I resent my dad so much · 12:52pm Apr 20th, 2022
This morning, he asked about the condition of my stomach. I said that I don't feel pain anymore. The next thing that he said was that I shouldn't reach out to my mom all the time and that I should know what meds to take. I just said yes but deep down, it triggered my resentment towards him.
How the fuck am I supposed to know what meds to take if I have a condition that I never experienced before? He implied that I shouldn't ask for help, which is so harmful. It further cements my point that his generation is really narrow-minded.
The hurtful things that he did to me are forcing religion and his opinions in my face, pressuring me to learn a language that I don't like, coercing me to have a GF, get married, and have kids, comparing me to my sisters when it comes to achievements and work experience, and disrespecting my preference of attending church.
I have a feeling he's going to judge me for buying high heels for men and my preference of not wanting to have hair on my legs. And then when I make a mistake, he gets embarrassed. If that's the case, then I'm more embarrassed and disappointed to have him as a dad who's not there for me emotionally.
I've been thinking that if he passes, I wouldn't feel sad. I would feel angry because of the fact that I was born out of wedlock and that I don't have a proper father figure who wishes to know me on a personal level.
Why can't he just stop thinking too much about what I do and just leave me alone?
He only cares about his reputation and has no idea what the fuck I went through for who knows how long.