• Member Since 20th Nov, 2013
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Foals Errand


Guess whose back?!

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Sep
23rd
2021

I'm sorry/ I'm feeling better · 5:53am Sep 23rd, 2021

I had a horribly bad breakdown. I don't want to erase this blog because the truth is I did feel this way during my breakdown. So I'll add this and say I'm still broken but I'm finding my pieces.




I'm sorry that i've fucked up so much...I can't write I see that now I'm sorry I thought I could...I can't I just keep people waiting and eventually they get tired of waiting and leave

that's okay though cuz I don't deserve to have people who think I'm good at anything cuz all I do is fuck up I fuck up and I fuck up and I fuck up! i can't keep a job I camn't make myself write I can't do fucking anything and I'm so sorry I wasted all of your time I'm sorry...


i don't deserve any of my upvotes or comments feel free to change them to down votes it would make sense for how long I've made you wait I'm sorry I'm so sorry that I'm such a fuck up its fine though its fine because I know the people who like me only like me for my writing so its all fake everything is fucking fake my pain is fake my pills are fake my writing is fake my wANTS AND DREAMS AND HOPES BEING A KINDERGARTYEN TEACHER IS ALL I EVER WANTED TO DO! NOT SO FAT MADISON THATS MY REAL NAME BTW NOT SO FAST MADISON YOU HAVE A GENETIC PROBLEM OF YOUR CONNECTIVE TISSUES YOU'LL WNEVER BER ABLE TO DO IT SO HERE I AM A ALMOST 35 YWEAR OLD WOMAN WHOS ONLY FRIENDS ARE PEOPLE I MET THROUGH THJIS SIGTH AN D SLOWLY THESVES LEFT ME NO LONGER TALK AND...ITS OK BECAUSE I DON'T DESERVE FRIENDS I DON'T DESERVE ANYTHING...
I'M SORRY I DON'T HAVE ANYWEHERE ELSE TO SAY THIS...DON'T WORRY NOT SUICIDAL....THERES NO POINT IN IT I'M NOT WORTH KLILLING MYSELF I JUST...I'M NOT WORTH ANYTHING


I'MSORRY FOR IF I PISSED ANYONE OFF WITH MY OPINIONS I PROMISE ITLL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN


SORRY FOR HOW THIS LOOKS I'M JUST LOOKING AT THE KEYBOARD AND DON'T HAVE MY GLASSES ON AS I';M CRYING NOT THAT IT MATTERS...NOTHING MATTERS...i LOVE YOU ALL EVEN IF I DON'T RECIEVE LOVE BACK...GOODNIGHT

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Comments ( 24 )

Foals, I know we haven't talked in a while, but if you ever want an ear, I'm available. You're not a fuck up.

I highly recommend seeking the assistance of a doctor or therapist. Questioning your own value to this degree is incredibly unhealthy.

what??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????:rainbowderp::applejackconfused:

No you are not a fuck up. Please don’t let anyone tell you that about yourself.

5585485
I do see a counselor and am on an anti-depressant. This was a case of a perfect storm of...my PTSD/Depression/Anxiety and being scared that I screwed up plus my monthly time being rough...Yay being a girl fucking sucks sometimes!

5585484
Thank you Albi. I appreciate it...I'm calming down now...I won't take this blog down cause rantinmg helped me...but when I wake up I'll make an I'm going to put myself back together blog

Your in no way a fuck up ;-; *hugs tightly*

0.о? what exactly happening? i have similar periods of self-doubts, but so far few humans I found due to attempt at helping some local dogs prove me useful.. and so says dog who sleeps with me.. not biggest num. of live beings, but real none the less (+few computer/software related things I sometimes do).

I hope someone will hug you irl where you live. While we connected via electronics - we are still real.. I am not good with words, but I guess you can write as and when you really feel need for this, right now you are crying online and I only can hope this act itself will help you a bit..

I was hoping to go out for some food buying but so far my dog preferred to stay here, so I'll go to food stire later ... then I plan to visit someone dow this little street and listen a bit to old lady while her daugher works around.. Nothing earth-shifting but still useful.. I am sure you have something at this calibre around you...

I have no specific comments about medicine, apart from realization for less firtunate folks here it tend to be costly and not working very well. But may be in your case it will work better, just try to find someone trusted who might help you to move along.

5585508
I have...Thank you...I ju8st had a perfect storm of a break down

5585502
You are not a fuck up

Geez, Foals, I’m sorry you got hit by such a perfect(ly bad) storm. I know what it’s like when everything just hits at once, so I can understand your need to rant. But don’t you EVER think you’re a fuck-up. You have so much work here that people enjoy, for good reason. And you clearly have a lot of people who care.
We may not really talk in real time, but the times I have had interactions with you were really pleasant, and I can only imagine you’re a pleasant person as a whole. Let’s keep it that way. :twilightsmile:

I whish that Pinky Pie was/is real. It seems like you really need her.

You need to talk to somepony one on one, and to see a doctor. This level of breakdown suggests you might have a problem that could be ameliorated with medication or therapy.

*offers hug*

still love your stories. :twilightsmile:

5585536
Have a counselor and am on antidepressants I just have a wonderful mix of PTSD, Major Depressive disorder, and anxiety. My PTSD centers on what happened to me in middle school which sadly was hell to the point I was almost committed due to massive bullying. including pretending to be my friends. It's bad but I am working on it.

You are a great friend and a wonderful person and writer. Sometimes the difficult parts of are lives can overwhelm us but remember we care about you and that you are wonderful. *hugs*

I'm sorry you went through such a difficult time and hope you feel better.

You should never count the number of times a man has fallen but the number of times he has risen.
I've been there too but you have to move on and get up for the next round. No matter how bad you think you screwed up or how much your mistakes hurt. Our past is behind us and the future is at hand.

hugs. I'm glad you're feeling better. We're our own worst critics sometimes.

Hello. Random reader passing through, looking for updates on stories and finding this...

This is just sad... This is literally hysteria...

Quick! We must find Pinkie and report to her about a severe case of one of the saddest frowns!

Yeah, Pinkie! To quote her "Smile!" song (pay this one attention!):

"It's true some [in this case the majority, it seems] days are dark and lonely and, maybe [well, more like definitely!], you feel sad. But Pinkie will be there to show you, that it isn't that bad!"

I'm not entirely sure about the following working, but it helped me once, be my random outburst not nearly a tenth as severe, as yours! I listened to Pinkie's theme for "Fighting is magic"... It is mirth, it is joy!.. It brightens up your day! And it doesn't need to be looped!

Leaving this comment here to show I cared enough to leave one. May this turn that sad frown upside down :pinkiehappy:!

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