I don't really have a title for this · 11:12pm May 23rd, 2021
So if anyone remembers, back in February my cats all caught colds, and I was particularly worried about one of them, Reeses. Thankfully, they all recovered, but I still really needed to take Reeses to the vet because I was worried about her.
I finally did yesterday. It was too late to do anything though. Feel free to ignore this blog if talk of animal suffering and death bothers you, I just need to talk about this, even if it's to no one in particular.
Things like this are why I really need to learn to drive. I'd begged for months to take her to the vet. I'd offered to pay and everything, but I can't drive, and there's no bus routes, so I just couldn't do it. It took until poor Reeses was lethargic, not eating, and sickly yellow from jaundice for someone to finally take her to the vet. And it wasn't even anybody who I lived with who did, because no one else was home. I had to call my oldest sister, who lives one city away, to take me to the emergency vet.
I was there for almost eight hours. Being the only emergency vet in the area, they're pretty busy. It wasn't a very good day for anyone either, a lot of people came in with their dogs, and then left alone. I really do have to respect the vets for dealing with that so much, I felt bad for everyone who came in crying, and did my best not to get too upset myself.
Of course, once Reeses was seen, that wall finally broke. As if her obvious liver problems weren't enough, she also had a few masses in her abdomen. They didn't test what those might have been, they just called me and told me that surgery would likely cost thousands and they didn't even know if these were removable.
And with how sick she already was, that pretty much only left one choice.
Three years ago, also in May, my mom took my dog Remington to the vet and never brought him back. He'd had a lump on his head, but was otherwise active and eating. To this day, I'm upset that she didn't take me, that she had him euthanized without me. 'It'd be too hard', she said, completely disregarding the fact I was a grown woman and taking away my dog without me hurt way more than being with him one last time.
How cruelly convenient that she wasn't here for this, that going on vacation was more important than our obviously sick cat. I may have yelled at her over the phone when I told her, and though I apologized later, I don't think I truly forgive her. I'm still not over it.
It was actually easier this way, somehow. My sister and I spent probably about half an hour with her, petting her and loving her, while she purred the whole time. Once we were finally ready, I was the only one to stay while it happened. It was a frighteningly quick ordeal, and the vet allowed me to be with her for a while after. I didn't stay long for that, petting her a few times as the knowledge that 'this isn't Reeses anymore' finally kicked in.
Something about actually seeing it happen made it easier for me, because then I know for sure it's real.
I paid to have her cremated, so in a way, she'll come home again. It was a bit pricey, and my emergency savings are now halved, but I needed to do it. Even if it wasn't her anymore, I couldn't just leave her.
I'm sorry I couldn't help you sooner, Reeses. You grew a lot from the yowling little thing we pulled out of a tree, but you still died painfully young, and I wish it didn't have to happen like it did.
If you bothered to read tis whole thing, well... Thanks. Not much to say here, except with as sad as I am, I'm strangely relieved? It's weird how this works.
I’m always on discord if you need to talk. I’ll be popping over there shortly.
I'm sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I can tell you loved Reeses so much. I know painfully well what it's like to lose a pet, it's a terrible thing to go through. If you ever need someone to talk to I'm here.
Sincerest sympathies for your loss and the way your mom has treated you and your pets. I feel that your sense of strange relief comes from you being a strong person dealing with this.
My oldest dog (of 11 years) is getting old... I'm afraid I may loose him this year. We have to help him walk and bring him his food and water. He had a spinal infection that was thankfully killed off with antibiotics at the vets... but he's recovering slowly. I am so sorry you had to go through that, I could never imagine losing my dog or cats.
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Just got some bad news... we might have to put him down.
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Didn't respond to your first comment because I really hadn't checked on my notifications too much, but I did see this and I'm here to say I hope he pulls through.
But if not, well... I can't really say anything except something everyone says. I'm sure he's lived a good life up to this point.
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Thank you. We're putting him down tomorrow, he's in pain and even though we don't want to let him go we know it's the right thing to do. I love you Bo, your the best dog in the world.
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I'm sorry it had to happen, but it'll be okay eventually. Not entirely, but after Reeses, I can personally say that after a while it feels relieving somehow. It'll hurt, and you'll most certainly cry, but as time goes on the relief and acceptance will happen.
He lived a long life, from the sounds of it. That's what counts now.
I know we don't really know each other personally, but if you need or want to talk, I'm offering.
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Thank you, I've been sobbing for the past few hours on and off again thinking about him. I'm popping into the living room every ten minutes to hug and pet him. I'm getting some good photos developed of him, a paw print, and eventually his ashes ready. My sister is out of state, we both grew up with Bo at our sides, we video called her and we all cried together. We gave him big hunks of steak and even some ice cream.
We have another dog as well, he's only a year younger than Bo... if we lose Bo, how much longer until we lose him too? But thankfully our cats are young, only two and a half years old.
Thanks Mayham, I needed someone to vent to. I'm going to go hug Bo again.
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It's done. He's gone, but never forgotten.
I'll see you again soon Bo. I love you boy.
Thank you Mayham. Thank you for letting me talk to someone.
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Hard to say and hear, but it was the right thing to do. I hope things aren't too rough for you from here on out.