Friendship is Card Games: Pony Life, Season 2, Week 7 · 12:26pm Aug 22nd, 2021
And so we come to the end of the diabetic fever dream that is G4.5. Let’s see how they send it off.
Magic is Ahoof
Wow. That is quite the title card. Shades of “P.P.O.V.”
And we pick up right where we left off last time, in the aftermath of “Mad Props.”
Heh. Rarity sees vanishing props as just another artistic challenge. What really matters is the audience’s reaction, and three standing ovations speak for themselves.
… Horsoscope. Horse-o-scope. 
I know this is the spinoff that introduced “my hoofness,” but still.
“No signs of scientific eradication”
What signs would those leave, exactly? I suppose since Twilight concludes that chaos magic is at work, one of the sciences involved is conventional thaumology. Heterodyne’s Corollary to Clarke’s Third Law in action.
And there goes the noir filter. Rarity’s on the case whether her friends like it or not. Even though the girls should have a prime suspect already if chaos magic is involved.
Pinkie can make for a good Watson as long as she can keep the wild suppositions to a minimum.
… Speaking of which, what exactly happened at the Potion Ocean that went magically awry? You know, relative to a literal ocean of raw, untapped magic. I may be forgetting something, but I expected the giant surreal entity from beyond known reality to come back into consideration by this point.
Seriously, using “horse” in this series just sounds so wrong. Even if Saddle Arabia hasn’t been established as a thing in Pony Life.
Really, girls? Not going to join in on the investigation? I can understand not wanting to get caught up in the madness or doing something else, but the way they all discuss waiting at Sugarcube Corner sounds more like they’re resigned to not being focus characters for this episode.
… Huh. I figured if Potion Nova were ever to make a return, it would be now. Instead we get some random stallion.
“His name is Magic.”
… You know, I’m honestly surprised this kind of thing doesn’t crop up more often in Equestria. Though we did get that great Abbot and Costello reference in “Tanks for the Memories.”
“P.I. Pie” is admittedly rather amusing.
“We’re one step closer to solving the mystery!”
Proceeds to slam the book, dispersing the mysterious glow that was their only lead. Flawless work, Rarity.
Ooh, map of the area. Which appears to be much more of an island than Equestria as we know it. This does explain why Ponyville is suddenly coastal; there’s no other option.
Also, very unexpected Fluttershy mug shot. There’s a story there.
Also also, I appreciate them including basket of yarn that Rarity used to connect the pins on her conspiracy board. As does Applejack.
Ah. We’re actually getting some non-Discordian explanations for the chaos magic. Good to see. And I could definitely see Rainbow Dash managing to wish for something so epic that it actually damaged the healthy functioning of the universe.
And Discord was there the whole time. Pulling the same nonchalant newspaper reading bit as Trixie no less.
Huh. Villain with no regard for social norms messing with wishes. Suddenly this became the plot of the original Paper Mario. All we need is Discord’s castle to rise up from underneath Sugarcube Corner. Also, apparently Discord’s been wreaking unrepentant havoc this whole time? (It is Pony Life, so I suppose it never broke through the usual background nonsense to register.)
Well. A bit late to give some sense of tension or dread to this setting, but I appreciate the effort. Still, I’m very surprised that Fluttershy did have any greater reaction to Discord’s grand reveal.
Journey to the Center of the ‘Cord
The title card resonates with that surprise. He’s got butterflies on the brain; you’d think there’d be a bit more between them in that last scene. Well, let’s see where it goes from here.
Ooh, interesting design for Discord’s house. Planet Ireland in the background definitely raises some questions.
Oh, now he’s emitting love hearts at the sight of Fluttershy. I suppose expecting living chaos to be consistent is a bit much.
I expected the pictures of Fluttershy and Discord himself in his den, but Sugar Snap of all creatures?
“I’m too polite to turn down a snack,” Applejack said before shoving a quarter of the sandwich tray into her maw. Earth pony etiquette is a strange beast.
I won’t lie, when Discord started talking about counter-riddles, I expected the troll to get flung into the abyss. Probably unsure about what kind of swallow he was asking about.
“I went home and listened to a ponycast about comedic uses for dark magic.”
Well, that’s not at all incriminating. Though I do have to wonder who hosts that production.
Dash apparently didn’t get the memo about righteous indignation being rude after accepting someone’s hospitality.
I am greatly amused by how Discord is a plushie in Fluttershy’s imagine spot.
Apparently “How do we shrink ourselves down to enter Discord’s mind” isn’t a concern for this plan.
Ah. Potions. Of course. Though Fluttershy doesn’t really need one, does she?
So… which newspaper does Discord get delivered? Clearly it’s not that big a trip to his home, but I have to wonder where he’s getting his news.
Yeah, I’d be surprised if Discord’s ear canal weren’t a portal to an even stranger realm.
Ah. There really is a butterfly in that mental maze.
Oh, and it’s a hedge maze, no less. I’m sure this will end well.
Huh. Meme Ghidorah Angel. Yeah, that seems about right for Discord’s mental defenses. Especially in how they’re self-defeating.
You know, the inside of Discord’s mind may be the best possible application for the Pony Life art style.
Wishing for both more and fewer wishes is peak Discord.
The Olympics are apparently a thing in this world, at least for the purposes of pool size standards. (Also, I’m impressed by how Applejack had a more ambitious wish than Dash. Though I’m not sure how she thinks she’d manage an orchard the size of a planet.)
Yeah, there’s… really not much they can do about this one. Discord did it thirty-five minutes ago. (They were very large minutes.) And for him, it was more of a labor-saving exercise than anything, given that there’s nothing among the wishes that he couldn’t do for himself already. Jerk move.
One Last Wish
“This madness has got to stop!”
… What madness? The orb and magic items? Are we finally getting back to those? Because the only other chaos magic we’ve seen is a bunch of props disappearing from one play, which I wouldn’t call “all over Ponyville.” Also, wish magic aside, are the Elements of Harmony not a thing in this world? Those do have a proven track record against inundations of chaos magic.
Discord having a birthday at all raises some questions.
Applejack. Age is not calculated based on celebrated brithdays.
So… even if this plan falls through, couldn’t the girls use literally anypony who has a birthday coming up? Including themselves? Given how chaos magic is apparently infesting the town, anypony should be on board with the plan. (And if Discord decides to throw more chaos in the mix afterwards, it’s not like their plan would prevent that either.)
Also, they don’t even show an especially chaotic Ponyville. It’s just a night-to-day transition.
(Also also, now I kind of want Discord to wish everything back to normal… and revert the animation style to Friendship is Magic, ending this series with a very confused Mane Six in that Ponyville and Twilight streaking back to Canterlot to open court.)
Seriously, why is this their last hope? Why is so important that Discord be the one to wish away his own mess? What time limit is there? What even is the nature of the chaos bothering them now that the play is over?
I know I’m overthinking this, but I need some more information before I can even begin to be invested in this plot.
Cheerilee is running a party supply shop. But why? And how much impact has it had on her sanity, because it’s clearly taken its toll.
“We’re completely out of everything,” says Cheerilee, in the middle of a shop floor crowded with merchandise.
“The whole store’s been rented and I must have forgotten.”
Okay, new theory: Cheerilee is trying to get fired so she can pursue a career in education.
Vinyl is very chill with two ponies interrupting a live performance to ask her to give a different live performance.
Derpy speaks! This is not the worst Pony Life episode.
The tropical oasis of Azebra. Hmm. That’s one for the atlas.
A saw, a fishbone, and a Rainbow Dash flag.
For Discord, that might just be the decorations they need.
“First, we frost!”
Never mind that the cake is already frosted and has sprinkles on it. Seriously, it feels like they animated this, improvised the dialogue, and only then added the lip flaps.
I have several questions about what seems to be a human skull among Rarity’s old props.
Yeah, this hybrid sci-fi/pirate theme does seem like a good way to get Discord to enjoy himselfl
Excuse me, sci-fi/pirate/dinosaur. We’re nearly at Ixalan levels of mash-up.
The Pirates of Penprance, Jurassic Horse, and Independence Hay. There’s a lot to unpack with those three, including the existence of leap days, the understanding of DNA, and the concept of… well, an Independence Day. In a diarchy. Feel free to wrap your mind around that one, because I’d really rather not.
I’d ask why Pinkie has a stash of exploding sugar, but that honestly doesn’t surprise me. Her human analogue may make it.
Yeah, trying to outplan chaos itself is rarely going to end well. But sometimes everything can go right through entirely unexpected means.
Wild Heart Beats
“Is it over? Can we look?”
There’s a meta-interpretation here of Applejack asking if the series is over. Five more minutes, AJ.
… Darn, a Twilight-Spike body swap could be even more interesting than Fluttershy and Angel if given a full half-hour to explore.
Portal problems are very rarely a good sign.
Ah. The bananaphone hints at the issue: Discord said everything would go back to normal… but he never said normal for where.
Heh. Fluttershy comes the closest we’ve gotten to an FiM-style spontaneous musical number in Pony Life without a stage or other justifying circumstances.
Oh. Or the setting is so badly messed up, even Discord can’t fix it. Which honestly seems on brand for Pony Life.
(Actually, where is Discord in all of this? Just sitting back and watching the fireworks?)
Full-on planar overlay? Yeah, that’s definitely not good.
Bonus points to Andrea Libman for rhubarbing her way through Pinkie’s phone call.
Thank goodness for Lightning Chill’s near inability to feel anything but calm.
The idea of Cloudy Quartz using a telephone may be the strangest thing here. Also, good to see we’re finally revisiting the doom bubbles.
“Gotta go save Equestria!”
Oh. We are getting a musical number!
Huh. A pony from generations ago riding a vegetable monstrosity. Well, time and space do seem to be breaking down, so that tracks.
Why must Pinkie rapping be a multiversal constant?
This goodbye might be a bit more heartfelt if we’d known the Wild Siders for more than a couple episodes.
No, you don’t get the “close the book” ending, even if it’s just Discord doing it. Pony Life hasn’t earned that. (Though this definitely seems to support the whole thing being the creation of some manner of chaos-powered entity. I’m still siding with Pinkie over Discord.)
All told, I definitely see what this season was trying to do, but the pacing was all over the place, and trying to clean it up in these last shorts meant scrambling in all directions to try to get it all accounted for. Twenty-two minutes is rushed for a Friendship is Magic season premiere or finale. Trying to make it work here was a recipe for disaster from the word “Go.”
In all, Pony Life was an interesting concept and it showed early promise, but it never recovered from the transition to five-minute episodes. There’s just not enough time to do anything meaningful or constructive there. Yes, stringing them together into larger arcs helps, but each individual short trying to be self-contained to some degree kept it from ever cohering into something greater than the sum of its parts. It’s fun, but ultimately fluff with little greater depth to it. I really did want to like it, but the presentation just wasn’t for me.
Eh, still got content out of it. 
Let’s see what the last batch offers:
Seek Justice 1WW
Instant
Seek Justice deals X damage to each creature that dealt damage to you this turn, where X is the total damage those creatures dealt to you this turn.
Some of the ponies wanted to talk things out. Others just sought retribution.
Capable Assistant 3W
Creature — Pony Advisor
Soulbond (You may pair this creature with another unpaired creature when either enters the battlefield. They remain paired for as long as you control both of them.)
At the beginning of your upkeep, if Capable Assistant is paired with another creature, investigate. (Create a colorless Clue artifact token with “2, Sacrifice this token: Draw a card.”)
2/3
Pattering Major-General 4W
Creature — Unicorn Soldier Bard
Finale — Whenever you sacrifice a Song, create two 1/1 white Unicorn Soldier creature tokens.
Barking out orders can easily lead to belting out lyrics.
3/5
Lunar Testament U
Instant
Kicker 2U (You may pay an additional 2U as you cast this spell.)
Tap target creature. If this spell was kicked, turn that creature face down. (It’s a 2/2 creature.)
Luna’s memoirs caused more nightmares than the entire horror film industry.
Commune with Evidence 1U
Sorcery
Investigate, then look at the top X cards of your library, where X is the number of Clues you control. Put one of those cards into your hand and the rest on the bottom of your library in a random order.
Hard Question 2U
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant artifact or creature
Enchanted permanent is an artifact and loses all other card types. (It still has its abilities, but it’s no longer a creature.)
5: Hard Question’s controller sacrifices it, then draws two cards. Only your opponents may activate this ability.
“Wild Heart Beats” 2U
Enchantment — Song
At the beginning of your upkeep, put a verse counter on “Wild Heart Beats”.
1U, Sacrifice “Wild Heart Beats”: Target player returns X nonland permanents they control to their owners’ hands, where X is the number of verse counters on “Wild Heart Beats”.
Shelve the Matter 2UU
Instant
Put target spell or nonland permanent into its owner’s library third from the top.
“Get back to me on that. I don’t feel comfortable committing to anything right now.”
—Discord
Giant Ammonite 5U
Creature — Nautilus
Giant Ammonite has ward X, where X is the total number of instant and sorcery cards you own in exile and in your graveyard. (Whenever this creature becomes the target of a spell or ability an opponent controls, counter it unless that player pays X.)
5/5
Grim Reminder B
Tribal Artifact — Human
When Grim Reminder enters the battlefield, you may exile a creature card from your graveyard. If you do, draw a card.
2B, Sacrifice Grim Reminder: Return target creature card from your graveyard to your hand. This ability costs 2 less to activate if it targets a Human card.
Bloated Eyetwitch 3B
Creature — Eye Bat
Flying
When Bloated Eyetwitch dies, create two 1/1 black Eye Bat creature tokens with flying.
Discord rarely finishes every organ system in his creations.
3/1
Scientific Eradication 3BB
Sorcery
Destroy target creature. You get an amount of E (energy counters) equal to that creature’s toughness.
“Hold still. We’ll never get through the control group if ponies keep twitching.”
Spare No Expense 4B
Sorcery
Return target creature card from your graveyard to the battlefield. If mana from a Treasure was spent to cast this spell, that creature gains haste and menace until end of turn.
The first thing every hatchling sees is Fond Hummock’s delighted face.
Magma Seers 1RR
Creature — Eye
Whenever a player draws a card, that player exiles the top card of their library. That player may play that card this turn.
The volcanic fumes offer fleeting glimpses of possible futures. The eyes are just there for ambience.
3/1
Frontier Wrangler 2R
Creature — Pony Warrior
When Frontier Wrangler enters the battlefield, if you control no tapped lands, it fights up to one target creature.
Suspend 1—2R (Rather than cast this card from your hand, you may pay 2R and exile it with a time counter on it. At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a time counter. When the last is removed, cast it without paying its mana cost. It has haste.)
3/2
Into the Mind of Madness 3R
Sorcery
Choose left or right. Each player discards all cards from their hand, then draws cards equal to the number discarded by the next player in the chosen direction.
Discord keeps his best ideas to himself.
The Gang’s All Here 6RRR
Sorcery
Untap all creatures in all silver-bordered games you can see from your seat and gain control of them until end of turn. They gain haste until end of turn. (A creature is on the battlefield of only the game its controller is playing. If the game ends while you control creatures from other games, give them back.)
Asteroid Granger G
Creature — Pony Druid
When Asteroid Granger enters the battlefield, you get EE.
T, Pay E: Untap target land.
The Space Age allowed earth ponies to boldly farm where nopony had farmed before.
1/1
Party Supplier 1G
Creature — Pony Citizen
Whenever you sacrifice a token, you gain 2 life.
”We’ve got everything you could need! Glitter, games, cupcakes, even weird wriggly things. … I shouldn’t have mentioned the weird wriggly things.”
2/2
Suspicious Beetle 1G
Creature — Insect
When Suspicious Beetle enters the battlefield, choose one —
• Put a +1/+1 counter on target creature.
• Investigate.
Rarity knew it meant something, just not what.
1/1
Zodiac Charger 3G
Enchantment Creature — Horse
Bestow 4GG (If you cast this card for its bestow cost, it’s an Aura spell with enchant creature. It becomes a creature again if it’s not attached to a creature.)
Islandwalk
Enchanted creature gets +3/+3 and has islandwalk.
3/3
Inquisitive Lepuhydra 3GG
Creature — Rabbit Hydra Mutant
3G: Adapt 3. (If this creature has no +1/+1 counters on it, put three +1/+1 counters on it.)
Whenever a creature you control with a +1/+1 counter on it deals combat damage to a player, draw a card.
Discord’s imagination is the most exotic environment of all.
4/4
Draconequine Caryatid 3
Artifact Creature — Chimera
Defender
3: Draconequine Caryatid loses defender until end of turn. Flip a coin. If the coin comes up heads, Draconequine Caryatid gets +2/+0 and gains trample until end of turn. If the coin comes up tails, Draconequine Caryatid gets +0/+2 and gains vigilance until end of turn.
3/3
Mechapony Herd 4
Artifact Creature — Pony
When Mechapony Herd enters the battlefield, put a time counter on it for each creature you control.
Vanishing (At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a time counter from this creature. When the last is removed, sacrifice it.)
Equestria’s fate is written in chrome.
5/5
Obliterated Icon WB
Instant
Exile target historic permanent. (Artifacts, legendaries, and Sagas are historic.)
“Going by movies, aliens must really hate the Statue of Harmony.”
—Pinkie Pie, Bearer of Laughter.
Grim Archway 1WB
Enchantment
Whenever a creature attacks, its controller loses 1 life if it’s attacking you or a planeswalker you control. Otherwise, that player gains 1 life.
All who pass through are welcome… in one direction.
Extravagant Swordtooth 4RG
Creature — Dinosaur
All Pirates able to block Extravagant Swordtooth do so.
When Extravagant Swordtooth dies, create three Treasure tokens. (They’re artifacts with “T, Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana of any color.”)
Such splendor begs to be plundered.
6/5
Chaos Ensues
Scheme
When you set this scheme in motion, each player sacrifices a permanent. Reveal cards from the top of your library equal to the number of permanents sacrificed this way. Put any number of permanent cards revealed this way onto the battlefield and the rest into your hand.
My Wish is Your Command
Scheme
When you set this scheme in motion, each opponent reveals their hand. Choose a card from each of those hands and exile them. As long as those cards remain exiled, you may play them and may spend mana as though it were mana of any color to cast them.
Image courtesy of Phil Srobeighn.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Power and toughness aren't "abilities" as such, nor is creatures attacking or blocking. Hard Question takes those away. More humorously, it has no restrictions on which opponent can activate its own ability, meaning that anybody with 5 open mana (except you) can decide that the enchanted ex-creature can block just in time for it to matter.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Vanishing won't kill Mechapony Herd unless time counters were actually placed on it. While you might think this would be a given due to Mechapony Herd itself being a creature its controller controls, there are plenty of shenanigans you can pull if you can pull them at instant speed. Most hilarious is if the herd is stolen while the ability is on the stack, since I'm pretty sure that doesn't steal the triggered ability and therefore the latter will count the original controller's creatures.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Remember, "you may cast" lets you do so immediately despite the usual timing issues with stuff like sorceries, but requires you to make the choice immediately. If you don't cast either of the cards, they simply stay in exile until the last chapter gives you a second chance... and then forever if you don't use that chance. (And I'm only slightly exaggerating; it's easier to grab cards from "outside the game" than it is to get them back from exile if the exiling effect doesn't give you a means to)
Honestly, Discord being in the finale is apropos.
Slight nitpick, but Pony Life really ought to add "this turn" to both chapter abilities, because otherwise you're just giving permission to cast them indefinitely.
Don't look at me; I only got a chaotic art blog on that particular site. Probably a co-worker.
Answers a few, too, mainly: yes, it's okay to come up with Discord's family tree. As for the cards? Some of those sound more like Hecatomb cards than Magic, I'll just say.
I'm imagining a stallion named Gallows Humor who learned black magic comedy in a forbidden ritual involving Odin, who was the god of gallows, magic, and bards, among other things.
5572540
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: nope, it's only permission to cast them immediately. Even shorter than modern impulsive draw (the official term for that).
I know of some famous pirates who'd disagree.
Edit: in fact, they're mentioned later in that very episode, it seems.
If Magma Seers exiles a non-instant card off the top of a player's library when it's not their turn, are there timing restrictions on when it can be played? I'm assuming not, but I'm not 100% certain.
5572951
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Sorry mate, "may play that card" only treats it as in your hand for the purposes of being able to play it if there's a stated duration. Of course, if you're drawing cards during other people's turns with any kind of regularity, you probably have mostly instants/flash or contracted the vedalken. This is especially true when it's "play" instead of "cast nonland" because you don't actually get a land drop during other players' turns even if you try to finagle a way to use one.
5573461
Thankee kindly for the clarification.