Paul's Thursday Reviews CCXLV · 8:56pm Apr 8th, 2021
Good news! At least, good news for me. As of last week, I’ve finally started reading non-horsewords in preparation for creating a review blog outside FIMFiction. I aim to create a significant backlog of stories before I start making said blog, and I’m only reading a little bit a day, but it’s a start. I’m also considering writing reviews for other things, like video games, but I don’t know if I want to branch out or not.
The catch is that I’m adding that reading on top of the reading I’m doing for this blog, which hasn’t been reduced at all despite my changes (in fact this week it’s worse). Still, I’ve decided to keep up my current method, as it is gradually eating through my 70k+ word story list. And since I have a rule of only adding one story to the list a week (not counting sequels and requests), there’s a good chance I’ll be out of short stories soon, which should reduce my overall reading workload a little. Or a lot. Depends upon the size of the other stories in any given week
In other good news, I’ve upped my writing productivity to an average of ~1,000 words/day. I was about 500 words into writing after work today before it suddenly hit me that I was supposed to be posting this blog. Surely, that must mean I'm finally getting back into the writing groove.
But for now, reviews. Not many stories this week, but that’s to be expected with my new wordcount limitations.
Stories for This Week:
A Weekend Farmhand for Applejack by FlimFlamBros.
Stars in His Eyes by The Princess Rarity
The Word is Fear by BronyWriter
Total Word Count: 152,374
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 0
Pretty Good: 1
Worth It: 1
Needs Work: 1
None: 0
A Weekend Farmhand for Applejack
83,798 Words
By FlimFlamBros.
During a routine game night, Applejack lets slip her jealousy of her friends, all of whom have a boyfriend while she’s stuck being single. When she admits to having a crush on superhunk athlete Soarin, who she hasn’t seen since the Grand Galloping Gala years ago, her friends insist on taking her to Canterlot for an auction where the highest bidder gets to spend a weekend with a Wonderbolt. Little do any of them know that Soarin has been waiting just as long to meet the perfect mare he met for all of thirty seconds at the Gala.
Back when this story was making its obligatory rounds in the Feature Box, I recalled being curious about it. I’d never seen anyone take a serious stab at the SoarinJack pairing and the premise appealed to the hopeless romantic in me. But I stopped reading after only one chapter, and I couldn’t recall why (this was before I was doing reviews, mind). So I decided to throw it on my RiL and see just what turned me off and if, perhaps, my abandonment was justified.
Then I got to the end of the first chapter, in which Applejack is shown in detail masturbating to a spread of half-naked pegasus stud, and I’m like “Oh, this is one of those stories.” Suddenly I recall why I didn’t go any further the first time.
So… yeah. This is everything you’re probably expecting. While there’s certainly more story than sex, it’s not by much, placing this just a hair above outright pornography. We’ve got a constant barrage of sex jokes, plus multiple scenes of AJ and Soarin doing things to one another, and even a pointless tangent scene of Rarity and a big, muscular version of Spike humping like rabbits in a private train booth. The characters in this story can barely think past their sex drives. I’ve said often in the past that sexual jokes/teasing are a favorite of mine, but there are limits and this story blows through them like a bull in a china shop.
As if that weren’t enough, the writing is simple to the point of being plain, and FlimFlamBros. clearly thinks that Rainbow Dash’s one and only characteristic is “asshole to everyone around her, friends included”.
It’s a shame. The opening premise of this story is great, at least as far as romances go. If approached seriously and competently, an author could make a solid plot out of Applejack bumbling around trying to make Soarin like her under a strict time limit. Alas, FlimFlamBros. had zero interest in taking this story seriously. Indeed, all they really seemed to care about was entering as much sexuality into the story as possible. Don’t get me wrong, there is a story under all the innuendo, exposed chest muscles, and ample bosoms. But the comedic, flippant approach to dealing with that story tells me the author either didn’t care or, worse, thought this really was the best way to write a romance.
I am ultimately disappointed, but not surprised. Still, if you’re the kind of reader who is merely interested in watching sexy anthro characters turning one another on and the occasional scene of wild, loud foal-making, then this will appeal to you. If you’re seeking something more cerebral, best look elsewhere.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Beauty and her Spike — Needs Work
Stars in His Eyes
3,443 Words
By The Princess Rarity
Yes, I’m reading two stories by the same author in as many blogs. I don’t know how it happened outside of scheduling coincidences.
Applejack’s son Golden Delicious needs some help around the farm. Luckily, Twilight’s daughter Starburst is ready and willing to assist! Although she may not be as prepared for the task as she wants him to believe. That’s alright; Gold is well aware of his best friend’s behavioral patterns.
Set in the ever-entertaining kilalaverse, this short but sweet story is a slice-of-life/romance combo. It’s also utterly predictable. Cute girl helps guy on farm, they take a break after she falls asleep, he realizes he’s got feelings for the pegasus, so on and you know the drill. It doesn’t offer anything you haven’t seen before as far as these types of stories go.
But if you’re here for a little semi-romantic fluff, then that won’t bother you at all. And it comes with the benefit of kilala97’s endearing and fun characters, who are always worth the time. It also has the benefit of being a tame romance, meaning it focuses on the two characters quietly enjoying one another’s company rather than face-sucking and dramatic confessions. Nor is there anything overtly wrong with the writing, except perhaps that The Princess Rarity is incapable of focusing on any one perspective for very long. I found that a little annoying, but I doubt the vast majority of readers will care.
If you’re looking for something simple, calm, and pleasantly romantic, you can’t go wrong with this one.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Misadventures in Manehattan — Pretty Good
The Last Curtain Call — Pretty Good
The Flicker of a Film — Worth It
Daring Do & All of the Time in the World — Needs Work
The Word is Fear
65,133 Words
By BronyWriter
Sequel to Broken Blossom
In Broken Blossom, Rarity’s niece Joyous Blossom struggled with mental issues before a confrontation with Diamond Tiara led to her turning herself in to Celestia and Luna. After confessing to three murders, she requested and received the death penalty. The Word is Fear is an alternate ending in which Blossom is convinced by her relatives to accept therapy and lifelong imprisonment as a punishment instead.
I’m not sure that we needed this final story for the Secret Life of Rarity series, but I suppose I can’t blame BW for wanting to see where it goes. The story involves Blossom’s deteriorating mental state and, inevitably, her murder spree across Equestria, while also relating Celestia’s and Luna’s increasingly desperate attempts to find her. For the former, this means gradually taking harsher and harsher steps on her way to becoming Daybreaker. For the latter, it means trying to keep the soul of Equestria and her sister pure amidst the horror.
I have mixed feelings about the story. On the one hand, it’s similar to its predecessors in that it delves into Blossom’s psyche as she goes around committing atrocious acts of murder. This particularly regards her limits and her views regarding her aunt Rarity, of whom she constantly sees visions encouraging her to murder. It’s also a lot closer to the original story in content; The Secret Life of Rarity focused heavily on Rarity’s killings and her madness, whereas the other two stories in the series were more about the social and psychological aftermath of her actions upon those she loved.
On a somewhat related note, I was really hoping the murderabilia Blossom found in that one store would end up being the katana that mysteriously disappeared in the first story. I know BW has stated he hates that scene and wants to see it removed someday (for good reason), but the idea was so firmly in my head that I was a little disappointed. On a similar note: what the heck happened to the dress? It appears to have gone the way of the katana.
There are also a number of annoyances involving the plot. For example, early on in the story Celestia creates a specialist team of guards known as “Ghosts” that exist solely to hunt down Blossom. This is fine. What isn’t fine is that, apparently, these ghosts no longer legally exist in Equestria. On Celestia’s command, all records of them were destroyed and the ghosts were to never again see their families and loved ones.
All I can think is WTF? Why? If they only exist to destroy Blossom, why can’t they go back to their families afterwards? And they clearly aren’t any good at their jobs since they are seen at every crime scene, often right next to one of the princesses, with zero attempt to disguise their roles and goals and still directly interacting with the Royal Guard in a commanding role. What kind of shitty, transparent wannabe espionage organization is this? It’s no wonder Blossom managed to kill some of them so easily.
What do you mean, they only scanned six small towns before determining Blossom must be in a major city? You spent six days combing just six small towns and somehow want us to think that means you scoured the entire country’s rural regions? Is Equestria the size of Rhode Island? And for that matter, how the heck is Blossom travelling from city to city so quickly and at will when every train station is filled with guards on high alert scanning all ponies passing through? I’m not saying Blossom can’t find a way around them, but we’re given no indication of how she might do so, especially with such consistency and speed.
I’m also confused as to how Blossom, an untrained unicorn mare with no indications of being any kind of athletic, is regularly able to fight and kill trained, armed, and armored Royal Guard in literally every encounter, oftentimes greatly outnumbered. I grant her disguise spells give her an endless supply of ambush opportunities, but this is kind of ridiculous.
Point is, this is a story that requires readers to disengage their brains and not peer too closely at the cracks in the logic. Then again, this kind of nonsense has been this series’s MO from the very beginning. At the very least, they aren’t nearly as egregious as Rarity’s over-the-top antics in the first story.
On the other hand, I do like BW’s approach to Blossom’s murders. While a few of them are shown in a certain vague detail in order to emphasize her methods, most of them are kept tame or even skimmed around in a way that we know bad things happened without too many gorey details. While this may annoy the depraved gorehounds in the audience, it works wonders for letting BW focus on advancing the story and Blossom’s mental development. For the sake of the story, it was absolutely the right decision to make, and marks a significant improvement over The Secret Life of Rarity.
In the end, I think I liked Broken Blossom as a conclusion more, if only because it felt like one. Blossom’s fate at the end of this story felt like an afterthought as she lost center stage to Celestia and Luna’s growing conflict. She’s the driving force for everything that happens in this story, but at the end she’s sort of just cast aside so Celestia and Luna can have their big moment. Which, granted, was indeed a big moment, but at the same time I think this was the wrong time to go the vague, non-detailed route and, worse, move away from Blossom’s perspective. Blossom’s inevitable demise could have been the crowning emotional climax of her story arc and this story in general, but instead we’re gonna shift over to the epic showdown. The most frustrating part is that the two moments were not mutually exclusive; BW could have given us both Blossom’s dramatic final moments and the badass Celestia/Luna showdown and not lost a thing.
Is it a good story? I suppose that depends upon your tastes. If you enjoyed The Secret Life of Rarity then you’ll probably like this despite its less intense nature. If reading about a serial killer’s gradually worsening state doesn’t interest you, then you probably wouldn’t have read the first story anyway and won’t be coming this far. I am, ultimately, neutral towards it, with some parts I liked (Blossom’s therapy sessions being the highlight) and others that just annoyed me (like most anything involving the ghosts).
At any rate, I am finally done with the major stories of this AU and can move on to some of BW’s other material.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Broken Blossom — Pretty Good
The Secret Life of Rarity — Pretty Good
The Public Life of Sweetie Belle — Pretty Good
No, I Am Not A Brony, Get Me Outta Equestria! — Pretty Good
One Word — Pretty Good
Bonus Review
Axtara Banking and Finance
359 Pages
By Max Florschutz
AKA Viking ZX
Axtara is young, at least in dragon years, and she has a dream: to open her own bank. After a decade of working under her uncle and saving up, she at last has the funds to get started. And her choice of location? The newly begun kingdom of Elnacier, on the edge of civilization.
I guiltily admit that I wasn’t following the development of this one too closely, although I knew Max seemed excited about it, so I was a little surprised when he contacted me out of the blue and offered me a free copy. I wasn’t about to say no. And of course, I wasn’t about to not review it, as I have done for every other story Max has released since we started being friends. I feel obligated to faux-seriously poke at Max with a claim of “I know what game you’re playing here, pal” while giving a cheshire grin and diving in.
I once saw Max describe this story as “non-traditional”, and that fits perfectly here. This isn’t some adventure of death-defying combat, high stakes, and heroes thwarting villains. Axtara is more lighthearted than that, instead choosing to focus on Axtara’s work in making her bank successful. This means visiting potential clients, getting the lay of the land and local economy, marketing, and making sure she’s on the good side of the kingdom’s government. It’s also a departure from Max’s typical work, both in original fiction and in fanfiction, for its low-stress style focused more on building relationships.
Perhaps where the story most deviates from Max’s usual flare is in the mystery. It is by this time apparent that Max is incapable of writing something longer than 10k words without including some kind of mystery in there. But in the case of Axtara, that mystery is nothing too complicated. I hesitated for a time on this, because I’m used to more complex and challenging things with red herrings and intricate weaves, but in truth I knew who the villain of the story was going to be practically from the beginning. I’m pretty sure Max wanted it this way, in keeping with the entire story being more of a relaxing jaunt than an epic adventure.
There’s nothing wrong with this at all. If anything, it feels like a breath of fresh air. It’s good every now and then to read something that isn’t offering impending doom at every corner and getting your brain tied with confounding puzzles. I’m glad Max is willing to disengage from such things and take a breather every now and then.
The selling point for this story is in the characters Axtara and the tomboyish princess (truly the best kind) Mia Elnacier. It’s hard not to get caught up in Axtara’s excitement at finally owning her own bank or landing her first loan. She’s a delightful, endearing character you just want to root for. As for Mia, she’s an honest and intelligent young woman who proves from her very first appearance a willingness to fight for her kingdom and who quickly turns out to be the best friend a dragon could ask for. Their growing relationship is one of the hearts of the story.
Of course, there is the caveat that the nature of the story may not appeal to everyone. This is clearly aimed at a younger audience and, what’s more, lacks in terms of “big events”. Most of the story is merely Axtara flying from location to location trying to convince prospective clients to get a loan, often while explaining the nature of banking and finance to said people. It’s not the most riveting plotline, although I suppose it could be handy as an introduction to sound financial practices. Does that sound exciting to you?
In a way, this poses a challenge to Max; if all your characters are doing for the majority of a story is talking about their jobs and the economy, you’d better have very interesting characters to make up for the lack of thrills. In my opinion, Max pulls it off with Axtara and Mia (and Mia’s sisters), but I can’t vouch for the entire audience in this regard.
I greatly respect Max’s willingness to branch out and try different genres, subject matter, and storytelling formats. I consider this one another success, albeit with what may be a conditional or two in there. I have every reason to expect he’ll expand upon this universe, probably with a certain elder brother coming for a visit to help us learn more about the magic of this world. Although I wouldn’t be opposed to Mia “hiring” Axtara in order to protect her from certain things. That could be highly entertaining and maybe a true test of their relationship.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Stories for Next Week:
Regret by I Am The Night
Informed Delivery by Gay For Gadot
In which Rarity has a Strange Mood by Sirvanilla
Numb Lava by the parasprite
The Six Deeds of Harmony by Defoloce
Royalty Forgotten by TheEveryDaySparkle
Got a Minute? by Rose Quill
The Virgin Princess by GaPJaxie
The Two of Us by taterforlife
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Wait, there are non-horse words?
Well that was a welcome surprise!
Here I was reading through the reviews for the day, and got to the bottom and immediately did a double-take of "wait what!?" followed by "Hey, that's mine!"
Well-played sneaking it in there!
And I'm glad you enjoyed it. You hit the nail on the head with regards to trying new things and pushing new boundaries to make the non-traditional appealing. There were definitely common clichés of YA (especially with character) I wanted to step outside of and explore alternatives to (always looking for the next challenge) and from what I see here, those experimental pushes became the strongest elements of the novel.
You're correct in a lot (if not all, really) of your other conclusions as well. I consciously didn't want to have the mystery element this time around, as I didn't want to pull the focus from what really was at the heart of the story. You called that one perfectly, and if I can offer praise in return, it's absolutely to your credit as a reviewer.
As to Ryax making an appearance in an inevitable sequel ... see the above sentence.
I will add that I worked quite a bit to make Mia a "different" tomboy than the standard YA cliché (the standard YA cliché being something I wanted to avoid in these characters after an LTUE panel full of authors and young girls complaining that YA was giving them only two kinds of female protagonists). She's a lot more rounded, which I think in turn plays to her strength of as you implied, being so memorable and delightful.
Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Like you said, it's aimed at a young audience, but it's a breath of fresh air, and sometimes that's what we need.
Glad to hear I delivered. Thanks!
EDIT: Oh, and yes, to confirm to any curious readers of the review, it was actually intended to give the target audience (Young Adult readers) a good overview of how banking and loans work.
5493142
Yes, and they're fantastic reads!
I think the thing that annoyed me most about the Blossom series, and arguably the Secret Life of Rarity, was that Celestia is a TERRIBLE surgeon.
Yes, murder is bad. Yes, murder should be punished. Yes, measures should be taken to prevent murder, including addressing the bullying that led to Rarity (and Blossom? I seem to remember that the family was under scrutiny and bullying) killing in the first place! It's ignored for 4-5 novels.
It almost becomes a comedy about how Celestia gets more and more agitated putting bandaids on a gaping bleeding wound expecting that to work, before deciding to just incinerate the OR. Or maybe that kind of logic is more a predator/omnivore type of thing and the herbivores reacted how herbivores should and I overthought it.
Told you it wasn't all that good. Deeeeefinitely the worst out of the five. The whole series (save for A Shadow Hangs Overhead, of which I've ordered the print test copy) shows just how... not very good I was at the start of my career.
Can't wait for your new blog! I'll defiantly follow it!
5493142
They do, indeed, exist. Don't let the people who only write non-horsewords fool you: they are not universally better than horsewords. Hence the reason they, too, require reviewers.
5493184
Hah! I knew it! Alas, you're going to greatly confuse your YA audience by presenting them the controversial idea that bankers can be the good guys.
5493244
I understand your point, but I don't know that you can stop bullying in general. I mean, what solution would you pick?
5493317
I don't know if I'd say it's the worst. It does get a general leg up from the original in that you didn't needlessly linger on some of the murder scenes. Granted, I haven't read TSLoR in a while, so I could be incorrectly remembering things.
Plus, TSLoR has the katana.
5493625
I'll be sure to announce when it's up! But that won't be for a long while yet. Like I said in the blog, I'm not reading the OF with any sort of speed and I want to build up a backlog just in case. Plus I'll have to learn how to make my own website.
5493641
*Sigh.* And I know exactly how I'd fix that, too.
5493639
Yeah, I doubt it. And I'm not sure given that we haven't been able to. Zero tolerance can go drown in the ocean.
Just bothered me that neither Celestia or anyone else attempted to figure out WHY ponies were murderous, just flailing their hooves "OMC THEY'RE MURDERERS!"
5493707
*shrugs* Fair enough.
My idiot brain read that last story as 359 words and thought, “Gee, this sure is detailed for such a short story.”