• Member Since 1st Apr, 2012
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darf


pony-writer/pornographer looking for work. old stories undeleted. i'm sorry. Patreon here

More Blog Posts148

Jan
1st
2022

darfy new year · 6:27pm January 1st

henlo everypony

around this time last year i emerged from the sightless goop of internet absenteeism and returned to my favorite website to write about ponies.

how have things gone since then?

well.

a few days ago, like clockwork, we woke up to find our paypal is frozen again. this means we can't receive aid/donations/work payment in any fashion until we get it sorted out. you'd think after going through this exact same thing last year, following the steps would be relatively easy, but it turns out when you don't have a mobile phone number and have only lived somewhere for a year, the government doesn't always make it easy to access relevant information.

that all being said, have we been working anyway? it feels like since starting out with a few commissions to keep ourselves afloat, our ability to write fiction has gone completely zero: there's nothing left in us that cares about narrative, characters, etc... it's all just dead leaves and garbage floating on the surface of an abandoned hotel swimming pool.

presently this blog is to say we are not dead (yet), but also that we kind of wish we were—we're only alive thanks to the incredible generosity and kindness of people we've met *directly* in this fandom, and pretty much nowhere else... without pony, we wouldn't be here, and yet, here we are, mostly without any pony. we tried watching G5 and it bored us to tears. i don't have a good excuse besides 'i am depressed at everything'.

the main plan was to tread water with something i felt i could easily do while amassing resources and working on my mental health. instead, this far into a global pandemic and i haven't seen a psychiatrist in years, haven't had my meds adjusted in just as long, am a walking bundle of at least three addictions mixed together, etc., etc...

the purpose of this blog is twofold. 1. to ask everyone reading, if we never wrote pony again, would you hate us? would you want to see us continue being creative somewhere else? are there any stories you feel we 'owe' to the world, so we can scrub them from our conscience and never look back into the pony-colored waters again? 2. does anyone know of a safe and efficient way to transfer funds, both nationally and internationally? we are in Canada, if that is pertinent at all.

presently we would like to say thank you to our incredibly small bundle of friends that are the only human contact we have in the world. one of them is also largely responsible for helping us stay afloat for the last year, and without them, we probably wouldn't be here to write this blog. we would also like to say thank you to everyone who helped us last time—even though i don't believe we earned that support or have done anything since to deserve it, it was the emotional journey of a lifetime waking up to an entire community of people who didn't want you to be dead. idk if we'll ever be able to revisit that feeling.

hopefully everyone is having a happy new year. that phrase feels almost absurd in the wake of... well, everything. but there it is anyway.

pony.

Comments ( 2 )

1. to ask everyone reading, if we never wrote pony again, would you hate us? would you want to see us continue being creative somewhere else? are there any stories you feel we 'owe' to the world, so we can scrub them from our conscience and never look back into the pony-colored waters again?

In order, no (but more is always welcome), yes if it made sense, and no (but again, you're a top talent, so the site would benefit from more from you in any case, though I'm probably missing the point).

2. does anyone know of a safe and efficient way to transfer funds, both nationally and internationally?

Sorry, but not that I'm aware of. Amazon gift codes seem safe, but aren't efficient.

It's darf! I'm surprised and pleased to see a blog from you. I thought of you earlier today and wondered how you were doing. Sorry to hear your New Year is not yet a happy one, hopefully things will look up. It sounds like first and foremost you need to at least get an online appt with a psychiatrist, if not an in-person one.

I know you're not feeling the writing thing, but this:

it's all just dead leaves and garbage floating on the surface of an abandoned hotel swimming pool.

sounds kind of poetic in its way.

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