The One Where Theresa Goes Mad With Power (RB Vs. Empress Theresa, Chapter 17) · 5:09pm May 6th, 2021
Previously, on Empress Theresa:
Xenon: warrior gas.
And now:
Hey.
Hey.
You know how Theresa keeps making new problems for herself with every problem she 'solves'?
Yeah, so now she's getting sued.
A statement is made on television by thirty-two year old lawyer Connie McKesson, as she's introduced. It's a class-action lawsuit against Theresa for ruining the lives of everyone who invested in gold, particularly retirees. They want thirty-five billion dollars in damages. This is stated to be substantially less than she's made from her gold sales.
This case is said to be a very weak one. IANAL, so I can't comment.
Steve calls them scumbags. Theresa gets mad with him because the gold thing was apparently his idea, and runs off to cry. Steve is invited to play a game of billiards by Edmund Parker.
So it turns out that Theresa was against the whole gold idea from the start. Coulda fooled me. We're reminded here that they were already millionaires before they launched this scheme; they didn't really need the money, which really makes one wonder what the point was.
Oh. Right. Magically fixing every economy on the planet. Forgot about that part for a minute.
Anyway, Mrs. Parker comes to talk to her. She talks about the arguments she and her husband used to get into when they were younger, and how when something goes wrong, it's always both partners' faults. Which to me smells like bullshit, but whatever, I wouldn't know. This gets Theresa to forgive Steve.
Theresa goes down to see Steve. Steve calls the lawyer a bitch, which is pretty out of character for him thusfar.
Theresa decides she needs to force them to drop the suit, as a way of proving that she won't be bullied, in order to keep herself out of court for the rest of her life. I don't like the sound of that.
That night, a senator on live television calls the suit 'harebrained', and suggests that anyone grateful to her for saving their lives might *nudge nudge, wink wink* go to the courthouse to protest. The next morning, three-hundred thousand people gather in front of the NYC courthouse and chant for Mrs. McKesson's death.
No, I'm not kidding. They specifically say 'kill the lawyers!'.
The next morning, there are eight-hundred thousand protestors.
And then President Stinson is informed on an imminent terrorist attack on New York. Yeah, apparently a crowd that large is an irresistible target for terrorism (their words, not mine). Who knew. Theresa appears on the BBC and asks the crowds to disperse. They do so, for the most part.
A week went by. I was ready to get Connie McKesson.
I know I keep re-using this joke, but that's really something you don't want to hear from your future dictator.
Theresa puts her plan into action. First, she uses her remote-viewing to zero in on McKesson's law firm. She has Steve tag her as a point HAL can reference and track. Theresa keeps watching.
“She lives in a single family home” I informed Steve.
“I hope she likes it” Steve said and I laughed.
Ain't they just the nicest of people?
I'd like to quickly highlight an incongruity that's been growing in the last few chapters: the book keeps telling us that Theresa is a perfect person who follows her conscience and never does anything unkind. And yet in her dialogue and actions, we're shown a vain, vindictive young girl who constantly disparages or demeans other people. This is a divide that is getting worse as the book goes on.
More on that later. For now, back to Theresa's revenge scheme.
Theresa discovers that Mrs. McKesson, or Connie, as she's now referring to her by first name, has two children. This affects her not at all.
"Hit her," Theresa says to Steve. Steve puts an X next to her tag on their board. "We got her," Steve responds.
Theresa's revenge, in short, is that any vehicle Connie enters now will not move. Not her own car, not a television van across the street. This is described as being horrible, as it's impossible to live in NYC without any kind of transportation. Which I think a lot of people who actually live in NYC would disagree with, but I digress.
It's pointed out by the news media that restricting someone's movements without due process is kidnapping, a felony. It's argued back that there is no way to convict Theresa of this, as there is no evidence whatsoever to say for certain it was her, despite everyone knowing it was her. This basically means Theresa can do anything she wants and get away with it, which she is a little too excited about.
Some people say this is evidence that Theresa is going mad with power. She laughs at this.
I think Theresa is going mad with power, folks. You?
Anyway, the law firm McKesson belongs to doesn't issue a statement that day, so Theresa decides she hasn't done enough to ruin their lives yet. She finds the eight lawyers that stood behind McKesson when she made her statement and does the same thing to them, boasting that the 'crybaby media' can't accuse her of making it so single mothers couldn't take care of their children anymore. That's a thing. That she says. Triumphantly.
Within the day, the lawsuit is retracted. Too bad about all those retirees, I guess. As Steve puts it, "Don't mess with Empress Theresa."
Later, Theresa receives a visit from Mr. Blair and an American ambassador, named Ambassador Fox, first name not given. He wants her to do her little vehicle trick to terrorists, once again telling her it'll 'put them out of business'. I guess those drones didn't do the trick, then.
The Parkers are against the idea. This would mean getting properly involved in international politics.
Steve and Theresa are for it, though, and so they agree, on the condition that President Stinson takes full responsibility for anything Theresa does. They get it in writing.
Speaking of writing, that's the end of the chapter. See you next time, folks.
A year ago, I might have laughed this off as unrealistic. Then again, a year ago, the Capitol hadn't been stormed since 1814.
Oh no, she's just living the life of a perfect person. That's clearly what this book is about at this point: she's practically perfect in every way, and the story exists just to give us imperfect peons a glimpse into what life is like for someone of her caliber. There's simply no way we could fathom it otherwise. :V
Man, terrorists in this world do a lot of business!