environment with stimuli you've rarely encountered. Try to find a job, apartment, ways to support yourself. You will not have support people, but you will be shadowed to make sure you don't 'upset' any of the 'normal' people.
You may be relegated to staying inside the closed community for the rest of your life if you don't pass. We have secrets."
Alternately:
"why are you in public? shouldn't you be in managed care?"
"It's so sad to see people like you. Let me pray for your healing, so you can be normal."
"You really should start thinking about LTC. There's no place for you in the community, there are no supports. It would be safer."
"We can't find homecare or transportation. Have you come around to LTC yet?"
"You can't believe you can really age in place, do you?"
"You don't have family, we need to find alternative housing for you. You're in your 40s now, you need to go to a group home."
I'm glad you can't see the parallels.
(Note I'm only talking about the comments here.)
5659121
I mean, this is what I mean. this describes the closed workshops, 'rideshares', and exhaustion that comes with trying to manage a disability and the warehousing they do to us.
Sorry if that 'offends' anyone.
5659132
I can see the parallels. S'why I went straight for the comedy/horror aspect.
Besides, there are portions of America which probably would require aid recipients to show up at high school football games. 'And we all support the team. Or else.'
(My mother had just picked up a neighbor who prayed for her before the end. The neighbor meant well. And still tells me that...)
(...she means well.)
"Mend this creature's broken limb, to the standards of 'first aid' or better. (Consulting a reference text will deduct one letter grade.)"
"Your test is in a town fifty kilometers distant. You pass upon arrival."
"This 'tax return' was found to be in error. You must correct it and have it accepted."
"Make me a soufflé."
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Circs, wow, just wow .
I honestly tried to go for a lighthearted "even wizards who are supposed to be knowledgeable about 'Muggle stuff' are rather clueless about it" angle (see Mr 'Head of Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office' Weasly). Instead you decided to go on a "disability" tangent and drag my post along with it.
"closed workshops"? I do not know where you feel this describes closed workshops, rather than e.g. a factory job though clueless eyes, a computer job through clueless eyes or a random administrative job through clueless eyes (plus the insanity of it all that many of us feel it is).
"rideshares"? I described commuting to work in via tram, via bike, and via car/scooter (again emphasizing that wizard students probably have litte to to idea how to properly work the latter three, and may be unpleasently surprised by the lack of punctuality of public transport.)
"exhaustion that comes with trying to manage a disability" No idea where that came from.
In sum, I tried to pour some passion in to writing into something nice and funny and you seemingly decided that I was being somehow insensitive and rude, and this honestly makes me rather upset.
5659146
FWIW, I read less 'disability tangent' and more a follow-on to the commentary that we are surrounded by (and part of / prisoner to) sucky systems
"We're going to randomly select a few of you to be grouped in as roommates for a suburban unit for a week. You will be provided with local jobs and the rent and bills are due at the end of the week, as well as an inspection from the realtor who the building is rented through. The more tasks or problems that you overcome without the use of magic as they arise at home, work or in public will result in a higher grade. Using magic outside of the house will result in points being taken away. Using magic inside the privacy of the house will not result in a points deduction, but you will not gain any points towards your score either.
Your final score will be dependent on paying the various bills and dues as they come, the house inspection, your conduct at work and how the local muggles in your neighborhood think of you at the end... if they've noticed you at all.*
*Due to several incidents during prior exams, we feel the need to clarify: The points from the opinions of local muggles are not dependent on the muggles in question having a positive opinion of you. While being able to make a positive impression while pretending to be muggle is ideal, indifference and negative opinions are also perfectly valid. What matters is that they think you're a muggle**.
**...Using a muggle form of occultism/belief in the supernatural/muggle magic to mask the use of actual magic is... not advised. We're not going to say no, but we will say that there is a high bar to do this correctly and you'll have had to do some serious research or it will backfire horribly for you. You've been warned."
5659147
It is just the feeling like, you a trying to something nice, maybe cook someone a nice meal or so, and the first thing that happens is a random stranger squatting and taking a BIG dump all over it.
And they they finish it of with "Sorry if that 'offends' anyone." - just to make sure to mock you a tiny bit more.
5659149
I wasn't mocking anyone. You described my life quite well.
I knew that would offend people, that this IS my life. That it isn't a joke. That it IS this difficult.
I'm sorry you're depressed. I'm sorry that your joke not being a joke for me makes you feel like I'm 'taking a shit' on your creative writing.
Think about the fact that my post wasn't fiction. :shrugs: I know, I have no right to be depressed, I'm disabled, I'm supposed to be happy and inspirational.
5659150
You have my sincere sympathy that your life is difficult. I wish I could say or do more, but we are likely at least an ocean separated and I am only a depressed sack of human meat, which limits the options. There is no need for you to feel sorry regarding my depression, it is a mixture of genetics, decade-long life-situation and seemingly bad brain-chemistry, over all of which you have next to no influence (in the unlikely event that you DO have control over those we'd really need to have words...). I really appreciate your sympathy though (it has been a rather shitty day... week... month... *sigh*).
I am truly sorry if my post caused you to feel reminded of 'closed workshops', 'rideshares' etc. - as I elaborated before this was not the source nor the intention, and I continue to have a hard time seeing the connection, but then again, you are you and I am me.
That said. You were mocking, or at the very least wrote in a way that is considered 'mocking'. "Sorry if that 'offends' anyone." is a textbook non-apology, and I have trouble seeing your post with this - especially with the extra quotes around offends - as anything but mocking. And using my post as THE example ("I mean, this is what I mean.") for the insensitivity/rudeness you stated people were posting - that was rather hurtful.
Finally there is no obligation for anyone to feel "happy and inspirational", same as there is no right to be depressed (if there was I'd gladly waive mine and then seek whatever administrative office is in charge of delivering and retrieving depressions, so I can dispose of the one I have right now). Depression is like a broken bone - nobody requires permission to have one, nobody wants to have one (I think), it is an injury or illness like so many others, one that hopefully can be treated (though with mixed success rates - really wish mine would work better).
"Wands, please. Good. Here is a muggle woman. She's just asked you if she looks fat in this outfit. You lose 5 points for every 15 minutes you spend arguing with her. Points will be deducted from your house if you use magic to confound her. Our very own Albus Dumbledore set the record for highest marks with an 85 out of 100."
5659170
"you look great"
*runs away before she can reply*
alternatively, Helix's response to the question in Freefall
back to the topic at hand, a lot of these responses presume a muggle studies class that isn't completely useless. If the class is stuck describing life in the mid 1800's, throwing the students into the modern world as a final exam is going to be problematic.
5659121
"Of course common sense must not get in the way of the test so they'd be relocated into a fake Muggle apartment with utterly mismatched furniture, like a kitchen with a non-electrical Icebox from pre-1900s next to a gas-stove from the 1950s and a microwave. "
...Or, as we used to call it, standard Student accomodation.
"stapeling, then unstapeling the same document over and over"
This was literally my job at on point (mid '80s) - unstaple all the planning documents (100-odd of them, consisting or two or three pages stabled together), take them to Reprographics to be photocopied, pick up the copies, then stable up the originals and the copies.
Since I suspect even muggle study teachers know nothing about Muggles my guess is the test will fail any muggle born because of pure incompetence.
"For the practical test please drive a muggle car without ever breaking the rules, I'll give you a hint, the color of the quaffle is the color you want to go at. Break a leg!"
5659177
My headcanon is that wizards usually live far in their hundreds (or more). Combined with a general, deeply ingrained disdain (or at least disregard) towards anything Muggle related, this results in a rather warped view of Muggle life. And maybe a few centuries years ago it would have been little to no issue to lump together fifty, one hundred or even more years of muggle lifestyle even the scholars for "Muggle Studies" end up with a rather blended view at the Muggle lifestyle.
I mean, even some of us nearly get dizzy when looking back at the progress of technology in the past 50 years or so. Imagine being a Centennial-plus wizard who is used to Muggles at most inventing a new kind of plow or something like that in this timespan.
5659192
Ouch, just ouch. ;)
5659149
Sounds like Twitter
There might be a story in Celestia trying a test on this for her school either for the scions of noble families having to survive life like a normal pony or uber nerds like Twilight having to take their snouts out of books for a few hours at least.
Best/only-good version of Survivor ever
5659206
Yup - I'm old enough to predate the widespread use of computers. Even things like photocopiers were so rare and expensive that companies had a specialised department for using them - hence the Reprographics department (who also did more than just photocopying - they did full binding and preperation as well).
It really is amazing how much has changed over the last 30 - 40 years...
Foul! I cry foul on this one! My own kids don't know how to dial a phone, how can a young witch or wizard hope to do so?
Edit: Nvm, just reread it...the proctor is the one doing the dialing. That makes much more sense.
5659318
Also, in the game, the year is 1991. Muggle Studies includes a session on the use of rotary phones.
...no, really.
There is also a rubber duck course.
(Right. 1991. Your character graduates in June. Harry enters in September. You'll never meet.)
5659229
Isn’t making Twilight live in Ponyville basically this test?
5659318
My parents had an old rotary phone when I was young never learned how to use it.
Your post is pretty funny, considering you're telling me to NOT post about my disability when people are depressed (how should I know? I guess disabled people get mindreading powers! This sentence is what mocking looks like).
5659164
This isn't what I said. Here's the actual quote:
Nothing about how I feel. And if you don't think that my life depends on how I make my care team, doctors, and even strangers I meet feel, you're being disingenuous.
Your sensbilities are offended. The crip pointed out your fantasy was reality for someone right here. Offense isn't harm. That's all I meant.
And all all of you are really doing is rehashing 'disability simulations' (which isn't really unexpected, considering how J*K*R structures Squibs & such in her hierarchies). https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ497763.pdf
5659332
I fondly recall rotary phones, my grandmother still had one. Ironically you could probably really stump many people with them today
"Rubber duck course" How to properly bathe with a rubber duck in the tub or something like that? An essential Muggle skill, at least in Great Britain I think
Hmmmm... Graduating in Juni 1991 at least means you are spared all the crazyness that will happen - gotta appreciate the small blessings I guess.
5659445
You might stump the actual phone company with one of those, nowadays. I'm not sure if the system would even recognize rotary-pulse dialing signals anymore...
5659497
I don't think we've had lines that go to directly to switchboards for decades, though I would not be surprised if there were buildings with some setup still.
It's all just local translation anyway, in fact, make your own rotary cell phone today!
https://skysedge.com/unsmartphones/RUSP/index.html
I am confused and ask for an adult.
The only thing I understand is that this is supposedly about Harry Potter.
I've always been convinced the Muggle Studies written NEWT is one essay question and four hour time limit:
"Explain cricket."
The last one to pass was, oddly enough, Pandora Lovegood, with an O+ for also predicting correctly who would take the Ashes in the 1970-71 test.