Ranking the Villain Songs (From Worst to Best)

Ah, the villain song. A staple in animation since at least Disney's Pinocchio with "An Actor's Life for Me". It can take on many forms: It can be sung by the villain itself to explain their motivations, it can be sung by the villain itself to have them gloat about their apparent victory, it can be sung by another character to either mock the villain or (more often) to describe how horrible the villain really is, and sometimes it can even be a combination of the above. Yet it seems that with just about any good villain (and even some bad villains if recent Disney movies are anything to go by), you need to have a good villain song accompanying them. FiM was no stranger to this, ultimately giving us a total of thirteen songs that could qualify one way or another. But which ones were the best and which ones were the worst? Which ones were not just enjoyable but also gave us insight to the villain or villains of focus? Well, that's what we're going to find out. Like all the previous song rankings list, the same disclaimer applies in that this is just my personal opinion.

13. Flim and Flam's Songs: The Flim Flam Brothers Song (Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000), The Flim Flam Miracle Curative Tonic (Leap of Faith), Friendship U (Friendship University)
Why they're on the bottom: These songs are all the same, really. Flim and Flam do the exact same song and dance routine with just slightly different context and lyrics. The first time they do it they aren't even villains yet. The only thing remotely antagonistic they do is knock over one of the Apples' fences, which if it's meant to establish them as uncaring con artists it fails to do so. We see them peddle a legitimate product despite The Music Man reference that's intended to paint them as swindlers, they even ask for permission to use some of the Apples' apples for a demonstration. They also show that they have a quality control mechanism, so their cider isn't all about quantity over quality. If their goal in the episode is to drive the Apples out of business, they utterly fail to do so since they allow the Apples to get help and had they just disposed of the bad barrels after the contest (or offered the better barrels to customers) they would've gotten everything they wanted. Yet despite this, they become con artists who do the exact same thing every time they show up, just more and more petty and obvious. With their next song they've devolved from peddling a legitimate product to selling snake oil to ponies for no good reason, and ponies apparently suffer from short term memory loss since none of them (besides Applejack) recognize the brothers even when they supposedly keep doing this routine over and over again with the same volunteer. And come their third and final time doing a song, ponies still haven't learned their lesson, and even Neighsay is dumb enough to believe them. Yet it's treated like Twilight's just jealous of competition when she's the only one to object to Flim and Flam teaching friendship. This isn't being clever, this is just being lazy.

12. True Original (Equestria Girls: Sunset's Backstage Pass)
Why it's not on the bottom: With just the song, there's nothing to indicate that Post Crush are the villains of the special. It's only what we learn is going on behind the scenes that they are revealed to be villains. Their desire for perfection on this song is driving them to do the time loop over and over again until they can get it just right. But at least they aren't blantantly declaring themselves to be something like Flim and Flam always are. Flim and Flam could learn a thing or two about the art of subtly from Post Crush.

11. Just Can't Be a Dragon Here (Father Knows Beast)
Why it's in the bottom three: We can tell this is meant to be a villain song just because of who Sludge is as a character. If not for Spike stupidly swallowing Sludge's lies when even the likes of Pinkie Pie can poke holes in his "story", Sludge would have nothing. But now he's not even bothering to hide who he is, a lazy, selfish jerk who wants to mooch off of others. And he's willing to disregard anything and everything else. He even goes so far as to somehow toss Starlight out the castle window when she's in the bathtub (and Spike apparently lets him do it). Funny as that gag may be, in-universe it makes zero sense. Spike even sings this song again in the climax, meaning it's happening in-universe. If Sludge were at least somewhat better written and Spike wasn't such a complete idiot in the episode this song is part of, this song probably could've been decent.

10. Evil Enchantress, Both Versions (Bridle Gossip)
Why it's not in the bottom three: At least this song is acknowledged as catchy, which does give it some points. And the Flutterguy version is definitely more enjoyable, not the Pinkie Pie version is bad. However, that Pinkie Pie version requires Pinkie to be very OOC. She doesn't even say that she doesn't really believe what she's singing. Even though she was willing to look on the bright side with Gilda and the red dragon, she's not willing to extend the same courtesy to Zecora just because she happens to be a zebra and just happens to "look" creepy and evil. They raise the possibility that Zecora "stole" this song with her chanting, but it never gets acknowledged and is just used for the Flutterguy reprise.

9. We Will Stand For Everfree (Equestria Girls: Legend of Everfree)
Why it's in the bottom five: Kelly Metzger does an incredible job as Gloriosa Daisy's singing voice here (though I don't see why a singing double was necessitated). It gives off a very chilling and creepy vibe as Gloriosa has descended into madness, obsessed with protecting her camp by any means. However, it's the motivations that undermine her, even in this song. She doesn't want human Filthy Rich to shut down the camp, so her solution is to just wall it off with thick vines and keep everyone in the camp there forever. She isn't going to use her powers to maybe scare human Filthy Rich off, and none of the campers knew anything about any of this until this point. Ironically, the word play can make it sound like "Forever Free", which is what Gloriosa is trying to do and what she's failing to do as Gaia Everfree. If human Filthy Rich were cut out, this could work a lot better as Gloriosa grasping at straws.

8. Babs Seed (One Bad Apple)
Why it's in the bottom half: In case you're wondering, I don't count "The Vote Song" as Diamond Tiara's villain song since she only gets two parts to herself. And as I said before the song feels more like several smaller songs combined and mashed together kind of poorly. Weird that the more consistent antagonist for the CMC didn't get her own song until the episode in which she reformed, yet this character that was made up solely for the bullying episode and was then discarded without fanfare despite her VA wanting to come back did (Babs Seed's fate should've told us what was in store for a lot of other characters who were not the main characters, indicating that maybe Hasbro wasn't as on top of things as we thought). Anyway, this song is just the CMC singing about Babs stalking them and harassing them everywhere they go. And she does this all on her own several times, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are nowhere to be seen during scenes such as the one in the movie theater (or in more public places like the Golden Oak Library and Carousel Boutique, which makes you wonder how Twilight and Rarity somehow don't see this). So if this is trying to foreshadow Babs' motivations and pave the way for her change of heart, it fails to do so because she goes above and beyond what might be justified. She bullies the CMC of her own free will, demonstrating why ignoring a bully usually doesn't work. It's really catchy though, I'll give it that.

7. Unleash The Magic (Equestria Girls: Friendship Games)
Why it's in the middle: Really, the only thing that hurts this is how unbelievably stupid Abacus Cinch is in the run up to this song. She's already seen that human Twilight (a.k.a Sci-Twi) can't control the Equestrian magic she's absorbed into her pendant. She's also seen how this magic endangers her students, necessitating the Rainbooms to step in and save them. Yet rather than accept Principal Celestia's request to call off the games in light of what just happened, she insists on holding a tiebreaker and thinks Canterlot High is trying to cheat. So she decides to peer pressure Twilight into using the Equestrian magic against them, and the Shadowbolts all go along with it. It wouldn't have taken much to fix this, just make Cinch not around when the Equestrian magic goes haywire during the games and only find out after Sunset's scolding about it. Then she would have only that context to go on, and it would certainly look like Sunset Shimmer being more upset that the secret got out rather than her being upset that Sci-Twi was being so careless in her pursuit of knowledge. Just a slight fix would've made Cinch's actions and motivations here seem less stupid.

6. Say Goodbye to the Holiday (A Hearth's Warming Tail)
Why it's in the top half: It's possible that some of what it's seen here was intended to be used in "The Cutie Re-Mark" as a villain song for Starlight Glimmer, especially with the appearance of the windigos at the end when the character Snowfall Frost doesn't seem to notice them. That's really it, this song is a song in a story. It's combining elements of A Christmas Carol with How The Grinch Stole Christmas. Heck, the cauldron scene gives this vibes similar to that of "Poor, Unfortunate Souls". The only other thing that seems questionable is Snowfall Frost stealing a toy from a child, but this is never brought up again or acknowledged. Why did the toy have to be stolen? We already aren't supposed to sympathize with Snowfall, what does stealing a toy from a child accomplish when it just being discarded or left laying around would accomplish the same thing?

5. Open Up Your Eyes (My Little Pony, The Movie (2017)
Why it's in the top five: Really, why is Tempest the one who gets the villain song even though she's not the intended big bad, yet the actual big bad in the Storm King doesn't get one? Isn't it supposed to be that the main baddy gets the villain song, not their enforcer? Plus, Tempest's backstory is poorly conveyed. Is it happening in-universe? If so, how is Twilight seeing it? Or is it just Tempest reflecting on her past? And if so, how reliable a narrator is she? I bring all these things up because they are rather concerning, not to mention the issues with the repetitive lyrics and the subpar visuals (likely because they wanted to converse the budget after going all out with the previous two songs, but aren't you supposed to go all out for the villain song?). The backing music and Tempest's voice are mostly able to make up for it. Emily Blunt is a pretty good singer, small wonder she was chosen to play Marry Poppins the following year. It's kind of funny to see Tempest claim she's not like Twilight, yet she's going right ahead and singing like ponies do at the precise moment she's trying to argue that she isn't a pony anymore. Like so many other things in the big movie, this song is good as it is but it really needed a reworking because there's so many little things that need to be addressed. And all of it stems from a bigger problem: Tempest is so effective as a villain that it's hard to sell us on the prospect of her being a good guy. I'm not saying it couldn't work, but especially within the movie's run time it was really asking a lot to just jam it into the last ten to fifteen minutes or so.

4. Better Way to Be Bad (Frenemies)
Why it's not in the top three: Apparently, Mark Acheson is a pretty poor singer even though they were insistent that he sing in-character here. Hey, he's leagues above Ian Hanlin's performance as Mayor Sunny Skies in "The End of the Rainbow" (now there's a performance that was in need of auto-tune). This may just be the only time Cozy Glow was actually used effectively, as a way to get Tirek and Chrysalis to stop fighting and quarreling with each other. Of course, this just further strives to show that Cozy Glow does get friendship in her own twisted way. It's a selfish view, but then again she is a child. This is the kind of thing that could be corrected with the proper time and attention. It's the kind of thinking that can lead one to become like Chancellor Neighsay and believe that friendship should be exclusive and beneficial to you. Tirek and Chrysalis have seen no need for friendship because of their own upbringings. Tirek has been used to having to fend for himself, knowing that others just hold you back or betray you. And Chrysalis has only ever cared about herself, believing that she knows best and others are not fit to question her. So Cozy has to use the age old argument: The enemy of my enemy is my friend to get the two to agree to work together. Indeed, there is often no better motivator for alliances or truces than for people to share a common goal or a common enemy. History is full of such alliances and agreements, many of which were much "Fair Weather Friends" type of agreements. This maybe could've worked with King Sombra or the Storm King, King Sombra would've been just as distrustful of others but would've been smart enough to realize he can't win on his own. And the Storm King would feel confident that have those who shared the same goals as him would ensure they wouldn't turn against him, even if he intended to use them solely for his own benefit and then discard them at will. If Cozy Glow were more competently written and used for something other than shock value, and Mark Acheson wasn't such a poor singer, this song would be higher.

3. In Our Town (The Cutie Map a.k.a Cutie Markless, Part 1)
Why it's in the top three: Nothing like some good old fashioned propaganda. Daniel Ingram even admitted that he based this song off of World War II propaganda cartoons and songs (particularly stuff from Disney and Warner Brothers). Like with any cult movement, you need a charismatic and powerful leader to ensure success. And that's exactly what Starlight Glimmer is, even as she's trying to hide it. Much of the focus is spent on the markless ponies, how they supposedly work together and have nothing to make them stand out one way or another. They seem quite content to have no ambitions, no desires or dreams except to serve Starlight. Yet just by looking at Starlight, we can tell that she is different even if she may claim otherwise. Her coat color is still bright and her mane and tail are not completely equal. She gets a few lines to herself, which explains her intended argument and motivation: She believes that cutie marks force ponies apart, that differences lead to division and distrust. The only way to resolve the problem is to force everyone to be on the same level no matter what. Yet we see Starlight not so secretly correcting other ponies that don't conform to the idea of equality. So her idea of equality is a selfish one, one that benefits her at the expense of everyone else. She can spin it as a utopia, but the reality is that it's a police state and she's the police. Yet we can tell us from what Starlight and the townsponies say that this equality is doomed to failure even on its own. It is impossible to truly make everyone the same, there are always differences no matter what (such as gender, ethnicity, income, profession or size).

2. This Day Aria (A Canterlot Wedding, Part 2)
Why it's not on the top: The first true villain song in all of G4, and one that clearly took inspiration from the best of Disney villain songs (but in particular from "Ursula's Song" in The Little Mermaid). It even makes use of the musical reference in Cadence's name: Including a genuine and a deceptive cadence. And we even get treated to a rare reprise as Chrysalis gloats about her victory, about her apparent impending subjugation of all of Canterlot (and then likely all of Equestria). It is a little odd how this song could be working, assuming it's happening in-universe. It's a duet between the impostor Cadence (a.k.a Chrysalis) and the real Cadence. Yet if it's happening in-universe, how is this duet possible? And if it's in-universe, how can no one hear the impostor bragging to herself about how she's duped everyone? It operates on musical logic that no one but the singer (or singers) can be heard. Still, there's a very good reason why this song remains one of the best of the show, and even non-fans have probably seen this song pop up on villain song lists more than once. It's a very good song. But ultimately, there's one that tops it and for a very good reason at that.

1. Under Our Spell (Equestria Girls: Rainbow Rocks)
Why it's on the top: Easily the best song of the entire batch in "Rainbow Rocks", and there's a reason why. This song is justified as being part of the battle of the bands, and the Dazzlings were already technically covered with "Let's Have a Battle (of the Bands" when they persuade Canterlot High to turn the musical showcase into a battle of the bands. Unlike Starlight, they know that equality is impossible and intend to use that to convince others to turn against each other. They've already pretty much accomplished their goal before The Rainbooms have really been able to do anything to them. And even though Adagio Dazzle tells her fellow Dazzlings to "save the good stuff" for when they're at full power, they come right out with this song that is all about them flaunting how powerful they are. They already have control over pretty much the entire school, they could sing horribly and still advance to the finale just by manipulating the judges. This makes the Dazzlings, or at least Adagio Dazzle into a very rare variety of villain: The chessmaster. They already know what strings to pull and what buttons to push to get what they want. And they're making no effort to hide it. They're convinced no one can stand against them even though they know The Rainbooms are going to try. And as this song progresses, we see how effortlessly they defeat any competition in the battle of the bands, and how pony Twilight is struggling to come up with a counter spell. The Dazzlings are hiding in plain slight, content in the knowledge that they're powerful and that no one can stop them. It shows much of a good strategist Adagio is, and it's a real pity that neither Aria Blaze or Sonata Dusk get the same kind of attention. If Adagio wasn't shackled by those two, she could very well be the number one villain of G4 and perhaps one of the best villains in all of animation. This song alone is proof of how much she can accomplish on her own as the leader. So for all those reasons, this song takes the top spot.

And there you have it. There are no more song rankings to do.

Comments

[Starlight Fan]

“He even goes so far as to somehow toss Starlight out the castle window when she's in the bathtub (and Spike apparently lets him do it). Funny as that gag may be, in-universe it makes zero sense.”

Yeah that made no sense to me, I’m gonna assume Spike never saw this happen or something, that’s the only way I can see this making sense because the Spike I know would never let someone harm his friends.

[Jade Ring]

As much as I love "Aria," my number one is still "Better."

The tango style, the way it flows... I still find myself singing it out of nowhere sometimes.

[superfun]

For me, the top one is a tie between Better Way to Be Bad and Open Up Your Eyes. Both utterly amazing songs, but in completely different ways.