• Member Since 20th May, 2012
  • offline last seen 9 hours ago

tailsopony


Awkward.

More Blog Posts15

  • 104 weeks
    Sometimes

    The world is a strange place. I'm a little on the older side, but I just had a first for me. One of the people I helped raise died recently. She didn't have the best life. Her family was difficult, and I like to think that mine provided a reprieve. I helped change her diapers, taught her to read, and watched her grow up even in a difficult household. Her family loved her very much, but didn't

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    4 comments · 442 views
  • 263 weeks
    I don't know why I do what I do

    For whatever reason, I wrote a weird Starbound fan-fiction. It's not very good, it's 16k words, and I can't post it here because it's 100% not pony related.

    Read More

    4 comments · 648 views
  • 329 weeks
    Sometimes

    Sometimes I do things. Sometimes I don't. Here is a list of things, and whether I am doing them or not.

    Currently working on:
    Shitty adventure game (It's extra terrible...)
    Harmony Combine stuff (all three stories actually...)
    Cleaned Castle (Wanna drive this train to the end of its story while I'm thinking about it)

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    8 comments · 850 views
  • 332 weeks
    Check yo self.

    So I've been reading too many current events, and thought I'd give a shout out to anybody that's been paying attention to them. Some of the stuff I've been reading in the news reads like some of my weird fetish stories, and not in a good way.

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    3 comments · 529 views
  • 336 weeks
    Just a minute there....

    Taking some time to practice/learn programming. Not stopping writing, and I'll be checking in regularly, but gonna slow down a bit from my usual snails pace. I realized that I have the ability to write 10k words in a day, why not 1k lines of code? Of course, It'll take me some time to do anything super fun. My first goal is going to be a little interactive pony text adventure game, not too

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    5 comments · 443 views
Mar
28th
2022

Sometimes · 1:35am Mar 28th, 2022

The world is a strange place. I'm a little on the older side, but I just had a first for me. One of the people I helped raise died recently. She didn't have the best life. Her family was difficult, and I like to think that mine provided a reprieve. I helped change her diapers, taught her to read, and watched her grow up even in a difficult household. Her family loved her very much, but didn't have the capacity to express or act on it in a way she could appreciate, and secretly I blame at least one of them for this. In a lot of ways, they loved her in a selfish manner. She was estranged from them at the end, running away from their strict lifestyle.

It was likely that rebellion that killed her. She was found dead from an opioid overdose. I don't believe in life after death, and I don't think she's better off. This whole thing is a tragedy, and I'm angry at everyone involved. Still, I could have done more. After she became a young adult I kept my distance, figuring that she'd figure out life on her own and reach out if she needed me. I was wrong.

People die every day, and it's far from the first time I've had a friend or loved one pass, but this hit different. I don't like it, and I'm a little bitter and out of sorts. Usually I'm sad when people die. This time I'm angry.

I'm just not sure who at.

Report tailsopony · 442 views ·
Comments ( 4 )

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what that feels like - I'm in a stressful situation and I worry about this kind of thing, as we've talked about, but my emotional connection is a lot more... tenuous. I feel like I've made peace with whatever might happen, but that's probably a lie. I shouldn't be talking about myself here, either.

You've done wonderful things for my life and I'm glad you are a part of it. Let your emotions do what they will. I don't have any words of consolation or anything else, because they are bullshit, but also I know you don't need them.

A loss like this leaves anger, you can never be sure at whom exactly, some devouts hated god for a time I've seen it. Ultimately the truth is you're mad at the void more than anything else, the void being your emotions for said person, the could and could not, its hard to process, it will likely cause you no end of grief. Time will let it grow old, but it isn't healing, it's getting used to the hurt left behind.
At least that is the experience I've both had and seen. All I can say is, let it hurt, and press on, but given what you've written, I am under the impression you know that. Stay strong, and don't let it consume you, it'll only hurt more.

It's a tragedy, definitely. The anger's understandable, especially in a situation like this. I'm sorry for your loss. *Hugs*

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