Always One of the Three

"Full Lance," Sweetie Bell asked.

"Sweetie Bell?" Full Lance turned around to see Sweetie bell leaning by the side of portcullis.

"Sorry to stop you just before you left, but..."

Full Lance grunted questioningly.

"I need to give you something, Full Lance. Before you leave." Sweetie Bell said this, turning her face to the floor beside her, lips pulled tight.

"Uhm, okay. I'm right here, Sweetie--" Full Lance stuttered, realizing he was now in public, so he should be addressing his Duke properly, "I mean, Duke Bell."

"No..." Before Full Lance could respond she added, "No, call me Sweetie Bell, please. Or just Sweetie would be good too."

Full Lance at this point, thoroughly confused, simply stood, wondering what it was Sweetie Bell wanted to give to him, and why it could possibly be taking so long. After all, she had given him and Thistle traveling clothes in scarcely the time it took for them to wake up. He was about to ask when--

"So, I need to you to come with me. So I can give it to you. Do you understand, Full Lance."

Full Lance squinted, he did not. He turned to Thistle. "Thistle, will you be okay while I go get, uh, the thing with Sweetie Bell?"

Thistle nodded. "Would it be okay if I ran laps around the castle while I waited?"

At the mention of running laps, a nearby Aleseta perked up, "You want to run laps?"

"Well," Thistle blushed, "It's just that I was thinking I should probably be better at running. You know, considering I'm a squire and all."

"Of course!" said Aleseta. "That makes perfect sense. But, would you let me be your running coach?"

"Sure?" Thistle looked at Full Lance for approval.

Full Lance shrugged. "Go ahead. Any problems with that, Sweetie bell?"

Sweetie Bell shook her head. A little bit of errant sweat flew off and onto Full Lance.

If Full Lance noticed, he didn't show it. Realizing that he might be holed up for a while, Full Lance backed the wagon away from the castle gates and into a nearby stable, usually used for housing lame horses. It seemed nowadays that it was mostly used for outdoor storage. As he unyoked himself from the wagon, he briefly appreciated the crunching of the new fallen snow.

As he turned his face up, he found Sweetie Bell, bundled tightly in winter furs staring intently at him. A small breeze past by them, driving a surprisingly warm air.

"What?" Full Lance smirked uncomfortably.

"F-follow me," Sweetie Bell spun quickly, treading energetically towards the castle keep.

---

"Sweetie Bell," Full Lance panted, "Where exactly, are we headed?"

"We have to go to my room," Sweetie Bell responded, not relenting her pace up the stairs.

"Why?" Full Lance asked.

"Uhm," Sweetie Bell checked up and down the stairwell. "We'll need privacy." Her voice cracked.

While they'd been trecking through the castle in winter clothes for a solid minute, it was only now that Full Lance began to sweat. "P-privacy?" Privacy usually meant it was time to contradict The Church. But maybe Sweetie Bell had not told Full Lance the full truth about his pardon for his treachery. Perhaps inside she hadn't pardoned him at all. Or perhaps there was a third option.

Sweetie had grown up a lot since Full Lance had first met her. Full Lance himself had grown up with her. Sweetie Bell was... almost a lady now, and... Full Lance was definitely sweating. He was wholly uncomfortable with this idea. Minty would probably kill him if she found out. No. Primrose would know, and Minty would come in the night (one night after many moons of running, galloping accross country sides, past the crusades, past every known land) and she would wake him. She would take a hoof-ful of her most scrumptious boiled herring and choke Full Lance to death with it. And Full Lance knew she would never break eyecontact, and her look of scorn would be the last thing he ever saw, and the guilt and horror of his acts would be the last feelings he'd ever feel. And then he would go straight to Hell where Lord Satan would consume his every happy memory and replay the bad ones for the rest of eternity.

Full Lance was thinking he did not want privacy.

Sweetie Bell only nodded, turning a corner at the top of the stairs. All too soon they were standing in front of a wooden door which Sweetie Bell opened, gesturing for Full Lance to enter.

"Uhhh,"

She scowled.

Full Lance entered the room, suppressing a shiver as Sweetie Bell closed and locked the door behind her. Full Lance was now remembering last night; the words "a punishment worse than death" now echoed in his head. He had every inclination to run, to gallop, to defenestrate himself before Minty came.

"Mm'uhhh, Just what is this thing you're going to 'give' to me?" Full Lance brushed a fetlock nervously.

Sweetie Bell fidgeted, turning to face Full Lance, but failing to make eye contact. "Well, it's actually more of a thing we do, uh together. You know, it's more a thing I need you to help me out with actually."

Full Lance's blood froze. Suddenly he knew with absolute certainty that Minty was already preparing the herring. He'd always viewed Sweetie Bell like the little sibling he'd never had. He'd appreciated her maturity, yes, but not in-- not in that way! He'd always found her charming and fun, but--

Sweetie Bell began taking off her clothes.

"S-s-sweetie Bell, You don't mean--" Full Lance stopped, then began again speaking very quickly, "I mean it's that I-- It's just a stallion and mare, and we're not even married yet, and--"

Sweetie Bell, fully undressed (which was not an unusual state for most ponies, but for a ruling regent it certainly was), Frowned confusedly.

"And not that I really care about that thing, but I mean everyone else will, and you are the Duke, so--"

"Full Lance," Sweetie Bell interrupted anxiously. "What are you talking about?"

"What are you talking about!?"

"Remember when Twilight said that every now and then even the best machines need maintenance?"

"You mean," suddenly Full Lance could breath again, "before she gave you a bath?"

Sweetie Bell nodded.

"You want me to give you a bath?" Full asked.

Sweetie Bell nodded again, this time slower and with no small amount of concern in her face.

Suddenly full lance heaved a sigh of relief. Or perhaps relief was underselling it. He felt as if he had just put down the weight of the his mortality. "Of course, a bath! I was just thinking of something completely different!" Full Lance let out a little laugh, and it now no longer felt like the world was going to collapse in on itself. She only wanted a bath.

She only wanted a bath.

A bath.

With water?

"Like, a bath with water?" Full Lance suddenly realized why Sweetie Bell had been behaving so strangely.

Sweetie Bell nodded, with irritation this time, heading over to an adjoining chamber, presumably with a bath tub. Before Full Lance could stop her she had already entered.

"But Sweetie," Full Lance followed into the chamber. It indeed had a bath, already filled with warm sudsy water. "I-I thought you were fine now. Why is it that you're nervous?"

"I am fine now!" Sweetie Bell stared at the bath, her breathing controlled. "It's just that, I need help. That's all."

"Remember the water proofing rituals?"

Sweetie Bell rolled her pale green eyes. "Of course I remember them. It's just that, everytime I get to the tub, I--" Sweetie Bell attempted to enter the tub, but stopped an inch too soon. "I can't."

Full Lance smiled tensely. He'd seen Sweetie actually go swimming --or maybe walking would be the better way to put it-- and she'd been fine. "Alright. Should I lift you in, or...?"

"Yes, alright, lift me into the tub."

"Okay, just stand on this stool," Full Lance pulled a stool over to the side of the tub, "and I'll put you in, okay?"

Sweetie Bell mounted the stool, staring resolutely into the water. Full Lance, realizing there wasn't much other way to leverage Sweetie Bell effectively, got into the tub. As Sweetie Bell closed her eyes and nodded, Full Lance took her by the solid torso and heaved her gently into the tub beside him. It took all of his muscle not to be crushed by her amazing density, but he managed to set her down softly.

After a second, Sweetie peeked on eye open, then the other. Finally, she sighed relievedly, sitting down into the tub. "Thanks Full Lance, that's all I needed."

Full Lance chuckled, tension fading from his body. "Please, it was the least I could do. Though, you could've just told me upfront from the beginning."

"I wasn't upfront?" Sweetie Bell took sponge and began scrubbing months of grim from her slightly metallic coat. "What did you think I wanted, Full Lance?"

"It's nothing," Full Lance dismissed, heading towards the door.

Sweetie Bell scowled, "Tell me."

"You'd think I was gross-- I think I'm gross."

"Now I really need to know." she singsonged.

"Mmmm" Full Lance pulled his lips tight.

"Your duke commands it!"

"Okay, fine," Full Lance sighed and walked back to the tub. "But, promise you'll laugh and not stare at me like I just suggested Twilight try jousting or something."

Sweetie Bell suppressed a laughed, "It can't be that bad."

"I thought... I thought you were asking me for sex."

Sweetie Bell, before she even knew what Full Lance said, had began a laugh, but all too suddenly, she had finished processing Full Lance's statement. Suddenly her eyes crossed, turning a vivid blue. Her laugh stopped and then repeated until the point at which it stopped then repeated again, growing shorter each repetition.

Full Lance's laughter stopped. He paled. "It's not that funny Sweetie Bell." He turned to face her, taking in her eyes, her laugh now becoming little more than a hum. "Sweetie Bell?"

Sweetie Bell's hum stopped, face and body assuming a perfectly neutral position. "Error," came the equestrian voice, "system processes terminated. Alicorn OS has encountered a sudden unexpected error."

The worst had happened. Sweetie Bell had crashed.

Full Lance paled, his amber eyes filling with dread. "Oh no."

As soon as he said it, the castle began to shake. All too quickly, the floor beneath Full Lance fell away, and he took a nasty knock to the head.

---

Full Lance felt as though he were waking from a nap, except his head throbbed, he had not fallen asleep in any kind of bed, and he was wet, covered in stone and wooden chips.

"Uuuuugh," Full Lance groaned, sitting up.

All around him, the stone walls were chipped and sheared at odd angles, just barely maintaining stability. The joists holding up the floor above had collapsed to one side, and just about all the furniture had either fallen or broke or fallen then broke. With all the damage, it took Full Lance a moment to realize that he was still in Sweetie Bell's bathroom.

"Sweetie Bell?!" he called, realizing he'd forgotten about her.

He listened for a response. A series of distant cracks sounded, like the sound of splitting stone, but ten times more intense. He heard hoofsteps coming from somewhere, and he could almost swear he heard distant screaming. Finally,

"Error, system processes terminated. Alicorn OS has encountered a sudden unexpected error. Terminal mode: On."

Locating the voice underneath a stack of towels, Full Lance lugged Sweetie Bell out onto the clearer part of the floor. He breathed a sigh of relief to see she was still fully intact. Now he only needed to remember what Twilight had taught him about trouble shooting...

"Forward slash restart," Full Lance pronounced in equestrian.

"Permission denied: unidentified user."

Full Lance could swear he didn't need user permissions to restart Sweetie Bell. Unfortunately Twilight had never told Full Lance how to manually restart Sweetie Bell (Twilight had said the process was 'involved'), so his only hope was to log in.

"Login, Twilight Sparkle, password: ILoveBooks!"

"Access denied, incorrect password."

So he didn't know Twilight's log in, but He could swear Twilight gave Full Lance his own login at some point.

"Login, Full Lance, password: fateRhense."

"Access denied, unidentified user."

"Horse crackers," Full Lance cursed. He had only one choice: he'd have to find Twilight. Luckily he vaguely remembered where her room was.

Full Lance looked around the once-bathroom, spotting the towels. "I suppose I can work with that," Full Lance quickly began salvaging towels. It took all his nonexistent skill with knotwork, but he managed to construct a kind of Sweetie Bell-Back-pouch to carry her with. He was just slipping his fore limbs into the harness when a pair of cracking bangs sounded distantly within the castle.

Full Lance carefully picked his way out of the room, hoping desperately that the cracking noises where not the sounds of the castle keep collapsing. On second thought, he realized that any sane pony would've already evacuated the castle. He quickly changed course, heading for the stairs down. He could swear that the cracking noises where getting louder. Where those hoofsteps again?

Full Lance reached the stairs. They were in terrible condition, but he didn't hesitate. He carefully maneuvered down the stairs-- yes those where definitely hoofsteps.

The cracking noises happened again, except this time they were more like deafeningly loud bangs. The hoofsteps stopped.

Before Full Lance had time to react, a hurtling blue mass sped up and over the stairs, a jetstream blowing Full Lance back up the disintegrating stairs and tumbling back against the stone wall.

"Oomf," Full Lance took the brunt of the impact, angling sideways as not to crush Sweetie's body.

"Oops, sorry," a raspy voice said nearby. Full Lance turned to see it was flying blue pegasus with prismatic mane. "Hey do me a favor and don't get fried by the guys behind me, eh?"

"Buh?" Full Lance stammered. Not only was this a flying pegasus, she was also speaking. In Equestrian. A look of what might be called compassion, or really pity crossed the pegasus' weathered face.

"Hey hay for brains, scram! Get moving or you're gonna die!" The pegasus waved her arms around in the air emphatically to emphasize her point,

But Full Lance's mind was elsewhere. Could this possibly be the very--

"HEY!" the pegasus screamed, "I said move it!" In a blink she bucked Full Lance from behind.

Full Lance didn't stumble so much as he flew forward, diving towards the other end of the hall, no doubt having acquired enough bruises to last him a sizable portion of his life. "I'm moving!" he shouted in medieval German.

A pair of loud banging noises thundered from the stairwell. As Full Lance galloped forward, he looked back just in time to see two freshly formed divots in the wall. Frightened, Full Lance doubled his speed, trying to keep pace with the petite pegasus who had seemingly teleported in front of him. As he did his mind raced, trying to remember all the the equestrian the Cutie Mark Crusaders and Twilight had taught him.

"My name is," Full Lance translated, "Full Lance!"

"Yah, yah, ich namen est fart knocker!" The pegasus looked backwards, "Is that really the fastest you can go?"

Full Lance sprinted around a corner. He vaguely remembered this section the castle from one of the few visits he had payed. Ignoring the prismatic maned pegasus' previous comment Full Lance continued, "Are you, Rainbow Dash?!"

"If you're gonna keep spouting gibberish," the pegasus suddenly leapt into the air, "May as well do it with style," Rainbow deftly fanned her wings and picked Full Lance up by the ribs. "Sheesh, what's in your backpack, dude? Platinum dolphin turds?"

As Full Lance struggled for breath as the pegasus lifted him and accelerated down the hallway. He realized his equestrian was either really really rusty, or this mare was extremely thick headed. Or both. Full Lance took a deep breath, remembering one of the more boisterous Equestrian lessons he had had. "BUCKING CELESTIA ON A BICYCLE!" he shouted hoping the distinctly equestrian profanity would catch the rainbow main'd pegasus' ear. "Luna farts! I'm trying to talk to you!"

"Woah you can talk?" They rounded another corner, the pegasus cursed, "Where are the stairs and windows in this joint?!"

"Are you Rainbow Deshu?!" Full Lance squirmed in the pegasus' grip. Being carried by a flying pegasus with an abnormally heavy filly on his back was turning out to be an exquisitely painful experience. Full Lance was quickly developing rashes on his ribcage from the rubbing, and he was certain he'd be bruised come morning.

"Uh, the name's Rainbow Dash, thank you." Rainbow squinted at a forking hallway.

"Go right," Full Lance pointed instinctively.

"Thanks, Turd Lance." As Rainbow Dash accelerated down the fork, another pair of bangs echoed behind her.

"Full Lance!" Full Lance corrected and a small part of him observed this must've been how Thistle felt. "Where are you going?"

"Up!" Rainbow Dash shouted as she flew quickly through the hallway, still not managing to outpace their phantom pursuers. "There's gotta be roof access around here somewhere, right?"

"I need to take a quick detour," Full Lance said urgently.

"How quick?"

"Left at the end of the hallway, fifth door on the right. Their's a," Full Lance fumbled for the word, "an up circle --staircase-- further forward."

Rainbow sighed, "Alright dude, but if I leave you there you have to promise not to die."

"Uh, okay." Full Lance gulped as Rainbow darted forward at a breakneck pace. "Aren't there other ponies you should be saving?"

"Shouldn't there be more ponies in this joint? I dunno!"

Full Lance realized that the keep was indeed bizarrely deserted. Surely he hadn't been out that long. "What is happening?" Full Lance wondered aloud.

"Let's just say," another corner, "It's a long story." Rainbow cleared her throat, "A very long story." The pegasus came to a gut clenching stop. "Well, here we are."

Rainbow deposited Full Lance at the door, and Full Lance desperately hoped that he had remembered the room correctly. Not bothering to knock, he opened the door.

"Twilight?" he called.

"Full Lance?" From beside a bed, Twilight Sparkle stood, looking frayed and tired. Full Lance noted Aalis sleeping in Twilight's bed like a rock. Twilight's room had fared much better than most of the castle, but the balcony shutters where closed and barricaded. From the looks of it, Twilight had been attempting to move her desk over to barricade the door as Full Lance had come.

Rainbow peaked her head. "Woah Twilight!" she grimaced. "You look terrible, girl. What happened?"

"Rainbow Dash!?" Suddenly Twilight looked more animated than Full Lance had seen her in years. "How'd you get here? And how's Equestria? And-- and what's with that pendant shaped rash on your neck?"

Rainbow rubbed the rash in question. "First, I don't know, second, I don't know and third, let's not talk about third, okay? My turn: how'd you get here, and where are the rest of the girls?"

Before Twilight could respond, "I'm sorry," Full Lance interjected, "Twilight. I don't know what's happening right now, but I really really need you to fix Sweetie Bell."

Twilight gasped, "Full Lance, what happened?"

"Uhm, she crashed." Full Lance disrobed of the Sweetie-pack, placing her up on the floor, solid blue eyes visible.

"Guh!" Rainbow hopped back. "What is that? Did someone leave her in the bathtub too long?"

"Did you try turning her off and on again?" asked Twilight.

Full Lance shook his head. "Permission denied."

"This is bad," Twilight muttered. "We're in the middle of a mana fueled war zone, and--"

Just then a rumbling shook the castle.

"Eheh," Rainbow jittered. "Do you guys think you can take care of yourselves on your own?"

Full Lance turned and nodded. "I don't often break promises."

Rainbow squinted at Full Lance, then shrugged. "K, but you have to protect These other ponies too."

Full Lance frowned.

"There's a stair case further forward?"

"The last door before the corner," Full Lance confirmed.

"Alright alright," Rainbow took a breath. "Just before I go, don't let the aliens notice you. If you do, you're toast."

"Aliens? Full Lance asked.

Rainbow merely shoved Full Lance into Twilight's room and shut the door. From behind the barrier came muffled, "Gottagofast!" and the sound of a tremendous amount of air being moved very quickly.

Full Lance turned back to a slightly panicked looking Twilight.

Twilight took a few deep breaths. "Alright Full Lance, one problem at a time. You said Sweetie Bell crashed? How'd it happen?"

"Uh, well..." Full Lance fidgeted. "It started with a bath..."

---

To Be Continued...

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