Epic Rap Battles of Equestria: Pharynx Elytron v.s Melody Song · 6:03pm Aug 2nd, 2021

“Alright, that’s it! Enough! I’ve had it, I’m done! Mhm, you heard me! No more!”

“What are you talking about?”

“Look, I’m a writer, okay? I do so much stuff with my other content! And yet, the Rap Battles are more popular than my own stories! I can’t do it anymore!”

“Giving up so soon? There’s so many-”

“I don’t want to hear it you little Tsundere! ‘Twilight v.s Celestia’ ‘Luna v.s Pharynx’! I’m done! I have stories to make, and you have no idea how hard these things are to write! I can’t spend more time on this!”

“...Weakling.”

“What did you just say?”

“Melody, you have a gold mine in your hooves, and yet you refuse to do more? Idiot, how selfish and pathetic can you be?”

“Oh no no no. Do not go there with me Pharynx, I don’t want to have to decimate you.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

“Heh, try? I’ll beat you into the ground!”

“Prove it then.”

“I will!”

*Pops up* “Cool! Papa Pharynx v.s Mels!”

“Mhm! Now, someone… officiate for me.”

*Rushes up and grabs a microphone* “I’ll do it!” *clears throat* “Pharynx Elytron v.s Melody Song! Begin!”

Look, it’s time you found out
No one cares about the nonsense you spout
Every time you open your mouth
Things start to go south

No one likes your content, they just want to see me
Destroying all my challengers with rhythm and poetry
My fame’s widely known, I’m hated and loved
Meanwhile you hide behind a screen and make dumb stuff no one knows of

Want to talk about your first story? The Three’s Redemption?
I can’t count on a single hoof the number of mistakes and misconceptions!
You’ll never make your stories big, you can’t even perfect your own name
Melody Dyln Song will fade to black while I still have a claim to fame

Look, I know my stories aren’t perfect, I don’t need you to say
I know that they’re bad, I’m reminded of it every day
Singing is a hobby but writing is my dream
And at least I have enough courage to gather and scream:

I DON’T CARE, I DO WHAT I WANT TO!
And I can speak my mind, unlike you!
Because no matter who you battle and slay
You’ll never really be fulfilled because you won’t just go and say

‘Hey, I’m sorry if I offended you, would you like to be friends?’
Maybe if you stopped messing around you’d get happy ends!
But no, your exoskeleton is too darn thick
Even your brother’s arguments don’t seem to stick

Don’t bring my friend circle into this, I know what I’m doing!
You don’t even know about the bonds I’m renewing
Maybe I only want a friend or two outside my brother
Drawback of having a psychopath for a mother

In the meantime, while I’m happy with my circle
All they’ll remember is that you’re purple
The world will forget about you, such a tragedy
All because you won’t listen to what people want-me!

You think you’re so great just because your mother was a queen
I do a bunch of better work, some of which you’ve never even seen
You’re not special, just a little broken ‘ling more interested in a brawl
You have a big reputation-but taking a page from Celly-a brain super small

“Pfft!”

“What are you laughing at, Tsundere?”

“That’s seriously the best you’ve got?”

“What the heck do you mean?”

“That was weak, Mels. You’re not proving anything.”

“This isn’t about proving anything at this point-it’s about shutting you the heck up.”

“...You’re doing a terrible job then. And you expect people to root for you?”

“...That’s it, little bug! Gloves coming off, bring up the tempo!”

“What? Sure, I can go faster-”

“Not so fast you little shit!”

“Gah!”

“You’re not getting a turn! No mercy!”

“That’s not fair!”

“Tough SHIT, Pharynx! You’re not at the Hive anymore facing another creature who pissed you off or some crap like that. You’re in MY world now, where I am the rap battle master.

And I’M the one who holds the mike.” *microphone feedback as it hits the floor*

You want to get me angry, fine! You want to see the real me, FINE!
I’ll burn you down to cinders for wasting my bucking time!
I’m not afraid to kick your ass, I’ve got no shit to lose!
May you remember never to ignite MY FUSE!

You think winning will complete you but nothing can fix a broken soul!
Especially if you think creatures will love you after the total loser toll!
Your mother shouldn’t have had you and your kind shouldn’t breed
There’s enough depression in the world, that’s not what we need!

You really think you’re much better?!
Whining about stuff like a beggar?
You’re just as wrecked as me and you know it!
So maybe think before you speak shit!

If you won’t even let me talk
Maybe it’s time for you to walk!
So maybe buck off
You’re making me choke and cough

Yeah, well when I said your brain was small I meant it!
All these rap battles have shown is you can be a real brat!
Who pretends to be something they’re not, guy?
I may be bucked up but at least I’m not living a LIE!

I know I’ve not had to struggle much in my life
Who writes and sings about more than strife
Begging people to read and upvote my shit is not something I’m proud to do!
But if I didn’t have creativity you wouldn’t have a BACKSTORY, would you?!

The reason people pay attention is because my raps please them
That’s the only way they’ll treat me like an undiscovered gem
So go ahead, it’s time to listen up!
When they see that blog title they can’t get enough!

So when I use you in these things I might as well be your master!
If it wasn’t so hard for me to write this I’d make ‘em better and faster!
All the words flying out of your mouth at opponents is what people HEAR
But who’s controlling it behind the scenes? That’s what they should fear!

“You little-!”

Enough! You’re on Cacophony’s turf now and she’s in charge!
I’m here to tell you this path is starting to diverge!
So it’s time to take a bow you cross-dress enjoying Tsunderebug!
It’s through, I’m pulling the rug!

“Wait, what?”

Listen to what I’m saying, this rap career is OVER!
You’re done, time to go home you positivity-poser!
At this point you’re plain through!
Now it’s time for me to END YOU!

“N-No ending me!”

“Sike.”

“W-What?”

“...What the heck?! Cacophony!”

“What? I helped you win, you’re welcome!”

“He’s almost crying!”

.////////. “N-No I’m not!”

“Still… I’m really sorry Pharynx.”

“It’s fine…”

“I didn’t mean any of that.”

“I know.”

“Okay… so… uh… this probably doesn’t count in the rap battle series.”