Whatever Happened to Those Stories I Promised? · 9:22pm Nov 17th, 2021
Hello again! Been way too long, hasn't it?
If you're a longtime follower of mine, you may recall that today, November 17th, is my birthday. Back in 2019, I made a blog post commemorating the occasion, complete with a "preview of my coming attractions". I showcased excerpts of five stories I'd been working on, all of them in various stages of completion, and promised that at least one of them would find its way into the New column by the end of the month.
Exactly two years have passed since that promise. To date, none of those five stories have been published.
What went wrong? To be honest, I've been asking myself the same thing for a while. Below, I've revisited the five stories, postulated why I've had such a hard time finishing them, and guessed as to when they may finally be finished. At the very least, I hope you'll appreciate the peek into my headspace.
So, without further ado, here's a review of my still-to-come attractions:
Why Me? Why Not.
This was supposed to be a short-but-sweet GallusStream story. I'd recently reread The Catcher In the Rye for reasons I've long since forgotten, and though I failed to understand the hype surrounding the novel, I became interested in writing something in a similar, albeit more uplifting style. I quickly settled on making Gallus my Holden Caulfield-esque narrator, then thrust him into a narrative wherein he battled his sense of self-worth (or lack thereof) while on a date with Silverstream.
I feel like it could be a very successful story (the short teaser received praise from paperhearts, something that meant a lot to me at the time), but, for one reason or another, I've never been able to actually finish the darn thing. I know how the story ought to progress, and I've already written over half of it, but the exact phrasing of the remaining half — particularly, its middle portion — has persistently alluded me. Writer's Block is a fickle thing, I suppose. At the moment, it's fallen fairly low on my list of priorities (see the very end of this blog for more info), but I'd definitely like to get it finished someday; IMO, there's some really solid characterization in the 2.5K words I've already written, and the idea of those words never seeing the light of day disheartens me. Watch this space.
Also, random trivia: the title — which might be changed if/when the fic gets finished — was derived from a pair of drawings by John Lennon. Somehow, it took over a year for me to realize just how darkly ironic naming a Catcher In the Rye-inspired story after a John Lennon reference was. Shoot me, amirite?
Don't Look Back In Anger
At its heart, this story had a simple premise: exactly 500 years after the events of FiM's first episode, an immortal Twilight prepares for yet another Summer Sun Celebration, fondly looking back on her long, long life all the while.
Even with the story's simplicity, once upon a time — specifically, the summer of 2019 — I had rather overambitious plans for it. Had things gone according to my original plan, it would have been published just as the credits rolled on the FiM series finale, serving as a fond farewell and loving tribute to the show we all knew and loved.
…And then the finale leaked.
I've always been especially susceptible to "atmospheric conditions", so to speak, and the fandom's implosive — and, in places, downright vitriolic — reaction to The Ending of the End and The Last Problem was a direct hit to my self-confidence. This affected me in a variety of ways (some of which, as a matter of fact, will appear further below), but DLBIA was among the first to suffer for it. At a time like that, I thought to myself, how could I ever hope to successfully publish such a blindly optimistic story about Twilight's immortality? Especially when half the fandom had convinced themselves she'd just turned into a soulless, miserable Celestia clone who "couldn't be happy anymore"?
One of my vividest memories from this dark age is posting a heartfelt "Regardless of how we feel, let's take a minute to appreciate this moment for what it is" speech to the finale discussion thread… only for another user (and a pretty well-regarded one at that) to immediately tell me to, in short, get bent. In hindsight, I don't resent them for it in the slightest — Hell, maybe I even deserved it — but the pessimistic shootdown left me feeling disproportionately bitter for quite some time afterwards.
Since then, the story's slowly fallen into limbo. It was about 70% finished — about 4.5K words in total — when I advertised it back in November 2019, and I don't think I've so much as touched it since then. I've recently pondered the possibility of adapting it to a G5 context — specifically, by adding a new framing device centered around Sunny Starscout's pseudo-alicornhood — but only time will tell if anything actually comes of it. In hindsight, the story was never going to be anything revolutionary, but it would certainly be nice to finally lay it to rest. Who knows? Maybe then, I'll finally be able to stop looking back in anger myself.
The World Still Spins Around
In essence, this was my attempt at writing Royal Canterlot Library bait. I started writing it sometime midway through Season 9; the exact timeframe escapes me, but I do recall rewriting several paragraphs to acknowledge events from A Trivial Pursuit. Even so, it only began taking its definitive form after the finale leaked. Loosely inspired by various dramas within the fandom circa 2019, it was meant to be somewhat symbolic in nature, with an overarching message best summarized as "The only one who can truly kill the magic is you". The whole thing was undeniably pretentious in hindsight, but eh, it felt inspired at the time.
In the end, my overambition — and the potentially touchy FiM plot points it recontextualized — got the better of me, and the story was abandoned as a result. Simple as that. One half of me thinks its narrative is too embarrassingly angst-ridden to fully divulge, while the other half wants to keep it secret in case I ever actually finish the story. Either way, for one reason or another, I'd rather not explain this one further right now. Just know that it would've been an "alternate ending" fic in which Spike and Rarity, amongst other things, thought about Twilight's current status. For now, that's all you're getting from me.
Agree to Disagree
Despite its contemporary content, I think this story actually might've been the oldest of the five. I've discussed this aspect of myself on occasion, but my first attempt at butting into the quote-unquote "fandom experience" was with Star Wars. I hadn't planned to write fanfiction at the time; I merely wanted to use the then-forthcoming sequel trilogy as a springboard to engross myself in the community.
As I'm sure you're already well aware, the mid-to-late-2010s were not an ideal time to try engrossing yourself in the Star Wars community.
There were a few other inspirations for Agree to Disagree, but indeed, the sequel trilogy — and all the drama surrounding it — was at its heart. In essence, it was intended to be my counter to a rising trend in fandom communities that I couldn't help but be distressed by: the notion that one's opposition opinion-wise were not only tasteless, but morally bankrupt to boot. Believe me, there are far worse things to do than be entertained by entertainment.
The story went as such: Spike, infuriated by the objective poor quality of a recent Power Ponies "super special issue", begins throwing away his comics. Starlight, who recently became a fan of the series through Spike and didn't think the new issue was all that bad, promptly gets into a heated argument with him, forcing Twilight to play the part of the intermediary. Though no one's opinions are changed in the end, Twilight's ensuing friendship speech convinces Spike and Starlight to, well, agree to disagree.
I liked where the narrative was going, but my prose came off as egregiously bland no matter what I tried. As the drama surrounding the finale failed to quiet down, it ultimately became yet another victim of AP-slowly-losing-faith-in-his-own-bullsh*t-itis.
I'm not sure if it'll ever be finished. One half of me thinks I should just get it off my chest, while the other finds it irrecoverably drab and preachy. Either way, I'd definitely like to revisit Twilight, Spike, and Starlight's dynamic: I've had a lot of fun writing them together, even if most of that writing remains unpublished.
Nowhere and Back Again
Another reactionary post-finale drabble, this time set in an AU where the Terrible Trio were somehow reformed at the end of The Ending of the End. The exact methodology was never settled upon (and would've been mostly irrelevant to the story's events regardless), but vaguely entailed the Trio concluding that they enjoyed each other's company more than they did world-conquering.
The story would have focused on Chrysalis reuniting with Thorax and Pharynx in the wake of the Battle of the Bell; naturally, apologetic reunions and emotional healing would ensue. It was a fun story to start, and I enjoyed sketching out the three changelings' dialogue together. Unfortunately, that enthusiasm died quickly. As my other attempts to tackle the finale wound up wearing me out further, my drive to finish Back Again was drained away with them.
It didn't help matters that, funnily enough, I became scared of the possibility that its readers would tell me they liked my reality more than the finale's. It's such a silly concern, really, but given where my headspace was at the time — and still is, in some regards — it was the last thing I needed to hear.
Regardless, though it's low on my list of priorities, I remain interested in revisiting Back Again someday. I could very well see it becoming a hit… whether I'd want it to or not.
And with that, we have reached the end of my list — a list that doesn't even include stories I've only ever title-dropped, like Miles Above It All, The World's Not Set In Stone, or the untitled Ocellus backstory fanfic I once assured was on its way. Nor does it include the numerous stories I've never even mentioned publicly prior to this point: stories like Chocolate Milk, …Get Back There, What's Going On, and many more still. 2019-2020 was an immensely productive time for me, and yet nearly all of it was second-guessed into stagnation.
Needless to say, it's been extremely frustrating. We've seen writers like TCC56, The Red Parade, and Graymane Shadow, amongst plenty of others, burst into the fandom's quote-unquote "mainstream" over the past year. Perhaps I'm being conceited in saying this (and I genuinely apologize if it comes off that way), but I can't shake the sense that I could've done the same, were it not for my continuous foot-shooting.
I cannot overstate just how thoroughly the finale brouhaha wrecked my self-confidence. It's as if Haber and Dubac wrote it specifically to screw with my head in every single way possible, down to the fact that, even after everything that's happened, I still don't hate it. I still don't think it's all that bad — or, at the very least, I think there are far, far worse notes for a show to go out on.
Maybe I'd have been happier if it had hated it. Quite a dreary thought, isn't it?
But all of that is neither here nor there. Even if my past attempts have stalled, I still want to contribute to this fandom. Which raises the question: what now?
Well, I'm working on a story right now: an expansion of a flashfic I wrote back in April 2020. It's nothing particularly groundbreaking, but I'd like to think it'll make for a good read regardless. Currently, I'm eyeing a weekend release date, but, well, you and I both know I'm not the best at keeping those kinds of promises. Either way, I'm hoping it'll help get me back into the swing of things.
From there, who knows? By this point, it goes without saying that I have plenty of unfinished stories I could potentially dust off. Of the above five, Why Me? stands the highest chance of getting finished first, though I could easily imagine the hypothetical rewrite of Don't Look Back taking that spot. A New Generation has also been particularly inspiring for me, and given how optimistic the bulk of the fandom has become in its wake, I should probably take advantage of the ideal "atmospheric conditions" while they last.
Point being, I'm trying my damndest to get back into fully-fledged writing here. It hasn't worked out all that well so far — my proofreading hobby and Odds 'n' Ends aside — but that doesn't mean it'll always be that way. There's no time like the present, y'know what I mean? Luck permitting, y'all are stuck with me for at least a little while longer.
I hope I'll see you again soon!
–AP
P.S. If you have any thoughts/concerns, feel free to comment! I'd really appreciate the feedback, especially on a blog post like this.
P.P.S. Apologies if this is the second time you're seeing this. I accidentally hit "Post Blog Entry" while I was in the middle of reformatting my text for FiMFiction. Whoops.
Man, I really hope we get to see the second one. Always love stories that so Twi immortality in a good like. I just can’t see Twi as the type of character to do into the deep end from something like that
No, you didn't. Optimism is not a sin, nor is enjoying a genuinely good product in spite of the hate others throw at it.
It isn't bad, and quite frankly, it baffles me how many people are still whining about it as if it was worst thing ever. It's fitting that you bring up the Star Wars sequels, since those are also overhated pieces of media with a whinging hatedom that can't get over themselves. They're certainly not flawless, but none of the their mistakes are worse than what happened in previous entries in their franchise, and to be blunt they're outright better than their predecessors in some ways.
We NEED more optimism in this day and age, because it's the only possible way to combat the toxicity that's inexplicably pervading every fandom I know. By all means, write your optimistic tales, because the whiners are the ones choosing to wallow in self-pity while the rest of us actually live a little.
Don't ever let me catch you saying this or anything like it again, because if you do, I will friendship and optimism the teeth out of you. There will never be a good enough dentist in all of time and space to fix your new cavities.
Remember this: It's fine to take your entertainment seriously-- people like us and places like this wouldn't exist if we didn't, and the world would be a lot darker for it. But there's a point where you have to step back and just acknowledge for a second that you're getting all worked up over something that's just meant to be fun. That doesn't stop it from being less than good, but as long as it entertains you, then isn't it fulfilling it's purpose?
Let's climb out of that obscurity hole together, AP.
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Personally, I can find either interpretation enjoyable (case in point: my bittersweet take on the matter in the aforementioned flashfic and its forthcoming expansion). That being said, the story wouldn't be much of a "loving tribute" if Twilight spent its entirety putzing around feeling miserable, y'know what I mean?
:P
I think I'd prefer to focus on some simpler stuff for the time being, but I imagine I'll try finishing it somewhere down the line.
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In all fairness, I was being pretty f*cking pretentious about the whole thing. It might not be a sin, per se, but in my experience, overbearing optimism can often become just as obnoxious as overbearing pessimism. I might've needed the wake-up call. They weren't even all that rude about it, for that matter. Looking back on this blog, "get bent" was an inaccurate encapsulation of their words.
Honestly, it — and The Ending of the End, for that matter — being "overhated" isn't really what bites me. Art is subjective, as the saying goes, and everyone's going to get something different out of it all. I've talked with plenty of real-life acquaintances who didn't like the sequel trilogy for one reason or another, and we've had perfectly cordial discussions about what we did and didn't see in it. If you ask me, there's nothing wrong with that in the slightest.
My only qualm is when people use those subjective opinions as proof of an assumed moral superiority. I can live with people disliking my interests or my stories; people disliking me as a person, on the other hand, is an entirely different story, and the increasingly blurred lines wracked my brain. Because of that mentality, I spent an entire year on this site scared sh*tless that someone would swoop down and bite my head off the moment they thought my words were so much as a step out of line.
Otherwise, dissent is A-OK in my book.
Say what you want about those people, but you can't deny that they're committed. I, on the other hand, am wishy-washy as all hell. I was just errantly speculating that, had I disliked the finale, I might've had an easier time getting over myself and keeping my nose to the grindstone. Regardless, I'm perfectly happy maintaining my enjoyment of it, thank you very much.
(Also, in case it wasn't clear: when I said "happier", I meant it exclusively within the context of this fandom. Rest assured, I'd like to think I'm holding out pretty well IRL.)
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I'm on it! Progress has been slower than I expected, so it might wind up becoming a Monday/Tuesday thing instead, but I'm still getting there!
:)
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Hey man, whichever story you want to focus on is up to you. All of them show pretty interesting, so can’t wait to see whichever one you do end up focusing on
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I know it's been a while, but thanks again for your interest in my works-in-perpetual-progress. If you're interested, I've since posted a follow-up blog and a new story to go along with it! Check them out if you want to!