Oh my god · 11:07am Aug 16th, 2021
I'm at a point where I feel almost suicidal because of who I was born as. What the hell, I didn't know it could get this bad. And I'm sitting here, writing blogs on FimFiction because this is where everyone I hold dear is....
I sometimes wonder what I did wrong, or what happened wrong. And if the future holds anything better.
I do not have the money to transition. It's thousand upon thousands of dollars. I don't even live in "the west"; it's an absurd amount amount of money for me. So what, am I to be trapped in suffering, without anyone there, without family or friends to reciprocate my attachment, without anyone, for the rest of my days...?
Is it worth it to continue just to try and make other people's life just a bit better, if chance allows me to...? To make those I care for have lifes better than me...?
I don't know.... but I want to.....
I remember the days where I was just a writer here.... so much has changed... I do 't know my place anymore. It's everywhere, and as such, nowhere. I am here for others, for you all. I just..........
Oh god, why did I have to be trans!?
I'm so so so so so sorry to anyone I might've hurt here.... I know you care so much, and you're my friends through thick and thin.... I know it, and I couldn't ever hope to express how much it means to me.....
I'm.... just having a tough time.... I'm sorry.... to all of you...
We have never spoken, but I will give you this…
There are some things, like the money to transition, that just need time. If or when you have a job, just put half to most of your earnings in a savings, and then wait.
And for feeling suicidal… don’t. I know you’re going through tough times, but there’s always alternatives. One suggestion, one you probably got, is to go see somebody. Another, if you can’t, is to just get flat-out advice here. There’s always a second, figurative light at the end of the tunnel. All you need to do is put in the work to get there. And sometimes, waiting is key, and doing something about your mental health before it gets too bad.
*hug* Don't give up. You have come such a long way and I'm not giving up on you. Neither is anypony else in this community. If you need our help in any way, I'm here, and so is the rest of the fandom.
There's a solution to every problem. All you need to do is think carefully, perhaps about other areas of your life than the one where the issue is, and grab every opportunity you see with both hooves.
5569587
*hug back*
That means.... really a lot, you know...?
Thanks... for this, for everything you all do....
Dysphoria has really hit me that day... perhaps more than ever, and I needed some time to try and recover.... but there's nothing more uplifting than friendly support.
I sometimes feel helpless in the world, like I mean nothing and can nothing.
But I also feel like with you guys, just somehow, I can do anything.
5571319
*thinking deeply* You know, there might be another way that I could help you... Should we go to PMs?