• Member Since 19th Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Grand_Moff_Pony


Author & Pre-reader; Chief Apprentice in Loyal's House of Fanfic; Lt. in the Army of Biscuit; Does Bad Things for Bad Horse

More Blog Posts284

  • 6 weeks
    Birthday Cake Will Be Served

    Meant to post this earlier today, but today marked another trip around the sun for me.

    Good: I'm still here. :pinkiehappy:
    Meh: I'm nearly 40 now. :fluttershbad:

    Hope y'all are doing well. Hug each other, and tell someone you love them.

    *hugs all of you*

    -GMP

    14 comments · 58 views
  • 9 weeks
    EFNW Wrap-Up

    Post-Con wrap up, post-con wrap up... :moustache:

    Ladies and Gentlemen, we did it! 2020 was a total bust and 2021's doing its damn best to stage a repeat performance, but EFNW 2021 is officially in the books! Some top line stats:

    Attendance: 1676 officially. (2019 had a count of ~1800, so this isn't bad at all given the circumstances, and being the first in-person con since covid)

    Read More

    6 comments · 83 views
  • 10 weeks
    New Story is Up!

    Cap off your weekend with some new horsewords from yours truly!

    Presenting: Perpetual Care

    Please go check it out and as always, thank you for your support!

    0 comments · 22 views
  • 10 weeks
    EFNW + Good Story News!

    Hey, everyone! Hope you're doing well and staying safe.

    Fortunately, today's blog is all about good news! So let's dive in.

    Read More

    5 comments · 72 views
  • 13 weeks
    On the Subject of Sunsets

    Hey, folks. Hope everyone is doing well, staying safe, and making sure they get vaccinated.

    So today's topic is sunsets - both the concept and the character.

    Read More

    4 comments · 95 views
Jul
19th
2021

On the Subject of Sunsets · 4:27am July 19th

Hey, folks. Hope everyone is doing well, staying safe, and making sure they get vaccinated.

So today's topic is sunsets - both the concept and the character.

First the good news: New story should be out tomorrow! It's my first ever attempt at 2nd-person POV, it's M-rated, and "your" co-star is none other than our bacon-maned (EQG) queen. In truth it's a kind of 'fan inspired' sequel to a short series of Sunset-centric stories written by the extremely talented Holy. So if you're comfortable with some saucy reading, I hope you give this a try when it does post to the site.


Now for the more serious news regarding sunsets: If you recall my story "In and Out of Phase", you may remember that in my accompanying blog post I mentioned that a source of inspiration for this was my family's own journey taking care of my grandmother through first a hurricane and then through dementia. We always feared that my mom would develop similar symptoms as she aged, and a few years ago, the doctors confirmed that the earliest signals were beginning to show. As you can imagine, we haven't seen any family at all since Christmas 2019 (ironically enough for my aunt's funeral). So it's been quite a while since I've seen my parents.

In recent weeks, my dad has opened up to me about the fact that he intends to move themselves from their home down south to our area in the PNW. The end game being to move into an independent living arrangement - ideally one with flexibility to move into extra care modes as the need arises. Apparently in the last year the dementia has really begun to set in a bit on mom. She still sounds fairly sharp on the phone when I talk to her, but even I can tell she's missing more things than she used to. Losing focus mid-sentence, asking the same questions three times on the same call. It also doesn't help that between her back and her balance issues, she can't get around quite as easily as she used to either.

I've seen all this before with grandma. Mom and Dad did too as they cared for her. I think we all know where this is heading. Well, maybe not mom 100%, as she occasionally tells me she is fine and dad's fussing over nothing. But that just further demonstrates the issue - sometimes she doesn't know that there's anything wrong at all. It just feels like a normal day. But it's not. and with both of them past age 75, it's increasingly hard for dad to watch out for mom AND do literally everything around their house - which while not a mansion is a good-sized ranch style home.

So TLDR: Sometime in the next 12-24 months my parents will be selling their home and moving up to our neck of the woods, so they can be closer to family support. We'll be glad to have them nearby for sure.

But gdamnit if it doesn't make me mad too. Mom had to suffer the insane stress of watching her mother shrink into a shell who watched the same news broadcast on loop all day and now she's heading down a similar road? Dad and I have to watch this a second time? They have to give up the retirement home they dreamed about and slaved for just so they aren't stranded when something bad really does happen and dad can't help?

If this comes to pass they'll have been in that house for just over 15 years. 15 years and that's all they get. Then it's voluntary-involuntary downsize into some increasingly assisted living setup while they wait for the sunset, and for the walls to close in.

Really makes you wonder what the hell we go through all this for then. Work yourself to the bone for the lion's share of your life, save everything you can, and hope it'll be enough to cover your arse when you're too old to work and too frail to remember your own meds, or who your spouse is, or what you ate for lunch an hour ago. No family deserves to go through such a trial once, much less twice. I'm not going to say it's unfair to me or us. It's unfair to anyone who has to do this.

I barely handled it watching grandma literally forget who I was. Now my mom may get there too? Honest to god I don't know if I can handle that. Believe me, I'd not hold anything against a person battling dementia. They truly don't know that they forgot their friends or family. No one can blame them for that nor should they. I'll never doubt my parents' love for me and my wife.

But I know it's coming. One day, some time, mom could very well look at me or my wife, or even my dad, and wonder who that is. And despite everything I just said in the previous paragraph, I know a piece of my heart will break anyway, and it will never ever be made right again.

What a cruel, cruel existence we live. Endowed with potential to do astounding feats, yet doomed to either sudden and painful tragedy, or a long, slow slide into the abyss.



*Sorry for all this, everyone. I don't mean to turn this into a vent blog you all have to listen to, but I also need somewhere to write this down or else it'll eat me alive
**Hug your loved ones and take plenty of pictures

Report Grand_Moff_Pony · 95 views ·
Comments ( 4 )

I'm so sorry, Moff. :fluttershyouch:

I wish I could offer something more meaningful or deep than just that. But I don't really know what I can say...

5557044
Hey, it's ok! No need to apologize. Just knowing someone's listening is sometimes worth more than words anyway. *hugs*

*Hugs*

You have my sympathy and empathy, Moff. I understand your thoughts and a bit of how you're feeling. I've never lost a relative or friend to dementia, but I've lost several to other diseases that in their own way were just as cruel. Not only to that person but to their families, as well. It really does make one ponder the reasons why we try so much and work so hard. It always has the potential to come to naught. It is cruel and unfair, and it is justifiable to think of those circumstances that way.

But we never know how life will go when we are younger, which is probably a gift in and of itself. We move forward and plan, all the while unaware of fate's plans for us. It is in what we give to each other while we are here that is remembered most of all. Not the things so much as the memories and times shared. Both the good and the bad. They bring us together and makes us who we are.
Those are the things that endure.

I wish that I could do or say something to help, but know that I'm here to listen if you ever need a friend. Take care and be well.

Blessed be.

I'm sorry to hear this, GMP.

Life is cruel sometimes.

But that's why we have friends - to catch us in the nets we weave to hold each other up when when the cruelty of fate is trying to knock us down.

Whenever you need a friend, I'm here. DM or e-mail or hit me on Discord if you need to, right?

Really looking forward to seeing you at EFNW, too, after these long two years! It's getting so close now!

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