Story reviews #2 · 4:02am Jul 3rd, 2021
Story review #2: Road Back To Ponyville —By Heroic412227
Characters:
Let’s get the hard one out of the way.......your OC Sid is a very interesting character and Heroic write’s him in a unique way but I don’t connect with him on a personal level like I do many other characters from fanfic and the show itself but I do enjoy the way you write his redemption and he seems lined up with his character from the other Fic’s I’ve read of your’s.
Your OC’s minions are just kinda their in this story and their role is fumble around with the device and finding the remote which is mostly useless.
Twilight’s friends: are very in character with Rarity and Rainbow Dash being the quick to action and quick to blame Sid character and Applejack being the pony who keeps them grounded.
Twilight is the worst written character in this story and she falls to the fate many fanfiction characters do by being their to support the OC’s development and story making her feel to emotional and supporting of Sid.
Requested by Writer: Tone: the tone of this story is all over the place in the story sometimes it’s a comedy sometimes it angst?
So for the tone it’s an okay town but I wish he’d focused on either the angst or the more comedic tone instead of flip flopping.
Premise: The premise is well done and fits in Sid’s story and timeline well and I was very interested in where it would go when it started but I kinda wish he’d left off the not Twilight and Sid part of it and focused on that.
Grammar and punctuation: was done pretty well an 7/10 for me and maybe some of the sentencing could’ve been done but still great.
Dialogue: this story suffers the same fate story review #1 (https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/954995/story-reviews-1) it has pacing issues that cause everything to move too fast. Many fanfic writers myself included want to get to the action quickly or don’t have time to write out everything in one sit down. So we rush and it takes away from the story’s dialogue because rushed dialogue is bland dialogue.
Flaws: like last review Pacing is it’s biggest flaw and what could’ve been one of the best stories on site if given more word’s and longer more real conversations is a hopeful disappointment. (Sorry Heroic hope your not mad at this review)
Strengths: the Premise and SURPRISINGLY the OC are by far the highlights of the fic. Which is kinda surprising because OC’s are bad 75% of the time and only good about 20% of the time but if Heroic focused more on all the characters and the story he’d stand out as a good character even more. (Sid wasn’t the best part of all his stories but he stood out in this one)
Overall an enjoyable read that could’ve been better but was still one of Heroic’s best Sid stories.
Good job Heroic412227
If anyone wants me to Review their story please PM me with your request including any specific things you want me to examine.
Story link: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/497305/road-back-to-ponyville
Thank you for the review, Reactception. Also, why was Twilight the worst written character in the story? She called out Sid for his actions and behavior and was forgiving enough to help him out. She's usually a very sympathetic and forgiving pony overall, both in the show and in at least some fics. Sorry, I was just asking.
Also, Sid's not completely redeemed yet. He's just taking a break after contemplating on his behavior and what he's been through. He's still probably going to go back to what he was doing afterwards, but with a new metamorphosis and perspective on his actions and motives.
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She was too emotional and not enough like her canon character