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PresentPerfect


Fanfiction masochist. :B https://ko-fi.com/presentperfect

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  • Sunday
    When they change form

    I'm supposed to be doing something, so of course I'm doing this.

    When/where are the instances where members of the mane six change into something else?

    I won't be coy, this is for a series of 'variant' cards I'm doing for my card game project. Right now, I have:

    • EQG for Twilight
    • Seapony for Pinkie, since she was a focus of that part of the movie

    Read More

    28 comments · 166 views
  • Saturday
    State of the Writer, July 2021

    Hey.

    I actually wrote a story!

    It's been done for a couple days now, I've just been waffling on whether or not to look for feedback before posting it. Also pondering whether I want to commission a cover art. Also being distracted by SCP stuff. <.<

    Read More

    10 comments · 134 views
  • Friday
    Fic recs, July 30th: SJF95fighter/MrLeftTurn edition!

    Our next reader is SJF95fighter, who hasn't uploaded a fic reading in three years or a video at all in 6 months, so I don't hold out hope for more. :B He's only got five other readings past the one I reviewed previously, including Final Draft's A Generic Story, so I am

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    2 comments · 126 views
  • 1 week
    Fic recs, July 26th!

    Looks like ScarlettBlade is calling it quits. :( He's been around forever, though, I guess can't complain if he feels it's time to move on.

    Read More

    13 comments · 230 views
  • 1 week
    "Might makes right"

    I've been meaning to post this for a while, now, no idea why today is the day. :B

    Read More

    12 comments · 267 views
Jun
18th
2021

Fic recs, June 18th: A Most Delightful Ponidox edition! · 8:43pm June 18th

Wow, it feels like a long time since I did this last. <.< Because it has been. (To wit, I forgot I'm supposed to add Hs to my group!)

There've been a lot of contests in the last two years that've caught my attention, and none so much as FanOfMostEverything's A Most Delightful Ponidox, dedicated to all things meeting-of-the-self-related. And yes, the vast majority of these are Equestria Girls fics because it's tailor-made for just that sort of story, but not all of them! There are general multiversal jaunts as well as time travel and a few other, much more unexpected things in store.

Point being, this was a lot of words to read, but it honestly was a delight. :)

H: 8 R: 12 C: 9 V: 3 N: 2

What Worked Last Universe by Mockingbirb
Genre: EQG Dark/Drama
When things with Sunset start to take a turn for the worse, Twilight builds a device that will let her find other Sunsets across the multiverse.
This thing's deep! :O I really love the start of the SciSet relationship in this piece. I don't think it's a spoiler to say the main Twilight we follow is neither of the ones from canon, and just the fact that she takes a chance on a daring red-haired girl riding a motorcycle is so striking, such a departure from anything you'd expect for this character. It's just a shame she goes too far with it. I do love the twin morals of not letting your past define you (especially when it's your high school past) and not running away from relationship problems. This approaches its potentially inflammatory subject in a very mature manner, and the multiverse stuff was also pretty cool. Off to a strong, unexpected start!
Recommended

Love Can Be Enough by Damaged
Genre: EQG Shipping Drama
Rainbow Dash comes home to find another her there. Luckily, she knows how to deal with herself.
What a strange story. Descriptions in the first scene got me extremely confused, even after multiple reads, and I never quite threw that sense of not getting everything. This feels like it's in the middle of some other continuity. Human Rainbow is already dating Derpy, apparently she can slow time (isn't that a Pony Life thing?) The story just seemed to be assuming a bunch of foreknowledge and never really cared if the audience was in on it. Then there's the setup, which… Rainbow Dash going to another world in tears because some guy dumped her? It's memey, but all I could think was, "That's so un-Rainbow!" All that being said, if you can accept the premise, the story told here is actually a good one, about building up someone's self-esteem after a major heartbreak, plus polyshipping. So it's not bad at all, just not really what I expected.
Recommended for EQG Fans

Twilight Squared by TheEighthDayofNight
Genre: Random Comedy
Twilight has a conversation with Twilight.
This is one of the few stories I have ever read that both feels like the author just sort of wrote whatever was on their mind at the time and actually makes for a funny story. I mean, it leans really hard on that Random tag, but there are quite a few really funny lines, and I enjoyed the denouement as well. And even that has layers!
Recommended If You Like Surreal Absurdism

Sunset Shimmer Discovers She's a Pop Star by redandready45
Genre: EQG Drama
Who's this other girl dancing on the internet?
This bills itself as a comedy, but the only really funny bits were the first scene — which is very on the nose but still humorous — and a line Fluttershy says later on. Otherwise, it's a very straightforward story about someone concerned about identity theft? Not exactly peak comedy material. And I was intrigued by a few details, like human Sunset living with her dad (though I wish pony Sunset had had any reaction to him), but most of it was overshadowed by the lack of focus in the writing. That said, the author is currently rewriting this, so I've got that on tracking and will give this a meh. (Probably why this was taken down since I read it.)
Vaguely Recommended

The Grass Is Always Greener by TCC56
Genre: EQG Dark
Since she met Sunset, Wallflower's life has been turning around. Unfortunately for her.
This is very short, but it's easily the most original Wallflower Blush story I've ever read. It uses the tropes I associate most with her in a very novel manner that I suspect you can figure out because of the contest theme. But I won't give anything else away, I thought this was excellent. :D
Highly Recommended

Apples in the Mirror by Rune Soldier Dan
Genre: EQG Drama
The worlds bound by the mirror have many similarities, even though they are so different in the ways that matter…
Along with lots and lots of stories about human Sunset, the one thing I was hoping to get out of this contest was someone dealing with the Apple Parents. I never get tired of stories like that. And this one is pretty much everything I could have asked for. If I can point to any one thing Rune Soldier Dan did well, it's portraying emotions that are difficult to put a name to, let alone deal with. But the whole thing's basically perfect.
Highly Recommended

Don't Make the Same Mistakes I Did by Boltstrike58
Genre: EQG Drama
Sunset knows just who to go to when it comes to troubled teens.
Gotta be honest: If I had a father as annoyingly doting as Starlight's, I'd be a moody teenager, too. <.< So older readers might find the narrator a little hard to relate to, but otherwise? This is really good. I like the idea of Sunset being a peer mentor, that really does sound like the kind of thing she'd do. And this ends up being quite a solid exploration of Starlight's character, not to mention very good use of the mirror portal. So, yeah, a good time!
Recommended

CMCsquared by SockPuppet
Genre: EQG Comedy
Great, now there are six of them.
This story is intensely confusing in a way that I think ultimately keeps it from working. If there had just been a moment taken to slow down and describe the scene before launching into the mile-a-minute continual gags and character introductions, I'd have probably kept up with it better. Also, the joke about human Sweetie Belle wearing a bikini, which is brought up ad nauseam, is no bueno.
Vaguely Recommended

"Where Is My Daughter?" by The Sleepless Beholder
Genre: EQG Drama
Sunset's mother should not be here at all.
Spoilers, this is not a story about Sunset being visited by her human counterpart's mother, wondering where her real daughter is. I'd have been there for that, 100%. Instead, this is way more interesting than I ever would have thought. :D I really don't want to give anything away, though the reveal is pretty early on in the story, but it also leads to some angst over Sunset's background that I thought was equally compelling. A few typos here and there, but nevertheless a unique and original story.
Recommended

Cut from the Same Cloth by TCC56
Genre: EQG/Cutie Map
At the rate she's going, Coco Pommel is headed down a dark path. And no one's likely to dissuade her from it… except maybe herself.
This story may be about Coco, but it starts off with the Cutie Map summoning Sci-Twi, leading to freakouts all around, and I think that's just grand. :D Writing a Cutie Map story isn't exactly easy, as I can attest; to get it right, there's a certain cadence that needs to be followed. And while this story is bookended with excellent fanservice about the Mirror, the Map, etc., the core of it is a perfect execution of the Cutie Map formula. Because it's not just about Coco, though she's the star; Sci-Twi gets some important scenes as well. The way TCC plays with the two dimensions is absolutely perfect, and all the characters are written excellently. This is a really impressive piece of fanfiction, and I hope folks read it. :)
Highly Recommended

Bipartite Butterflies by TCC56
Genre: Light Comedy
Be careful what you say around Discord.
This is pretty light on story, just presenting Twilight with a situation, letting her freak out a bit, and clearing everything up by the end. There's just enough more to it that it's worth reading, though it's often hard for stories just over the word minimum to waste the reader's time in the first place. It was okay, and rather cute.
Recommended as Light Reading

Why Don't I Have Wings Like You? by ThePinkedWonder
Genre: Comedy
It's a question worth considering.
The writing in this story was very strange. Dialogue frequently doesn't sound right, the narrative tends to be telly, and though it's pleasant seeing that FOME's standard of putting "H-" and "P-" in front of different character names to designate them persists beyond the Oversaturated World, it also doesn't quite fit the tone here. Moreover, the bulk of the story consists of Princess Twilight saying, "I'm going to cast Spell on you!" it not working as expected, and Twilight going, "Wow, I didn't think Spell would do thing I didn't expect it to!" Over and over and over, and the unexpected results were really just not that funny. So while not offensive, this really doesn't accomplish what it set out to, as far as I can tell.
Not Recommended

Memories of Myself by Akouma
Genre: Historical Drama
After a final encounter with the Memory Stone, Clover tries to get back what he lost.
Well hey, it's a ponidox that doesn't involve the mirror to Humania, even though it's mentioned in the text! :D This was interesting because of what, precisely, the Memory Stone takes from Clover the Clever, though I'm not sure it was utilized well. Basically, this is just an excuse to dump Clover's backstory, and I do mean dump: note the block of dialogue used to give the full story of the first Hearth's Warming. So there are some pacing issues, but the reveal at the end was good, and overall, the prose work is solid. It's a good story.
Recommended for Fans of Pony History

The Pillars of Equestria: The Temple of Enyalius by Wise Cracker
Genre: Historical Adventure
In hot pursuit of a slippery foe, the Pillars of Equestria find themselves confronting… themselves?
Well, this was neat. Yes, it's got some D&D elements to it, but the setting is totally Equestria and/or original stuff. (And the class choices for some of the alternate Pillars are really interesting!) To be uncharitable for a moment, one could say that this is just a long piece of characters talking to other versions of themselves while action beats occasionally happen. But while both of those things are true, what the characters talk about is interesting, especially when it comes to the conversation between the two Star Swirls. Also, you can see a lot of deep world-building kicking into gear, which I appreciated. So yeah. I've kind of made it a point not to read stories whose comments are turned off, but I'm glad I gave this one a chance. It was worthwhile.
Recommended

Some Days Are Dark and Lonely by brokenimage321
Genre: Mental Health
Sometimes, when Pinkie is having a bad day, She will come by for a visit.
A Pinkamena story, in 2020? It's more likely than you think. Pinkamena being part of Pinkie's psyche, or even a manifestation of her inner demons, is like Pinkie having depression: hardly a new concept. And if you'd try to sell me on this story with that setup, I might have balked, for all that I know the author is really good. But it turns out, you can very much do a Pinkamena story like this if the writing's good enough, and the specifics of Pinkie's mental illness are clearly delineated. This doesn't ever go too far, it doesn't make light of her situation, and for all that Pinkie is able to finally fight back against her, it doesn't have her just miraculously decide to feel better. Cuz like, that's not how it works. At all. If anything, this story's best point is the ending, which lays out a very realistic and reasonable solution for mental health problems that still for whatever reason is considered taboo in our society. So fuck that, read pony stories, get help.
Recommended

Time Enough by Shrink Laureate
Genre: Time Travel
Star Swirl didn't write the time travel spell, so Princess Twilight needs to make sure she can find it.
I want to start by pointing out that this story's structure is really bizarre. The first chapter just ends in the middle of a conversation, while the second backtracks a bit to present us with a completely different scenario (that is, Luster Dawn talking to Celestia vs. Twilight talking with her younger self) and a totally unrelated dialogue. But I really don't care about that? Because this was just neat. Twilight's reaction to her snottier, brattier pre-teen version, Luster's conversation with Celestia trying and failing to keep the secrets of the future from her, it's all great. This is really about the character interactions, and it fulfills the purpose of this contest in high standard, if you ask me.
Recommended

Stomachaches by The Red Parade
Genre: Romantic Drama/Future Fic
Lightning Dust has made a lot of mistakes in her life. This might be an opportunity to change them.
You really have to respect an author who takes a ship and makes it theirs. With Red Parade, it's the completely out-there pairing of Lightning Dust and Fiddlesticks, and this is easily the best story about them. It's mostly about Lightning, though: older, wiser, injured, not doing too well, and afraid of the past. The main conflict involves her trying to talk sense into a her she hasn't been for a while, and thus has lost touch with. I find myself at a loss to explain this any better. It's good.
Recommended

Heartstrings Transplant by Malandy
Sequel to Sharktavia i: Sharktavia Evolved and Unfriendly Competition
Genre: Oversaturated World/Magic: The Gathering Crossover
The first sentence of this story goes like this: Alliterative phrase, misplaced comma, possible typo that completely obscures the meaning of the last clause. The writing after that continues to be stilted and opaque as hell, on top of asking a lot of the reader between Oversaturated World references and MtG things that are never explained. Even the Magic nerds in the comments couldn't follow it! And despite claiming to be about Indigo Zap, it's actually about Lyra. This does not work at all.
Not Recommended

Dog Years by AugieDog
Genre: EQG Drama
Spike is getting on in years. But dog years are not dragon years. Maybe the mirror has some answers.
At its heart, this is just a really awesome exploration of potential outcomes of having two dimensions connected by a magical mirror. It went nowhere I expected and was really fun and creative. Alongside that is a deep dive into the relationship between Sci-Twi and her dog. This is written from dog Spike's perspective, and Augie really leaned into just how disparate his character is from dragon Spike's. That's not something just anyone could have pulled off this well. And for all that death hangs over most of the story, leads to the drama and the strain on their friendship, this oddly ends up saying nothing about death? But I can't begrudge a happy ending for a story I was expecting to leave me in tears. Not when it's this original.
Highly Recommended

I don't want to be… by nioniosbbbb
Genre: AU/Time Travel
It's been over a month since Chrysalis embraced love and became a mare with nothing.
Sad to say, this author is not a native English speaker, and there are some writing problems that make the story hard to follow. But more than that, my main issue is twofold. First, there is a distinct problem with character voicing, specifically Chrysalis and Luna. Like, even a reformed Chrysalis is going to have a certain cadence to her speech that is not present here and so did not convince me this was the same character. Secondly, the plot hinges around an obfuscation related to the mantra of the title that turns something that should be obvious into a reveal. There's a big difference between a character wanting something but not knowing what it is and having to find out, and a character wanting something and just omitting one word so the audience doesn't know despite said character being POV. It's cheap. That being said, the direction this goes is actually really interesting (though the "black sanctuary" thing is never explained), and I'd have liked a bit more of a character dive in that direction. Not completely without merit, but definitely flawed.
Vaguely Recommended

Lost Loves by TheEighthDayofNight
Genre: Multiverse Shenanigans/Shipping
Her search for love takes Luna to other worlds.
I don't usually write a whole page of notes for a 12k story. Boy, do I have a lot of thoughts about this, and they require a full spoiler warning. This story begins with a thesis I detest: Luna is Sad because, despite Cadence reassuring her time and again that her True Love is Out There, Luna has searched all over Equestria and found nothing but friends. Because that's the worst that could happen in a setting called "Friendship Is Magic". :| Boo frickin' hoo. Luna's Sadness drives her through the multiverse to find her One True Love, and this apparently takes decades if not a century? Which means all her friends back on Equestria are probably dead. But that's fine! Because she needs her One True Love, amirite? I felt justified in thinking quite poorly of this piece once we get to the first other dimension, where she hooks up with Nightmare Moon. (I assume it's basically the Cutie Re-Mark world.) Now, this by itself sort of requires answering the question "How does Luna feel when presented with the physical embodiment of the inner demon she left behind a century ago?" but the story sidesteps that by never bringing it up and just having the two of them fuck. But that's not what justified my distaste; that would be the video games. :/ Luna invents electricity and wires up Nightmare's castle so they can play video games together. Like, literally what the fuck. Then their relationship comes crashing down because the sun appears in — brace yourself — Fallout Equestria. The video game. I can't :| hard enough to show my disdain for the story at this point. Things get no better when she world-hops to a no-magic future world and hooks up with literally her own sister? Like, Luna exists in this world, but she's a filly called Moon Moon. Why Moon Moon? Who thought Moon Moon was a good idea? Goddammit, Moon Moon. Through a lengthy flashback, we're given some actual really good drama as Luna's attempts to navigate this strange world where she's literally the only being with magic end up turning "Sunny" against her while dropping a whole payload of tantalizing backstory hints. Multiversal incest aside, this was the story's highlight. But the incest is for real, since at one point Luna ponders if her actual sister would accept a "three-way marriage" with her and Twilight, because I guess Twilestia is happening, as if this story hasn't sinned enough by this point. So comes the final scene, when she ends up back at Nightmare Moon's world, but things have really changed. And Nightmare's all "baby, I didn't mean it, I can fix things" and I was all set to wash my hands of this story… And then suddenly I was confronted with the idea that maybe, just maybe, the author intended all of Luna's Sad romance-seeking to be purposefully bad. Like, not even a "but it's still bad" argument works here, the end of this story turns everything that came before it on its head and ends up making strong, solid arguments against all the things I stand against when it comes to bad romance. I got so much whiplash, I am still feeling it, and it took me all day to get around to writing this review. So, in short, I am very confused and completely unsure what to feel about this fic, thus I invite all of you to go check it out and decide for yourselves.
Recommended If You Enjoy World-Hopping

Apple Preserves by Natedogg2006
Genre: EQG Drama
Both sets of Twilight's friends had finally managed to get together for a slumber party. But then Applejack had to leave early.
So, think to yourself, why would pony Applejack have to leave a gathering early while human Applejack wouldn't? There's doubtless one answer that jumps immediately to mind, and I was rather disappointed that was what the author went with. That being said, this delves into new territory along those lines, so it was also a pleasant surprise. Granted, the writing needs some work, starting with a homophone mixup on the very second word, the drama is stretched thin by lightning-fast pacing, and it is very hard to tell who's who or who's doing what at any given moment. But at least I can say this was original, and Rainbow Dash is written quite well.
Recommended If You Don't Mind Fast Pacing

A Tale of Two Musical Notes by TheOneAJ (formerly ajvasquezbrony28)
Genre: Shipping
A weekend in Equestria with her friend Sonata and her pony counterpart is just what Octavia needs… right?
Hey hey, it's more Sontavia. Of all the things I anticipated from this story, Octavia telling her younger, human self how to remove herself from an abusive household and embrace her otherwise shunned sexuality was not on the list! So this definitely has a lot of merit. Still, it does need a major editing pass. There's nothing more disheartening than coming across a story and seeing a "to be edited" note in the description, because it's never the case that the author actually did it and forgot to take the note out. :/ This is occasionally hard to read because of that.
Recommended Only If You Don't Mind Writing Errors

Left Behind by HapHazred
Genre: Multiverse Shenanigans
Feeling like everything's moving beyond her, Starlight takes an opportunity to see how she might have turned out in another world.
Is it fair to ding a story for not being ambitious enough? I mean, Starlight gets hold of a dimensional-hopping spell, visits one alternate universe where she's still evil, and that's enough to convince her that she doesn't need to do it anymore? I guess I'm saying I wasn't convinced, though this does definitely have strong characterization for Starlight. The other thing that bugged me is, isn't Trixie supposed to have a position at the Friendship School? Why isn't she doing that? Why was it never brought up? Well, this is still good for what it is, absolutely no writing issues for once.
Recommended for Starlight Fans

From the Heart by archonix
Sequel to Turn
Genre: EQG Future Fic
Principal Cadence needs a vacation. Why not one in a world full of magical talking horses, where she's a goddess?
I'm amazed, with how many stories I've read and loved of Celestia and/or Luna dealing with their counterparts across the mirror, I've never read the same for Cadence before. And, not to spoil anything, I love that she comes through the mirror as a pegasus. :D And while this is made of the same quiet contemplation that I would expect from any competent piece about, say, Celestia pondering her place in the multiverse, it's never sad. If anything, this is a story about contentment, though Principal Cadence does spend a lot of time just marvelling at Equestria. A very tidy piece that I quite enjoyed.
Recommended

How to Train Your Evil Doppelganger by River Road
Sequel to Mr. and Mrs. S.M.I.L.E.
Genre: EQG Comedy
Evils sealed in Equestria have a nasty habit of unsealing after so long. So as a show of good faith between worlds, three agents of S.M.I.L.E. offer to deal with their Equestrian counterparts.
Well, this sure was a thing! I have to say I liked the first chapter best, it's got the strongest writing and reminded me why I enjoyed the original so much. Which isn't to say the rest is bad, hardly, just that chapter 2 is mostly explication while chapter 3 is, uh… Fun. It's fun. It's goofy as hell, but then the whole thing rather is, isn't it? If you enjoyed the first story, you'll doubtless enjoy this, and if you haven't read the first story, well, why not?
Recommended

Ill Met by Sunset by Norm De Plume
Genre: EQG Drama
Sunset Shimmer isn't dead, not if Starlight has anything to say about it.
Conceptually, this is flat one of the best fanfics I've ever read. The pony afterlife, Sunset having avoided her fated death, the mirror interfering with the normal traffic of souls? This thing is so deep, and so cool! And then on top of that, you get an excellent, character-focused story that's basically just about Starlight dealing with trying to save a friend's life. We see the stresses she's put under, how far she's come as a character past the end of the series, and of course dealing with her human counterpart. That was a ride. I'm just really impressed at how simple and straightforward the story itself is while being mounted on the back of this sprawling supernatural drama. This was great!
Highly Recommended

The New Hacker in Town by AlexTFish
Genre: EQG Action Thriller
When Twilight's lab is broken into and her experiments stolen, it's up to her friends to stop the thief.
EQG superhero adventures. The show stopped just short of being about them. Why the heck hasn't the fandom picked up the slack? Or at least, I've not seen many besides this one. :| Get on those recommendations! Because this was awesome from start to finish. Superhero girls, a supervillain, betrayals and best of all, trope subversion. I do get tired of the villain who just so happens to know everything about the heroes; here, the villain specifically doesn't get Sunset, and it's really bothering her. I was so hooked by that, and the rest held up, in my opinion. Sticklers for rational action may find a few spots not up to their standards, but this gets a very self-indulgent bit of praise from me. AlexTFish really outdid himself!
Highly Recommended

Rainbow Dash Is… Average? by Dreadnought
Genre: Random Comedy
Rainbow Dash is feeling bummed out about the news from across the mirror, but Discord thinks he can help.
In many ways, this is just a pile of references, but it's set at such a madcap pace, it somehow works? The central joke is funny, seeing the various Rainbow Dashes is amusing… This is basically multiversal shenanigans boiled down to their purest form. Fun!
Recommended

World of Colgates by TheDriderPony
Genre: Time Travel Adventure/Comedy
It all started when I got punched in the head.
Number one, this story is a masterwork in character voicing. Colgate — not Minuette, that's her twin sister who lives in Canterlot! — is cantankerous, snippy and highly opinionated about everything from the word go. Her personality leaps off the page and sucks you in. Number two, this is an excellent example of a time loop, executed in a surprisingly small number of words. The pacing is perfect, though, it's never too fast nor the details too thin. Number three, this has both the craziest villain reveal I have ever seen and the best twist ending I have ever read on this site. The audacity! Suffice to say, this is easily the best story of the contest, and one of the best I've read all year.
Highly Recommended

Daring Do and the Ditzy of Infinite Possibility by Antiquarian
Genre: Dark AU Adventure/Comedy
Daring Do's world is turned upside down when a certain ditzy mailmare from Ponyville crashes her latest adventure.
So I wanted to make some kind of comment about getting what the author was going for — Indiana Jones vs. Nazis — but guns not really needing to be a part of it. I mean, griffons, using guns? Why would a griffon need a gun, especially in the close quarters most of this story takes place in? But the guns also lead to a couple really funny moments, and one fun character, so I can let them slide. The fact is, as dark as this setting is, this story is unexpectedly funny, mostly thanks to Ditzy herself and Daring Do as straightmare. I will say, it behooves the reader to check out the blog post linked in the description, as there's quite a lot of good in-universe textual world-building presented there. Beyond that, this was a lot of fun.
Recommended

The Ghost Who Never Died by Pascoite
Genre: Slice of Life
Derpy has been able to see ghosts her whole life, but none of them were quite like this one.
This is easily the most original approach to this contest's theme. A ghost who isn't a ghost, a Derpy who's the only one who can hear it, and just the ideas for the characters, it was all awesome. And this has some links to Pascoite's other stories, including the fantastic Ambergris. Good stuff!
Recommended

Mirror Match Inc. by J Carp
Genre: EQG Romantic Drama/Comedy
School is ending, and relationships aren't going to matter much in college. But that doesn't mean Sugarcoat can't meet her pony self and make out with her, right?
I don't even know how to sum this story up, what the hell. Word to the wise, if the whole "Mirror Match" business mentioned in the description caught your interest, it isn't even mentioned until the second half. This actually feels like a story and its sequel rather than two chapters. It didn't dampen my enjoyment of the story, though, just something odd I noticed. So. This is a great character piece. And what's really great about it is that it's about a Shadowbolt, a group of characters from a spinoff movie who maybe had one personality trait apiece. Sugarcoat and Sour Sweet's were the most prominent, of course, but they also both come off as having major mental health issues, which authors tend to run with. So J Carp has taken that single personality trait and sat the reader down to explore in vivid detail what being Sugarcoat is like. And not just living in her head, but being very aware of just what's wrong with her, as she is. This is a very considerate story about the end of high school, how teenage cares age, and figuring oneself out, and it just so happens to have a bunch of really funny scenes interspersed in between all the drama. I think it was pretty darned good, myself.
Highly Recommended

Dimension G4.5 by _Undefined_
Genre: Comedy/Pony Life Crossover
Starlight has made an interdimensional breakthrough, and now is Twilight's chance to test it out.
Last but not least, we have a late entry that there was no way I was going to miss reading. The funniest thing about this story is that, if anyone read it before actually watching Pony Life, they'd think the author was on something. Because this is a very good portrayal of what that show is like, and basically just a few thousand words of taking the piss out of it as Twilight goggles at all the weirdness. So conceptually, it's very simple, and in fact may not even make sense to the aforementioned theoretical reader who has yet to see My Little Pony: Go, but it was well written and I enjoyed it. :)
Recommended If You've Seen Pony Life

Report PresentPerfect · 372 views · #fic reviews
Comments ( 25 )

Oh, is that why you read The Implicit Neighs? Huh. Well then.

In any case, this was a very fun contest to administrate. Glad to see you mostly enjoyed it as well. This fandom has a multiverse to play with. I see no reason why we shouldn't take full advantage of it.

So, for what it's worth, in Memories of Myself I wasn't so much using the story as an excuse to dump a headcanon for Clover's backstory so much as being a sometimes-incompetent writer who was having difficulty pacing the exposition better. Glad you still liked it at least somewhat though!

TCC56 #3 · June 18th · · ·

Two Highlys? I am, as always, incredibly honored by the praise.

Also thank god somebody else finally isn't head over heels with Bipartite Butterflies. It's garbage, I consider it a failed attempt and that it's my fourth-best rated story drives me bananas.

Well that certainly made my day!
Thanks for taking the time to review, and I'm glad you got a kick out of it.

Ah lovely ^^’ this :) ….
Hey, not bad score for me I see ^^
… I better edited that ‘to be edited’ out 😓 although on a while it’s me wishing I had more time to flesh the story out

I didn't expect to get reviewed, so seeing my entry get a review was a nice surprise. It may suck that it was graded "not recommended" but oh well; I gave it a shot to see what would happen.

Thanks for the review, glad you liked it. I actually went got the Eberron sourcebook for inspiration on Stygian's bits, so it's great to know it hit the mark, flaws and all.

The whole Unicorn sacrifice thing really does make for some interesting story options, especially with the whole 'master race' meme that was floating around way back when... who knows, might revisit that setting in the future, show off Star Swirl becoming the warlock instead of Stygian.

Thanks for the review! Glad you enjoyed Stomachaches, it was super fun to write! I'm also extremely happy you now associate me with FiddleDust because that is my ultimate goal :)

To this day I'm still amazed by how much attention Where Is My Daughter got. Glad you found it enjoyable despite the problems :scootangel:

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

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I mean, who wouldn't after looking at your gallery? :B

Ha! This is what I get for throwing something together. Totally expected! :pinkiecrazy:

I probably should go improve it. Yees... Maybe. Eventually? :facehoof:

And also read some of this other stuff. Sometime in the future...

Thanks so much for the review :ajsmug::rainbowkiss:
Although I'm still not noticing the homophone. I'm not the best writer, so the fact that you'd take the time to do a proper review is great no matter how much you liked it.

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This fandom has a multiverse to play with. I see no reason why we shouldn't take full advantage of it.

I agree. There aren't too many stories with the pony version and human character interacting (with the exception of the Twilights, since stories with them seem to be the most common by far) I had fun using that element, and I had been wanting to do it for almost a year, but I didn't have a strong-enough inspiration, so your contest helped give me that last push.

See, okay, the reason my story is like that is because I developed the title and premise for a screwball comedy, and then about five minutes into writing I realized I don't actually like screwball comedies.

"... how simple and straightforward the story itself is ..."

I do surely appreciate you saying that, Present. Although I always have the feeling you enjoy my off-kilter, too-big-for-the-damn-contest ideas more. I definitely raised more questions than I was able to smartly answer. :ajbemused:

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

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Sorry, it was actually the third word, 'hear' instead of 'here'. :B

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At least the comedy worked! :)

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How the heck did I miss that for so long?:twilightoops: thanks

I'm not quite sure if this is the best place to respond to the criticism but here goes.

Like, even a reformed Chrysalis is going to have a certain cadence to her speech that is not present here and so did not convince me this was the same character.

I don't get that. I don't get it at all. Like she should have been louder?

I'll be honest as far as Luna goes I've been a bit off-put by the common fandom "thee-speak" if you will. I guess however if I had to put an accent of some sort to Luna it would be British. Not Ye-olde British but still British.

Secondly, the plot hinges around an obfuscation related to the mantra of the title that turns something that should be obvious into a reveal. There's a big difference between a character wanting something but not knowing what it is and having to find out, and a character wanting something and just omitting one word so the audience doesn't know despite said character being POV. It's cheap.

So tl;dr basically I tried to make this sound/look smart and make it something you would be like "oooooh so that's what it is!" moment but it didn't work out so well. Well I guess we all sometimes appear smarter than we are in our own POV.

That being said, the direction this goes is actually really interesting (though the "black sanctuary" thing is never explained), and I'd have liked a bit more of a character dive in that direction. Not completely without merit, but definitely flawed.

It's not meant to be explained to be honest.

I think it's like the envisioned Utopias someone has in their mind. I as an author could probably tell you that the Black Sanctuary is a place made out of black-grey and green marbles built like something between the temple in Indiana Jones inside the walls of the canyon and the fortress of Helm's Deep. I could tell you it probably houses all kinds of creatures from a multitude of races and creeds with the purpose of protecting the innocent and advocating for those that have strayed away from what typical society deems "proper and right".

BUT... that wouldn't be something that Chrysalis would know. She probably has an idea, a phrase like "Black Sanctuary" repeated over in her mind but she doesn't know that. So she can't say something about it. She can't think it even but then again it's my fault for not allowing her to have that time? I think my point is made tho.

All in all I think I mix a lot of what I feel and know and often the characters I use to say those things don't use the appropriate vocabulary or expressions that make them feel like they are who they are. I'm not exactly sure what would in terms of Chrysalis but I haven't tried trial and error enough to know. It is something I will consider trying once I get to finish my postgraduate next month.

Another thing I should mention is that I was considering an idea about a sequel but something in the original throws cogs into that plan and honestly I'm not sure I want to go with a half-hearted attempt at this. I'm not even sure if this fic needs to be written again and honestly it feels so disheartening to even do so but maybe that's one of the things I need to learn how to do. Scrapping and redoing ideas and how it starts to feel like too much of a chore at that point.

So yeah if you want to talk about this more I'd be glad to or we could talk in pms whatever you need.
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Thank you again for giving me a chance to write something that made me featured. Even if I didn't win the contest I enjoyed having an excuse to write again.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

5537813

I'm not quite sure if this is the best place to respond to the criticism but here goes.

Oh, absolutely!

I'll be honest as far as Luna goes I've been a bit off-put by the common fandom "thee-speak" if you will. I guess however if I had to put an accent of some sort to Luna it would be British. Not Ye-olde British but still British.

Chrysalis kind of speaks in a formal manner, and even if you're avoiding "thee-speak", as you put it (which isn't a bad idea!), Luna does too. I could buy Chrysalis having a bit more familiarity to her manner of speaking if she's been reformed, but at the same time, it was hard to buy either of their dialogue just because it didn't sound at all like them.

BUT... that wouldn't be something that Chrysalis would know. She probably has an idea, a phrase like "Black Sanctuary" repeated over in her mind but she doesn't know that. So she can't say something about it. She can't think it even but then again it's my fault for not allowing her to have that time? I think my point is made tho.

Yeah, I wish this had come through better, because it's perfectly valid to have a character want something they can't even conceive of. But I kept feeling like it was a reference to something I was supposed to have previous knowledge of, so it bugged me the whole time.

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That being said, the direction this goes is actually really interesting (though the "black sanctuary" thing is never explained), and I'd have liked a bit more of a character dive in that direction. Not completely without merit, but definitely flawed.

So I went a bit back to read this with a more solid idea about how Chrysalis would speak and let me tell you she would have much more "spunk". She would be rude-r and more aggressive if you will.

For example

“What do you want?” Chrysalis interrupted.

“Wa, there’s no need to be rude. I just-”

“Was questioning me, yeah I get it I’m not trustworthy. I don’t have time for this Starlight!" Chrysalis turned her back on Starlight and started trotting again "I'm going to my room to study for your friend’s tests.” Her room was just up ahead, now if she could only get there in time to...

This part would turn into

“What do you want?” Chrysalis interrupted.

“Wa, there’s no need to be rude. I just-”

“Spare me the pleasantries Starlight. If you don't want to speak your mind then I don't care. I'm going back to studying. Apparently friendship requires a lot of memorizing how to pretend niceness like you're doing right now." Chrysalis turned her back on Starlight and started trotting again "But what would I know? I'm just a changeling.” Her room was just up ahead, now if she could only get there in time to...

Yeah, I wish this had come through better, because it's perfectly valid to have a character want something they can't even conceive of. But I kept feeling like it was a reference to something I was supposed to have previous knowledge of, so it bugged me the whole time.

Well there is a reference to the name. I've used it multiple times in other fics but it's more of a reference to a card name from Vanguard. It's
Liberator, Black Sanctuary Alfred otherwise known as Liberator, Monarch Sanctuary Alfred.

As an idea it's also similar to dark-style Camelot. It's also an idea for a spell that conjures unbreakable walls to stand against those that Chrysalis defends.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

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So I went a bit back to read this with a more solid idea about how Chrysalis would speak and let me tell you she would have much more "spunk". She would be rude-r and more aggressive if you will.

Yeah! That example's really good! :D

Well there is a reference to the name. I've used it multiple times in other fics but it's more of a reference to a card name from Vanguard. It's Liberator, Black Sanctuary Alfred otherwise known as Liberator, Monarch Sanctuary Alfred. As an idea it's also similar to dark-style Camelot. It's also an idea for a spell that conjures unbreakable walls to stand against those that Chrysalis defends.

And these are all references to things I do not know. :B So you can't expect your reader to understand them necessarily.

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Thanks btw.

Yes of course and it's not required since those things are just influences from my personal environment.

Anyway thanks. I'm not sure whether or not I'll go and rewrite the sections I think troublesome or whether I'll even do more on this idea but thanks for spending the time to read my story. I'm not sure where this idea will go for a sequel but I'll see if it goes anywhere. No promises.

Thanks for the review! Glad you enjoyed it!

Wow, an HR! I am honoured indeed! And yeah, if anyone knows other EQG superhero adventures worth recommending I'd love to see some links :twilightsmile:

I find it hard to write without the power of a deadline pushing me to get moving, but if I do manage to write a fic not for a contest then it's currently looking likely to be another in the same vein as New Hacker, not exactly a sequel but more superhero escapades. Look forward to it!

Thanks for the review! I'm happy you enjoyed my entry.

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