Semester is Over LMAO · 3:42am May 23rd, 2021
Quote from my last blog: "However, the semester is starting back up, and it's looking busy as always, soooo I will have limited time to work on it. The thing, though? I am still gonna keep working on it. I'll make time."
....
Ha. Hahaha, hahaha. Hooheeha.
So... I'm about 3800 words into the next chapter of B(e)aring It All. After five months or so? Sooo... yeah. It's still coming, buuut...
Okay, story time! This semester was a FUCKING SHIT FUCK. As in, actually unreasonable. In ~11 weeks, I recorded about 70 research participants, with each of them taking about 2 hours apiece excluding data entry (Also, it should have been only ~40 participants, but an equipment calibration issue we discovered midway through the semester left approximately 30 people with unusable data and I had to play catchup... and that meant doing several participants every Saturday and Sunday in addition to scheduling on weekdays), took a full class load, took and passed one of my big accreditation exams, did clinic for patients two days per week, TAed a graduate-level course and ran the lab, wrote up most of my dissertation, and managed to coordinate a move by myself to a totally new state so I can start my new full-time paid clinical research placement. Out of curiosity, I kept track of how many hours I was working per week back in April, and it figured out to ~110 hours for 3 straight weeks. LMAO.
But now? Now, the semester is fucking OVER, my class load is COMPLETE, my big exams are DONE, I'm defending my dissertation late June, and I'm on my own in a new apartment, working with amazing new people at a brand new, full-time, PAID placement. I've made it to the next stage.
I dunno how I did it, exactly. Especially since only 1.5 years ago, my mind was such a wreck that I didn't know if I'd ever recover... but I did it. I attribute it to just not giving a fuck anymore, but in a good way. For example: oh no, I have a test in two days but I have 60 other things to get done first? I'll just study three hours before the test and do my best and see what happens, fuck it. Oh, a patient cancelled? I'll just start working on my presentation for the next 30 minutes, then. I'm tired? Oh well. Can't sleep in on weekends anymore? Darn. They wanted these pieces of paperwork turned in by tonight 11:59 pm? Well, it's already 12 am and I have to wake up at 5:30, so I'm going to go to sleep now and do the paperwork tomorrow, and if they don't like it then they can suck my dick. "Dear Arwhale, the paperwork was due yesterday, send it in mk? <3" Yup, I know it was. Here it is now. This was the earliest I could get to it. Have a good one.
Honestly, it's great. I think there may be such a thing as "too busy to be anxious", at least someone with my type of anxiety. It's forced me to stop anticipating and just start fucking DOING shit. I also don't have time to worry about "pleasing" people, either. I prioritize the most important time-critical stuff (i.e. patient care, report writing, meeting scheduled research appointments, conducting TA labs with grad students) and the other shit gets done after I fill it into the cracks (i.e. studying for tests, projects, presentations, dissertation, etc.). If there's an occasional thing I can't finish by an imposed deadline, I ask myself: does this deadline really matter? What happens if I turn it in a day late? And if the answer is "a strongly worded email" then guess what? I don't give a fuck. If the answer is "I won't get an amazing grade but I'll still do decent" then guess what? I don't give a fuck. If I have a test real soon, and I haven't gotten to studying for it yet... then oh well. I'll start studying when I can, and then see what happens. I don't give a fuck.
And now, after a long and pretty challenging move... I'm finally at my full-time placement. And it's very busy, but honestly? I'm doing alright. I actually love most of it so far.
But hey, enough about my personal life. This is a Fimfiction blog, and I'm supposed to be talking about pastel-colored horses, dammit! So, about B(e)aring It All... I'm going to resume working on the next chapter soon. I'm still settling in to my new place and my new job, but I fully plan on getting back to it. I know there's probably like... ten people on earth who even read/care about the story thus far, but I'm gonna still complete it anyway because this project is straight from the heart. I may also publish the occasional random trollfic/ ~1000 word blurb every now and then if I'm feeling cute. But we shall see.
Hope you all are doing well, and I look forward to publishing more pony words on here in the (hopefully) near future!
~Arwhale
congrats dude. I"m glad you've graduated (mostly) and have a paid job now, it's a great feeling.
This blog entry is somehow satisfiying to read. Seeing that you managed to achieve so much in just four months, with such a crazy schedule, without breaking down or giving up, it makes me more confident that I can reach my goals, as well, even though the last four years have been tough.
The only thing I'm missing in this blog entry, is:
What are your thoughts on Generation 5?
I suppose with such a crazy schedule, you haven't even noticed anything about it, so here's a link with all the Generation 5 news since the middle of January in chronological order.
Hell fucking yeah! I'm so fucking proud of you! You did beyond amazing and you deserve all the happiness!
You're a survivor. You're an overcomer. You're an inspiration, even to me, who's been on your side for well over a year now. Smiling and tearing up a little bit just writing this and thinking about how far you've come. I've changed names and adopted a changelingsona since then. (Art to come soon hopefully. See my last blog for my old screen name.)
Here. You've fucking earned it.
God, how did Celestia sing that without crying?