Midnight Oil

I'm writing this up at about 3 in the mornin. Seems as good a time as any to reminisce about older stuff that I used to know. Stuff I used to do really, flipped back through old blogs again and my eyes drift down to the views that make them up. Then I look at the latest ones, man the numbers. Part of me cares, cause I looked to begin with, so I want to go out and advertise myself to build something up. Build something so I won't be forgotten to be another statistic. Another part of me doesn't truly care, I have nothing worth showing that I've done as of late, hell I've been treating my recent blogs as diary entries because no one reads em. So the idea of someone flipping through my diary gives me mixed feelings, but its public for a reason. Guess it all leads back to that thing about being forgotten.

Made me start writing again to be honest. Got 2,214 words written at the moment and more to come in the future. Albeit I've just been writing 200 or so words a day so it isn't much of anything and that little number made me think on how I used to write. Way back when I was just writing on a middle school computer, or hell just pieces of paper when I couldn't have a computer, I wrote like made. I wasn't good enough at writing to notice all the mistakes, I just wrote what I felt and threw it till it stuck. Now a days I've grown a wee bit self conscious, I've gotten just good enough to see all the mistakes, but I'm not good enough to be able to breeze by them. They're like cursed problems sometimes, with no true solution. Sometimes you need to have an awful scene, in order to further highlight a better moment later on.

Well enough about that, another inspiration for why I've been writing is rereading old fan fics. Like Son of Invention or The Awakening of a Tactitian are the main two I've reread as of late and a certain chapter in the latter caught my eye. Black Frost...I used to talk to Fictional Fanatic, we weren't the closest we were just in the same group for RP stuff. We did stuff together but outside of that I don't think they even remember me. Which had me thinking...how many people even remember I existed? Does it matter? Solarkness, Xavex, Element Brigade, etc. all authors I used to talk to regularly, almost daily for a year...but I can't help but think sometimes that I wasn't important. No I don't think, I know I wasn't important. Some of those connections I cut off myself, either intentional or not. Some of them were never truly cut off but were simply drifting, and I can't see it anymore. All in all, I'm letting my fears take over the wheel for a second. If I can write because I'm too afraid to stop, then maybe I'll be able to pop this self-made bubble.

Here's some stuff I've managed to make in my quest to game dev in the meantime