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The Temptation to Skip a Day · 8:50pm May 9th

I suppose it'll always be there.

The urge not to write. To spend the day doing as you please without the burden that is the prodction of words. It's a constant test, a never-ending challenge of your skill—or, as some might say, the proving of your lack of. I've come to wonder the dictomy of being a seen writer.

Of having to write well opposed to writing.

You write to write at the start. Because there is an idea to produce and you want to see it through. So you write it for the sake of writing it. Nothing else matters. Erros and issues are bound to arise—but they are of no consequnce. Like making mistakes in a video game: they're part of the experince. You fail and you make mistake. But the goal is to enjoy the experince.

Writing is like playing a game in those regards.

The next issue arises in the goal to write well. This transforms a hobby into a profession. You are still to make mistakes, however, now you must be more conciousnes of them. Instead of exprincing the story like you would a movie for the first time, now you must think the whole thing out, revising and condensing, working out future problems and creating setups. It goes from a creative process to a logical one. Manfiesting the structure, changing and shrinking it. Some joy is to be had within it.

But now it becomes more of a job of creating a better product than it is the induglence of a writer in their story.

It came to me while editing a previous piece. Where previously one would be attached to what they had written and, because of that, are more senstive about alterration. Now I have no such connection. There's a distance with the maxium of Whatever Leads to a Better Story.

But then I realized that I had severed connection to the writing; that it's ceased to be personal. It still is—to some degree.

But that thought marred me.

As I grow older and the clock ticks faster, I realize that I'm running out of time to become what I envisioned of myself when I was younger. That I have to start doing things differently if I'm to have a chance at a different result. But at the same time... writing is harder in this transtion.

Will the writing improve from the added labour and logic? Will I enjoy it less due to knowing the whole of the structure before the first written letter? Such questions are answered by experince alone. But there is still the trouble, in wanting to write well, that you will shy away from the process.

Because you cannot enjoy it the same.

But such is the burden.

This is a journal entry made into a blog post because I thought the above quips were interesting enough to share. No editing because such things aren't worth the time. I hope all of you are alright. Out of my car and motel and now into a new home, I'm finding my way, day by day, with writing finally returning.

I still have a few more stories to share on this site before I hit 250.

I hope that, for the interested, that you will enjoy them.

Later gang.

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Comments ( 3 )

I have to agree. There's a point where writing becomes about something other than enjoying it. I've walking along that line many times. Writing for fun should be the reason you always write. Either because of inspiration, or a message, or just because no one would write it if you didn't. But as you say, the writing process itself is hard and exhausting, and it only pays back when you finally finish.

I also hope to enjoy your next stories, whatever they may be.

The only reason I don't want to write a lot is my equipment.
I only have a tablet to work on, slow and not very fun.

I don't write well for others, but for myself.
I usually forget what I write down, so if I go back through it I want to be able as a new reader.
Write stuff so you can enjoy reading it in the future.

I think that the feeling is more common than not. Especially in content creation. The transition from doing what you love to working for a living creates a need to perform well that never leaves the back of your mind.

The example that comes to mind is youtubers. Popular youtube channels close for a myriad of reasons. I'm willing to bet that losing the joy of making videos is a significant one among them.

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