Dysphoria · 11:43pm Aug 15th, 2021
My dysphoria is bad. Really bad. 
I despise, no, loathe the fact that my chromosomes did not allign as XX before I was born. It pains me, it bothers me, it makes me want to scream.
I feel jealous of everyone who was lucky enough to have that actually happen to them.... I know it's not objective, just my, personal preference.... I'm so so sorry if I insulted somebody, anyone at all... it's the last thing I ever want to do. I promise.
But..... oh gos, it's a preference so strong for me.
I just, I can't live like this, it makes me hurt. Almost physically. I know I'm probably being creepy, or uncomfortable for many of you... and I so deeply apologise if it is so. Truly. So very truly....
The last thing I ever want to do, ever, is to cause any of you pain or any negative feelings.... especially those five of you, closest people in the whole entire world for me, who I couldn't bear losing. I just.....
I....
I'm not feeling well..... I need my friends... I need to transition to.....
Maybe I also need some rest...
I'm so sorry to all of you.... hy am I even still writing this?
I love you all. Truly love. Not romantically, no, but that's not the only love there exists.
Live is attachment to someone, and care for them, and the will for everything best to occur for them. It is dedication, care, trust, strong attachment.
It may be romantic, affectionate, but it doesn't have to. Do you love your families? And is it romantic?
No, but you still love them just the same. Truly love. Because love is more than a romantic feeling.
I love you all, my dear family friends. I hope I......... wasn't too creepy here.....
The creepy recluse girl ranting again.....
I can't write like this, even though I want to. I really want to. I want to start again, continue. So much, I feel bad, for myself, everyone. Ughhhhhhhhh, I'd almost rather die than continue living like this....
5569421
pls don't kill yourself