My Review of Eternals · 7:16pm May 19th, 2022
Rating Scale:
12/10—a complete masterpiece; flawless and outstanding
11/10—Excellent, near-perfect film
10/10—the standard rating; awesome film with a couple of flaws
9/10—a wonderful film with several flaws
8/10–a great film with numerous flaws but not enough to ruin it
7/10—a fun and entertaining movie; not great but still enjoyable
6/10—a slightly above average film; it is something I might watch again
5/10—mediocre movie; not awful but not great either
4/10—a below average film; it could have been much better
3/10—a bad film; poorly written and poorly executed
2/10—a very bad movie; the few good things in the movie overshadowed by the bad things
1/10—a terrible movie; a total waste of time
0/10—a worthless piece of abomination; should have never been made
Greetings, everyone. This is Mr. J back with another movie review for today. This afternoon, I will be reviewing Marvel Studios' Eternals from 2021. A couple months ago, I watched this film for the first time as I was curious as to why many people hated this movie. To be honest with you guys, the first thing that turned me off was the very poster itself. I don't know how, but everything in the poster told me that this movie was going to be boring. Nonetheless, I decided to watch this movie with an open mind just like with other films I've watched before. Alas, this was a complete waste of my time. This is by far the worst movie out of all MCU movies that I've seen so far. While it does have a few positives, there was so much boring bullshit going on that made me half-sleep.
This movie is about a group of Eternals who fought side by side against the deviants who seek to destroy everything around them. However, they soon discover a shocking truth which makes them question their overall purpose on Earth.
First off, the main characters in this garbage bin are one-dimensional, boring, and pointless. There is nothing significant about any one of them, and I couldn't even relate to any of them. They don't even feel like characters at all as they are nothing but sleep-inducing Gary Stus who act like holy plot devices. What is the point of having characters we've never seen before and will probably never see again? Even if they might appear again in a sequel or TV series, I am not interested in seeing them again. They are not characters with well-written backstories. They are NOTHING. The actors/actresses that played them appeared to be questioning themselves if this film was even worth their paycheck.
Speaking of which, the acting was just not that great. I'm sorry, but I had a hard time trying to take a single character in this seriously because of poor acting direction and bad acting overall. Angelina Jolie herself was just wasted in this dump. It felt like she was restricted in displaying her full talents in her acting skills and emotion.
The one thing that I hated the most about this dumpster fire was the recon twist in regards to the birth of a Celestial. Remember when Thanos snapped half of all life in the universe in Avengers: Infinity War? Remember his reasons? That he wanted to restore balance in all life albeit in his twisted logic and sympathetic motivations? Well never mind that because, according to this film, he only did that to prevent Earth from being destroyed via the birth of a celestial (aka the Emergence). Because it needed to reach its high amount of human population for the Emergence to occur. Words cannot describe how much I hate that recon. If I had multiple arms and hands, I would gladly give this trash heap a hundred middle fingers. It makes Thanos's true motivations of none effect and blatantly ignores the reasons he explicitly stated in his own movie.
But I will admit that the cinematography and the CG animation looked great and flawless. It was also nice seeing some LGBTQ representation. Still, the soundtrack was forgettable, the characters are forgettable, the story is donkey shit, and the twists were so unnecessary.
I hate almost everything about this movie: all the things it presented to the table and ultimately in the cinematic universe of the MCU I heartily reject and genuinely consider non-canon. If you guys like this film, that is fine. This is just my opinion on a movie. I will officially rate it as a 3/10 film. And before any of you guys ask me, no, I have not and will not watch any of the Marvel shows like WandaVision, The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, or What If...? I am not interested in any of them.
Peace.
MCU's Phase 4 is shaping up to be a real disappointment.
The only content that I genuinely like so far are Black Widow, Spider-Man: No Way Home, Hawkeye, certain episodes of What If...?, and the parts of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier that focus on Bucky Barnes.
Do you think the MCU should’ve ended after Avengers Endgame?
5658578
I think they should focus on Tom Holland's Spider-Man and give him another trilogy instead of spouting boring schlocks of OC movies that nobody is asking for. Sure, give some solid conclusions to Thor, Black Panther, and Guardians of the Galaxy, but that's it.
I've had little interest in seeing "Eternals" from the beginning, and based on your review...I definitely won't go see it. Not only because of the negatives you mentioned, but also due to the fact that I've constantly questioned what place this movie would have in the overall MCU to begin with. The title characters as a whole hardly seemed like interesting types, and I was incredibly annoyed by the unnecessary LGBTQ+ aspect of it all.
I agree with you on this. Regardless of whatever things I said about Thanos in the past, he was truly a compelling villain with solid motivations. The fact that this movie apparently undermines Thanos's overall intentions and character is absolutely disturbing.
5658579
And what about the Fantastic Four, X-Men and Blade MCU reboots?
5658579
My thoughts exactly.
5658594
I really don’t care for any of those.
5658577
Phase 4 feels like a transitional phase, that if we power through this, the next phase will be better and perhaps include characters Marvel fans have wanted in the MCU since...well, at least the first Avengers film.
5658577
What about "Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings"?
5658674
That was decent.
5658674
5658680
I’m actually interested in checking that film out soon. Although I have a feeling it’s gonna suck.
5658765
I dunno.
I saw that movie not too long ago, and in my opinion…it turned out to be incredibly fun. It’s definitely one of the stronger of the recent MCU additions, that’s for sure.
5658766
Okay, pal. I’ll see for myself if it’s good or not.
Or if I’m gonna have mixed feelings for it.
5658765
I mean, a lot of people are saying it's really good, but I personally think it's just okay.
5658767
👍🏻Alright.
Other than that, I think the one series showcasing a new character that I’m personally interested in checking out is the “Moon Knight” series. Something about it just seems incredibly intriguing.
5658769
Hmm, that’s definitely encouraging....although there are some films that I hate which everyone likes. So we’ll see about that.
5658771
Moon Knight, huh? Hmm, I might check that one out.
5658774
Yay.
And like you’ve commented not too long ago, one of the only things I’ve been interested in seeing regarding the MCU is where Tom Holland’s “Spider-Man” is gonna be going, others being the next Thor, Guardians of the Galaxy, and Ant-Man films.