Friendship is Card Games and Witchcraft: Seed No Evil · 11:53am May 16th, 2021
This week we reach the final full episode of Friendship is Witchcraft, though far from the last FiW content I have to work with. We’ll get to that in time, but for now, who remembers Babs Seed?
Oh. I’d forgotten that Scootaloo fluttered enough to slow her landing while the Crusaders jumped for joy at the train platform. And so did the writers.
Ah, nightmares of Sunset Shimmer. We’ll get to Horse Women in a few weeks.
But can Sweetie teach us, teach us, teach us, can she teach us the electric slide?
“Where do trains come from?”
“God.”
I mean, if you view Hasbro’s toyetic demands as divine mandate, she’s not wrong.
Ah, fun with blinking frames. Get the right moment and you have all the bedroom eyes you could ever want. For whatever reason that might be.
Got to love the casual hypocrisy of the Apples saying someone has a funny accent.
“I’m already the orange one, so don’t get too cozy.”
Everypony knows each friend group has room for only one pony of any given coat color. Just look at the Bearers!
As I asked when reviewing “One Bad Apple,” why are Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon even here? You’d think they’d have other things to occupy their time than mocking the late bloomers.
I do appreciate how Silver Spoon shows vastly more creativity than Diamond Tiara. You already used “lamekin,” Diamond. You’ve got to mix it up a little.
“That’s not really a face that’s going to sell many toys.”
Harsh but accurate assessment from Silver.
… okay, so it’s more a case of the bullies sharing a brain cell, got it.
I feel like the third wheel bit was a threat towards both groups. (That would be an interesting take on this episode: Diamond creates a monster and Babs forces all five fillies to band together. Though I suppose at that point, Filthy Rich gets involved.)
Heh. And now Diamond has a surrogate Apple Bloom for her to use to hash out her feelings.
So… are we just going to ignore the whole “stabbing Twist” thing? I mean, it happened to Twist, so probably.
Yeesh, stabbings and police corruption? Babs doesn’t waste time.
Billing the Crusader clubhouse as Scootaloo’s home… I’m not sure how to feel about that (or if it’s been mentioned before.)
Old Man McMilkshake? This raises a few questions. And seeing the character speak normally during a musical number feels more than a little surreal.
And she’s a railroad tycoon. Babs Seed, captain of industry!
Ha! Directly calling out the “nine resurrected parents” plot thread, only for it not to work. Very nice.
Kind of wild that Babs making Apple Bloom sleep on a pile of hay with a newspaper for a blanket was actually in the show.
Sweetie getting Apple Bloom’s attention by making car alarm nosies is pure perfection. The fake credits for “Apple Bloom Goes Grave Robbing” even more so.
Oh goodness, I’d completely forgotten about the Snowdrop parody-in-a-parody. Come to think of it, I could probably do a card blog for that…
Hmm. Humans dying in the windigo winter. I feel like I’ve heard that theory in a fan fic somewhere.
Yeah, this Equestria’s education system making allowances for the blind seems… less than likely.
Kids, when your imaginary friends suggest dark magic, don’t listen to them. They’re probably demons. Especially when one starts demanding flesh sacrifices and rune carving.
I like the implication that this is taking place in the modern era and Celestia’s mane is just solid pink sometimes.
“Do you ever wonder whose OC you are?”
Wow, there’s a question that cuts to the quick.
“I’m not some Christmas special martyr here to make you feel better about yourselves!”
This is why I’ve always liked the “bloodthirsty warrior-cryomancer” take on Snowdrop.
I can’t help but feel that this movie isn’t giving the best life lessons to impressionable young viewers.
Knuckle sandwiches seem like they’d be hard to serve for ponies. To say nothing of Babs seeing her own fist in front of her face.
The water, as previously stated, does make Sweetie feel funny.
Applejack is naturally in favor of answering one atrocity with another. That’s how they did it in the war!
Aaaand Babs is still a horrible person. Because, you know, eldritch revenge doesn’t do much to show people why they’re being punished, and thus how they can atone. And if she’s going to be blind forever, why even bother atoning?
In any case, let’s see what I can make from this double feature:
Barren Gourdkin 1W
Creature — Elemental Cleric
Players can’t create tokens.
“Spreading seeds so widely and hastily is a greater waste than leaving them unplanted.”
2/2
Defiant Bluster 1W
Enchantment
Creatures you control that blocked this turn get +0/+1.
You may activate boast abilities of creatures you control that blocked this turn as though they had attacked this turn.
“We’re not impressed.”
Bakery Geist 2W
Creature — Spirit
When Bakery Geist enters the battlefield, if you control another Spirit, create a Food token. (It’s an artifact with “2, T, Sacrifice this artifact: You gain 3 life.”)
Old Man McMilkshake still remembers every regular’s favorite order.
2/3
Electric Slide 3W
Enchantment
When Electric Slide enters the battlefield, you get EEEE (four energy counters).
Pay EE: Exile target creature. Return that card to the battlefield under its owner’s control at the beginning of the next end step.
Capering Figment 1U
Creature — Illusion Rogue
Flying
Ward 2 (Whenever this creature becomes the target of a spell or ability an opponent controls, counter it unless its controller pays 2.)
When a player pays Capering Figment’s ward cost, sacrifice Capering Figment.
2/1
On the Fritz 1U
Instant
Tap up to two target creatures. Artifact creatures tapped this way don’t untap during their controlllers’ next untap steps.
Sweetie seethed, in part because her emotion board was shorting out.
Kami of the Silver Ribbon 3UU
Creature — Spirit
When Kami of the Silver Ribbon dies, you may cast target instant or sorcery card with mana value 4 or less from your graveyard without paying its mana cost. If that spell would be put into your graveyard this turn, exile it instead.
4/3
Twinkling Patronage 1B
Sorcery
You may reveal a nonland card you own from outside the game and exile it. You may cast that card as long as it remains exiled. When a spell cast this way resolves, each opponent creates a 5/5 black Demon creature token with flying. Exile Twinkling Patronage.
Young Graverobber 1B
Creature — Pony Rogue
1B, Sacrifice Young Graverobber: Return target creature card from your graveyard to your hand.
The inexperienced often find themselves buried in their work.
2/1
Alley Stabber 1BB
Creature — Pony Rogue
Wither (This creature deals damage to creatures in the form of -1/-1 counters)
At the beginning of each opponent’s upkeep, that player loses 1 life for each creature they control with a counter on it.
Stallion Island hello
—Manehattan expression meaning “stab wound”
2/3
Local Icon 2B
Creature — Pony Citizen
Boast — 1B: Local Icon gains indestructible until end of turn. (Activate only if this creature attacked this turn and only once each turn.)
“Don’t you know who I am?”
3/2
Sunset’s Nightmare 2B
Enchantment — Saga
(As this Saga enters and after your draw step, add a lore counter. Sacrifice after III.)
I — Target opponent sacrifices an enchantment.
II — Destroy target non-Human creature an opponent controls.
III — Exile target opponent’s graveyard.
Wintry Winnowing 2BB
Snow Sorcery
Choose up to X creatures, where X is the amount of S spent to cast this spell. Creatures not chosen this way get -3/-3 until end of turn. (S is mana from a snow source.)
Spring is reserved for the worthy.
“Sees Bad” R
Enchantment — Song
At the beginning of each upkeep, put a verse counter on “Sees Bad”.
R, Sacrifice “Sees Bad”: Each player draws X cards, then discards X cards at random, where X is the number of verse counters on “Sees Bad”.
Manehattan Palooka 1R
Creature — Pony Minion
If a creature you control attacks, Manehattan Palooka also attacks if able.
The big city is full of ponies who let someone else do all the heavy thinking.
3/1
Whimsical Wish 1R
Sorcery
You may put a card you own from outside the game into your hand. If you do, discard a card at random. Exile Whimsical Wish.
She wished for a surprise and got exactly that.
Fearsome Reflection 1RR
Sorcery
Create a token that’s a copy of target creature an opponent controls, except it has haste and “Creatures with the same name as this creature block it if able.” Exile the token at the beginning of the next end step.
When looking inside, beware what looks back.
Sparking Simulacrum 2R
Artifact Creature — Construct
As Sparking Simulacrum enters the battlefield, choose a creature type.
Sparking Simulacrum is the chosen type in addition to its other types.
Whenever another creature of the chosen type enters the battlefield under your control, Sparking Simulacrum deals 1 damage to any target.
2/2
Railroad Buyout 3R
Sorcery
Gain control of target creature or Vehicle until end of turn. Untap that permanent. It gains haste until end of turn. If it’s a Vehicle, it becomes an artifact creature until end of turn.
All of Ponyville agreed to never discuss the Flimflam monorail.
Curse of Blindness 4RR
Enchantment — Aura Curse
Enchant player
Enchanted player chooses targets at random.
“May your aim be as true and reliable as you are.”
Snowball Barrage XR
Snow Sorcery
Spend only mana produced by snow sources on X.
Snowball Barrage deals X damage divided as you choose among any number of targets.
Childhood torment set the stage for Snowblind’s revenge.
Massive Harvest G
Sorcery
As an additional cost to cast this spell, sacrifice a land.
Destroy target artifact, enchantment, or creature with flying.
“Everything’s a weapon if you’ve got the stomach for it.”
—Applejack, Bearer of Loyalty Honesty
Divine Express 3
Artifact — Vehicle
As Divine Express enters the battlefield, choose a color.
Your devotion to each color and each combination of colors is increased by one.
Divine Express’s power and toughness are each equal to your devotion to the chosen color. (Your devotion to a color is the number of mana symbols of that color in the mana costs of permanents you control.)
Crew 2
*/*
Fun Squad Assimilator GW
Artifact Creature — Unicorn
Vigilance
Whenever Fun Squad Assimilator deals combat damage to a creature, that creature becomes a copy of Fun Squad Assimilator.
“Nopony’s complained afterwards.”
—Rarity, Grand Couturier
2/3
Snowblind, Whiteout Witch 3UB
Legendary Snow Creature — Pegasus Warlock
Flying, menace
Nonsnow creatures get -1/-0.
Whenever an opponent casts a nonsnow spell, you may pay S. If you do, counter that spell unless that player pays 2 life.
3/3
Brutal Reversal 3RW
Instant
All combat damage that would be dealt to you this turn is dealt to attacking player instead.
Babs represented one disappointment after another for the foals of Ponyville.
I'm sorry, you mean the objectively best filly in the show?
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Oh, dude, that was used in countless ScootaOrphan fics back in the day. Like, it was either that, or she lived with abusive guardians whom Dashie has to rescue her from.
Sweetie Bot is the one thing from this series that consistently made me laugh.
Nice little run down. I enjoyed it!
Also Babs is Best Filly.
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I don't know if they did any FiW EG stuff, but I can only imagine the madness that would come from it.
So, if fun-squad assimilator turns something it damages into itself, does the new duplicate have the same effect?
That Snowdrop parody was almost scathing at points. It also might well be the funniest thing this series ever did.
"Ever wonder whose OC you are?" is my favourite line from all of FiW.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Creatures have "blocked" as soon as they're declared as blockers; much like with boast being used normally, the condition is met in time to be applied to the ensuing combat.
Inside Baseball Alert: Electric Slide is of course just like Astral Slide except triggered off of electric instead of astral.
Inside Baseball Alert: Good old wishes and their flavor text including the twist. This one's also a mechanical shoutout to Gamble, whose flavor text is obviously wrong because if it was the only card in your hand then you're definitely discarding whatever you searched.
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Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Theoretically yes, but in practice it will usually have 2 toughness and 2 damage marked on it making it a moot point as a state-based action. Bolding is because that seems unintentional to me.
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As for Scootaloo living in the clubhouse, Scootaorphan was never my subgenre of choice.
Heh. Knew I'd get at least one response to "who remembers Babs?"
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Oh, they did. And you can look forward to a review of that madness June 13th.
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Yeah, I haven't seen such a savage takedown of the Little Match Girl archetype since Hogfather.
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Excellent point. I legitimately forgot it would still have that damage marked on it after the effect resolved. The Assimilator has been upgraded to a 2/3 for the betterment of New Phyquestria.
In an episode that's just wall to wall gold, this is the one that makes me break out laughing every single time. It also might be what cemented "lamekin" as my favorite Diamond Tiara line of all time.