Oh My God · 1:23pm Dec 2nd, 2021
This blog post is a sequel to the latest chapter of ⇩ Please Downvote! ⇩
Oh My God.
OH MY GOD
I figured it out
I figured it all out.
While plotting out the next chapter of
it all clicked.
Be it divine inspiration or magic or me actually accomplishing something for once, in my head, I figured it all out.
I figured it all out.
Thank you former musician friend Chris the former bassist in former crappy OC rock band Navagita wait no it was my drummer in my own crappy rock band Brian who moved to Chicago.
Thank you, Brian, for introducing me to Tom Lehrer via "That's Mathematics".
.
Because at the bottom of the Wikipedia page on Strychnine (see the prequel to this blog for context), is a link to a Wikipedia article that mentions another Tom Lehrer song (which references the usage of strychnine as an avicide: Poisoning Pigeons in the Park
And that's when it all hit me.
My best story. The trash doves. The one on the absurdist nature of existence. This one:
The thrust of the middle third is that the trash doves live ephemeral lives. That first they flopped their heads. and then they flopped dead.
And it all came together. Everything. It all makes sense now. It is all makes sense!
Strychnine Poisoning. What is the main, the one universal symptom? The Sine qua non, if you will?
Convulsions.
Convulsions
BUT WAIT (RIP Billy Mays)
There's more.
how do trash doves convulse?
How do they seize, thrash, twitch, a motion I now look back on with horror my identification of bacchanalian abandon.
No. These birds were not partying in defiance of the meaningless of existence, a colossal "Fuck You!" to an uncaring universe.
No. Dearest reader, I look back with a heavy heart. Because I now understand. These birds were in pain. These birds were convulsing in agony.
I'm neither a chemist nor a biologist nor good at passing either of those classes in collage because I'm a dysfunctional man-child, but my understanding of the Wikipedia article is that strychnine basically over-excited the nervous system receptors that control the body's muscles. Thus the spasming. Thus the twitches that turn to shakes that turn to convulsions that turn to death by suffocation, as the victim can no longer control their own breathing.
Killer convulsions would make an excellent band name, but it's a terrible, terrifying way to go. Alas, it does not end here. I said there was more, and I, for once, am no liar.
How does the Trash Dove flop (alas, not in jubilation but in annihilation)?
I always thought the heart of the motion was throwing the head down, headbanging like it's that one part of Bohemian Rhapsody:
I was wrong.
Yesterday, I was introduced to the word "Opisthotonus. In the words of Google, it means "spasm of the muscles causing backward arching of the head, neck, and spine, as in severe tetanus, some kinds of meningitis, and strychnine poisoning."
Backward arching of the head, neck, and spine
And in that horrible, singular moment as I stared blankly at the ceiling, muttering "Oh My God", I gained, with horror, the gift of knowledge.
With dawning horror, I realized.
Pinkie, I'm sorry.
We were all wrong. We were all so very wrong.
The Trash Doves flopped, not because they could.
The Trash Doves flopped because they were murdered.
Well ok then.
So the trash doves were murdered by mathematician turned comic singer-songwriter Tom Lyra?
I was introduced to Tom Lehrer at school through The Elements Song (to which I still know all the words). (Random aside: someone should make a PMV of that song using Joycall6's and Parcly Taxel's periodic table art)
I forgot strychanine got used in that song too (I remembered that the pidgeons "would try-an-hide but still go for peanuts when coated with cyanide" but it took a couple of minutes to recall his heart "quickenin' with each drop of strychnine.")
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Yo I'll have to check out those periodic tables more when I'm not driving 150 mi to an acting gig anyway yeah he's a great musician reminds me of Sid Barritt or Harry Nielsen a bit how like he did all this music and then kind of disappeared but he's still alive at the age of 93. given his dark sense of humor I feel like I should tell him about how his song inspired me so to speak, he might appreciate it. Or he might file a restraining order LOL
Hopefully he won't poison me though
By the way if you like poisoning pigeons in the park check out weird Al's song weasel stomping Day complete with adult swim claymation
Well...I mean, yeah. I learned that birds couldn't handle strychnine in my youth but learning this much about it was never my intention.
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That makes two of us lol wikipedia dives are a hell of a drug.