Friendship and Card Games: Rainbow Dash Presents: Haunting Nightmare

Happy Halloween! We’re skipping ahead a bit on Rainbow Dash Presents given the holiday. Somewhere Only We Know is a disquieting story at times, but not really scary. Besides, what’s Nightmare Night without Luna?

Haunting Nightmare is one of Pen Stroke’s stories, and no, it doesn’t involve Nyx. It does have nightmares as a kind of malicious spirit capable of possessing ponies for their own dark ends.

Rarity guiding Dash away from the Pin the Tail on the Cranky board and wrecking Twilight’s stuff in the process. This kind of thing is why I could never really get into the Mentally Advanced Series. (Yes, I know similar things happened in Friendship is Witchcraft, but there it feels less like the characters actively choosing to be cruel to one another and more their being victims of their dystopian society.) Pinkie slipping roofies into Twilight’s drink doesn’t help.

I do appreciate Twilight and Spike silently bonding through their shared resentment of Spike having to clean up after an incredibly soused Applejack. I also like Applejack venting her frustrations and fears with the rut her life has fallen into, but only after taking in a liver-bustingly high amount of alcohol.

Fluttershy having a juice box is honestly great.

I feel like I’m missing something with Zecora. This is what I get for only watching the spinoffs.

Nice touch with the shaking books all having to do with earthquakes… except, of course, for Bad Book Puns.

Ah yes, accidentally summoning Moon Horse. A must for any Nightmare Night party worth attending. (Be sure you check her schedule first. It’s a very busy night for her.)

… Hold on. This came out July 31, 2012. Dawn Somewhere called the “cursed work of fiction that drags in the reader” thing more than a year before “Power Ponies.” Hardly the first time it’s been used, but the two are strikingly similar.

It does look like a useful tome at the moment, but I have to wonder why Applejack has a copy of 23 Minutes in Pony Hell in her barn. Maybe it’s Granny Smith’s. Wouldn’t surprise me if she dabbles in the occult in most timelines.

I forgot about Spike’s Scottish accent. Delightful. And I do appreciate how his exact words regarding Plan B are “I’ll tell you when it happens.” He’s spent enough time around Twilight to know that Plan A going wrong is guaranteed.

Ah, yes. Twilight’s dealt with an RDP before. Specifically Spiderses, hence her latest book of choice. She knows she’s in for some bull-honkery, but not the specific kind.
(I’ll be covering that Rainbow Dash Presents… around Christmas Day? Huh.)

Yeah, play nice with the narrator while they control your existence. The alternatives are… unpleasant.

“This will almost be as much fun as face spiders.”
I do appreciate the jokes that need no further context.

“If We were being serious, you would know, because we would have threatened something worse!”
Very reassuring there, Luna.

I have a number of questions, both about the catacombs beneath Castle Canterlot and the madness of the diarchs’ mother. Especially since she’s credited with writing this book.

Of course Dash is aware they’re in a story. She’s narrated enough of them to recognize the signs by now.

Yeah, Dash setting off a smoke alarm and a firearm while trying to get a glass of water makes sense.
( “I don’t even own a gun!”
“Pinkie is aware.”)

Pinkie twisting something from Pee-Wee’s Playhouse to summon the spirits of the dead also makes sense.

I really doubt Cthulhu’s going to answer your summons after you drew on his face with Sharpie, Pinkie.

At first, I thought the green slime covering Twilight’s kitchen was from summoned spirits. Then I realized it was just Rainbow Dash.

I do like Twilight’s uncertain expression as she sees the Mare in the Moon. As Luna narrates, no less.

Wonderful touch with Twilight being a blank-flanked filly as she awakens in the dream sequence. Also, Celestia cutting open her student’s beloved plushie and filling it with sliced bread should tell you just about everything you need to know about this particular Sun Horse.

The stuttering, uneasy middle ground between animatic and full-on animation really drives home the unsettling nature of the dream sequence. Lovely stuff.

The ceiling mural evoking characters from Rainbow Factory Captain Hook the Biker Gorilla is a lovely touch. (That one’s slated for January 15th. I have my schedule planned out through mid-May.)

The subtly twisting corridor gives off strong Ocarina of Time Forest Temple vibes. Appropriate.

Yeah, Smarty Pants plays a very important role in the source story.

The logical response to arthouse horror, a quiet, shaken “I don’t know what it means.”

“I wish Celestia had exploded all over my walls.”
There’s something you won’t hear in most pony fiction.

Ah, offering Twilight the childhood she never had… and subtly editing out the plushie Smarty Pants seeks to replace.

Quite a few Easter eggs in the pile of stuffed animals. There’s GIR, a Pikachu, Rainbow Dash, Derpy, Pinkie, Strong Bad, two The Cheats, the Lorax… Plus, again, the symbolism of offering Twilight an escape from the cynicism and crushing weight of adult life. And the crown, a symbol of the agency Twilight’s always been denied.

Oh, magnificent transition from the chilling, lingering shot of the front door of Golden Oaks to Applejack knocking on the real one. Seriously, there’s some great cinematography in this one.

As stated, in the original story, nightmares are malicious spirits possessing bodies to fulfill their own foul agendas. Here, Twilight’s effectively been infected by the eldritch equivalent of an L. paradoxum, a parasite that tries to get its intermediary host devoured so it can use a second host’s digestive system to reproduce. It’s just that instead of making her eyestalks swell up and forcing her to climb up to the top of a plant for maximum visibility, the parasite is controlling her to perform unspeakable rituals to contact an elder star god. As you do.

I can certainly understand Applejack’s reaction. How are you supposed to react to that last paragraph?

There’s something equal parts adorable and awesome about Spike wearing a cattle skull and chipmunk bones, ready to perform grim rituals to oppose a far darker entity. I really like the idea of Twilight training him in any number of occult contingencies in the inevitable event she bites off more than she can chew. For one, I’m always up for a competent Spike. For another, it shows the precise level of self-awareness I like to see in Twilight; enough to prepare for the consequences of her actions, but not enough to halt those actions altogether. After all, you’ve got to be at least a little crazy to everything she does to magic, society, and geopolitics.

You’re ponies, Dash. You can all pee standing up.

I’m far less enthusiastic about this presentation of Rarity… but I can’t deny that “Have a problem? Find a stallion” does have some canonical support.

Applejack is having none of this talk about her brother being the town bicycle, and really, who can blame her?

Everyone has a breaking point where they will not take any more crap. Do not push Applejack past hers.

“I need you to stand still and don’t get distracted by anything!”
“Aaaaalright, Rainbow Dash is our Number Three!”
Yeah, that tracks. Swapping out Rarity for Pinkie might be advisable as well.

Hmm. First portrait of Louis XIV I found doesn't have trousers at all, much less colorful, pleated ones. Hose was definitely more the style at the time.

Anti-parasprite shampoo. Huh. You’d think they’d be big enough that you could just pluck the mouth. And it’s not like you have time to try to kill the eggs. If you can even call those boluses eggs…
Also, Twilight borrowed Fluttershy’s manebrush and never gave it back, which just feels par for the course with this Fluttershy.

Tentacles in the toilet do raise the question of how the library tree’s septic system works. Does any get directly repurposed to feed the tree? Does any not?

What’s worse than a possessed toy? A possessed toy with its own musical number about how it wants to wear your body like a suit.

Yeah, the whole “You don’t need to run faster than the monster; you just need to run faster than your friend” idea only works if the monster has to slow down.

Oof. Running into the door crumpled Rarity’s horn for a bit.

And enter Thrackerzod. You can’t have eldritch entitites possessing ponies in this continuity without the servant of Azathoth getting involved. Especially since Twilight’s soul is already spoken for (which is one of the things I do remember from mainline MAS. Largely thanks to Songs of the Spheres.)

“Azathoth is worthless.”
Yeah, the Blind Idiot God is powerful, but not exactly a mover and shaker in the grand scheme of things. You know, part of the whole "Blind Idiot God" issue.

I do love how desperately beings from beyond the stars try to present themselves as perfectly normal ponies here. And how badly they fail.

Zecora’s presence here ties into the source story. Spoilers for a ten-year old fic: She’s the one who yanks the possessing nightmare out of Twilight, and is herself a nightmare forcibly bound to a zebra skeleton who’s rules-lawyered her way around many of the stipulations of her binding. The story ends with her consuming Nightmare Moon, along with the professional exorcist who bound her.

And Thrackerzod zipping away at the end, implying they invaded the story of their own volition… and that the eldritch parasite is real enough that it threatened the established contract. Fascinating.

Yeah, this was a lot of fun, and very appropriate for today. Now to see what I can make of it. Bear in mind that going forward, the mechanics of Innistrad: Crimson Vow are fair game.

Novice Watchpony 1W
Creature — Pony Soldier
Vigilance
Training (Whenever this creature attacks with another creature with greater power, put a +1/+1 counter on this creature.)
“Don’t stop flinching. Learn when to flinch.”
1/2

Lay to Rest 2W
Instant
Exile up to one target enchantment, up to one target Spirit, and up to one target card from a graveyard.
Some unquiet spirits respond to love and sympathy. Failing that, most respond to holy purging magic.

Hated by Existence 1U
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
When Hated by Existence enters the battlefield or enchanted creature dies, any number of target players each draw a card.
The universe rewards those who correct cosmic mistakes.

Behold the Cosmos 2U
Sorcery
Cast this spell only if it’s night.
Draw three cards.
Forecast — U, Reveal Behold the Cosmos from your hand: If it’s neither day nor night, it becomes day. (Activate only during your upkeep and only once each turn.)

Lost in the Shelves 3U
Sorcery
Choose target nonland permanent. That permanent’s owner shuffles it into their library.
Runny Haycartes dedicated his Principles of Libramancy to the researchers forever trapped between pages.

Desperate Supplicant 1B
Creature — Unicorn Warlock
2BB: Transform Desperate Supplicant. Activate only as a sorcery.
Those who spend enough time around Celestia are happy to seek patronage from any other great power.
2/2
Servant of Azathoth
(B) Creature — Horror Cleric
When this creature transforms into Servant of Azathoth, draw three cards.
At the beginning of your end step, you lose life equal to the number of cards in your hand.
The price exacted on their bodies and souls is always preferable.
3/4

Sanguine Gate 1B
Creature — Wall
Defender
When Sanguine Gate enters the battlefield, create a Blood token. (It’s an artifact with “1, T, Discard a card, Sacrifice this artifact: Draw a card.”)
Sacrifice an artifact token: Sanguine Gate gains indestructible until end of turn. Tap it.
0/4

Senseless Cruelty 1B
Sorcery
Cleave 2BB (You may cast this spell for its cleave cost. If you do, remove the words in square brackets.)
Destroy target creature. You [and that creature’s controller each] create a Food token. (They’re artifacts with “2, T, Sacrifice this artifact: You gain 3 life.”)
Celestia does not explain. Celestia is.

Droning Zebra 2B
Creature — Zebra Warlock
When Droning Zebra enters the battlefield, draw a card. You lose 2 life unless you control a Curse.
Intonation is a key part of any incantation. Sometimes that means maintaining a constant tone until ears start bleeding.
2/1

Septic Monstrosity 2B
Creature — Horror
Menace
Exploit (When this creature enters the battlefield, you may sacrifice a creature.)
When Septic Monstrosity exploits a creature, exile all cards from target player’s graveyard.
Twilight started pouring more solvents down the sink.
3/2

Canterlot Catacombs 2BB
Artifact
Exploit
Whenever a permanent you control exploits a creature, put a corpse counter on Canterlot Catacombs, then create a 1/1 black Skeleton creature token for each corpse counter on it.

Psychotic Princess 3B
Creature — Noble
Alicorn (This card is also a Pony Pegasus Unicorn.)
Flying
When Psychotic Princess enters the battlefield, you become the monarch.
At the beginning of your upkeep, if you’re the monarch, each opponent discards a card.
2/3

Whim of the Blind Dreamer 3BB
Sorcery
For each player, choose half the creatures that player controls, rounded up. That player sacrifices those creatures.
Azathoth spends most eons burbling nonsense to himself. On the rare occasion he is spurred to action, the universe shudders.

Obligated Socialite 1R
Creature — Unicorn Citizen
Obligated Socialite attacks each combat if able and can’t attack alone. (You can choose not to attack if you don’t control another creature that has to attack.)
Social events are at least as vital to her as breathing.
3/1

Wire Chewer 1R
Creature — Elemental Mouse
Haste
Whenever Wire Chewer deals combat damage to a player, you get E (an energy counter).
Gremlins are the worst menace in Ghirapur, but not the only one.
2/1

Contingency Dragon 2RR
Creature — Dragon
Hideaway (This creature enters the battlefield tapped. When it does, look at the top four cards of your library, exile one face down, then put the rest on the bottom of your library.)
Flying
Fateful hour — As long as you have 5 or less life, you may play the exiled card without paying its mana cost. (Timing rules still apply.)
4/3

Unblinking Mutt 1G
Creature — Dog
When Unblinking Mutt enters the battlefield, you get EE.
Pay EEEEEE: Transform Unblinking Mutt.
Zim’s weird dog would be the first thing people noticed about anyone else. With him, it’s about twelfth.
2/2
Unfeeling Invader
Artifact Creature — Construct
Trample
Whenever Unfeeling Invader deals combat damage to a player, you get that many E.
Pay EE: Unfeeling Invader gains indestructible until end of turn.
“Make me a taco if you want to live.”
5/5

Beckoning Rites 3GG
Sorcery
Demonstrate (When you cast this spell, you may copy it. If you do, choose an opponent to also copy it.)
You may put a creature card from your hand onto the battlefield.
Different summoning chants can resonate in startling ways.

Reclaim the Past 4GG
Sorcery
Cleave 7GG
Return any number of target cards [with different mana values] from your graveyard to your hand.
Exile Reclaim the Past.

Spirit Board 3
Artifact
Spirit creatures you control get +1/+1.
4, T, Exile a creature card from your graveyard: Create a 1/1 white Spirit creature token with flying.
Breaching the gap between this world and the next, one letter at a time.

Twitching Doll 1BR
Artifact Creature — Construct
Indestructible
At the beginning of combat on each opponent’s turn, target creature that player controls attacks you if able this combat.
At the beginning of each upkeep, if Twitching Doll was dealt 4 or more damage last turn, transform it.
0/1
Rending Horror
(BR) Creature — Horror
Trample
Whenever Rending Horror attacks, destroy target tapped creature defending player controls.
Whenever another creature dies, put a +1/+1 counter on Rending Horror.
It has tasted pain. Now it wants flesh.
4/4

Astral Parasite 3UB
Creature — Spirit Horror
Astral Parasite can’t be blocked.
At the beginning of your upkeep, you lose 1 life.
Disturb 4UB (You may cast this spell from your graveyard transformed for its disturb cost.)
All forms of life have diseases.
4/2
Parasitic Possession
(UB) Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
You control enchanted creature
At the beginning of your upkeep, enchanted creature’s owner loses 1 life.
If Parasitic Possession would be put into a graveyard from anywhere, exile it instead.

Bonehoard Occultist 3BR
Creature — Dragon Warlock
Flying, trample
Whenever Bonehoard Occultist attacks, exile up to one target creature card from a graveyard. Then you may create a token that’s a copy of a card exiled with Bonehoard Occultist and that’s tapped and attacking. Exile the token at end of combat.
4/4

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[Herald of Opera]

Remember how I put my thoughts about MtG reveals here because more people who care will see it than anywhere else I am? Toxrill is going to get proxied as Heavy Weather from Jojo's because passively turning everything into snails.