Friendship is Card Games and Witchcraft: FiW Shorts · 7:07pm Aug 17th, 2021
Thank you for patience; between EFNW ’21 and a day largely lost to air travel and time zones, I didn’t have the time to put together cards. Thankfully, it’s a fairly light week; we’re doing a roundup of the side shorts and suchlike of Friendship is Witchcraft.
Appropriate timing for this one. It was for the opening ceremonies of the 2012 Canterlot Gardens con, and a lovely (if ruthless) rundown of the typical congoer archetypes.
Fluttershy’s the newcomer, overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of everything going on and people who are actually and openly into this thing she barely talks about in real life. She’s retreated to the usual comforts of the Internet, especially social media, as she gets her toes wet.
Applejack is, naturally, the vendor, trying to at least make back what she spent on the table. The saucy stuff sold under the table should help with that. (EFNW, for the record, was pretty darn low on the sauce levels. Certainly less so than that one booth at the Last Bronycon that exclusively sold body pillow cases.)
Rarity is, even more naturally, the cosplayer. Heck, that one’s practically canon. And there was some very good cosplay at EFNW. Shoutout to the Randolph who had upgraded from his usual Diamond Tiara on a serving tray to a Spoiled Rich as long as he was tall.
Dash… is the horsefamous panelist. 
I admit, I got a taste of that, though the song likely refers more to YouTubers and artists than authors. It’s still incredibly gratifying to perform for that crowd of dozens.
Pinkie is the closeted nerd who gets to actually be herself for a weekend. I can’t really relate too much, but it says a lot that I still feel the same degree of piteous sympathy here as I do in most of FiW.
And Twilight. Oh Twilight. She is the VIP junkie. Just the idea of people like this is enough for me to want as little to do with the special guests as possible. Oh, I’ll attend their events (assuming there’s nothing else I want to see in those timeslots,) but I don’t want to intrude on whatever time they have to themselves over the course of the con. Goodness knows it’ll be precious enough; they don’t need randos shoving their fanwork in their faces.
“Don’t grant the folks from local news/humiliating interviews”
More pertinent advice during the peak of the fandom, but wise words nonetheless.
Occasional fursuits will crop up, yes. And not all of them pony.
(Biscuit told a story this weekend of folks debating whether to let in a Scootaloo fursuiter into an 18+ event. The consensus was that she had her cutie mark and thus was a legal adult by Equestrian law.)
Oh, and Spike, the fan who’s just happy to be there. Someone’s got to fill those seats in the audience. 
Friendship is Witchcraft: THE MOVIE
Ah yes, the trailer for what would become FiW: Horse Women. And by “trailer,” I of course mean alternate take.
Celestia tricking Twilight through the mirror with the promise of a birthday surprise works very well. A shame she didn’t consider that with, say, a combine harvester.
Heh. Blink-and-you’ll-miss-it continuity gag with Cadence airbrushed out. Presumably they hadn’t yet considered her convenient identical twin Candice.
Love the touch of Twilight straining her bones as she tries to assess her new body. I’m not sure if this one even knows what pain is.
“Where my face?”
An understandable reaction to full-species transmutation, really.
“Want a corndog?”
I’m not sure what I like better, the even more obvious Francis-Flash connections or how the edited-in corndog makes it look like he’s offering an apple to a horse. Appropriate!
Sk8r Boi in the background really ties it all together. As do the added cartoony sound effects.
“Stay away from my brother!”
Ah, they were already working with the “Sunset is human Twilight angle.” I assume.
“My soul is rejecting its new host body.”
Now that certainly would’ve made for an interesting plot twist… albeit one that would need an explanation for why Sunset could spend years in the human world with no apparent adverse effects. “Apparent” possibly being the operative word…
I’m legitimately unsure whether or not there actually is a talent show, or if Twilight’s disconnection from reality got even worse as her soul and body tried to disassociate from on another.
And, of course, the robot superimposed over Sweetie Belle. Got to maintain the connection between worlds, after all.
Ah. Or the prom and the talent show are different things. Presumably the sacrifice is the entry fee.
“Let’s start a rock band!”
Huh. This video came out over a year before Rainbow Rocks. Make of that what you will.
“I hate friendship!”
… Yeah, that’s kind of the foundational character property for a lot of MLP villains.
“Ohana means family.”
I know the whole joke here is cramming a bunch of random lines with little to no context, but I feel the need to call this one out. Especially since Applejack and Apple Bloom might actually work as the main humans in Lilo & Stitch.
The implication that Sunset just freaking dies in the geyser of corrupted magic is more than a little disturbing… yet strangely hilarious. Especially when they immediately follow it with Twilight faceplanting into the front doors of CHS.
Refusing to get in on the “all hands together” trope is a brilliant summation of this Twilight.
And there’s the title drop. And incongruous actual horses.
How Applejack Won the War
(Content Note: Cartoon gore)
At last, we answer Apple Bloom’s question: What war crimes?
“Miiltary Reserves & Sofas” does seem very on-theme for Equestria.
Celestia not only signing something as “P. Sunbutt” but including a sketch of the Royal Posterior is fantastic.
Given that reaction, you’d think Applejack wouldn’t need to get drafted.
Interesting flag with the apple, banana, and orange.
Dare I ask where, what, and who they plan on using Agent Orange against?
Ah, foal labor. I’m almost surprised we didn’t see that in the Crystal War timeline.
Oh, that is a very good portrayal of a shell-shocked Rarity. Though AJ’s definitely a little cracked too. She’s just handling it better.
I had forgotten about Charlie Sheen pony. I long for the day when I do so again.
Oof. The Manehattan treaty does raise some unpleasant questions. Ponies wandered down from the north according to Hearth’s Warming. Makes you wonder who was living in what would be Equestria before them.
Forget Rainbow Rocks, Sherclop predicted a gag from Pony Life.
“Hope my backup gets here soon/Hey, it’s Twilot Sparkul’s bloon!”
Okay, that’s downright exquisite. And Twilight being a veteran of the war as well might explain some of her own issues. Or begin to. A little.
Yeesh, AJ’s going through every branch of the military. Probably wanted to look over the whole tree.
Ah yes, the battleship Orphan Transport. Good thing AJ’s already in the rumination station.
It’s not clear whether the Geneva Conventions existed in Equestria… prior to Applejack’s discharge.
They couldn’t fit it all in on the “Mission Accomplis” banner. Magnificent.
“Loyal to my Apple Corps”
Very nice reminder of the Element swap between AJ and Dash.
The blue iPod nano along with AJ’s war medal is the perfect additional touch. Corpse Run Comics really took this to the next level.
…
Alright, it’s the last FiW blog. I’ll say it. Talk about eye candy.
There are a few bits of music, outtakes, and alternate lines, but at that point, I’d be scraping the bottom of the barrel so hard that I’d mostly get splinters. Let’s see what these last bits offer:
Live Fire Exercise 1W
Instant
Live Fire Exercise deals 3 damage to target attacking or blocking creature.
Learn. (You may reveal a Lesson card you own from outsid th game and put it into your hand, or discard a card to draw a card.)
Nothing teaches respect for a weapon like using one.
Apple Corps 2W
Creature — Pony Soldier Pilot
Whenever Apple Corps crews a Vehicle, put a +1/+1 counter on that Vehicle.
Applejack’s personal battalion is ferociously loyal to Equestria and chillingly indifferent to everywhere else.
2/3
Lingering Doom 2W
Enchantment
Whenever a non-Spirit creature you control dies, create a 1/1 white Spirit creature token with flying.
Twilight’s soul did not rest easy in its new body. It would not tolerate suffering alone.
Niche Celebrity 2W
Creature — Pegasus Citizen
Flying
As Niche Celebrity enters the battlefield, choose a number.
Niche Celebrity has protection from mana value X, where X is the chosen number.
“Yeah, I’m kind of a big deal.”
2/2
Dedicated Cosplayer 1U
Creature — Unicorn Artificer
X: Dedicated Cosplayer becomes a copy of target creature with mana value X, except it has this ability.
“The costume is only half of it. One must truly become the character to fully capture their essence.”
2/1
Genial Ruse 1U
Instant
Choose target spell or permanent that’s white or black. Its owner puts it on the top or bottom of their library.
A kind word sways the courteous and charms the suspicious.
Sheepish Twitterati 2U
Creature — Pegasus Artificer
Flying
Ward 2 (Whenever this creature becomes the target of a spell or ability an opponent controls, counter it unless that player pays 2.)
Whenever you cast an artifact spell, create a 1/1 blue Bird Illusion creature token with flying.
1/3
Abyssal Trawler BB
Creature — Vehicle
Skulk (This Vehicle can’t be blocked by creatures with greater power.)
Whenever Abyssal Trawler deals combat damage to a player, that player discards a card.
Crew 2 (Tap any number of creatures you control with total power 2 or more: This Vehicle becomes an artifact creature until end of turn.)
2/2
Civilian Casualties 1B
Instant
Target creature gets -2/-2 until end of turn. If it’s a Citizen, Peasant, or Serf, destroy it.
In exchange for decisive victory, Equestria was willing to overlook the crimes against equinity Applejack performed to get it.
Grave Dancer 2B
Creature — Pony Spellshaper
4B, T, Discard a card: Return target creature card from your graveyard to the battlefield under your control. That creature gains haste until end of turn. Exile it at the beginning of the next end step.
Each corpse offers a different tune.
2/2
Shameless Muckraker 2B
Creature — Human Rogue
Whenever a player discards a card, you draw a card. This ability triggers only once each turn.
The 24-hour news machine is always happy to feast on someone’s embarrassment.
3/1
Dubious Commission 3B
Instant
Target player draws two cards, loses 2 life, and creates two Treasure tokens. (They’re artifacts with “T, Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana of any color.”)
Asking “Why?” never pays.
“The Convention” 1R
Enchantment — Song
At the beginning of your upkeep, put a verse counter on “The Convention”.
R, Sacrifice “The Convention”: Create X 1/1 red Human creature tokens with haste, where X is the number of verse counters on “The Convention”. Sacrifice those tokens at the beginning of the next end step.
Anthem of Atrocities 1RR
Enchantment — Song
At the beginning of your upkeep, put a verse counter on Anthem of Atrocities.
1R, Sacrifice Anthem of Atrocities: It deals X damage to each creature that didn’t attack or block this turn, where X is the number of verse counters on it. Activate only after combat.
Wrenching Examination 2R
Sorcery
Kicker B (You may pay an additional B as you cast this spell.)
Target creature deals damage equal to its power to itself. If this spell was kicked, that creature gains wither until end of turn before dealing that damage. (It deals damage to creatures in the form of -1/-1 counters.)
Horrific Defoliant 2RR
Sorcery
Destroy target land. Each player sacrifices a land.
Agent Orange has no friends.
Homeland Suppliers 3R
Creature — Pony Assembly-Worker
At the beginning of your postcombat main phase, add C for each creature that attacked this turn.
Everypony did their part to support the war effort, whether they liked it or not.
2/2
Shun the Novel 1G
Sorcery
This spell can’t be countered if it targets a blue creature you don’t control.
Target creature you control fights target creature you don’t control. (Each deals damage equal to its power to the other.)
Traditional communities look at new trends with suspicion at best.
Apple Tank 2G
Artifact — Vehicle
Trample
Whenever Apple Tank attacks, it gets +1/+1 until end of turn for each nonbasic land defending player controls.
Crew 3
2/2
Group Dynamics 2GG
Sorcery — Lesson
Creatures you control get +2/+2 until end of turn.
“Interpersonal interaction isn’t usually our department, but when you have so many people that their behavior resembles a fluid…”
—Kianne, Quandrix dean
Galloping Herd 4G
Creature — Horse
Trample
Whenever Galloping Herd attacks, you may have the base power and toughness of other Horses, Ponies, Pegasi, and Unicorns you control become equal to Galloping Herd’s power and toughness until end of turn.
4/4
Concealed Automaton 3
Artifact Creature — Human Construct
3: Monstrosity 2. (If this creature isn’t monstrous, put two +1/+1 counters on it and it becomes monstrous.)
As long as Concealed Automaton is monstrous, it has trample and isn’t a Human.
3/2
Elaborate Fursuit 3
Artifact — Equipment
As Elaborate Fursuit enters the battlefield, choose a color and a creature type other than Human.
Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and is the chosen color and type.
Equip 2
Become the you you want to be.
Carpet Bomber 5
Artifact — Vehicle
Flying
Whenever Carpet Bomber attacks, it deals 2 damage to each creature without flying.
Crew 3
4/3
Blurring Haze (gu)
Instant
Target permanent gains shroud until end of turn. (It can’t be the target of spells or abilities.)
Very few spells work well when no one can tell what they’re looking at.
Take No Prisoners BR
Instant
Damage can’t be prevented this turn. Creatures you control gain deathtouch until end of turn.
“Only thing a white flag is good for is a tablecloth.”
—Applejack, the Butcher
Escaped Masterpiece GUR
Creature — Beast Mutant
Whenever a creature with flying enters the battlefield, if Escaped Masterpiece doesn’t have flying, put a flying counter on it. The same is true for first strike, double strike, deathtouch, hexproof, indestructible, lifelink, menace, reach, trample, and vigilance.
4/4
Hellgeyser 3BR
Sorcery
Choose one —
• Hellgeyser deals 5 damage to target creature.
• Target player creates a 5/5 black Demon creature token with flying.
Entwine — Sacrifice two creatures. (Choose both if you pay the entwine cost.)
Merciless Razing 3RW
Sorcery
Destroy target land. That land’s controller skips their next combat phase.
The insurgents looked on, stunned, as their base crumbled to ash. Applejack wished she had a camera.
Applejack, the Butcher 3RWB
Legendary Creature — Pony Soldier
First strike, trample
Attacking creatures you control have menace and flanking. (Whenever a creature without flanking blocks a creature with flanking, the blocking creature gets -1/-1 until end of turn.)
Whenever another creature dies, each opponent loses 1 life and you gain 1 life.
4/5
Protection From Editors Alert: Abyssal Trawler misplaced its power and toughness. While you might think that would be good with Skulk, in actuality anything with 0 toughness dies faster than you can cast a buff spell to save it.
Inside Baseball Alert: Grave Dancer is taking some liberties with the spell it's supposed to be casting, but cards that care about graveyard order make tournaments worse by existing so I'll overlook it.
Inside Baseball Alert: Kianne is underselling it because of the fourth wall: social interaction is somewhat split between Prismari and Silverquill, and between the two you end up with every color except the one Group Dynamics is actually in.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Yes, Galloping Herd can potentially make some of your creatures weaker. More hilariously, it checks the Herd's power and toughness as the ability is resolving and uses last known information if it's no longer on the battlefield. One well-timed -X/-X spell or ability and your entire board is gone (barring other buffs, but note that stats do in fact go into the negatives even if it only matters in cases like this).
5570086
Thanks for the catch on the Trawler; it's meant to be a 2/2
How Applejack Won the War is a masterpiece. The animation goes together with the (hilarious and disturbing) song so damn well!
I'll miss the FIW blogs now that you're done with them. It was the first time in quite a while that you were covering something I'd actually seen/watched again, since I haven't been keeping up with Pony Life or the recent comics or manga. I hope you cover more major fanworks in the future in the off-seasons from G5.
5572278
Rest assured that more fanworks are coming down the pipe. I've got to bridge the gap between the movie and whatever's next for G5 somehow.